I broke no contact after 10 days feeling like a loser

[Clarky]

This may be a little long, really it's just to get the whole story out so maybe someone on here can help me find closure, something she didn't give me.

 

It's been two weeks since we broke up and I still can't get used to it. I had managed to not contact her for 10 days but last night I contacted her through facebook, even worse a long rant email, she will have a good laugh at that I'm sure.

Basic information is, I'm 22 and she's 24, we were together 8 month which is her longest relationship and she was my first sexual relationship.

 

Our story is we met on a dating site. Things moved pretty fast just like we had that click. Then about two or three months in things slowed down and I picked up both sides of the relationship. I thought if I did this eventually we would get back what we used to have but she just got worse and treated me like her doormat. That's what I'm struggling with at the moment, accepting that I allowed myself to be treated that way.

 

Thing is I never actually got her to give me relationship status. She told me we were together but without a label which bothered me, she also would visit this same dating site sometimes and that got to me and caused arguments. Canceled plans, broken promises, never wanting to work out problems, that ones hard to take in too because at the start she said 'I'll always work out fights when we have them because that's time wasted on silly fights and even if we are fighting I'll still come to bed for my cuddles every night. However if I even had a girl just leave me a comment on Facebook she would hit the roof.

 

About a month ago, two weeks before she dumped me, I asked her for a relationship with labels, she said she didn't want one and that she was happy how we were, then I said I was joking I didn't want one? Even thou I did. After that it went downhill, she became distant and eventually left me for someone she met at a club the night before dumping me.

 

She's dating them often each week and even deleted that dreaded dating profile. Something she never did for me. The night she ended it she ignored me for three days, came back to ask if I'd be her friend, when I refused she went on to delete me from her life. Before leaving told me I should take blame too for this ending, what did I do other than love this woman?

I actually made her something for valentine day, she didn't even get me a card. I spent every penny to see her, put myself out which lead to fights with my family because they didn't like her. Oh she also never formally introduced me to her family as someone she's dating, they thought I was her friend. In the beginning she told her mum she was dating someone and she thought this could be it, the one, but then we slipped and it went to ****.

 

I remember spending the last two weeks of our relationship arguing with her because I wanted to see her and she was claiming she was busy but she wasn't. Then she went out drinking that Monday night met this guy and dumped me the next day.

They've moved pretty fast and are in the 'no you hang up first hehe' stage. At one point we were solid, I remember kissing her and how she felt in my arms and it's those memories that are hurting the most.

 

Tried to almost convince me I didn't want to be with her. Or that we argue too much, you know how those things go, they grab onto any reason they can just to get out and then you find yourself reading online Ebooks that say AGREE to the break up and you'll get her back, I find that to be false in this situation it just made her feel better about shattering my heart. I had been going No contact to try make her miss me but I kinda of realise more each day that it's not loosing her that is hurting it's the memories and rejection, my big ole ego can't handle such a hit. Part of me wishes I hadn't messages her last night but the other half is happy I did because I finally got to tell her what she did is horrible and how a person who claims to care for someone as she did with me doesn't just meet someone one night and then end it with the person youve got waiting for you at home. Oh yes she claims she tried to end it before but as I remember it I left her a week previous to the breakup but she asked me back and said we would work on us, never happened, what was waiting for me is been dumped, heart broken and watching her walk off with someone she sees as a better catch. Her relationships don't last past 3 month because of the above reasons, maybe this guy is different but I doubt it.

 

How did she forget me like i ment nothing when all I can do is think about her?

 

I've*been dating a girl this week, she knows I recently got dumped and our dates are really just company for each other, DVDs and board games, she's a friend of my sister. I want to just let go of my ex and give this girl decent dates and maybe build something, but we all know it's set to fail if I do that with my ex in the back of my mind.

 

I have done a few things in the past two weeks finally set up my *little EBay buissiness which I kept putting off. In the process of getting a new Uke so I can join a club that performs locally. I've been getting out more and putting myself in situations I wouldn't usually go to. I'm back into song writing, and putting together a piece for a competition, of course base the song off my pain and we have a hit.

 

I don't think she will message me back and I now feel like a loser because she knows how I'm feeling. How do they go on like you never existed when the memories are all you can think about?

 

Do you think it was because I asked her for a relationship? Is this a rebound and it'll burn out as fast as it started? Or do you think, as hard as this is to admit, that i ment very little to her?

 

One thing I'm thankful for is her leaving me, I would have never left her, and her leaving me let me see I'm worth so much more.

 

But I'm still stick in an anger bubble of*regret and resentment! Happy breakup!

[zero123]

 

I don't think she will message me back and I now feel like a loser because she knows how I'm feeling. How do they go on like you never existed when the memories are all you can think about?

 

QUOTE]

 

Hey there, I know exactly how you feel. I am experiencing the same thing. It has been very tough. I contacted him twice since he broke up with me. And I felt way worse about myself afterwards. Truth hurts but please, put yourself first, let her go and forget about her. I found it useful to go for a run if your mind starts to go in circle (when you start to wonder why she did it and how she could be so cruel).

 

Hang in there! you and I could both do it!

[Nohbody]

Breaking NC happens to everyone. Don't be too hard on yourself, and don't try to get into her head. You can't change what's happened, so try to focus on the next step of healing and feeling better.

 

Don't judge yourself, no one else here will.

 

Hope you feel better soon.