YellowLioness Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 [color=brown][/color] Hello all! My boyfriend and I have recently moved in, and are thinking about getting engaged. Both of us are on the same page with it, but I was wondering from all of you who have already been engaged if things changed? Right now we are getting used to eachother's bad habbits. Do they get worse as you get more comfortable with eachother? Did you all feel more comfortable knowing that you were engaged, or was it a strain on the relationship? Thanks for your posts! Yellow Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 When we became engaged, we both felt more relaxed in the relationship. There were added stressors though of when/where/how for wedding planning. It was exciting and stressful at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
lnichols Posted June 24, 2004 Share Posted June 24, 2004 No matter how long you have known someone, I think that takes living with them to see how they truly are. You get used to each other habits, disgusting or not. I remember being astounded that he leaves the bathroom door open! Really, there are some things that are best done in private. Being engaged is like a dress rehearsal for being married. Just relax and learn to deal with each other and iron out any differences you may have now. I remember moving in with my husband before we were married and the thing that most intimidated me was going to the grocery store with him. Weird? What if we didnt like the same foods? What if he eats strange things and I laugh at him? You can tell a lot about a person by what is in their grocery cart! Just relax and learn how to live together. (I still don't shop with my husband!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author YellowLioness Posted June 25, 2004 Author Share Posted June 25, 2004 Thanks for your posts, I guess I just have pre-large-commitment jitters. :-) I've read several posts, and it seems it's pretty common. I mean, it's the REST OF YOUR LIFE! But hey, since I"m spending it with my honey bear, I could only wish that we would live forever. :0) Yellow Link to post Share on other sites
almostANangel Posted June 25, 2004 Share Posted June 25, 2004 I think living with someone is the best way to get to know someone. I had a relationship for five years without ever truly considering marriage, and that relationship was probably the best I have ever had. Now I am married (differant partner) and wish that I wasn't. I guess what I am trying to say is that, as long as you both know that you are committed and devoted to each other, why would marriage matter? Something happens when people marry... they begin to view the relationship as one of a married couple. not just as a couple in love. Then they start to treat the other like a spouse, and less like a lover. Then it all goes to sh*t. Incedently, I am also from WV (originally) Go Thundering Herd, or Mountaineers! Link to post Share on other sites
debo Posted June 25, 2004 Share Posted June 25, 2004 Hi. I'm engaged, and it's been really scarey. I've had full blown panic attacks that last for days. Probably because we have some genuine issues that have always concerned me, and we have some great stuff too. I've read that it's normal to have anxiety, but I also think it's a decision to weigh the pro's and cons, and if you feel you want to stay, then just ride the anxiety out. A friend told me recently he lost 12 pounds before his wedding, and was really nervous. He said he actually didn't feel like himself again until after the ceremony. Now he's glad he did it. For me, I turn to God and ask him to bless my relationship with my finacee', and dispite doubts and anxieties, to help us move toward our hope for a life together. Best wishes to you... Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 Since we became engaged (about a month or so ago) we have both felt happy and excited. I personally have felt a greater sense of security and firm direction. Sure, it brings some things into sharper focus, but that can be a good thing, if you handle it OK. We've even seen a counsellor to help us iron out a few things. We can't wait till the big day! Link to post Share on other sites
Author YellowLioness Posted June 29, 2004 Author Share Posted June 29, 2004 I guess that whatever happens, from what I've gathered, that it's all in how you and your partner work. Wil is really excited about it, and has started a "Getting married in Ireland" fund. lol. I'm excited too, don't get me wrong, but I prefer to take things one step at a time, bit by bit. I guess that's where the nervousness stems from. I know that Wil is the one. I have known from the minute he smiled at me (cheeeeeeesey but true!) and truley, we're blissful. We take care of eachother and it's really equal. I've heard that many people have trouble after they move in, but we haven't. We've been living together for about a month now. (Maybe things change after that?) Total, we've been together for 10 months. We don't plan on getting engaged until we've actually been together for a year, but that's coming up REALLY fast. I know it will happen soon. Ha, I talk about it, and I get so nervous that I ramble. lol. Thank you so much for your advice. By the way, congrats on all of you who are engaged and working things out. (Thinksalot, you mentioned being engaged, and Debo, as well) Good luck! I'll have to keep you posted on the ring front, as well. (I want an emerald engagement ring. *sniff*) Link to post Share on other sites
Love2BLoved Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 There are many steps in a relationship 1. Dating 2. Engagement 3. Marriage These are the most important!!! Believe me, when me and my husband got engaged it was the most beautiful sensation. I felt that he belonged to me and vice versa. I did not think it was possible but we became even more close. Now we are married and it has changes us even more. He has conditioned me in many ways as I have him. Link to post Share on other sites
Love2BLoved Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 There are many steps in a relationship 1. Dating 2. Engagement 3. Marriage These are the most important!!! Believe me, when me and my husband got engaged it was the most beautiful sensation. I felt that he belonged to me and vice versa. I did not think it was possible but we became even more close. Now we are married and it has changes us even more. He has conditioned me in many ways as I have him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YellowLioness Posted July 6, 2004 Author Share Posted July 6, 2004 Thank you for all of your replies! I guess its ok to have the jitters as long as they are just that. Big problems that make you doubt the relationship are a different story. Thanks, once again! Yellow Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 It makes no difference. Living with someone is like being married to them for the most part. Regardless of the relationship status (friendship, romantic, etc), one you move in with someone, you are obligated to them in so many ways. For ALL people, it's an adjustment. It doesn't matter if you move in before engagement, after engagement, or after marriage. Living with someone is an adjustment and there will always be some things you hate or can't stand about them. Will engagement put a strain on your relationship? I say, it will be different. Engagement means you two will marry soon. It's a waiting period. This means, since you live with him, financial problems may arise. Paying for a wedding is hard, in fact, some people move back home for their engagement to save for a wedding and a house/bigger apartment. But since you are living with him or wil be soon, you are basically married to him already, all that will be different is you will have a peice of paper signed (marriage license) and a big party after. As a woman, keep in mind that sometimes living with a man before engagement or marriage can complicate things in a worse aspect. Although getting used to living with someone and financial problems are part of everyday life and marriages, he might put off the "actual engagement" and "getting the ring" for "later". Beware of this. Beware he might never be able to commit to a wedding date, post-pone it, or even cacel it. I find a lot of people who move in before marriage or engagement usually end up breaking up in the end. They just "live together" for a very long time. Keep in mind if this does happen, breaking up with someone who isn't your husband is tough. It will be like a "messy divorce" just to move out and get on with both your lives. My suggestion is at least wait until he pops the question, gives you a ring of engagement, and sets a reasonable wedding date ( and shows he is serious about preparing&saving for a wedding with you!) before you make a sudden move! Link to post Share on other sites
Author YellowLioness Posted July 20, 2004 Author Share Posted July 20, 2004 Lol. Thanks hon, but I'm already living with him. ;-) lol. Things are good and happy. Very laid back. We're doing the whole engagement ring shopping thing, hopefully it will pan out. I've been sized (I wear a 5, I didn't think I was that small) and we're going to a ring show at a jewelry store in August. We are rapidly approaching our one year anniversary, so we'll see what happens on our beach trip. ;-) We are very young yet, really. We are 23 and 20, so even if we don't get engaged for a year or two, that will be fine with me. :-) I have faith in him. When he feels like the moment is right, then he will suprise the crap out of me. Normally, I don't like suprises, but this one I'll be fine with. I like living with him, actually. He's a good help mate. He does dishes, like moose, he helps me clean, does most of the grocery shopping, is good about taking care of bills... all that. He's proving his responsibility. He even cooks! :-) He spends too much money on beer and mary jane, but we're working on that. *shrugs* no one is perfect. :-) We have our problems, but they are quite small compared to what we see other couples having to deal with. We always work it out, somehow or some way, usually with out yelling. We work fairly close together, and two or three times a week we will meet at the park to have lunch. Lol. We are boring, and we like it that way. ;-) We keep it simple: I am his world; he is my world. Link to post Share on other sites
binturong Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 My BF and I lived together for almost 5 years before getting engaged and I think it's different being engaged vs. just living together. Now I feel like we have a more stable foundation for our future. We can actually make long term plans regarding buying a house, having kids, etc. There's also a huge sense of relief in knowing that he wants to make the commitment to me to be with me forever and vice versa. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Originally posted by binturong I think it's different being engaged vs. just living together. Now I feel like we have a more stable foundation for our future. We can actually make long term plans regarding buying a house, having kids, etc. There's also a huge sense of relief in knowing that he wants to make the commitment to me to be with me forever and vice versa. Awesome way of putting it, I agree! Link to post Share on other sites
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