Troubles Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 So ive seen around here a bit of a common trend why exes end up denieing there new relationship. Mostly this occurs from the dumper?... Id like to hear from a dumpers presepective and mostly female, or any guy whos' gone through an experience where you and your ex break up, (not on bad terms) just timing and your ex tried staying around to maintain contact but would ignore or denie the fact that she was in a relationship even though you kind of snooped and knew about it. Aside from the fact that they 'want to hold onto' you or i guess 'have their cake and eat it too' why would they denie it?? Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 to protect your feelings how do you feel now that you know about another relationship? worse? does it help you move on quicker? no, it actually crushes your self esteem and confidence even more and they know this deep down 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Troubles Posted May 16, 2012 Author Share Posted May 16, 2012 Well 3 months ago it really hurt but it's may now and still getting texts an emails about how much I'm missed and incomparable and amazing. So it confuses me... Link to post Share on other sites
sakiiru Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 I agree, it could just be to spare your feelings. I'm female, I had an ex who insisted on keeping contact even after I proposed NC. I didn't even get into a relationship, I just dated a few times months after we broke up, but already that was enough to agitate him. I imagine that someone who gets into a new relationship feels like a bad person/traitor for seeing someone new because they still have emotional ties to their ex, even though it's perfectly acceptable after being broken up. Sometimes it's not a matter wanting the cake and eating it too, it's just an issue of not knowing how to let the ex down easy about it. Link to post Share on other sites
sakiiru Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 Well 3 months ago it really hurt but it's may now and still getting texts an emails about how much I'm missed and incomparable and amazing. So it confuses me... Now you just have a girl who doesn't know what she wants. Something in your relationship with her was lacking / she didn't appreciate it, she thought she'd see what was out there and is finding herself disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Troubles Posted May 16, 2012 Author Share Posted May 16, 2012 Yeah I guess so. I had just found out I had cancer months before the back up it weighed down in our relationship emotionally. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 Also because they feel that it's none of your business and they want to compartmentalise their life. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 16, 2012 Share Posted May 16, 2012 If duper's are dumping you a lot of the times (not ALL the time) but, a lot of the times, it's for someone else. Dumpers will always try to justify their own guilt by not telling you about the other person. They will give you every other reason on why the relationship ended, but no mention of anyone else. A lot of dumper's want you to believe that the demise of the relationship was entirely your fault. ANd if you hae a decent boyfriend or girlfriend, then they'll let you believe that the demise of the relationship was MOSTLY your fault. Then, if you discover that the Ex has a boyfriend or girlfriend and you question them about it. The standard answer is usually, " He/she had nothing to do with our break up." Uh-huh....yeah, rriigghhtt...... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 Chi townD, I got cursed out and belittled once I confronted my ex-f about the other person, she still denied it of course. They do it because of the natural knee jerk reaction to defend one's self, pride, and, like everyone else said, they rather you take the burden of the guilt. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 Chi townD, I got cursed out and belittled once I confronted my ex-f about the other person, she still denied it of course. They do it because of the natural knee jerk reaction to defend one's self, pride, and, like everyone else said, they rather you take the burden of the guilt. BINGO!!! I mean, it's not rocket science! Let me guess, your Ex said that they're not together, whoever told you that was wrong or "He's just a friend....that you happened to see a picture of me sitting in his lap and kissing.....BUT it was a FRIENDLY kiss and nothing more!" Thing is they're ashamed to admit that they got involved with someone else, or devolped feelings for someone else while they were still in a relationship. And if they're ashamed, it doesn't bode well for their new relationship/ 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wesker Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 If duper's are dumping you a lot of the times (not ALL the time) but, a lot of the times, it's for someone else. Dumpers will always try to justify their own guilt by not telling you about the other person. They will give you every other reason on why the relationship ended, but no mention of anyone else. A lot of dumper's want you to believe that the demise of the relationship was entirely your fault. ANd if you hae a decent boyfriend or girlfriend, then they'll let you believe that the demise of the relationship was MOSTLY your fault. Then, if you discover that the Ex has a boyfriend or girlfriend and you question them about it. The standard answer is usually, " He/she had nothing to do with our break up." Uh-huh....yeah, rriigghhtt...... This couldn't be more true. But on a brighter note, eventually the new guy/girl will do exactly the same thing to our ex's. Only then may they actually understand what they put us through. Link to post Share on other sites
mattr89 Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 I had suspicion leading up to our breakup that she was hanging around a particular guy. She always claimed him as "just happened to be there." Not more than a week after we stopped talking i herd she was with that guy. I had a week moment and confronted her about it. She denied denied denied and said he was just a friend. Weeks later come to find out she they are together. Personally i think she was ashamed that she lied to me and was trying to cover up her guilt. She knew when she met the guy what she was getting herself into. Dont let the "new relationship" run your life. Its not your life anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Tree_Salmon Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 Well, I was in a relationship where I was the dumper and then she got with someone shortly after but kept in touch with me all the time (to this minute actually) and we actually became very close friends as a result. Closer than we had been as a couple. She says I'm "the only man I fully ever trust". I no longer want anything from her romantically (which i never thought would happen back when we broke up) and its a pretty good friendship. So take this as you will. Some people can do this and others can't. There are times where she says "im just going to end up marrying you and having kids" which is part joke and part truth im sure. But it's all about having a comfort zone. Life is tough, people need comfort. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted May 17, 2012 Share Posted May 17, 2012 Chi townD, I got cursed out and belittled once I confronted my ex-f about the other person, she still denied it of course. They do it because of the natural knee jerk reaction to defend one's self, pride, and, like everyone else said, they rather you take the burden of the guilt. hah, dude, my ex yelled, literally 2 inches from my face, about how she isn't dating and doesn't have a boyfriend, while he was there with her, just 5 feet away inside a club and couldn't hear her. girls will take their stories to the grave before admitting things like that. (and i'm sure guys will too, not being sexist) Link to post Share on other sites
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