Bipolar girlfriend who is still married and cheated is driving me crazy myself...

[notagain32]

I dated a woman four years ago for the previous four years, and she was married when I met her. She said she was "separated," but I later found out this was not the case. She cheated on her husband, and on me with her husband (if that's cheating), and four years later, drained my bank account on her way back to Texas.

 

Four years later, I'm able to date again, but cautious. About 3 months ago, I met a woman from a Craigslist personals post in casual encounters - "Looking for a Friendly Friday F**k." I only jokingly responded with my photo, but she liked me and set up a meeting at a bar. Reluctantly, I went, and brought a guy friend along.

 

The sex was lousy, and she was pretty rude to me, so I lost interest initially, but we hooked up again for some reason, and the sex was better, and we started really liking each other. We did ecstasy together, and the bomb was dropped -- not only was she married, but she's bipolar, was off her medication at the time, and she cheated on her husband, left him for another guy, went back to him, and cheated again -- the divorce is supposed to be final in the next two months. She said she was only looking for something casual/open, and I agreed at the time, even though I didn't want that.

 

Since then, she has been posting her Nerve Personals ad quite a bit, and it says "Active within the last 30 minutes" to "Active within the last two hours." You have to actively be searching and such to have that indicated on your profile, and she admitted that she was looking for someone else. "Just for dating," she said, but I recall her Craigslist post and that she met me, and she was wanting a lot of alone time.

 

I have a screwed up mother, and because of this, my relationships with women often suffer if the woman is less than honest with me about things, or I believe I'm being lied to or manipulated. There was a lot of evidence that she was lying to me -- she left her Yahoo mail logged in on my computer, and I wish she hadn't -- yes, she was still talking to all sorts of guys online, trying to arrange sex hook-ups, etc.

 

I think the answer to my question is self-explanatory. She's bad for me, and "the universe is throwing me another curve ball" (I'm attracting these kinds of women) to see if I'm paying attention this time. She says "What happened with him is between he and I, and I could tell you why I cheated, but they'd sound like excuses..." Exactly. The man she was with 7 years won't talk to her anymore now because she did this (and who knows what else)?

 

I guess this is more of a statement than a question. It's going to be hard to let her go. It's even hard to be friends with her. I get abusive in e-mail and IM's and text messages, telling her things I won't say to her face most of the time, but I believe to be true. Sometimes I say hurtful things like calling her a "slut" and what-not, and I don't know if I mean that, but at the moment I'm angry, I just want to say something that will either get her to respond or something -- maybe I just want to hurt her.

 

No hope, eh? Didn't think so. She pushes the wrong buttons in me and makes me relate like a child relating to his crazy mother -- actually, I kinda act like she did to me as a child. I wish I could remain friends with this woman, but I don't see it working out. Sexually, she doesn't really seem all that into me, but if I spend time away, she's suddenly interested again. She doesn't grab me, touch me, arouse me, or care if I get off most of the time, and expresses concern when I lose my erection because she's babbling in some manic state about completely irrelevant topics, or she seems like she's not into it -- she's somewhere else.

 

I wish I knew the best answer, but I think I do. If a woman doesn't add something really great to my life, or if her stories don't add up with her actions, and she has a history of cheating and lying and using guys to feel better about herself (random guys off the Internet, frantically obtained), then she's not for me.

 

Thanks. Any replies would be appreciated.

[dubbayoubee]

Man, get out!

I was in a similar situation a year ago. I met this girl over the Internet. At first she was nice. But it took her like four months to admit to me that she was bipolar, or manic depressive, rather.

Sex with her wasn't that great, she didn't show emotion, or touch me or do anything romantic or remotely close to being sexy during the act. She just laid there, but blamed it all on me.

We separated for a few months, in which she said she wouldn't date anyone. Well during those months, she did date someone else, then had a breakdown and ran to Canada. When she came back, we got back together, because I wanted to try to help her out (stupid me).

She didn't love me at all, she only wanted someone to take advantage of - i.e. get her a new place to stay, buy her supplies, etc.

Well, we talked about getting married in the future, because at the time I thought she did love me, and she got pregnant.

Then she admitted that she was already married, and was only staying married for some financial aid reasons while she and her husband went to school. Then she cheated on me with a school mate, cheated on me with her husband, and wouldn't get an abortion.

Both our families explained to us why we couldn't take care of the child, but she wouldn't listen. She lied to them, telling them she'd get an abortion, and she didn't.

Then about a year ago she dumps me and runs off to Canada for a few months. She comes back, files for welfare, child support and social security. However, the baby was born and taken away from her because she was unfit, off her medication, belligerent to people, uncooperative, etc.

Anyway (and I'm sorry this is long), she's now in jail for threatening to kill county adoption, human services and court officials.

All I can say is get out if she's treating you badly. I put up with similar stuff for close to a year and I was miserable.

Hope this helps.

[notagain32]

Thank you for your response.

 

Because I become stronger every day, am reading the great book "No More Mr. Nice Guy", and know what I won't tolerate, it is getting easier and easier to spend time away from this woman.

 

A friend of mine whose wife was diagnosed bipolar had similar problems -- only she actually tried to kill him, was physically abusive, has played havoc with the kids and housing situations (breaking into homes), etc.

 

This girl is obviously playing with my head, using me for sex, attention, and the things I provide her, and does not have a conscience. The mental health issue compounds all of this. I now have a clear picture of who this woman is, and know without a doubt that cutting things off is the best thing to do.

 

If I could fork myself into two lives, I might want to see where this one goes, but -- I've seen before. The similarities to the last woman I dated are way more than coincidental, and this is obviously a test of some sort to see if I have learned that being alone is better than being in a bad relationship with someone who simply doesn't care (or doesn't have the capacity to have healthy adult relationships).

 

Thanks!

[keubanks]

Guys - I think this is deja vu; or however you spell it. My situation is just the opposite, what are we - MI magnets? I was married for 18 years the first time and found out he was bipolar; eventually committed suicide which I really do hate for him because I think it should tell us just how sick he was. Now, I've gotten married again and my husband, after we had been married a couple of years, blows up the Christmas holidays and confesses he is bipolar (after knowing my first husband was bipolar). It's the ride of a lifetime, is it not? He is on meds but still blows up and I'm just about sick of catching the brunt of his 'feeling like crap' all the time. I haven't run out on him and he's on meds so we don't even need to go there, but I'm really getting to the point of wanting to be alone and make a life for myself. I think the only time I was truly content was the period between husbands. Sad, isn't it??

 

Especially if there are no kids and your partner isn't even trying, I agree, get the hell out!