Texting with my married ex after almost two years NC

[Searchin81]

Here's a a brief story.. We were together for a about two years, broke up almost three years ago, Got together again, Broke up again, said he realized he loved me after the break up, compared everyone to me, I wanted him to come crawling back to me and to teach him a lesson.. so i cut him off and went NC by blocking his number, A month after that he met someone new,they moved in together, got engaged in three months then married a few months later Fast Fwd we ran into each other this weekend we didn't speak both were in shock to see each other. So we ended up texting each other. I left a brief remark that was closed ended and didn't invite a discussion. He seemed very talkative well we ended up texting all day. He didn't mention his significant other at all, nor did I ask. He was at work so the other half wasn't around. Our conversation ended.. "no goodnight or no goodbye..no nice to hear from u now get lost".. just seem open ended until the next time. I feel that he will definitely be contacting me again.. i could be wrong.. i hope he does

 

Truth is.. i am still in love with him and there hasn't been a day gone by that i don't think of him. There is so much i wanted to say but i didn't get into anything deep. I wanted to tell him how much I learned and realized since he has been gone

I regret ever going NC. He married this person in haste. I don't know what to think of any of it.

 

Please spare me of telling me not to text him again because i lost him once.. and will never do it again. even if it is just friendship

 

He hasn't text me in four days now and I am wondering if he ever will again

[beyond]

Here's a a brief story.. We were together for a about two years, broke up almost three years ago, Got together again, Broke up again, said he realized he loved me after the break up, compared everyone to me, I wanted him to come crawling back to me and to teach him a lesson.. so i cut him off and went NC by blocking his number, A month after that he met someone new,they moved in together, got engaged in three months then married a few months later Fast Fwd we ran into each other this weekend we didn't speak both were in shock to see each other. So we ended up texting each other. I left a brief remark that was closed ended and didn't invite a discussion. He seemed very talkative well we ended up texting all day. He didn't mention his significant other at all, nor did I ask. He was at work so the other half wasn't around. Our conversation ended.. "no goodnight or no goodbye..no nice to hear from u now get lost".. just seem open ended until the next time. I feel that he will definitely be contacting me again.. i could be wrong.. i hope he does

 

Truth is.. i am still in love with him and there hasn't been a day gone by that i don't think of him. There is so much i wanted to say but i didn't get into anything deep. I wanted to tell him how much I learned and realized since he has been gone

I regret ever going NC. He married this person in haste. I don't know what to think of any of it.

 

Please spare me of telling me not to text him again because i lost him once.. and will never do it again. even if it is just friendship

 

He hasn't text me in four days now and I am wondering if he ever will again

 

I replied to you quickly last night Searching on your other thread, as our stories have similarities. I have now read all that thread and I think we both know that whatever happens you WILL be contacting him. Not judging you for this - I've been there. Either he will contact you and you will respond or you will contact him. You will meet up - thats when you should go by one of the best pieces of advice I was given (and wished I'd done it months ago...)

 

'Look at his ACTIONS not his words'.

 

His words will be wonderful, I'm sure - maybe they are heartfelt, maybe he just likes the ego boost of having you, but unless his actions back up what he is saying, you will know its all just words. Ie. If he says 'you are the one for me, I don't love my wife' then see what actions he takes (filing for divorce, moving out etc). Not saying he is GOING to do these things, actually DOING them.

 

Emotions will run pretty high if you do meet up, so try and keep a level head. My ex was wonderful when we met back up, but pretty soon was getting really mad at me because I wouldn't go the final step and sleep with him while he was married. His true colours seemed to come out then.

I'm not going to say 'don't meet him' or 'go for it', in the end you will do as you want, and I think that will be that you meet up, just tread very carefully and be prepared for a lot of emotional upheaval whichever way it goes.

xx

[Searchin81]

You think he will text me again.. It's so odd we texted all day Sunday first time in almost 2 years we talked.. And at end of night our last text had no goodbye, no nice talking to you, it's like hanging waiting for the next conversation. Either he didn't want to say goodbye or he just didn't care and let the conversation end.

 

From reading my other thread..What do u think will happen.. Do u think he still wants me or am in making a Hollywood movie in my head?

[beyond]

You think he will text me again.. It's so odd we texted all day Sunday first time in almost 2 years we talked.. And at end of night our last text had no goodbye, no nice talking to you, it's like hanging waiting for the next conversation. Either he didn't want to say goodbye or he just didn't care and let the conversation end.

 

From reading my other thread..What do u think will happen.. Do u think he still wants me or am in making a Hollywood movie in my head?

 

I think he will contact you again at some point, yes.

 

I think he stil 'wants' you, yes.

 

Whether it's for an ego boost, a quick leg over, excitement from the day to day married life he has, or to teach you a lesson from before, that I don't know.

 

Why not just get on with your life in the meantime.

[MissBee]

I don't particularly believe in lost love...and I especially don't see the romance in a married person secretly texting an old lover. But as beyond said, you don't know why he is texting you. It could be for a myriad of reasons. I know in your head probably what is playing out is that all this will lead to a Hollywood movie indeed....call me cynical...but I doubt this. I can more see it ending up into an emotional affair, then probably physical and you being upset and distraught if he doesn't want more than an A on the side. Usually people who break up multiple times, like you have, are not meant to be but simply cannot let go of whatever that (usually unhealthy) dynamic is. But so many mistake that pull towards the situation as love and soulmateship...when many times it is not.

 

I also agree that you shouldn't give this too much head space and spend all your time analyzing every letter of text. REAL love doesn't do that to you frankly. When a man loves and wants you, you don't have to be anxious and piece together clues and wait with bated breath for him to sneak a moment away from his wife to send you text messages.

[Searchin81]

Some good points. But I still can't stop thinking about him. I want to talk to him some more

[Searchin81]

I have so much left I wanna say to him, it kills me

[alexandria35]

If my response here seems a little strong it's because I read the other thread you have going and I'm basing this on what you said over there, where you spoke a lot more about how badly you treated this guy. and this is the same thing I posted on that forum.

 

Oh where to begin? Lets talk about the MM and his marriage first of all. If he was engaged just a few months after you dumped him and married in under a year then yes, his wife was definitely a rebound person. However this doesn't in any way mean that he doesn't love his wife. I see there have been a couple of people here saying that he just settled, isn't happy and can't possibly be in love with his wife just because he rebounded to her. This is not true. I have fell deeply in love with a rebound person in the past and I know others who have too. Maybe his wife treats him a whole lot better than you ever did. Maybe she has shown him what real love looks like and doesn't play mindf**k games with him the way you did. Maybe their relationship makes the relationship he had with you pale in comparison. As a matter of fact, if this MM is still carrying a torch for you I would say he probably needs some intense therapy to find out why he's still pining after someone who treated him like a big piece of crap because that screams major issues to me.

 

And what about you? I don't think you ever loved him. Does a woman in love treat her man like you treated this guy? You took pleasure in his pain, the more he suffered the happier you were. Sounds like he approached you several times to try to make amends and you wouldn't forgive him but you liked the validation and demanded more, more, more. "oh you love me and regret what you did wrong? well that's not good enough. I want to see you crawl on your hands and knees. I want to see you suffer" Oh yeah that sure sounds like love to me. And sadly I think your interest in him now is just more of the same warped psychological game you played on this guy before. In the past you demanded some sort of hoop jumping from him to prove his feelings for you, to feed your ego and give you validation. Now you want him to cheat on his wife for you, leave his marriage for you. Gee wouldn't that be the ultimate ego stroke? If he would walk away from his marriage for you I bet that would make you feel really powerful and validated wouldn't it? And then what? What great feats would he have to accomplish next to keep you interested? What new lows would he have to sink to prove himself and to make you feel validated and good about yourself? I can see you being one of those OW who decides she doesn't really want the guy once she has him.

 

I say if you actually care about this guy and you truly regret how you treated him before you will wish him well and let him be with someone who doesn't torture him. If he has any sense he will see the futility in risking his marriage for someone who treated him so bad and enjoyed playing power trip games with him.

[RickFox]

so you ended the relationship by playing games (hoping he'd come crawling back) and now that you truly lost him, you want to play more games to get him back.

 

I hate these stupid juvenile games women and men play. You got something to say to him, say it, get it off your chest, tell him, be done with it and then move on. He's not yours anymore and I doubt he will be. Enough with the damn games.

[Searchin81]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/326456-texting-married-ex-after-almost-two-years-7.html#post4008177 more here

[gibson]

I think he will contact you again at some point, yes.

 

I think he stil 'wants' you, yes.

 

I agree with beyond.

 

Remember up till 4 days ago... He thought you hated him, you were ignoring him, blocked his number and haven't talked in almost 2 years.

 

That is a lot to process.

Edited May 17, 2012 by gibson

[Searchin81]

Update.. We have not text since the end of may... I thought that was the end of it...I gave it my best, and decided to leave everything to fate.. Well this week, after almost three months he has reached out to me in small and In direct ways...

 

Then the past 2 weeks he started messaging me again and poking me on facebook, ect.. HE INITIATED IT. I gave up a few months ago and told myself "Its in gods hands now", and here we are again.. HE is texting me.. though tonight i lost control and text him.

 

we also have been liking comments posted through a mutual friends Facebook.. he goes down and likes everything I like.

..... so i recommend a certain song under one of his comments, a love song..that explains a lot of my feelings.. By an artist whose lyrics we both loved..this song explains how two lovers are far apart, and how it tears one individual apart that they arent together, and how you hold them in your heart until your home again with them...

 

and this is first time he specifically liked my post.

 

 

We have been texting again all day today....he came short of saying he wanted to see me, just said that he wished he was at a place I was at a few nights ago and he should have asked one of his friends to go

 

 

We had a sexual conversation today. he says he doesn't touch, but had very sexual conversation of what we would do to each other.

[rhw]

By an artist whose lyrics we both loved..this song explains how two lovers are far apart, and how it tears one individual apart that they arent together, and how you hold them in your heart until your home again with them...

 

the song: Right Here Waiting . . . ? Sounds like it. see my handle. lol

[Searchin81]

ha no someone else.. a much more famous name sings it... I purposely posted it under his comment on a mutual friends post. And he liked it.

[beyond]

Update.. We have not text since the end of may... I thought that was the end of it...I gave it my best, and decided to leave everything to fate.. Well this week, after almost three months he has reached out to me in small and In direct ways...

 

Then the past 2 weeks he started messaging me again and poking me on facebook, ect.. HE INITIATED IT. I gave up a few months ago and told myself "Its in gods hands now", and here we are again.. HE is texting me.. though tonight i lost control and text him.

 

we also have been liking comments posted through a mutual friends Facebook.. he goes down and likes everything I like.

..... so i recommend a certain song under one of his comments, a love song..that explains a lot of my feelings.. By an artist whose lyrics we both loved..this song explains how two lovers are far apart, and how it tears one individual apart that they arent together, and how you hold them in your heart until your home again with them...

 

and this is first time he specifically liked my post.

 

 

We have been texting again all day today....he came short of saying he wanted to see me, just said that he wished he was at a place I was at a few nights ago and he should have asked one of his friends to go

 

 

We had a sexual conversation today. he says he doesn't touch, but had very sexual conversation of what we would do to each other.

 

So, is he telling you, you are the love of his life, that he made a big mistake marrying his wife and not you and is on his way now to file for divorce?

 

Or is he 'liking' facebook comments that you like, dropping breadcrumbs, boosting his ego and sex texting you behind his wife's back?

 

can you see the difference?

[Searchin81]

well now he ends his text messages, when we stop.. with "Talk to you later"..

 

Its not that i didn't want him before, or that i could have had him.. I was confused as to if he wanted me back then.. once he told me he didn't love me.. then months later changed his mind and said he did and regretted everything.. i didn't take him serious at the time and still had those wounded words in my mind and thought how could someone say you don't love someone then change your mind and say you do. so to be brief it ended and we didn't speak.. i missed him every single day.. then i heard he got engaged 3 months after we stopped talking and i didn't want to interfere so i never contacted him.. but the more time went by no one else compared, and i realized what i really lost.

 

But we have been talking.. Again.. he said that "He cant touch" so its not like he is cheating on his wife.. we are just texting and stuff.

[Searchin81]

we didn't have phone sex.. just sex sexual text..and while he was single he reached out to me and i ignored him and even blocked him.. much to my everlasting regret.

 

He said he doesn't touch though

[Searchin81]

lol are u being sarcastic about talking like that everyday with female friends lol? I cant tell..

 

we had a sexually explicit text conversation of what we would do to each other ect.. but he said he doesn't touch so I guess he is behaving..

 

I ignored him trying to teach him a lesson. I never ever thought he would run off and get married, i mean would anyone think their ex would be with someone new one month later then engaged and moved in together all in three months?

 

Why now.. cause i love him and i want him back. I have thought of him every day for years.. no one else compares..

 

He said this about me before he met this person.. that he compared everyone to me.. i should have taken him seriously. uggh shame on me

[veryhappy]

Do you have any idea if this guy's W is pregnant or he has a baby/toddler at home. It wouldn't surprise me if he were one of the special ones who decided that's the right moment to cheat.

 

Stalking each otheon Facebook to like the same songs...please. Just go ahead and have an affair or stay away from it. Of course your sexual texts are not an intent to escalate. It's more of an erotic writing club I guess.

 

I am considering changing my signature to "If you are considering having an affair, the first step is to be brutally honest to yourself."

[Searchin81]

I think we still love each other. Nothing to do with being desperate I know i could have another person.. its not like i don't have options. I just dont feel the same connection with anyone else.

[Searchin81]

its crossed my mind to that he might have been with this other person longer but from what his friends and even family said they only knew each other for a month.. he shocked everyone..

 

As far as what i was trying to teach him a lesson about.. to much to type i went over that in other threads.. But i was probably wrong with a lot of what i did.. he was no angel either..

 

But regardless.. I still love him, and i think he feels the same way

[Searchin81]

what do you mean OOW on d-day?

[RickFox]

I love it when people say "it's not like". It's not like we are cheating. It's not like we touched or kissed or anything. It's not like I don't have other options...... you are, you did, you don't.

[Searchin81]

ha sorry i do have other options. I am good looking and have no trouble getting guys. But who do i force myself to have feelings for other guys when they just don't compare. I love my ex and i want him back.

[RickFox]

Nah, you don't love him, you just love the way you felt when you were in the Relationship. You want now what you can't have, you're still playing high school games.

 

You keep saying you have so much to say, well then say it, put it out there and be done with it. He'll say all the right things and there it will go....

 

Like someone else said, you're good at rationalization to satisfy your own needs/wants. Oh and no one else compares because you haven't tried to have a 'normal' relationship and let it build into something more.

 

Peace out homie!