Owl Posted September 7, 2012 Share Posted September 7, 2012 How could I tell if he wanted me for sex or had another interest? Also, hypothetically speakin.. And I'm not just talkin about my situation. Why is it some people marry someone they aren't totally in love with, go on a honey moon ect and go through all of that stuff.. U see it happen all the time.. Do they just get Love stuck and think the honeymoon phase will last forever? I don't. Understand how some people do this Nor do I...but I think that's a subject for a different thread entirely. Especially as you're posting it unrelated to your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted September 7, 2012 Author Share Posted September 7, 2012 well he text me again today, reminiscing about our relationship ect Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted September 8, 2012 Author Share Posted September 8, 2012 I love him and I want him back. How do i get to this point?! Link to post Share on other sites
FelicityShot Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 I love him and I want him back. How do i get to this point?! Ask him. Always good to get it all straight. Just ask if he wants that. Link to post Share on other sites
FelicityShot Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 For you that sort of validation is priceless. This guy is good!:D Nasty - like poster has a problem in their psyche. Not nice to say that about someone. I wonder about the kind of person who likes to put other people down to that extent. This guy is indeed good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted September 8, 2012 Author Share Posted September 8, 2012 Nasty - like poster has a problem in their psyche. Not nice to say that about someone. I wonder about the kind of person who likes to put other people down to that extent. This guy is indeed good. no idea what any of this means.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted September 9, 2012 Author Share Posted September 9, 2012 Married or not i had him first, this isn't some married stranger that I just met that I'm trying to pry away from his wife. I wouldn't do that, if a guy I just meet tells me he is married I move on. But not with my ex, Why should I ignore my feelings now, espically if there is a chance he may feel the same way. He was mine first, and I ain't giving him up till he says he wants nothing to do with me. His wife is not my concern. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Married or not i had him first, this isn't some married stranger that I just met that I'm trying to pry away from his wife. I wouldn't do that, if a guy I just meet tells me he is married I move on. But not with my ex, Why should I ignore my feelings now, espically if there is a chance he may feel the same way. He was mine first, and I ain't giving him up till he says he wants nothing to do with me. His wife is not my concern. So a woman that knew him before you has a special kind of 'dibs' on him? And all bets are off if she wants back in the picture? hmmm 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 OP...my suggestion is a simple one. Perhaps not easy...but simple as in "not complex". You feel you have a prior claim. You want him. Fine...tell him and his wife that, point blank, straightforward, unmistakeably. Spell it out. Give him the choice to leave her, her the choice to leave him. Get the whole thing out in the open, and address it openly, honestly, and in plain view for all to see. Tell them how you feel...and tell him what you want/hope for from him. And see what he says/does...and what she says/does. Simple...see? If he feels the same as you...he'll leave her to be with you. If he doesn't...then what you want won't change anything. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Nasty - like poster has a problem in their psyche. Not nice to say that about someone. Ah, but attempting to tear a man away from his marriage is A-ok? Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 Are people allowed to fancy people outside of M? Are you really going to try to say that ALL Searchin is doing is fancying a guy? Thats it? Just "fancies" him? I think its a little more than that. Its one thing to fancy someone, its another to want to break up a marriage and be in contact with a married man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted September 10, 2012 Author Share Posted September 10, 2012 well.. we text for almost 12 hours.. and he said alot. i was the best and he wished he knew that when he was with me. And if everything was perfect we would be together now. our text just kinda drifted off and stopped..i think its strange for both of us. I am dumbfounded and don't know what to do now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted September 11, 2012 Author Share Posted September 11, 2012 Alice you may be right, you may be wrong.. who knows what the future will bring.. i have heard of it turning out both ways.. good and bad.. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 Those are standard words men use with women. Trust me, I am a guy and I know it works. Never pay attention to words. Pay attention to actions. Actions speak much louder than words. He picked another woman over you and now he wants to be a cake eater. He wants you on the side. Nail Head Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted September 11, 2012 Author Share Posted September 11, 2012 i think some are just being negative and hateful and naysayers. Truth is things take time.. its not like he can get up and come back to me over night! But just him confessing all of that to me is a start. I also heard from someone, and not with any great detail.. that everything might not be working out in his marriage anyway and someone attributing it to them marrying so soon and said "what did they expect." Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 i think some are just being negative and hateful and naysayers. Truth is things take time.. its not like he can get up and come back to me over night! But just him confessing all of that to me is a start. I also heard from someone, and not with any great detail.. that everything might not be working out in his marriage anyway and someone attributing it to them marrying so soon and said "what did they expect." Why not? If he really wants to be with you, why can't he just tell his wife that he wants to be with someone else, pack a bag, and go stay with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 OP...my suggestion is a simple one. Perhaps not easy...but simple as in "not complex". You feel you have a prior claim. You want him. Fine...tell him and his wife that, point blank, straightforward, unmistakeably. Spell it out. Give him the choice to leave her, her the choice to leave him. Get the whole thing out in the open, and address it openly, honestly, and in plain view for all to see. Tell them how you feel...and tell him what you want/hope for from him. And see what he says/does...and what she says/does. Simple...see? If he feels the same as you...he'll leave her to be with you. If he doesn't...then what you want won't change anything. Thought it worth repeating since I'm not sure that the OP has read it...and I feel that this is point blank simple enough advice to follow. When will you have this conversation with him and his wife? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 "i was the best and he wished he realized that when he was with me". "And if everything was perfect we would be together now." "I was the hottest thing he has ever seen" "Better sex with me than anyone" "asked if i wanted those days again" and alot more.. ect.. I didn't expect him to say that stuff.. and he asked if he was out of place by saying it and apologized to me if he was out of line for doing it.. he also seemed to be trying to find out if i was with someone, but didn't ask directly. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 "i was the best and he wished he realized that when he was with me". "And if everything was perfect we would be together now." "I was the hottest thing he has ever seen" "Better sex with me than anyone" "asked if i wanted those days again" and alot more.. ect.. I didn't expect him to say that stuff.. and he asked if he was out of place by saying it and apologized to me if he was out of line for doing it.. he also seemed to be trying to find out if i was with someone, but didn't ask directly. I've literally heard every single one of those lines before. I pose this question to the men here..is there a book somewhere that teaches you this junk? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 No, no book that I've seen, but we just tell you what we know you want to hear. Simple as that. And BAM, lookie here, IT WORKS!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 why do a few people here automatically assume he is lying? what would the point be in him saying this if he doesn't mean it? I have said similar things to him and i mean it. Why do people here think its impossible that people have a change of heart? Sometimes you don't realize things until they are gone or in hindsight. Whats so bad about that? You cant get everything right. This isn't uncommon that someone runs off gets a rebound wife and then realizes they love someone else. i have read alot about this online. And it works both ways.. sometimes it happens sometimes it doesn't. But i don't have much reason to doubt what he is saying at this point. also for the record.. i know him in person. he is not a person to normally say things like that. He doesn't usually discuss his emotions, im sure it took alot for him to say just that. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 why do a few people here automatically assume he is lying? what would the point be in him saying this if he doesn't mean it? I have said similar things to him and i mean it. Why do people here think its impossible that people have a change of heart? Sometimes you don't realize things until they are gone or in hindsight. Whats so bad about that? You cant get everything right. This isn't uncommon that someone runs off gets a rebound wife and then realizes they love someone else. i have read alot about this online. And it works both ways.. sometimes it happens sometimes it doesn't. But i don't have much reason to doubt what he is saying at this point. also for the record.. i know him in person. he is not a person to normally say things like that. He doesn't usually discuss his emotions, im sure it took alot for him to say just that. To get you in bed..and it's working..so why would he stop saying it? Actions speak louder than words..has he left his wife? Is he making any kind of commitment to you? Is he following through on anything he's saying to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 its not like that can happen over night! I understand the intricacies of it all. Even if i was in a relationship and he wanted me back i would extricate myself from the one i am in slowly and surely and tighten up any lose ends. Its alot more complicated if u rushed into a marriage.. god only knows what kind of legalities that entails. and i haven't put out for him, and he hasn't asked to meet for sex. Why should i doubt him.. maybe he thinks he has made a mistake and doesn't know any quick way out of it now that he is in it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 its not like that can happen over night! I understand the intricacies of it all. Even if i was in a relationship and he wanted me back i would extricate myself from the one i am in slowly and surely and tighten up any lose ends. Its alot more complicated if u rushed into a marriage.. god only knows what kind of legalities that entails. and i haven't put out for him, and he hasn't asked to meet for sex. Why should i doubt him.. maybe he thinks he has made a mistake and doesn't know any quick way out of it now that he is in it. Actually he can make 'something' happen by telling his wife he is no longer wanting to be married to her ,that he feels they got married too fast and he isn't happy. Bottomline is, if someone wants out of their marriage, they make it happen. If he leaves his marriage it should be because HE wants out, not because you're waiting in the wings. If you never entered back into his life, he would be focussing on his wife and building a life with her, bonding more with her as time went on. Now? He is at a standstill because you're in his life (albeit by text) again. Bolded part. Did he tell you this or is this what you *think*/assuming he is thinking or feeling? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 The bold part: I heard this from someone that knows him, and "he doesn't think his relationship is working" and then i assuming and making an educated guess based on everything he said to me. Seems like he has alot of regrets over our relationship, and saying he wished things were back like that ect. Link to post Share on other sites
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