do men care about if the woman has a career

May 17, 2012

well i met several guys over the past few years who insist on wanting a woman who has a career, in fact this preference seems to override certain other aspects such as physical looks or body.

are these guys the norm or they are like, not common? i admit most of them are in unstable positions in life (still in college, some just graduated) but they are good looking (at least to me) and one has a high salary for his age (mid 20s). they arent the moocher type or at least i dont think so.

well i was just thinking..if hes making a lot..and he really likes her..shes hot and pretty..she just does not want to further her career (as a waitress or a gas pump attendant) or education nor wants to learn stuff like driving or cooking..is that bad?

are looks not enough to compensate for those other things?

i was forced to do a lot of things in life like college and stuff, plus when i was 15 the first guy i dated let me pay for all our dates, or he paid for his while i watched him eat and i was hungry. that was a riveting moment in life wherein i said to myself that i am not going to depend on someone or anyone or else i will go hungry...lol.

Edited May 17, 2012 by ohmygoshistalk

May 17, 2012

Yes, the majority do. It took me a decent amount of time to find a man who was okay with a woman saying "I just want to stay home, cook, clean, and raise babies...".

Most men would balk and consider it lazy. Those same men might also complain 10 years down the line that their wives are burned out from trying to pay for childcare, work long hours, clean a house, and then have no energy left over to please their husbands. I know many people don't agree with this, but you can't honestly tell me that most working mothers with kids are burned out and the parents have no time for each other???

There are some more 'traditional' men out there, you will need to look harder if you live in a non-traditional society. It can be done.

Right now I stay home, with my 2 year old and #2 on the way, and it gives us good balance. He doesn't have to worry about cooking, cleaning, neither of which he has done in 2 years. I don't have to worry about rushing off to daycare, working all day, and then passing out at night. I have an hour a day to workout, each day.

Keep looking.

May 17, 2012

Men say what they think women want to hear about career and what the culture has taught them is the right response but actually don't give a damn. The instincts driving attraction and pairbonding developed long before the idea of a career. Though men usually won't go for a woman of a higher status which means little to nothing considering women are ridiculously status obsessed, women rarely dare to date down, and their choice is the one that determines which relationships exist and which don't. Men don't have much desire for dating up probably due to this most assured denial.

May 17, 2012

Men say what they think women want to hear about career and what the culture has taught them is the right response but actually don't give a damn.

I agree, I think young men are so conditioned to fear the 'golddigger' that they go in the complete opposite direction and fear something so normal and natural as a woman who stays home to take care of the 'nest' and kids. Something that is so prized and respected in many cultures, and the standard throughout history, is something that sets off a 'red flag' to young men these days. Although I would argue that many men who actually have the 'gold' don't seem to mind a woman who stays home. It seems those of minimal-moderate financial success are more likely to desire a woman with a good job (I'm not sure men care about a 'CAREER' label but at least a job with a decent wage). Perhaps it's because people care too much about material things as well and would rather have both people working long hours in a nice home with 2 cars, pay for daycare, then 1 person working in a small house with 1 car, and no childcare needed.

I dunno... i was raised very traditionally (woman stays home, man goes to work), so the idea of seeing women working 40 hours, then doing all the housework, having no family help (obviously women still work in traditional societies but their mothers/grandmothers help out a LOT more than in western society), no time for husbands.... doesn't seem right to me.

May 17, 2012

well i met several guys over the past few years who insist on wanting a woman who has a career, in fact this preference seems to override certain other aspects such as physical looks or body.

are these guys the norm or they are like, not common?

I don't want someone whose life-goal is to get married so that she can sponge off her husband. So, I'd like her to have a career. Fairly simple, really.

Are all guys like this? Of course not.

May 17, 2012

Something that is so prized and respected in many cultures, and the standard throughout history, is something that sets off a 'red flag' to young men these days.

Ummm, have you ever looked at the history of women in Western societies? The nuclear family is a relatively recent phenomenon. And not one that seems to last very long.

Sure there are men out there who'd like to have a stay-at-home mom.

May 17, 2012

Ummm, have you ever looked at the history of women in Western societies? The nuclear family is a relatively recent phenomenon. And not one that seems to last very long.

Sure there are men out there who'd like to have a stay-at-home mom.

Yes, I know the history It started changing around the 60's, 'equality' and all that... but just look at the post above you, some guys are so afraid of 'gold diggers' that they are afraid of the average woman who just wants to stay home and raise babies.

So many men scared of golddiggers...... don't you have to have gold though? I had male friends back in my 20's who used to make $15/hour and would rant about golddiggers.

May 17, 2012

Its all about culture and upbringing.

I grew up with a successful career mother. So she is my role model when it comes to women. Personally I dont think I will be able to respect and relate with a woman who only stays home and has little knowledge about the world out there (yeah, all the stay at home wives can say whatever, but from experience the majority of the stay at home wives I have spoken with would make me want to shoot myself if I had to speak to them everyday if you know what I mean).

And apart from that, lets face it, the reality of 50% divorce rate today must inevitably affects the way the newer generation of males view marriage. Many of us now see marrying a stay at home spouse as playing with fire.

Ummm, have you ever looked at the history of women in Western societies? The nuclear family is a relatively recent phenomenon. And not one that seems to last very long.

When I went to visit my grandparents in their village in the Old Country, I didnt see my grandma doing nothing else other than doing household chores inside the house. She had to tend the livestock everyday at the barn while my grandpa working the field. Even in prehistoric societies women didnt just stay inside the cave either. They had to work hard outside just like their partners.

In my opinion modern women are just lazier. I mean they dont even have to wash the clothes at the river anymore. Now they have washing machine, vacuum cleaner, and instant foods.

But to be fair though, I also think that modern men need to help more around the house if they want women who help them financially.

Edited May 17, 2012 by musemaj11

May 17, 2012

well i met several guys over the past few years who insist on wanting a woman who has a career, in fact this preference seems to override certain other aspects such as physical looks or body.

are these guys the norm or they are like, not common? i admit most of them are in unstable positions in life (still in college, some just graduated) but they are good looking (at least to me) and one has a high salary for his age (mid 20s). they arent the moocher type or at least i dont think so.

well i was just thinking..if hes making a lot..and he really likes her..shes hot and pretty..she just does not want to further her career (as a waitress or a gas pump attendant) or education nor wants to learn stuff like driving or cooking..is that bad?

are looks not enough to compensate for those other things?

i was forced to do a lot of things in life like college and stuff, plus when i was 15 the first guy i dated let me pay for all our dates, or he paid for his while i watched him eat and i was hungry. that was a riveting moment in life wherein i said to myself that i am not going to depend on someone or anyone or else i will go hungry...lol.

70-80% chance for a divorce in the life of a couple and higher for unhappiness.

Hypergamy means that it was customary for a long time for women to marry upwards with a guy that had a big salary.

At divorce a guy generally won't keep the kids, and they lose the house [it's like a meme for them] which means they become quite poor.

The difference in incomes and the fact that many families live at the edge of their means, means that he will have to pay alimony to maintain the standard of living.

Add the fact that 5 out of 6 homeless ppl are men and that there is a much higher sucide rate around men, with men considering among themselves that they are 'less' if they can't provide.

It's a trend that will continue unfortunately.

You understand it as well, your example with your [ex] boyfriend.

On a personal level, i certainly want a woman with a career.

May 17, 2012

So many men scared of golddiggers...... don't you have to have gold though? I had male friends back in my 20's who used to make $15/hour and would rant about golddiggers.

Yes, that is completely warped. $15 / hour is next to nothing.

I am not set in one pattern or the other. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. I can't do the same thing for 40+ years, and I would not expect my SO to be any different in that respect. I'd probably struggle with small children, but once they are becoming a bit independent (3-4 years onwards) I love spending time with them. In such a situation, I would not mind reversing "traditional roles" (work from home) if my SO would want to work in a full time job outside of it.

May 17, 2012

PS: I can't believe i agree with musemaj, it's like he was describing my mom and my grandparents. All of them worked and working at home meant the house and the livestock were taken care off.

My mom has a great career and is also my rolemodel in what i want.

But musemaj, 50% divorce statistic is fake. Don't look at per yr, look at the probability of divorce during the lifetime of the marriage.

May 17, 2012

Yes, I know the history It started changing around the 60's, 'equality' and all that... but just look at the post above you, some guys are so afraid of 'gold diggers' that they are afraid of the average woman who just wants to stay home and raise babies.

So many men scared of golddiggers...... don't you have to have gold though? I had male friends back in my 20's who used to make $15/hour and would rant about golddiggers.

They misslabel them as golddiggers.

From personal experience [and 2 divorces in the last few yrs of friends], it's more like laziness and entitlement.

Considering that the lawcourts favor them ... my friends [all of them male who came from families where divorce is a dirtier word than the ugliest swear], are just plain ... scared.

May 17, 2012

Yes' date=' that is completely warped. $15 / hour is next to nothing. [/quote']
Yet there are women who make less and will prey on such men.

May 17, 2012

Heck, now days, I'd be okay with them even having a JOB. Job situation and the economy is not good.

well i met several guys over the past few years who insist on wanting a woman who has a career, in fact this preference seems to override certain other aspects such as physical looks or body.

are these guys the norm or they are like, not common? i admit most of them are in unstable positions in life (still in college, some just graduated) but they are good looking (at least to me) and one has a high salary for his age (mid 20s). they arent the moocher type or at least i dont think so.

well i was just thinking..if hes making a lot..and he really likes her..shes hot and pretty..she just does not want to further her career (as a waitress or a gas pump attendant) or education nor wants to learn stuff like driving or cooking..is that bad?

are looks not enough to compensate for those other things?

i was forced to do a lot of things in life like college and stuff, plus when i was 15 the first guy i dated let me pay for all our dates, or he paid for his while i watched him eat and i was hungry. that was a riveting moment in life wherein i said to myself that i am not going to depend on someone or anyone or else i will go hungry...lol.

May 17, 2012

Considering that the lawcourts favor them ... my friends [all of them male who came from families where divorce is a dirtier word than the ugliest swear], are just plain ... scared.

I'm not surprised. If I wanted, I could take my kid and move 5000km away tomorrow. A disgusting act, no doubt, but a cruel reality.

May 17, 2012

I'm not surprised. If I wanted, I could take my kid and move 5000km away tomorrow. A disgusting act, no doubt, but a cruel reality.

That really depends on the country you are in. It is not as simple as that anymore in most Western countries. And rightfully so.

May 17, 2012

From an evolutionary pov, this makes a ton of sense.

Think about it, the age old relationship was what musamaj and i described, our grandparents both working in different ways for the betterment of the household, to raise children.

50's nuclear family was an anomaly, a freak of nature.

While hubby works, she stayed home, i actually find The Flintstones and the The Jetstones quite ironic right now, if you look at the dynamic in those cartoon families [remember getting a sore finger from pushing buttons ?].

Now we have 80% real divorce rates, and everyone is afraid to actually calculate the real nr because marriage is a business, it's not a lifetime commitement anymore.

If the current crysis [and the one in the 90's in Japan which started the trend of herbivore men] has shown something is that for raising and educating a child it now takes 2 parents working full time.

So having a SO that stays at home with the kids, relying on one spouse's salary means that there is a higher risk of being unable to completely rase kids if something happens.

It makes sense to want a spouse that also works, that can also provide for the young.

May 17, 2012

That really depends on the country you are in. It is not as simple as that anymore in most Western countries. And rightfully so.

That's why you establish citizenship in the middle east where men still have rights.

May 17, 2012

That's why you establish citizenship in the middle east where men still have rights.

Or come from Japan.

Half-Japanese children can be kidnapped with the quiet help of Japan's gov.

May 17, 2012

That really depends on the country you are in. It is not as simple as that anymore in most Western countries. And rightfully so.

I could do it here in Canada. It's a bit easier in the states or UK where geography is closer.

May 17, 2012

Part of the problem today however, is that extended family is often not available or willing to help.

Here in Canada, Indian women work - but they don't use daycare. That's what grandma is for. The same will be reciprocated in 25 years. A white Canadian girl asking her mother to stay home with her kids while she works.... I don't know many that would say yes to that.

May 17, 2012

In Canada you can do it like this :

1 - file a report with the police for child abuse /rape/whatever

2 - police comes and without prove removes hubby from home

3 - with the filed police report [they will hold him for 1-2d], you file for a restraining order

4 - file for divorce, and mention that he neglected the household, abandonment

5 - cry crocodile tears about being abused; the more he fights, the more he will look guilty

6 - start a media campaign if it doesn't work fully

7 - MILK HIM

8 - move far away as you now have sole custody

Works in most countries with Commonwealth law.

May 17, 2012

Men say what they think women want to hear about career and what the culture has taught them is the right response but actually don't give a damn. The instincts driving attraction and pairbonding developed long before the idea of a career. Though men usually won't go for a woman of a higher status which means little to nothing considering women are ridiculously status obsessed, women rarely dare to date down, and their choice is the one that determines which relationships exist and which don't. Men don't have much desire for dating up probably due to this most assured denial.

False post is false.

I say I want a women who wants a career, because independent career women are most attractive to me. Right now Im crushing on a friend of mine, but prolly wont do anything about it since shes the good girl type who wants to be a stay at home mine. And this is despite the fact that she went to college and got a degree.

When I found that out I was pretty turned off, and while we get along pretty well, we have no long term potential because Im not looking for a lady to take care of. Im looking for a partner. And I dont expect a woman to carry all the housework and child rearing either. Its 2012, and everything can be split down half...shes not my mother or maid. Shed be my woman and Id treat her right as my gal.

My best friends folks both work, and always had an even split of household duties. I want to be like them.

May 17, 2012

Part of the problem today however, is that extended family is often not available or willing to help.

Here in Canada, Indian women work - but they don't use daycare. That's what grandma is for. The same will be reciprocated in 25 years. A white Canadian girl asking her mother to stay home with her kids while she works.... I don't know many that would say yes to that.

Over here we have very few daycare centers and many don't plain trust them [not to mention the incredible cost].

What happens is that they either hire a day nanny for several children and she takes care of them at one of the residences, or a grandma of the kids takes care of them [quite often this one].

Women can get 1yr maternity leave for 75% pay from the state, and 2yrs with 50% from the state.

Employer is forced to hire temporarily only, to replace the job lost.

May 17, 2012

I agree, I think young men are so conditioned to fear the 'golddigger' that they go in the complete opposite direction and fear something so normal and natural as a woman who stays home to take care of the 'nest' and kids. Something that is so prized and respected in many cultures, and the standard throughout history, is something that sets off a 'red flag' to young men these days. Although I would argue that many men who actually have the 'gold' don't seem to mind a woman who stays home. It seems those of minimal-moderate financial success are more likely to desire a woman with a good job (I'm not sure men care about a 'CAREER' label but at least a job with a decent wage). Perhaps it's because people care too much about material things as well and would rather have both people working long hours in a nice home with 2 cars, pay for daycare, then 1 person working in a small house with 1 car, and no childcare needed.

I dunno... i was raised very traditionally (woman stays home, man goes to work), so the idea of seeing women working 40 hours, then doing all the housework, having no family help (obviously women still work in traditional societies but their mothers/grandmothers help out a LOT more than in western society), no time for husbands.... doesn't seem right to me.

?

Could it just be that many young guys, (im 25 btw), are just more attracted to a go getter gal who can take care of herself. Theres usually a certain personality that goes along with a career woman. Shes usually very outspoken, confident, and independent. I find that very attractive...and personality means a lot to me. Theres plenty of good looking girls to go around where I wouldnt have to settle on the personality Id like a girl to have just because I landed a hot chick.

Not all men only think with their penises.

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