train wreck

[S4guy]

I apologize in advance for the length of this post. I’ve been married for almost four years and have discovered that my wife has been having an affair. It’s not a matter of will I get a divorce, it’s when. The one good thing is that we do not have any children. I first became suspicious about six months ago when my wife would close the door to whatever room she was in, when on her cell phone. I shrugged it off as her wanting privacy when talking with family and friends. I’ll admit that I did listen in on a couple of the calls in the next room. My suspicions seemed to be placated when she was only talking to family or friends.

 

Just a couple of weeks ago my wife asked me not to take the mail out of the box (I get home from work before she does). She stated that she had a surprise for me and it was coming via USPS. Something seemed rotten in Denmark here, so I purposely left work early those few days to ensure that I was the first one home. One day a letter came in the mail from our health providers OBGYN clinic. It was addressed to both of us, so I took the liberty of opening it. Inside was a pamphlet that contained a bunch of information on pregnancy. Since then I have found out that she has an appointment next week to terminate the pregnancy. I am 110% percent sure that it’s not mine. My wife and I have not been intimate since her heart attack a few months ago. This was information that I pulled out of her calendar. I believe that I’ve found out his name through her cell phone. His first name was in her favorites. I am now in the process of having these records pulled, since this was to be a joint phone, but primarily used by her (my car came with a hard-wired phone, so I really never need an additional phone).

 

With all of this information, I normally would’ve been inclined to file immediately. The thing that’s kept me from doing going through with it immediately is my wife has a rather large medical malpractice settlement coming. It was caused by a nurse giving her the wrong medication. This resulted in a heart attack that caused about 10% percent damage. Aside from this, she has no other side effects. If it wasn’t for her cheating and her checkered past, I wouldn’t even dream of trying to get my hands on a piece of this pie.

 

My wife’s had money problems for the past ten or so years. She told me that when she was 19 or 20, that her dad had to bail her out of about 20K in debt. She claimed that she had kicked this compulsive behavior a couple of years before I had met her. Throughout the time we dated and about eighteen months into our marriage, she was straight as an arrow. It all started up again when she couldn’t pay off her credit card bills due to her clothing purchases. She tried to cover this up by paying her cards off with her 401K money. There was a snafu with her 401K’s administrator and she didn’t’ receive the check at the expected date. Of course she had already mailed her checks to pay for these bills. She ended up bouncing a bunch of checks on her separate account. During the delay of getting her 401K money, she tried to take out a personal loan with me cosigning. One thing she neglected doing was asking for my signature. The bank busted her cold when they called me at work and asked if I had taken out a rather large personal loan. Obviously, I had no idea what they were talking about. I called my wife on this and she apologized and said that she’d take care of it. Her idea of “taking care of it”, was repeatedly threatening to kill the person who questioned her. To make a long story short, my wife was arrested of terroristic threats and convicted. She spent a couple days in jail when they charged her, but escaped any jail time for the conviction. She ended up with a fine and in-house arrest. This whole legal extravaganza ended up costing me about 15K, since she no longer had any savings.

 

As a result of this, my wife went into a bit of a depression period. Her parents, who I have never seen eye-to-eye, convinced her that this arrest was a by-product of our marriage. They convinced her to leave me. I was utterly blind-sided and flattened by this. We had always gotten along well. Even to this day, she remarks about the way her parents manipulated her. The three months that we were apart, my wife ended up opening up a new checking account. I received a call from her one day at work stating that someone from the local police department may be questioning me about someone stealing her checkbook and writing a bunch of checks. She told me that she told the officers that I wouldn’t do anything like that even though we were living apart. The last I heard of this is the police were still looking into it.

 

After the three months apart she moved back in. It wasn’t more than a month until I found that she had used my cash card on my personal account. She also started writing checks on my account. Once I found this out, I halted my direct deposit of my paycheck and paid every bill with a money order. She continued to right checks until my bank closed my account. I still loved my wife. She put partial blame on the Paxil that she was taking. I’ve read that it can make compulsive people even worse. She was weaned off of Paxil over a period of months and I thought she had turned the corner until her 2nd arrest.

 

My wife was arrested this last time over theft at her previous place of work. She claims that she helped out one of the admin people at her company clean up the conference room where they were about to have outside guests. According to the complaint which I read, the person who had money stolen out of her wallet, had this event videotaped. My wife states that all the tape shows, is her moving the wallet and not opening it. According to her, the officers arrived unannounced and she was strip searched. I guess she’s going to take a lesser plea to keep it off the record from affecting her probation from her previous charge. This latest advent through the criminal justice system will cost us around $3500 (lawyer 3K, victim restitution $268, fines $150).

 

All of these events have taken a toll on me both emotionally and financially. I’ve had to lie to friends and family due to the embarrassment of my wife’s legal troubles, when we couldn’t attend a wedding or night out on the town with my wife’s in-house arrest. I feel that I am entitled to a large chunk of her pending medical malpractice settlement. It just burns me to the core that this ungrateful cheat can possibly be set for life, while the rest of us play by the rules. I just don’t know if I should file now, wait until after the check arrives, or inconspicuously shave off some dollar amounts over time and then file.

 

Once again, I apologize in advance for the length of this post. I felt this was the only way to get my thoughts out.

[lnichols]

Wow, so okay, is there anything is this marriage left to salvage? I'm sorry, dude, it sounds like you got a raw deal. If she is really doing all these things to you, go see an attorney. Have you talked to her about this stuff? Have you told her that you know she's pregnant? You know, one of the things that struck me as odd is that normally, a womens clinic would not mail anyone stuff about termination unless they have her permission. And certainly not addressed to you both. You should find out what's going on. I'm really sorry.

[lnichols]

Oh! Never mind about the pragnancy thing. Sounds like she went to a doctor to confirm her pregnancy and then made arrangements to terminate. Still, she could have told the Doctor's office that you were not aware of the pregnacy and they would have (or should have) respected her privacy. Man! What a mess.

[TempSain]

I just have 3 words to say..... DUMP THAT BITCH!

 

See an attorney first to see what legal rights you have on the medical award.

If you don't have to wait for the settlement, get her out of the house and replace all the door locks.

If you have to wait, just keep yourself busy and lock up all your money, checks and account numbers.

It must be crazy to live with a thief and a cheater.

Hope you get your half of the settlement and have a better life.

Life is better with money so stick it out.

[Yikes]

Train Wreck is right!

 

Personally, I'd get as far away from someone like that as I could, and quick. (but that's just me)

 

Thank god there are no kids involved.

 

Good Luck.

[2SidestoStories]

Train wreck, I've got to say...at least you know that you're headed for precisely that.

 

My advice: get out now and don't look back.

 

Your motivation for sticking it out is dishonest, and I think you probably know that: wanting to stay around until your wife lands a big wad of cash for a settlement? Besides that, do you really think that she's going to let the money go without a huge fight, considering her financial past, (as well as threatening to kill people?!?!) Come now, let's try to be logical here!

 

This is a situation where in my humble opinion, you'd be best off if you were to just cut your losses and run like hell.

 

That being said, I wish you luck in recovering from the turmoil that has happened already and that which is in the mail, so to speak. Good luck.

[S4guy]

Originally posted by TempSain

I just have 3 words to say..... DUMP THAT BITCH!

 

See an attorney first to see what legal rights you have on the medical award.

If you don't have to wait for the settlement, get her out of the house and replace all the door locks.

If you have to wait, just keep yourself busy and lock up all your money, checks and account numbers.

It must be crazy to live with a thief and a cheater.

Hope you get your half of the settlement and have a better life.

Life is better with money so stick it out.

 

TempSain,

 

I appreciate your advice and your thoughts. I've just started shopping for attorneys, unfortunately I'm on a plane tonight for business so I wouldn't have one nailed down until after the 4th.

 

All of my financial documents that are in my name, along with my checking account information sent to a p/o box. I typically try to keep under $50 in cash on me at all time. Just like a cabbie or pizza delivery guy.

 

Your right, it is very tough living with someone like that. It's also tough to keep busy. On a positive note, my lawn and landscaping have never looked better.

[S4guy]

Originally posted by 2SidestoStories

Train wreck, I've got to say...at least you know that you're headed for precisely that.

 

My advice: get out now and don't look back.

 

Your motivation for sticking it out is dishonest, and I think you probably know that: wanting to stay around until your wife lands a big wad of cash for a settlement? Besides that, do you really think that she's going to let the money go without a huge fight, considering her financial past, (as well as threatening to kill people?!?!) Come now, let's try to be logical here!

 

This is a situation where in my humble opinion, you'd be best off if you were to just cut your losses and run like hell.

 

That being said, I wish you luck in recovering from the turmoil that has happened already and that which is in the mail, so to speak. Good luck.

 

2SidestoStories,

 

I do appreciate your advice and opinions. I know that my possible motive for sticking it out is dishonest. I know it lowers me down to her level. I would expect her to put up a huge fight for that settlement. Even if I don't end up with a dime from that settlement, I can take solstice in the fact that I didn't take it laying down.

[Yikes]

Personally, I think a little cash coming your way is well deserved considering you have bailed her butt out of hot water more than a few times. The question is is it worth the fight and the emotional price you'll have to pay? Sometimes I find it's the emotional price that I am unwilling to pay that is the deciding factor on how hard I push. I'd put her in your rearview mirror and bolt.

[2SidestoStories]

Hi S4.

 

I understand that you're likely feeling incredibly spiteful and hurt and that it is a natural reaction to want to lash out at those who have hurt you. What I'm asking you to consider, though, is looking at your situation from the standpoint of in the long run, whether the fight was worth it. Speaking from my own experience with a horrific divorce, there are some things that are definitely worth fighting for. Since I have only what limited information you have provided through your posts, it sounds very much to me as though you would be acting out of spite, making her spend the entire settlement on a divorce. If that is what you decide to do because it will give you temporary satisfaction, that is your choice. However, I challenge you to acknowledge that you are NOT the kind of person that your wife is, and that you are not actually "giving" her anything by divorcing her. You are, however, giving yourself a greater shot at future financial (and apparently emotional!) security. There are no children involved, thank goodness, so you have yourself to look out for.

 

I still wish you the best of luck, and especially if you choose to battle through it all with her!

[miz_barby]

. I feel that I am entitled to a large chunk of her pending medical malpractice settlement. It just burns me to the core that this ungrateful cheat can possibly be set for life, while the rest of us play by the rules. I just don’t know if I should file now, wait until after the check arrives, or inconspicuously shave off some dollar amounts over time and then file.

 

 

Yes wait till she gets the check and take her for what you can get then RUN!! There was a story just like this on court TV and the crazy wife who couldn't stop spending took a secret life insurance policy out on her husband without him knowing it then killed him and collected! She did that with 2 husbands and finally got the 3rd time she killed! Anyway be careful and I would watch my back, my wallet, and try and make sure you do get a chunk of her money because you've done more than enough for her and she's sick and will probably have that money gone within a few years! How sad! Anyway if and when you do get that money I swear you should leave before she gets greedier and more dangerous!

 

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT SHE HAS HAD THINGS WAY TO EASY EVERYONE BAILING HER OUT! CRAZY LADY NEEDS TO TAKE OWNERSHIP FOR HER ACTIONS AND PAY UP!

[msrealdoll]

You need to retain an attorney as soon as possible. You deserve part of her settlement. An attorney will be able to stop her from spending any of it before you get your share. If you get an attorney now, he can advise you whether or not to move out, or whatever.

 

Do you live in a community property state?