If your partner cheated, would you leave them right away?

[health]

If your partner cheated, would you leave them right away? Or would it depend on the situation and how much you love the person? Do you believe in once a cheater always a cheater? I would probably leave right away because it takes alot for one person to cheat. Yet it would depend how sorry the person is, and if she were to do it again. I think i'd give one chance, for the partner to learn, then if it happenes again, you know its better to leave.

[Leikela]

With my current boyfriend, I wouldn't leave right away. I would get all the details of the situation and see where our relationship was lacking. I would try and fufill all his needs perhaps through counseling so he wouldn't feel the need to cheat. My boyfriend isn't the cheating kind so I know if he ever cheats then our relationship is in serious jeparody. However, he's my best friend and such a good guy that I would try and fix what's broken. If it happened for a 2nd time after trying to repair the damage then I would leave for good.

[lexnmike4enomore]

I know that every girl says "I would leave him" But if your in a 2 tear relationship, its hard to leave, even tho he cheated. I wouldn't know what to do unless the situation happened. Of course you should go. But you now you can't b/c you love the person too much. It would also depend on the situation. If a girl just threw herself on him and he threw her off..thats OK (not really ok but it makes the situation better). But if he didn't fight then.....i would be thinking long and hard as to what to do. So yeah i think it depends on a lot of factors.

[lexnmike4enomore]

Originally posted by Leikela

With my current boyfriend, I wouldn't leave right away. I would get all the details of the situation and see where our relationship was lacking. I would try and fufill all his needs perhaps through counseling so he wouldn't feel the need to cheat. My boyfriend isn't the cheating kind so I know if he ever cheats then our relationship is in serious jeparody. However, he's my best friend and such a good guy that I would try and fix what's broken. If it happened for a 2nd time after trying to repair the damage then I would leave for good.

 

 

WELL SAID!!!

[HoldOn]

If we had no kids (which we don't) I would make sure it was true and then leave him right away.

[Pyrannaste]

I guess it would depend on the circumstances.

 

If it was just an one-night-thing(or a short thing),it was the first time he cheated, he was sorry about it and I learnt it from him, he used a condom and he'd be willing to cut contact with the girl, IMO it would be way easier to forgive.

 

While I don't think it would be easy to forgive someone who tries to blame his/her cheating on his SO, refuses to stop contact with the OM/OW or had unprotected sex knowing that the OM/OW had an STD, got it and passed it to his/her partner.

 

I like Leikela's post too. Her way of reacting would be extremely wise and mature.

[shortbus74]

It would be hard on me but I would... He would have violated my trust and that is something that you can not get back...............regardless of how hard you try......

[faux]

Originally posted by health

If your partner cheated, would you leave them right away?

 

I believe that I would.

 

Or would it depend on the situation and how much you love the person?

 

To me, relationships are based on trust, and I trust my partner to do what is right. If she cheated on me, I would be extremely upset. We both agreed that sex and kissing are things to share with one special person at a time, a person that you know very well and care for very much.

 

If she cheated on me, well, I would most likely end the relationship because of it. I do believe my decision would be based on the situation, and various other things, however.

 

Do you believe in once a cheater always a cheater?

 

No, I don't. I think it depends on the person and the situation. People can change. I know that the girl I am dating now cheated once before, and she regretted it horribly. She is very firm in her beliefs about cheating, and I agree with those beliefs. I also cheated years ago, once, and I too regret it.

 

If I have a notion to cheat on my partner, I need to NOT cheat, and discuss how I feel with my partner. I would hope my partner would feel the same, and fortunately, she does.

[Dulce_Angel_Whispers]

I DO NOT believe once a cheater always a cheater because in my current relationship my BF cheated like one week after we met, I let it go because I decided since he CONFESSED the same night (which I would have had NO idea he cheated I was at home in bed and didn't suspect a thing) he called me upset telling me he was sooooooooo sorry he knew he made a mistake by cheating with a sleeze he just met (someone I have known a while but wasn't my friend and he didn't know I knew her) anyway he told me everything and I talked to the girl found out what he said was true (actually a mutal friend asked her about him because she was at the same house that night he cheated) and she gave her the same details he gave me so why wouldn't I believe him. I made it clear I wouldn't put up with it, didn't ask him to stay I told him...." you know where I live and my phone number IF and WHEN you make up your mind if you want to be with me and ONLY me then look me up but if not then tonight is the last night I wish to hear from you" and within 20 minutes *that's how far apart we live* he was at my house at my window begging me to come down so we could talk. Needless to say he hasn't talked to her since, he's by my side from the second he's off work till the second he goes to work except from 1am-6am but he calls me when he gets home and when he leaves for work and once he is there (a little excessive I know but nothing I asked him to do) I know he loves me and made a mistake thankfully he was man enough to tell me on his own and now I have no reason not to trust him!

It DOES depend on the situation and the person and your love and respect! EVERY situation is different!

[HokeyReligions]

I don't necessarily believe that once a cheater, always a cheater. There may be circumstances in play that would disprove that.

 

However, if my husband cheated on me he would be out the door and his stuff would be gone pronto. After so many years I would not cease all contact, but we would have to start over cautiously with no intimacy and then I don't know that I would ever be able to trust him.

 

It's funny, we are getting a divorce now (still living in the same house for financial/practical reasons) and as we are going through all of this, we have agreed that for a period of one year from the date the divorce is final or the date he moves out (whichever is later), we will not have intimate relations with anyone else. If we date for companionship and romance that is okay. But nothing beyond kissing. I am quite confident that he will not go past that point, and neither will I. (I seriously doubt if either of us will even date!) We have agreed to no-contact (once he does move out) for 3 months, unless we have some financial or technical reason to contact each other (or in case of a family emergency). We will continue with our own counseling as we see fit, and after 3 months if we want to contact each other and talk about friendship or dating or whatever, we will. We may go back into counseling or follow the guidelines that our couples counselor gave us in the event we decide to start dating. We are far to close to just sever it without looking back.

 

We did talk about sexual encounters after the divorce and we both feel it would be too soon and might feel like we are cheating, but most of all, jumping into a physical relationship so soon would not be healthy for our own personal growth. It would place an outside and unnecessary burden/stress on us and may cause confusion that we don't need.

[pretty_petal]

i'm absolutely in love with my bf and don't reckon he would ever cheat. however, i believe that if someone cheats they don't love their partner. I would hate to be in a situation of unrequited love and would leave. My current bf is also my best friend so i would still be in contact.

If i continued the relationship i wouldn't be able to trust anymore so this would slowly kill anything left between us. Yup, i would go straight away tho i reckon it would kill me emotionaly.

[anneanne]

This is currently something I am dealing with right now. If any of you read this you should check out my post on my current situation. My fiance doesn't know that I know he has cheated on me and I am trying to decide what to do. I can't imagine my life without him but if he doesn't love me enough to be faithful maybe I should break things off. This is such a hard topic. I think a lot of people say they would definitly leave someone if they found out they were cheated on but then once it really happens they don't leave if the person appologizes and promises it will never happen again. I do think though that there are just certain peole out there that woudl never ever cheat and are completely devoted to the person they are with and there are people who are always willing to cheat and can't feel devoted to anyone.

[HoldOn]

Maybe I am just being naive, but I think there are warning signs about whether a person has the inclination to ever cheat. So maybe if your eyes are wide open you can choose a man who has a lower inclination. For instance, if he has never cheated on any girls in the past, he is loyal to his friends, close to his family, responsible, generally truthful. What do you guys think?

If you've been cheated on, did you notice any warning signs?

[supermom]

My husband did cheat once, 2 yrs ago when I was preg w/ our daughter. I did forgive him due to the fact that A.) No penetration and B.) has never done before or after and C.) Our daughter. I didn't want to ruin her family relationship/structure because we do not fight about it, it's over and done with and he has been faithful since.

 

Now, if he did it again yes I would leave, but because there is no turmoil in our home, I wanted to give my daughter a chance to have both mommy and daddy at home.

 

Also my gut instinct........

[undecided]

i have left girls in the past the second i found out or felt they had cheated on me. i also ceased all contact with them even if they lived across the hall for a year after the incident.

 

in my current relationship if you havent read my thread, my girlfriend of one year felt i didnt love her and left me for 2 weeks and had an encounter with another guy. i felt this was cheating, and i cannot change the way i feel. we got back together the following week and she lied about it so i didnt know until 4 months later as of sunday night.

i do love her she is devistated but i dont think i can ever forgive her and i think i will take the pain to the grave. im going to hold off just leaving her on the spot for her sake, she has hinted that she may do somthing crazy, and im still unsure of how i feel. currently, i have-to date- been cheated on by every single female i have had relations with in my life. i cannot even grasp the amount of irresponsible selfeshness and inconsiderance. 0 against me, 4 cheats 1 fatal accident toward me.

[myrias]

I'd probably forgive him. It would depend on the situation, lots of different factors, the ones I can think of right now:

 

1. My attitude. I would only forgive him if I was sure I could forgive and never bring the subject again. If it was something I couldn't take out of my mind then it wouldn't be fair to him to say I'll forgive and then making him pay for that mistake for all our lives together, or bring that subject when I'd feel down. I guess this is something I'll only know if he cheats and I'll find out.

 

2. If the girl was not from his past. I could forgive him if he didn't bring the past into our relationship. If the girl he cheated me on was an ex-girlfriend or ex-lover, anyone from his past I don't think I could trust him to be able to not bring the past again to the present. It would be too hurtful if he wanted to relive something.

 

3. If he didn't "promisse" her things in order to get her in the sack, you know making her fall in love. If I found out he was that manipulative I'd be really disapointed.

 

4. If he didn't trust me enough to communicate what he thinks is not working in our relationship. If he just doesn't talk to me about it then it doesn't make any sense to continue a relationship, whether or not I'm able to forgive him.

 

I think these are the things that would come to my mind if he cheated on me. I love him very much and I know he loves me too. I don't think I could lose our relationship because of a mistake.

 

Well, unless of course it wasn't a mistake and he was in love with the girl, but then it wouldn't be my decision anymore...

[kirkyswife]

I'm sorry but the first time my husband cheats on me and I find out about it will be his last. I don't care how much I love him - relationships are built on trust and when trust is gone there is no foundation. I love and respect myself enough to know that I will become a paranoid mental case in the aftermath and so if I don't leave him, he'll ultimately end up leaving me because of the person I will become - clock watcherl; pocket/phone checker; private investigator essentially. That's not the kind of marriage I want or need. I refuse to allow him or any man for that matter a 2nd chance at disrespecting me.

[DazednConfused]

Six months ago, I was with many of you people.... "I would leave, no question." We can all easily speculate until we are faced with the horror of reality.

 

Today, I am one month since discovery of my wife's year long affair, the pain is still very fresh, and I am a walking train wreck more than half the time. Several factors went into my decision to try to forgive and work on our marriage:

 

1. Sixteen good years - one bad.

2. Wife stopped the affair on her own before I found out.

3. She now realizes that she never truly "loved" him, but was addicted to the adventure.

4. Daughter, 15

5. Worked damn hard to build a good life, don't want to see it all go away.

6. Wife has taken full responsibility, and is doing everything possible to save our marriage.

7. We never fell "out of love", just got bored. (simplistic, but read my thread if you want details.)

8. She wants me, is in love with me, wants our marriage, and is very clear about expressing those facts.

9. She has expressed massive remorse and guilt, and I am certain it will not happen again.

10. Bottom line; I have always loved her with an amazing intensity, I love her still, I will always love her.

 

There will never be another chance however, I WILL NOT suffer this pain again. I have made it clear that if I ever have reason to suspect again, that she will find her things on the driveway and divorce papers soon after. I will spend the rest of my life alone rather than go through this ever again.

 

So there it is, when you are faced with the situation, things are not so clear cut as when you are simply speculating your actions.

[Mr Spock]

I agree with Hokey. Out the door. May not cut off all contact but he'd have to come up with a big reason why I shouldn't move on to someone else.

[EnigmaXOXO]

If your partner cheated, would you leave them right away?

 

Yes…I'd have too. For my own sanity and well-being. I can "forgive" many things, but the "forgetting" part for me is impossible. I couldn't stomach the lack of trust and paranoia that would eat away at me and fester. I can handle "hurt" from someone I love and trust…but not "betrayal." That goes straight to the heart and soul.

 

Do you believe in once a cheater always a cheater?

 

I believe in the "folly of youth"…and that people make mistakes along the way when they're young and naïve. If someone had cheated on someone other than me, I would take into consideration their age, the situation, and their mind frame (or inexperience) at the time. If they seem to honestly regret their mistake rather then continue to justify and make excuses, and I am thoroughly convinced they are now emotionally mature enough to handle a monogamous relationship, then I might give them a chance. But I would be very cautious and move sloooooow. However, if someone had cheated on "me"…then I would not feel obliged to give them a second chance.

 

I believe if someone is capable of breaking a promise and lying to you once…then there is no reason to "trust" that they don't have it in them to do it again. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than to live with someone who was a constant reminder of my pain and grief…someone, from that day forward, who would be little more than a complete stranger to me…

[DazednConfused]

Spock,

 

I find it interesting that as a very recent OW, that you would have no tolerance of someone cheating on you. Please, I say this not as an attack, but as an observation. I just think it is a very telling double-standard.

[quankanne]

if my partner cheated ... I would kick his *ss, plain and simple. When I agreed to "forsake all others, 'til death do us part," 12 years ago, I meant it, so he'd know exactly why an *ss-kicking was called for. He also knows that I don't ask anything of him that I don't ask of myself, that I would expect him to do likewise if I did something as stupid as violating my vow to him.

 

... after said butt-kicking, I'd talk things out, then show him the door. It's one thing to love someone, but another to not trust them, and I couldn't be in a relationship that wasn't based on trust.

 

"yer mine, I paid a fair price for you, you belong to ME!"

[amanda25]

welp, mine did cheat..but im still with him..Because i do love him and want this to work...Maybe if him and I hadn't been together that long, then I might have left, but not now..

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by DazednConfused

Spock,

 

I find it interesting that as a very recent OW, that you would have no tolerance of someone cheating on you. Please, I say this not as an attack, but as an observation. I just think it is a very telling double-standard.

 

Telling of what? I wouldn't put up with that crap.

 

And it's not really a double standard-I am not inolved in a committed relationship myself. If I was, and the OW, then it would be a true double standard.

[sami]

Well, it depends on how strong your relationship is and for how long you have been together in addition to the circustances of the encounter. Most people do not frgive . They strictly apply the rule" Once a cheater always a cheater" but Some don't. It is simply your decision and nobody else's.