If your partner cheated, would you leave them right away?

[Smoov]

I don't think "holdOn" is attempting to preach their morals to anyone on this forum, she is simply promoting common courtesy.

[HoldOn]

That's true Smoov! I am not trying to *preach* my morals to other people. But I do think that morals are a good thing and people should try to have them. I am not saying I am better than anyone! I am sure that I have made many mistakes, but I am hopeful that I would take full responsibility for my decisions and not try to find excuses. When you keep other people's feelings in mind by having morals, your life will be happier.

 

Leikela, I hope that I am not too judgemental. Everyone deserves forgiveness. Everyone deserves mercy. In the general sense, everyone deserves forgiveness. But they first have to be SORRY for what they have done and take responsibility for their actions, not try to defer blame to their childhood or sometthing.

 

In the more personal sense, I could forgive a husband for cheating, but I could never forget it. Therefore, I would have to leave. I couldn't trust again.

[DazednConfused]

Smoov,

 

I am glad it makes you feel good to berate the opinions of others, that is the beauty of a nameless and faceless forum.

 

Thanks, but I will continue to put more weight on the thoughts and opinions of my "experts". I do believe that education and experience in these matters adds credence to their theories. Let's be clear here, I am not advocating cheating, nor making excuses for anyone who does cheat. And as for self-control, I personally have more than you can imagine. I was not, nor ever have been unfaithful in a relationship.

 

I will not even begin to address a childish attack upon my screen name, it is what it is.

 

You came into this discussion without respect for anyone else's opinion. Nor with any thought to the possible soul-searching that many of us have had to do with regard to this issue. In my case, you seem to think that I am just too dumb to see how wrong my wife was to have carried out an extra-marital affair. I can assure you, I do understand how wrong it was, and am struggling with more than you can possibly imagine. Am I staying for my daughter? Possibly. Is there a better reason in the world to try to forgive? Do you really think I should compound the mistake that my wife made by making my daughter suffer? In my world, the feelings and welfare of those close to me come before my own. (you probably wouldn't understand) If there is even a chance that my wife and I can get past this and restore our love and our lives, I will endure what i must so my daughter does not have to grow up in a broken home. I have many other reasons for doing what I am doing, and trying to understand and work things out with my wife, but if my daughter was the ONLY reason, it would still be enough for me to try.

 

I did say in my first post that I understand and respect your opinion, but on this issue, we will have to agree to disagree.

[julsfla]

I also always said, "He would be gone if he ever even thinks about cheating!" and I found out, it is easier to say what I would do when I am not in that particular situation.

 

In a perfect world, yes, loving another person, would be enough for every person to be faithful to another, and the love received from a parent, friend or sibling would be sufficient, but that love is no substitute for the love felt for your husband or wife.

 

I am a very strong person who would not have any problem living day to day without my spouse, and I would have no problem caring for our children, but when I found myself in that situation, like DazednConfused, the love for my husband, the years invested, the love my children have for my husband and the regret and the responsibility taken by my husband made it impossible for me to walk away!

 

There was a lot missing in our relationship, for both of us, of that there is no doubt. We did not have the skills to talk to one another about what was missing, or what we needed from each other, until it just became normal for us to not communicate about anything other than day to day subjects. Next thing I know, my whole world is upside down and although I dont justify what he did, and I know it will take a long time to trust him again, we have a lot of history,and he has been my strength through times that were tougher than most people ever have to deal with, and he is the father of my children. I could not walk away.

 

Luckily, this world is filled with so many different people, who are made up so many different ways, with different strengths, and weaknesses. I keeps it all interesting! For all who say there is no excuses for infidelity, I agree, there are no excuses. I had the same views and arguments you have put here in this thread. Until I actually was in the situation. In my case, there are second chances. I have to think of it as a second chance for us both.....

 

I was in the relationship with my husband. I was not going through life happy as a lark, I knew we had problems and I also had the opportunity to cheat. Unlike the person my husband chose,some chick to just screw around with, I had the opportunity to have a physical relationship with a man I had been friends with for years, and I chose not to. For me there was no excuse to be with anyone other than my husband.

 

So I have to believe in my heart, I made the right choice, we are learning to communicate and I will be working on the trust for a long time. For those who are so confident they could walk away, I hope you never have to make that decision. If you do, I would be interested to know what choice you make.