Why is spoiling a child considered a bad thing?

[Micki]

You keep bringing this up. Are you an only child? Tired of people assigning a 'title' on you?

 

Yes. I'm an only child.

[Leigh 87]

I was very spoilt, and an only child.

 

I am a lovely, generous, kind, positive person.

 

All being spoilt did, was make me think that free things would come easily to me.

a couple of people put me into my place, and I soon learnt the way the real world worked. I did not want my spoilt attitude to continue, so I made efforts to change.

I still live at home, but a lot of 25 year olds do, and I plan on paying rent as soon as I work enough and make the money to do so. Once my career starts, and I work full time, I will only use the use of my parents house so I can save and travel. I will pay rent, but still significantly less than if I was out on my own.

 

I do not think staying at home, so I can save enough money to travel before I am 30, is being entitled or spoilt - I am given a chance to travel before I am 30. Without my parents house and their help, I would not be able to travel until much later on, because I would have to pay al the rent myself.

A soon as I travel, I will come home, get back into my full time job, and be independant.

My parents know I have the travel bug, and are very happy and even WANT to support me in doing this. They know I am very greatful, I tell them just about every day how lucky I am.

So.... besides accepting my parents offer of help, to allow for my travel plans, I cannot see why that is that bad. I would gladly step aside, and give up my dream of travelling, so I could pay rent and be independant if my parents wanted me to.

 

 

I am a very late developer in life, due to a mental illness I am overcoming. I have yet to work full time, and am only finishing my studies now, and am only JUSt ready to look for a career, in either fitness or in being a travel agent.

Because I am late to earn money, my parents do not want me to have to wait until I am 35 to travel. It gives them great joy to see me live at home, so I can save more money and travel sooner rather than later.

 

Some people think lowly of people who accept their parents financial help, but I do not like judgmental people and do not care what they think.

I do not think it is tied in with being spoilt - a lot of adults would willingly accept help from their parents, if they had something they really wanted to do in life, that they would not be able to do if their parents did ot help them out with a place to live.

[Leigh 87]

Although, maybe being a very late developer in life, was to do with being spoilt. Actually - i was badly bullied growing up because i was very, very ugly, and I had mental issues from early on, because of this. I could not accept being profoundly ugly, so I starved myself, got a mental illness from malnutrition and having no friends, and as a result, it took me ages to get my act together.

 

I do not think this is all related to being spoilt, though... I was just given bad genes, did not bother with school, and had no pride or anything going for me. I had to work very hard to chance my bad looks and I went back to school to study and get a good score after I dropped out earlier on.

 

 

............ My parents sort of told me I was beautiful and attractive when I was not, though, although that is not spoiling me I suppose........

 

 

I always got material things, and unlimited attention... so when I was older, I was like ' I want to go and get my eyebrows waxed, and my nails done!!!!! NOW!?!?!?!

 

I soon saw the error of my ways, though. It did not take long for me to change. I was alwas vry generous even when I felt self entitled though....

[turnera]

Leigh, that's a great story! I'm really proud of you.

 

I saw my daughter turning into that kind of person - my DH always bought her stuff, all the time. So when she was about 12, I initiated a plan I'd heard about. I told her I was giving her a decent allowance each week, but I was no longer going to pay for anything other than the necessities: school supplies, food, medical, one pair of shoes a year, one mix-and-match outfit a year. Oh, and all the books she ever wanted! I would never say no to more books. (she loves reading now; reads nonfiction and science for fun)

 

Anyway, I told her anything else she wants, she'd better learn to manage her allowance. She learned very quickly not to care about 'stuff' or manicures and such...when it came out of her own money.

 

And you sound like a beautiful person.

[turnera]

Yes. I'm an only child.

Then I will suggest to you that your reaction to people commenting on you being spoiled is a manifestation of your own insecurity or low self-worth. In other words, YOU control what you think of such people trying to disparage you. My daughter? She laughs and agrees with them. What good does it do to feel bad about how people pigeonhole you?

 

Unless, of course, you ARE acting spoiled and selfish and self-centered. Are you?

 

As Leigh has suggested, one of the results of spoiling is self-centeredness. (but she willed herself out of it - and is now working hard toward changing careers!)

 

Another is lack of belief in yourself. When you are given everything you want and don't have to earn it, those things can actually make you feel worse. Because you KNOW that you didn't deserve them. You didn't accomplish anything. Why do boot camps work so well? Because those kids learn to take care of themselves and work hard and accomplish something!

 

What's your life like? What's your story? What are you doing now with your life?

[Micki]

Then I will suggest to you that your reaction to people commenting on you being spoiled is a manifestation of your own insecurity or low self-worth. In other words, YOU control what you think of such people trying to disparage you. My daughter? She laughs and agrees with them. What good does it do to feel bad about how people pigeonhole you?

 

Unless, of course, you ARE acting spoiled and selfish and self-centered. Are you?

 

No. No one has ever called me spoiled. My self worth is just fine. And I'm not talking about myself or only kids. I'm talking about people in general. ANYBODY can be spoiled. That doesn't just apply to only kids. For example, my boyfriend complains that his brother has always been spoiled. Obviously, his brother is not an only child. And women (who have siblings) brag about their husbands spoiling them. I just don't understand why spoiling is seen as being worse than, say, bullying, being violent, robbing, or being competitive and cutthroat.

 

Be it an only child, a husband spoiling their wife, or a spoiled sibling, why is it so bad? Are people actually jealous of people who they view as being "spoiled?"

Edited July 3, 2012 by Micki

[Micki]

 

Some people think lowly of people who accept their parents financial help, but I do not like judgmental people and do not care what they think.

I do not think it is tied in with being spoilt - a lot of adults would willingly accept help from their parents, if they had something they really wanted to do in life, that they would not be able to do if their parents did ot help them out with a place to live.

 

I think it's hypocritical of people to look down on others for accepting help from parents when many people receive help from spouses, signifcant others, siblings, and friends. Regardless, of the source, it's still help.

[Micki]

 

............ My parents sort of told me I was beautiful and attractive when I was not, though, although that is not spoiling me I suppose...........

 

I don't consider that as spoiling someone. Would you feel the same way if someone's spouse, sibling, or friend told them that they were beautiful and they were not? It sounds like you had wonderful parents.

 

 

 

I always got material things, and unlimited attention... so when I was older, I was like ' I want to go and get my eyebrows waxed, and my nails done!!!!! NOW!?!?!?! ....

 

Women have spouses who give them material things and unlimited attention, yet that's thought of as a great thing.......if it's good enough for them, it's good enough for you as well. However, if it made you impatient about things, that could just be your personality, not a result of spoiling. I know some people who have never been spoiled and they want to go and get eyebrows waxed and nails done NOW!!! So, apparently, you don't have to be spoiled to act that way.

[turnera]

I just don't understand why spoiling is seen as being worse than, say, bullying, being violent, robbing, or being competitive and cutthroat.

I don't understand where you're getting this from. I have NEVER heard anyone say this. Never. In more than 50 years.

 

What is really going on?

[Micki]

I don't understand where you're getting this from. I have NEVER heard anyone say this. Never. In more than 50 years.

 

What is really going on?

 

What's really going on is that I'm curious.

 

Some people talk about someone being spoiled like it's the worse thing in the world. They might not come out and say it, but they act like it. I want to know what's really going on with that.

[turnera]

And how do you feel when they say that? Are you getting a subconscious trigger that they're putting you down?

[Micki]

And how do you feel when they say that? Are you getting a subconscious trigger that they're putting you down?

 

No. It's makes me curious. That's the reason why I made this thread.

 

I wonder why it's bad for my boyfriend's brother to be spoiled or why it's bad for my co-worker to brag about her husband spoiling her.

 

I think it's better to be "spoiled" or treated good than to be a bully, violent, jealous, and extremely competitive. Being neglected, resentful, overlooked or being made to feel less than can lead to destructive behavior such as violence, bitterness, resentment, jealousy, low self esteem, depression, and seeking acceptance and attention in all the wrong places. I'd rather deal with a "spoiled" person anyday.

Edited July 3, 2012 by Micki

[turnera]

Well, as I said, the main person being hurt when you spoil a person is the person being spoiled. It really doesn't affect others that much.

[Micki]

Well, as I said, the main person being hurt when you spoil a person is the person being spoiled. It really doesn't affect others that much.

 

I've seen plenty of people who are spoiled but not hurt by it at all. They are well adjusted and law abiding citizens.

 

However, I've seen plenty of people who are not spoiled become bullies, drug addicts, thieves, adulterers, and criminals. Apparently, being neglected or unspoiled has hurt them as well as others around them. I think turning into bullies or harming people is far worse. For example, the old lady who was bullied by those kids on the bus. The father was being interviewed on the news and apologized and said that he did not raise his kids like that. I guess the boy bully and his siblings were not spoiled. However, they became something far worse.....bullies and disrespectful of their elders.

Edited July 4, 2012 by Micki

[Micki]

Well, as I said, the main person being hurt when you spoil a person is the person being spoiled. It really doesn't affect others that much.

 

Neglect seems to hurt a person far worse, as well as others.

[M30USA]

Why is spoiling a child considered a bad thing?

 

Spoiling a child only makes the parents feel good about themselves and does nothing but destroy their child's development for the following reasons:

 

1) It teaches them to not appreciate anything.

2) They don't learn the value of working for things on their own.

3) It makes a child more likely to be dependent upon the parent (this is an unconcious reason WHY the parent may spoil the child--so the child becomes dependent and never fully breaks off and develops their own identity)

4) Counselors/pyshchologists claim that spoiling a child may have the SAME negative effects that abuse and/or neglect have!

[M30USA]

Well, as I said, the main person being hurt when you spoil a person is the person being spoiled. It really doesn't affect others that much.

 

How about their future spouse?

[turnera]

Ooh, good point! Who will likely spend 20 years running around in circles not understanding why he/she can't please the spouse.

 

I have a friend whose ex-wife was a spoiled daughter of a jewelry store owner. By the time my friend divorced her after 15 years, he was working his full time accounting job, throwing papers at 4am, delivering pizzas from 6 to midnight, and working every weekend on a third job. And it still wasn't good enough for her.

[sally4sara]

When a child is being spoiled, it isn't love they're getting too much of that is spoiling them. I don't think a kid can be "too loved".

No its done with other things and done by people who are not able to actually give love. So they give material things or build inept boundaries. And the result is a kid who thinks they can do whatever pops into their head and that anyone who wants their favor should buy it with objects.

 

Parents that are worried about their kid being mad at them give the kid too much power. They tell them no and then change their mind teach the kid to not trust them at their word. The kid grows up never really knowing if anything their parent tells them is true including the words "I love you" and "I'm proud of you". Then the kid goes out into the world and can't handle societal boundaries or trust anyone's word on anything.

 

Parents who show their kid love by buying them things do a huge disservice to them because they #1 deposit yet another **** head materialistic person on the rest of society; someone who wants everything but doesn't think they have to earn it and or even know how to go about earning it if they had it in them to try #2 add one more person who can't give real love or recognize it if it came package in a box labeled iLove.

[Micki]

Spoiling a child only makes the parents feel good about themselves and does nothing but destroy their child's development for the following reasons:

 

1) It teaches them to not appreciate anything.

2) They don't learn the value of working for things on their own.

3) It makes a child more likely to be dependent upon the parent (this is an unconcious reason WHY the parent may spoil the child--so the child becomes dependent and never fully breaks off and develops their own identity)

4) Counselors/pyshchologists claim that spoiling a child may have the SAME negative effects that abuse and/or neglect have!

 

Strange how people seem to think that spoiling is worse than neglect or abuse. However, apparently it's okay for husbands to spoil their wives. I guess that's damaging as well.

[Micki]

When a child is being spoiled, it isn't love they're getting too much of that is spoiling them. I don't think a kid can be "too loved".

No its done with other things and done by people who are not able to actually give love. So they give material things or build inept boundaries. And the result is a kid who thinks they can do whatever pops into their head and that anyone who wants their favor should buy it with objects.

 

Parents that are worried about their kid being mad at them give the kid too much power. They tell them no and then change their mind teach the kid to not trust them at their word. The kid grows up never really knowing if anything their parent tells them is true including the words "I love you" and "I'm proud of you". Then the kid goes out into the world and can't handle societal boundaries or trust anyone's word on anything.

 

Parents who show their kid love by buying them things do a huge disservice to them because they #1 deposit yet another **** head materialistic person on the rest of society; someone who wants everything but doesn't think they have to earn it and or even know how to go about earning it if they had it in them to try #2 add one more person who can't give real love or recognize it if it came package in a box labeled iLove.

 

But the kids I know that have been spoiled do not turn out this way. It's the kids that were overlooked or neglected that act that way. They even turn to drugs and criminal activities.

[turnera]

Strange how people seem to think that spoiling is worse than neglect or abuse. However, apparently it's okay for husbands to spoil their wives. I guess that's damaging as well.

You keep saying this, over and over and over...and yet I don't recall ANYone saying that on this thread.

 

Obviously someone in YOUR life has made you feel bad, and you're trying to find some solution to it. Maybe it would help you to just realize that most people don't hold the same notion beliefs as that person, that no one else in the world is going to consider you 'worse than an abuser' just because you came from a privileged life.

[Micki]

You keep saying this, over and over and over...and yet I don't recall ANYone saying that on this thread.

 

Obviously someone in YOUR life has made you feel bad, and you're trying to find some solution to it. Maybe it would help you to just realize that most people don't hold the same notion beliefs as that person, that no one else in the world is going to consider you 'worse than an abuser' just because you came from a privileged life.

 

 

I don't come from a "privileged" life. I wish I did. lol

 

It's not the people in my life. It's the people online that seem to think that neglect or abuse is better. I've noticed this on a couple of online forums. I'm glad the people whom I know in real life have better judgement.

 

However, I don't think of women who are spoiled by their spouses as "privileged." I think of them as being lucky and I'm quite jealous of them.

Edited July 9, 2012 by Micki

[Micki]

 

I have friends who always got whatever they wanted quite literally without limit. The result is they never feel satisfied, they always need more and when they get it they're still not fully satisfied. You don't do children a favor by spoiling them endlessly.

 

I have friends who felt neglected and like they never got anything. The result is they became bitter, resentful, cutthroat and jealous of others as well as never feeling satisfied.

 

I also know others who have even resorted to criminal activities such as robbery and drug dealing for the very same reason. They blame not being given anything or not being born with a "silver spoon in their mouth," or being poor. Apparently, you don't do them any favors by NOT spoiling them, either.

 

However, the so called "spoiled" kids are much easier to get along with and are NOT criminals. They have good educations and good jobs.

 

And apparently it's a good thing to spoil your spouse. I guess you're doing your spouse no favors as well.

Edited July 13, 2012 by Micki

[turnera]

It is NOT a good thing to spoil your spouse. Spoiled spouses CHEAT.