Why is spoiling a child considered a bad thing?

[Micki]

Why is spoiling a child considered a bad thing?

[darkmoon]

they act like that as adults, thinking the world/ppl will always say yes, when instead they might say no to a full-sized brat who knows no different

Edited May 17, 2012 by darkmoon

[Balzac]

Spoiling has many definitions.

[pteromom]

Depends on what TYPE of spoiling.

 

IMO, you can never give a child too much love. Kisses, hugs, co-sleeping, cuddling... all good stuff.

 

BUT - if they learn from an early age that they get everything they want, they never learn the value of EARNING something, and they go into the world with a sense of entitlement.

[threebyfate]

Why is spoiling a child considered a bad thing?

Define the term "spoiling".

[Micki]

Define the term "spoiling".

 

I'm not sure. I just wonder why it's a bad thing. I know I hear it a lot pertaining to the youngest child or an only child.

[Micki]

Depends on what TYPE of spoiling.

 

IMO, you can never give a child too much love. Kisses, hugs, co-sleeping, cuddling... all good stuff.

 

BUT - if they learn from an early age that they get everything they want, they never learn the value of EARNING something, and they go into the world with a sense of entitlement.

 

 

But I always hear wives bragging about how their husbands spoil them, and some of them don't even work.

[Micki]

they act like that as adults, thinking the world/ppl will always say yes, when instead they might say no to a full-sized brat who knows no different

 

What about grown women who are spoiled by their husbands?

 

Or people who spoil their pets.

[bentnotbroken]

My parents spoiled us rotten...with love, laughter, hugs and kisses. But they were very strict disciplinarians. They balanced "the spoiling" with the right amount of butt smacks.

[g450]

Why is spoiling a child considered a bad thing?

 

Come back here in 15 years and ask again when you found out your kid pawned your flat screen for crack money and your daughter is knocked up by some unemployed wannabe street thug.

 

And we will respond to you while you are waiting in line to post bail for your special child LOL.

 

Honestly though, it depends on what you mean by spoiled.

[El Brujo]

There are some kids who reject the spoil treatment because they'd rather have more friends than toys... but on average, a kid who's spoiled is more likely to grow up to be an entitled control freak who'll make everyone around him miserable, especially if he's a narcissist to begin with.

 

If the kid is a narcissist but isn't spoiled, he'll just be an unhappy kid who feels gypped.

 

OTOH we're supposed to spoil old people (unwritten rule #1,037).

[threebyfate]

The term "spoil" as it relates to children, means you're damaging them in some way. I suspect much of these assumptions come from this biblical quote:

 

"He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

 

My husband and I believe in spoiling children without caning or physical chastisement. Our son has been given age-appropriate boundaries with age-appropriate consequences when he crosses them. So far, he's doing great, high energy, full of laughter but willingly listens. He'll be turning two next month. As of yet, not a single tantrum.

[Micki]

There are some kids who reject the spoil treatment because they'd rather have more friends than toys... but on average, a kid who's spoiled is more likely to grow up to be an entitled control freak who'll make everyone around him miserable, especially if he's a narcissist to begin with.

 

I've seen kids who are spoiled as kids and were wonderful people. I don't think it's right to stereotype or generalize.

 

What about adults who are spoiled by their spouses, especially wives spoiled by their husbands? Why is that seen as okay?

[Micki]

I think some people might be jealous of people who were spoiled as kids or spouses who are spoiled by their spouses, and as a result, they try to look down on it.

 

But I see nothing wrong with it.

[Micki]

.... but on average, a kid who's spoiled is more likely to grow up to be an entitled control freak who'll make everyone around him miserable, especially if he's a narcissist to begin with.

 

You don't have to be spoiled to act this way. Less fortunate people behave this way as well.

 

In that case, do you feel that all rich people are that way?

[grkBoy]

Why is spoiling a child considered a bad thing?

 

Look at our spoiled adult society where everyone thinks they're "special" and can't handle failure or rejection.

 

If I ever have a kid, I will NOT raise them in the typical "spoil em" and "nurture them to death" fashion. I will not protect them from failure, but teach them how to stand strong when they fail...and get right back on the horse.

 

I don't like it when kids are taught to "win at all costs", but I also detest the "you're special no matter what"/"everyone is a winner" mentality. I will admit failing in my past is how I became who I am now...and I think I've succeeded in many ways.

[Micki]

Look at our spoiled adult society where everyone thinks they're "special" and can't handle failure or rejection.

 

I don't think that's due to being spoiled or feeling like your special. If anything, I think it's due to not have high self esteem, and feeling like you need other's approval to feel special. If anything, if you were raised to feel special, your self esteem would be higher. It's usually the ones with low self esteem or the ones who feel neglected that can't handle rejection or even try to committ suicide due to depression.

 

If I ever have a kid, I will NOT raise them in the typical "spoil em" and "nurture them to death" fashion. I will not protect them from failure, but teach them how to stand strong when they fail...and get right back on the horse.

 

That's the same as spoiling them, showing them love and attention. Again, I don't see why spoiling is a bad thing. People in this society need higher self esteem and to feel good about themselves. The neglected ones usually have the problems......and that can even to problems for the rest of us, namely, criminal acts of violence.

 

I don't like it when kids are taught to "win at all costs", but I also detest the "you're special no matter what"/"everyone is a winner" mentality. I will admit failing in my past is how I became who I am now...and I think I've succeeded in many ways.

 

Being spoiled has nothing to do with the phrase "win at all costs."

 

I think people should be made to feel special by their parents and their spouses. When people feel better about themselves, they tend to treat others better. Not feeling good about yourself makes you jealous and envious of others, which also could lead to violence toward others. We all need to be spoiled and to feel special.

Edited May 26, 2012 by Micki

[Micki]

Look at our spoiled adult society where everyone thinks they're "special" and can't handle failure or rejection.

 

Well, I guess you just admitted that people with siblings can be spoiled and consider themselves special, since the overwhelming majority of the adult society has siblings.

[Radagast]

Spoiling does not lead to high self-esteem. If anything, it can lead to low self-esteem, poor boundaries and difficult relationships due to a sense of entitlement.

[turnera]

Micki, read this and tell me if you still believe spoiling is ok:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/teacher-defends-special-speech-delivered-high-school-graduation-article-1.1094060

 

'You Are Not Special' Graduation Speech Is One Every Kid Needs to Hear (VIDEO) | The Stir

Edited June 12, 2012 by turnera

[pink_sugar]

I cannot believe this question is even asked, but from what I've seen and experienced, a lot of these children grow up with a lack of discipline, morals and think they can have and get away with anything they want in the real world.

[wheream_i]

Why is spoiling a child considered a bad thing?

 

You can't tell me that ever come across that kind of person as an adult?

[wheream_i]

But I always hear wives bragging about how their husbands spoil them, and some of them don't even work.

 

You asked about a child, not a wife.

[turnera]

Spoiled children turn into spoiled adults who expect to get what they want and have little to no regard for what others want.

 

I remember working with a spoiled woman once who told me she helped her husband with yardwork, to try to show us she wasn't spoiled. This woman was in our carpool, and if one of us wasn't exactly on time, she would just drive away without them. No empathy whatsoever. Anyway, I asked her what she did in the yardwork, curious to see if she actually mowed, like I'd been doing for 15 years. She said that every time he went out to work on the yard, she'd bring her lawn chair and a magazine and a drink, and sit outside so he could have her around him, to 'help' him. I kid you not.

[2sure]

My daughter is 16. During the past year her drama, sense of entitlement, selfishness,and attitude in gerneral have made me feel like a failure.

 

I mean, she is also sweet, empathetic, and a humanitarian. Just not to those closest to her. She is accomplished in many respects yet gives up easily when challenged.

 

I never thought you could spoil a baby. When she cried, I picked her up every time. When she was little I didnt have much financially so I tried extra hard to make sure she didnt notice we were broke. When she was older and we had enough to be comfortable, since she is my only - I spent all of my spare time with her or helping her , she is my favorite person. It is my pleasure.

 

I have done her a disservice. She has No coping skills. Thats what the drama is about. She becomes easily short tempered and frustrated. Mostly with herself.

 

This is tough stuff.