Why is spoiling a child considered a bad thing?

[Micki]

It is NOT a good thing to spoil your spouse. Spoiled spouses CHEAT.

 

My cousin's wife cheated on him because she said she felt neglected and not a priority.

[turnera]

Lots of people cheat for lots of different reasons.

[madjac74]

People cheat because they are weak minded and shallow. It has nothing to do with how much they are being "spoiled". And if you are an adult and you need someone to spoil you then you need to be alone...with yourself.

 

As far as the topic question it does depend on the age of the child. Some people think you can spoil a baby by picking them up everytime they cry. This is a bunch of B.S.! Pick them up every chance you get and make them feel safe and loved.

 

Older children need to start to learn that they aren't going to get everything they want by throwing a fit. Teenagers should already know this. Adults well...its too late

[Micki]

because later on in life they'll kill themselves since they never learned how to gradually cope with life

 

I've never heard of spoiled people killing themselves. It's usually people who have been neglected, depressed and who suffer from low self esteem. For example, a spoiled wife would not be neglected and depressed. If anything, she would be treated good by her spouse, made a priority and hence spoiled and happy. Just because you are being treated good or spoiled does not mean you won't be able to gradually cope with life.

 

However, neglected, ignored, and made to feel inferior or not a priority would create low self esteem and hence make one more likely to kill themselves......because they are neglected, ignored, not treated good and therefore unhappy/depressed.

Edited July 24, 2012 by Micki

[bentnotbroken]

I've never heard of spoiled people killing themselves. It's usually people who have been neglected, depressed and who suffer from low self esteem. For example, a spoiled wife would not be neglected and depressed. If anything, she would be treated good by her spouse, made a priority and hence spoiled and happy. Just because you are being treated good or spoiled does not mean you won't be able to gradually cope with life.

 

However, neglected, ignored, and made to feel inferior or not a priority would create low self esteem and hence make one more likely to kill themselves......because they are neglected, ignored, not treated good and therefore unhappy/depressed.

 

 

Actually, the things you listed don't necessarily contribute to greater suicide rates. They can contribute to drug abuse, alcohol consumption, promiscuity, abuse of others...and so on. And a depression personality can lead a person with a seemly great life to commit suicide. But I agree with you that none of what you listed is good for anyone.

[D87]

Is this even a serious question? I have a friend who is in his low 20's, his rich parents spoiled him with everything he wanted, he dropped out of high school and is currently a drug addict, hasn't worked a day in his life. And they still continue to support him and pay for his rent and buy him a car. This is what will happen to your kids if you reward them for doing absolutely nothing.

[MissBee]

I keep seeing spoiling kids and spoiling a spouse being brought up...the two connote different things.

 

Parents' responsibilities are to raise kids that will be well-adjusted adults. If a parent is too permissive and over-indulgent with their child that often impedes that process. Too much of anything isn't good. Neglect is an extreme and spoiling is an extreme. Spoiling a child often involves a lack of discipline and boundaries and is not only about material things.

 

A spouse is not responsible for raising their spouse into a well-adjusted adult. Spoiling in the context of a marriage, the way I understand it, is that a spouse simply showers their spouse with gifts and attention. I'm sure that in some marriages a spouse may substitute material things for love or where one spouse acts entitled to get everything they want, anytime they want and have a me, me, me attitude. However, generally when a woman, for example, says: "My husband spoils me" it is usually a way of saying their husband treats them well and dotes on them. That is not usually the same meaning being implied when one discusses a parent spoiling a child.

 

It is normal that some things when done with children is quite different than with adults. Someone who is already a well-adjusted adult having a spouse that gives them loads of gifts and attention won't suffer for it, as they are already grown. A child however is in their formative years and that's when they can be molded for better or worse, so doing certain things to a child will affect them differently than it would a grown up.

Edited July 24, 2012 by MissBee

[freestyle]

Seeing as how the thread title is "Why is spoiling a child considered a bad thing?", that's what I will speak to.

 

As Miss Bee said, spoiling a child vs. spoiling a spouse are two completely different things.........A child is developing a personality and coping skills, so "spoiling" them (which I define as giving them everything they want, instead of teaching them to earn & save money. I also believe that children shouldn't be rewarded with material things for acting out, or throwing a tantrum) isn't going to help them be well-adjusted socially.

 

I grew up in a fairly affluent upper, upper middle class area. A lot of my peers had everything handed to them, no matter what. By the time I was a teenager, I knew those kids would have a hard time going into the real world.

 

My parents were lacking in a lot of areas, but one of the few things I'm grateful for them doing was:

 

They had a policy---if I wanted something, I had to save my allowance to buy it myself.

 

And I didn't get my allowance unless I got my chores done weekly.

 

I still remember how proud I felt when I finally saved enough to buy myself a gumball machine in third grade.

 

By the time I was twenty, I realized that was one of the best things they ever taught me--to earn, and save my money, and to prioritize my spending. (While a lot of my old high school friends were racking up huge credit card debts already, I'd been taught differently)

[M30USA]

Define the term "spoiling".

 

When a piece of food is left out, unattended, and unchecked...and it turns brown and nasty and nobody wants any part of it...

 

Same thing happens to a child.

[M30USA]

I just found out that the MayoClinic officially considers "excessive spoiling" of a child to be a potential cause of Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

That's why.

[bentnotbroken]

I just found out that the MayoClinic officially considers "excessive spoiling" of a child to be a potential cause of Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

That's why.

 

 

But the DSM does not and it is used as guideline to diagnosing and treating BPD.

[M30USA]

But the DSM does not and it is used as guideline to diagnosing and treating BPD.

 

Maybe that's why the success rate is abysmally low for treating BPD based on said guidelines.

[bentnotbroken]

Maybe that's why the success rate is abysmally low for treating BPD based on said guidelines.

 

 

It is more than likely abysmally low because some things aren't nurture but nature.

[M30USA]

It is more than likely abysmally low because some things aren't nurture but nature.

 

Dang.

 

I kind of agree with that.

[bentnotbroken]

Dang.

 

I kind of agree with that.

 

 

Reading and article now on BPD...are you interested in the link? It actually shows some interesting results that I have never read before.

[M30USA]

Reading and article now on BPD...are you interested in the link? It actually shows some interesting results that I have never read before.

 

Sure.

 

I just read Stop Walking On Eggshells. It's ironic but after I finished reading that book I realized the whole book was about how to change YOUR behavior to keep the BPDer from exploding...which basically equates to walking on eggshells!

 

I know the book got great reviews but I disagreed with a lot.

[Micki]

Is this even a serious question? I have a friend who is in his low 20's, his rich parents spoiled him with everything he wanted, he dropped out of high school and is currently a drug addict, hasn't worked a day in his life. And they still continue to support him and pay for his rent and buy him a car. This is what will happen to your kids if you reward them for doing absolutely nothing.

 

Yes. It's a serious question.

 

I have two cousins who are siblings. The sister is spoiled and the brother always felt neglected. The spoiled child is an upstanding citizen who has a college degree, a good job, and is married.

 

The neglected child is violent, a criminal who has been in and out of jail for years. He has blamed it on being neglected by his mother.

[Micki]

I just found out that the MayoClinic officially considers "excessive spoiling" of a child to be a potential cause of Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

That's why.

 

What about "excessive neglect?"

[Micki]

When a piece of food is left out, unattended, and unchecked...and it turns brown and nasty and nobody wants any part of it...

 

Same thing happens to a child.

 

Actually, neglect means being left out, unattended, and unchecked.

 

However, In that case, spoiling a spouse should also be considered as a negative.

[Micki]

I keep seeing spoiling kids and spoiling a spouse being brought up...the two connote different things.

 

Parents' responsibilities are to raise kids that will be well-adjusted adults. If a parent is too permissive and over-indulgent with their child that often impedes that process. Too much of anything isn't good. Neglect is an extreme and spoiling is an extreme. Spoiling a child often involves a lack of discipline and boundaries and is not only about material things.

 

Well, the spoiling I'm talking about is about attention and material things, and I see nothing wrong with that be it a spouse or a child. Just because someone is spoiled does not mean that they lack discipline or boundaries.

 

 

A spouse is not responsible for raising their spouse into a well-adjusted adult. Spoiling in the context of a marriage, the way I understand it, is that a spouse simply showers their spouse with gifts and attention. I'm sure that in some marriages a spouse may substitute material things for love or where one spouse acts entitled to get everything they want, anytime they want and have a me, me, me attitude. However, generally when a woman, for example, says: "My husband spoils me" it is usually a way of saying their husband treats them well and dotes on them. That is not usually the same meaning being implied when one discusses a parent spoiling a child.

 

That's what kids and parents mean as well. Spoiled kids means that they have parents who treat them well and dote on them. It's the same thing.

 

 

A spouse is not responsible for raising their spouse into a well-adjusted adult. Spoiling in the context of a marriage, the way I understand it, is that a spouse simply showers their spouse with gifts and attention.

 

But the spouse may not be well adjusted. And that's all it means to spoil a child as well........gifts and attention.

 

 

It is normal that some things when done with children is quite different than with adults. Someone who is already a well-adjusted adult having a spouse that gives them loads of gifts and attention won't suffer for it, as they are already grown. .

 

How do you know the adult is well adjusted? How do you know they won't suffer for it? Being grown doesn't make one perfect or immune to flaws. Adults can be very immature, impressionable, gullible, naive etc.

 

 

I

A child however is in their formative years and that's when they can be molded for better or worse, so doing certain things to a child will affect them differently than it would a grown up.

 

That's not true. Children are different and react to things differently. Two siblings may be raised poor and neglected but one might grow up lazy and the other may grow up ambitious. Same with spoiling children. One will react one way and the other will react another way.

 

And not all adults will react the same way. And not all adults are well adjusted. Adults can be molded as well. Plus, people do change when they get older, so just because you were spoiled as a child does not mean that you will be badly affected as an adult. There are plenty of people who were not spoiled and do not grow up to be well adjusted and can be criminals, drug addicts, adulterers and just overall negative people. Spoiling a child with gifts and attention (being taken care of) is not a bad thing. Neglect is far worse....for a child and a spouse.

[Micki]

Is this even a serious question? I have a friend who is in his low 20's, his rich parents spoiled him with everything he wanted, he dropped out of high school and is currently a drug addict, hasn't worked a day in his life. And they still continue to support him and pay for his rent and buy him a car. This is what will happen to your kids if you reward them for doing absolutely nothing.

 

 

Not true. There are people like your friend, who don't work, dropped out of school, and drug addicts with parents and siblings supporting them, and they were NEVER spoiled.

 

Also, while you are being judgemental of a friend, how do you know this friend doesn't have some kind of illness that he doesn't want you to know about? That could be the reason he can't work.