Should I tell my new BF about my past?

[Thunderbolt]

Telling the truth is a good thing and I'm glad things are good between you two.

 

Now, i need to ask.. have you sent the NC goodbye note to your exMM telling him that you've met someone and it's serious, and it's time to not see or speak to him anymore? this has to happen.

 

I agree with what you're saying, WWIU. But, I don't plan on sending exMM an email telling him I've met someone. I would rather let it fade, as I'm sure he won't email me unless I respond to his previous email (weeks old). It feels good to kind of end things on a happy note with him. We've had some nice exchanges over the previous months and it feels good to go out on top. Xmm is a smart guy, if I do not respond to his email, he will most likely know that I've found someone. In my bones, I do believe he will leave me alone as long as I do the same -- which I intend to do. There's no reason for me to contact him now, or in the future. I'm finally turning a corner and, with or without my bf, I need to keep moving ahead in life. Xmm is serving no purpose in my life.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I had a long and intense affair with a married man. It lasted several years but has been over for the better part of two years with very little contact in those two years. I've been dating someone (single) who I've started to develop feelings for. He's been very open about his life -- including past relationships. We've recently decided to be exclusive with each other and I seem to be learning more about him all the time. Unintentionally, I've always been a private person. Not necessarily lying about things in my life, but more in a way of withholding information/not divulging information voluntarily.

 

Now that we've become serious, I have this huge cloud hanging over my head about my past with xMM. I feel like it's affecting my current relationship. I feel like I'm unable to move to the next level with him because of my past. I want to tell him everything but I'm afraid he'll ditch me like a bad habit. This is the first guy since xmm that I'm really falling for.

 

Should I tell my current BF about my past with xMM?

 

 

 

Generally speaking: "Less History, more mystery" should be your guideline.

 

 

It is highly likely that the main reasons for not telling him the specifics just haven't come into view yet, and it probably makes the most sense to err on the side of caution for that reason.

 

You don't suggest any pressing need or desire, and while to many, dating a married man would be 'taboo', it isn't exactly an arrangement that likely tainted YOU for all of your future. I vote for not telling him.

[MissBee]

I agree with what you're saying, WWIU. But, I don't plan on sending exMM an email telling him I've met someone. I would rather let it fade, as I'm sure he won't email me unless I respond to his previous email (weeks old). It feels good to kind of end things on a happy note with him. We've had some nice exchanges over the previous months and it feels good to go out on top. Xmm is a smart guy, if I do not respond to his email, he will most likely know that I've found someone. In my bones, I do believe he will leave me alone as long as I do the same -- which I intend to do. There's no reason for me to contact him now, or in the future. I'm finally turning a corner and, with or without my bf, I need to keep moving ahead in life. Xmm is serving no purpose in my life.

 

I agree with this.

 

You can quietly move on with your life. If he in the future contacts you, then you can be the one to explain that you've found someone and don't think you'll have further communication. Otherwise, no need to make a big deal about it or announce to him that you aren't going to speak to him, if you are currently not in contact.

[MissBee]

Generally speaking: "Less History, more mystery" should be your guideline.

 

 

It is highly likely that the main reasons for not telling him the specifics just haven't come into view yet, and it probably makes the most sense to err on the side of caution for that reason.

 

You don't suggest any pressing need or desire, and while to many, dating a married man would be 'taboo', it isn't exactly an arrangement that likely tainted YOU for all of your future. I vote for not telling him.

 

She already told him and it worked out well for her. Now the burden is off her chest, her boyfriend doesn't judge her for it and they have a greater comfort level with each other after both sharing less than shining moments.