Talking to a crush after rejection?

[Chassy13]

About 5 days ago I was rejected by my crush after I foolishly told her I liked her way too early. I was having a really rough day and ended up telling her, even though I don't know her that well. She ended up feeling overwhelmed because I asked too many questions (I found out from her friends that she isn't really into relationships).

 

Anyway, I want to take it a second time around. Take things slower. Get to actually know her.

 

If I wait about another week or so, and start gradually talking to her again, will she suspect I'm hitting on her all of the time? We've been ignoring each other for the past few days. I plan on telling her that I want to be friends and I know I rushed it or something, maybe worded differently. I'll be going out for cross country with her and can run with her over the summer, etc.

 

Will she think I'm just creepy and hitting on her again, or will she allow me to be her friend and get to know me first? It's hard for you all to understand the situation without knowing the story. Also, what can I say to her when I start talking again? Should I apologize for invading her space so early?

[NateC]

Don't apologize...just try to move on as friends. I had the very same thing happen to me...and we're still good friends right now. I think you're going through exactly what I am now...

 

Take it slow. The best thing to do is well, not avoid her. You can talk to her without flirting or anything else...not every conversation has to be like that. Actually starting the conversation is up to you because every situation is different, but you have to at least try to break the silence.

[Eddie Edirol]

Dont bother. What you did was show her the first time that you dont know what youre doing, and thats a BIG turn off for her. Thats why she is avoiding you. Not only that, you dont even know if she liked you first. You DONT tell them you like them, you just be charming and fun, and let them want to hang with you. Youre not going to change her mind a week later. Not only that, trying to be friends with her first isnt going to win her over, because she knows that youre attracted to her, but youre afraid to make a move. Thats not attractive either. Do you even know if she is attracted to you? If you dont know, she most likely isnt. If you talk to her now, you will creep her out, or she will friendzone you permanently. I suggest you do some research on how to talk to women, and then go back to her in a few months when you realize what you were doing wrong. And maybe talk to a few other women in the meantime. Dont put all your eggs in one basket.

Edited May 18, 2012 by Eddie Edirol

[motive2002]

I feel bad for you OP cause I can be just as clumsy with women I like. Then I find myself asking "what should I do"? Just as you have.

 

The truth? Don't do anything. You've made you move, however awkward it may have been and she turned you down. If she was secretly pining for you, you could be a complete clumsy dork about it and she'd probably think it was cute. That didn't happen. Won't happen again later on either.

 

Being friends with a girl in hopes of something more, especially if she's already turned you down is a big waste of time AND it takes you off the market. Lose the one-itis and see what else is out there.

[TheFinalWord]

I agree with the others. First, absolutely do not apologize for anything. You don't have to know someone that well to ask them on a date. That's what dating is for, to get to know someone; to test compatibility. It's not foolish to tell someone you are interested in them. That takes guts, even if your approach was off.

 

What exactly did she say when she rejected you?

 

What you need to do is back off, but don't change who you are. If you pass her give a casual "hi" but don't go out of your way to talk to her. The more you press the more awkward it will get.

 

Most of us are talking from experience. We know how it is. You dig a chick, she rejects you, you then want her more. Thing is you have to not show that it bothers you. Not only that, you will get rejected a lot. The first time it happens with a girl you really like is the worst. It gets easier...doesn't sting as long after a few times Not trying to make you depressed, it's just reality. And it won't just be with women either. Jobs, promotions, schools you want to go to...being rejected is part of manhood. What's not part of manhood is to beg for attention from a woman who isn't going to give you time of day. Best thing is to just proceed like normal, don't plot ways to get her to like you b/c it won't work.

 

Yes she will avoid you. Yes, she will have it in her mind that you are still trying to get with her. You have to be careful here b/c a lot of women will play on this if they're attention whores. You have to act nonchalant about it. Do not apologize about it. That will just make it more awkward. No women is going to go out with you out of sympathy.

 

The good thing is, the worst is behind you. You have your answer. Don't get hung up on her, start talking to other women. Like the others said, when a girl likes you, you can be a bit awkward with the come on and it won't be disastrous.

[Chassy13]

Thanks everyone for the replies.

 

What exactly did she say when she rejected you?

 

"You're a great guy, but id consider us friends. Im not interested in becoming anything else. Im sorry if ive been leading you on."

 

I REALLY rushed this. This is the first girl I've been attracted to in 3+ years, and I don't want to lose her either. I know I screwed up, but I wish there was some way I could talk to her again without her being all creeped out by me.

 

Also from talking to her friends she is really stuck in a thought about not wanting a relationship during school. I don't know how she feels about guys completely but she tries to avoid relationships. I realize I needed to get to know her better and date before forming a relationship.

 

I ended up overwhelming her, which kind of led to the rejection right away, when I was asking about why she doesn't have an interest in relationships.

 

I did apologize for overwhelming her, and that's the last thing I said to her. I didn't apologize for anything else.

[motive2002]

Thanks everyone for the replies.

 

 

 

"You're a great guy, but id consider us friends. Im not interested in becoming anything else. Im sorry if ive been leading you on."

 

 

That's all the info you needed. End of story. You can analyze it to death but it's a waste of time. She's not interested in you that way. It's not your timing or approach. It's not whether or not she wants a relationship right now. She gave it to you as plain and simple as you can hope for.

[Chassy13]

I understand what you're saying, and I am working on accepting it, because I know I have to.

 

Is it possible to still become friends with her, or is she probably just going to try and avoid me because I like/liked her at one time? I work with her too, but not often since summer is here soon.

 

I know I need to give it time. We were friends, but not close friends, before all of this happened. We went to prom together as well. That's when it all started. I don't want to lose a friend over something like this.

 

I know I have to be aware of a spark starting again for her if I do become friends. It just really SUCKS because she is the first girl in so long that I've actually wanted to take a chance for.

[Eddie Edirol]

If you are attracted to her, then youre not friends. You had a crush on her, you were never really a friend, you were just hoping all this time that you would date her. You can try to go up to her and tell her youre not interested in her anymore, and you just want to go back to being friends, but you run the risk of likely scaring her off.

[Chassy13]

So the best thing to do would be to ignore her completely? What if she approaches me? One scenario would be saying hello, another would be how are you, texting me first (doubt that would happen anyway), or something of the sort?

[motive2002]

I understand what you're saying, and I am working on accepting it, because I know I have to.

 

Is it possible to still become friends with her, or is she probably just going to try and avoid me because I like/liked her at one time? I work with her too, but not often since summer is here soon.

 

I know I need to give it time. We were friends, but not close friends, before all of this happened. We went to prom together as well. That's when it all started. I don't want to lose a friend over something like this.

 

I know I have to be aware of a spark starting again for her if I do become friends. It just really SUCKS because she is the first girl in so long that I've actually wanted to take a chance for.

 

You can be friends if you want, but like I said before, lose the one-itis, date other girls, take her off that pedestal you've obviously put her on...

 

There will be others.

[BetheButterfly]

About 5 days ago I was rejected by my crush after I foolishly told her I liked her way too early. I was having a really rough day and ended up telling her, even though I don't know her that well. She ended up feeling overwhelmed because I asked too many questions (I found out from her friends that she isn't really into relationships).

 

Anyway, I want to take it a second time around. Take things slower. Get to actually know her.

 

If I wait about another week or so, and start gradually talking to her again, will she suspect I'm hitting on her all of the time? We've been ignoring each other for the past few days. I plan on telling her that I want to be friends and I know I rushed it or something, maybe worded differently. I'll be going out for cross country with her and can run with her over the summer, etc.

 

Will she think I'm just creepy and hitting on her again, or will she allow me to be her friend and get to know me first? It's hard for you all to understand the situation without knowing the story. Also, what can I say to her when I start talking again? Should I apologize for invading her space so early?

 

It's hard to know what she will think. However, my advice is just to simply be her friend. Don't think of trying to "win" her over to you or try again. If she and you eventually get together through mutual attraction/goals in life, that's great! If not, just being friends can be a great gift to her. If you truly love someone, letting that person go and no longer be a romantic interest is a part of truly loving that person.

 

For example, I remember when I was indirectly rejected by a guy I really liked. Now, as far as I know, he didn't know that I liked him. However, I knew that i didn't fit his type... his type was over 5'11'' and brunette, and I'm not either. So, out of friendship love, I let him go and decided to no longer like him as a romantic prospective anymore. After I did, I found a wonderful handsome and wonderful man who is my husband, who makes me so thankful that the other guy, who was and is my friend, indirectly rejected me!!!

 

If it turns out that nothing more than friendship happens between you and her, that's ok, because someday you'll find someone who makes you happy that the other girl rejected you!

[Chassy13]

I think my plan will be to ignore her for the most part, and if she still wants to be friends, I'll let her approach me. I will still talk to her during work, but not excessively (the job doesn't require too much interaction).

 

Another thing I thought I'd mention. She knew I liked her, but never said anything to me about how she doesn't like relationships. I don't know why I even told her I liked her because she knew. She kept leading me on though, I feel now like she was playing it out for entertainment. Her friend says my crush didn't say anything because she didn't realize HOW MUCH I liked her.

 

So really it's my clumsy mistake, but it's probably for the better, considering she has never been into a relationship before because she isn't interested in them. It's just hard for me to believe. But better now than later, where I could end up getting hurt more.

 

Anyway, does that sound like the right plan for me to take? Any more tips/feedback on it? You all have been a great help.

[TheFinalWord]

I think my plan will be to ignore her for the most part, and if she still wants to be friends, I'll let her approach me. I will still talk to her during work, but not excessively (the job doesn't require too much interaction).

 

Another thing I thought I'd mention. She knew I liked her, but never said anything to me about how she doesn't like relationships. I don't know why I even told her I liked her because she knew. She kept leading me on though, I feel now like she was playing it out for entertainment. Her friend says my crush didn't say anything because she didn't realize HOW MUCH I liked her.

 

So really it's my clumsy mistake, but it's probably for the better, considering she has never been into a relationship before because she isn't interested in them. It's just hard for me to believe. But better now than later, where I could end up getting hurt more.

 

Anyway, does that sound like the right plan for me to take? Any more tips/feedback on it? You all have been a great help.

 

Meh, I wouldn't talk to her at all except for casual "hello" if you pass her. And only do that b/c it looks immature if you act mad towards a woman that rejected you. In a way it's not really her fault she doesn't like you. It's not something anyone can really control. It just is or it isn't! But don't go out of your way to chat her up. The wounds are too fresh.

 

Don't worry about being her friend. Don't respond to any texts. Actually, delete her number. Forget this chick. She's just another woman you work with now! That's it. Be glad too, workplace relationships can be a real mess when they don't work out!

 

Ask yourself what the real reason is you want to be friends. If deep down there is a 0.0000000001% chance you are hoping to get with her, don't torture yourself by talking to her. It's only been 5 days, you haven't lost those feelings yet.

 

Also, "her friend is telling you". What is this middle school? Don't try to get inside info from the friends. That reeks of immaturity. If she has something to say she can say it to you directly.

 

The "I don't do relationships" line is 99.9% BS. Only if a woman is fresh out of a relationship will she maybe not be interested in a relationship. The rest of the time, trust me, if her dream guy comes along she isn't going to turn it down. Women use that line to try to ease the rejection. I had a girl tell me she didn't want a relationship and guess what, a month later, she's in a relationship What that means is they don't want a relationship with you. Sorry if that's harsh, but it's reality. That's why it's not worth sulking about for her.

 

Yes, maybe she was flirting. Either way, you have your answer now. She was straight forward when you asked her directly. Be thankful for that. She's not playing any head games now. You have your answer. Making conjectures about her intentions and lack of desire for a relationship is a fruitless endeavor.

Edited May 18, 2012 by TheFinalWord

[smith9800]

After rejection??? actually, not a good idea..it can trouble you in future.....

[truth_seeker]

I wouldn't ignore her but dismiss her with politeness. You see her, walk by her, you say "Hi, how are you?" with a smile and keep moving. It tells her you're not bothered by her and you give the impression you dropped her. She will not like it and she can't do anything about it, unless she comes to you and brings it up

[singlelife]

I wouldn't worry if a girl rejected me. You just move on and forget in like 5 min. It's just a girl not the end of the world.

[Chassy13]

Also, "her friend is telling you". What is this middle school? Don't try to get inside info from the friends. That reeks of immaturity. If she has something to say she can say it to you directly.

 

The "I don't do relationships" line is 99.9% BS. Only if a woman is fresh out of a relationship will she maybe not be interested in a relationship. The rest of the time, trust me, if her dream guy comes along she isn't going to turn it down. Women use that line to try to ease the rejection. I had a girl tell me she didn't want a relationship and guess what, a month later, she's in a relationship What that means is they don't want a relationship with you. Sorry if that's harsh, but it's reality. That's why it's not worth sulking about for her.

 

I asked to meet her in person to talk about it, but she just said she'd see me at work the next day. The next day she said she wouldn't do it because she had nothing to say yet continued to text me back too. She also sent her rejection message after she confirmed it was "okay" through her friend to say to try and not hurt me too much.

 

As to your second paragraph, she did turn down a guy that all of the girls are interested in that is this "dream guy". He was really into her and they looked practically together as it was, but she never formed a relationship when he asked. I don't know the entire story, but from what small information I've heard they seemed pretty close. She hasn't had a relationship since 5th grade, but she will never give an actual reason besides "I've never really been into relationships". I don't know if she really doesn't want one until school is finished or what. She has also said "because I dont think I would be good at that stuff idk" and I said, "How can you be so sure if you've never tried?"...which led into the other stuff.

 

Yes, a lot of the reason I want to get to be friends is to try and restart what I messed up. You guys made me realize that's not the right thing to do though. However, as we work together and run X-country together and that, I don't want to be enemies with her. I feel like I annoy her just being around her, although she never seems like it.

 

---------------------------------------

 

You guys have really aided in getting past the difficult part. My biggest problem right now is imagining. I went to a movie today and just imagined what it would be like if I would have went with her. Doing what I should have done, going on dates before asking her to form a relationship, but was to stupid to do because it was an inexperienced action.

 

So basically, I need to ignore her for the most part, correct? If a time comes where it feels right to say, "Hello, how are you?" is that fine? We will be running X-Country practice together so I don't know if she'll say anything.

 

Should I remove her as a friend on social networking sites, or will that seem immature? I can remove her number but I don't want to be tempted to search for her on Facebook or something of the sort.

 

If she approaches me to say something, what do I do? If she tries to start a conversation or something? Today at a cross-country meeting she asked, "Are you going out for cross country this year?" and I just said a small yes and nodded my head.

Edited May 19, 2012 by Chassy13

[hiimgerman]

I agree with the others. First, absolutely do not apologize for anything. You don't have to know someone that well to ask them on a date. That's what dating is for, to get to know someone; to test compatibility. It's not foolish to tell someone you are interested in them. That takes guts, even if your approach was off.

 

What exactly did she say when she rejected you?

 

What you need to do is back off, but don't change who you are. If you pass her give a casual "hi" but don't go out of your way to talk to her. The more you press the more awkward it will get.

 

Most of us are talking from experience. We know how it is. You dig a chick, she rejects you, you then want her more. Thing is you have to not show that it bothers you. Not only that, you will get rejected a lot. The first time it happens with a girl you really like is the worst. It gets easier...doesn't sting as long after a few times Not trying to make you depressed, it's just reality. And it won't just be with women either. Jobs, promotions, schools you want to go to...being rejected is part of manhood. What's not part of manhood is to beg for attention from a woman who isn't going to give you time of day. Best thing is to just proceed like normal, don't plot ways to get her to like you b/c it won't work.

 

Yes she will avoid you. Yes, she will have it in her mind that you are still trying to get with her. You have to be careful here b/c a lot of women will play on this if they're attention whores. You have to act nonchalant about it. Do not apologize about it. That will just make it more awkward. No women is going to go out with you out of sympathy.

 

The good thing is, the worst is behind you. You have your answer. Don't get hung up on her, start talking to other women. Like the others said, when a girl likes you, you can be a bit awkward with the come on and it won't be disastrous.

 

Man you are a legend! So sensible!

[Chassy13]

Any more feedback on my previous post?

 

She just seem so perfect. I know I have to take her off the pedestal, but I really wanted to be with her. I can't get her out of my head. It drives me crazy thinking how I can't STOP thinking about her and she doesn't even think about me at all. It's so weird.

Edited May 19, 2012 by Chassy13

[truth_seeker]

Any more feedback on my previous post?

 

She just seem so perfect. I know I have to take her off the pedestal, but I really wanted to be with her. I can't get her out of my head. It drives me crazy thinking how I can't STOP thinking about her and she doesn't even think about me at all. It's so weird.

 

I'm going through the same thing right now with a girl. I'm into her more now. Why? She's not paying attention to me. It's crazy, but it's the truth!

 

Here's how I'm dealing with it.

 

1. Write her a blow off message. I did this and felt so much better. I didn't whine. I just explained myself, what I felt and wished her well with finding the right guy for her. The key: keep it classy. It's like taking the bad feeling that's inside of you and handing it over to her.
    
   
2. Sleep with other women. If this girl were the only one in the world, yea, I would be devastated. Last time I checked though there are many women out there, some even hotter than the one you're crushing on. Believe me when I tell you, once you get physical with another woman, you just might forget about this one entirely.
   

[Chassy13]

I'm going through the same thing right now with a girl. I'm into her more now. Why? She's not paying attention to me. It's crazy, but it's the truth!

 

Here's how I'm dealing with it.

 

1. Write her a blow off message. I did this and felt so much better. I didn't whine. I just explained myself, what I felt and wished her well with finding the right guy for her. The key: keep it classy. It's like taking the bad feeling that's inside of you and handing it over to her.
    
   
2. Sleep with other women. If this girl were the only one in the world, yea, I would be devastated. Last time I checked though there are many women out there, some even hotter than the one you're crushing on. Believe me when I tell you, once you get physical with another woman, you just might forget about this one entirely.
   

 

I don't know who to believe! Everyone in this thread says something different. Everyone else is telling me to ignore her and not write a letter to her. I feel like she'd just laugh at it.

 

As to the second paragraph, that wasn't the top priority on my mind.

[Chassy13]

I'm not sure if bumping topics is allowed, but I didn't see anything in the community guidelines about it. Just still wondering about my previous post.

[TheFinalWord]

Man you are a legend! So sensible!

 

Well thanks! I hope it helps someone. I guess legends are based in truth and I know this situation b/c I've done the rejection/continued pursuit act and have learned a thing or two

 

 

I asked to meet her in person to talk about it, but she just said she'd see me at work the next day. The next day she said she wouldn't do it because she had nothing to say yet continued to text me back too. She also sent her rejection message after she confirmed it was "okay" through her friend to say to try and not hurt me too much.

 

Are you still texting her? Why? Delete her number. If she keeps texting just say that you aren't into texting like she's not into relationships. Give a dose of her own medicine. That she can call or meet in person. That's where I would leave it.

 

As to your second paragraph, she did turn down a guy that all of the girls are interested in that is this "dream guy". He was really into her and they looked practically together as it was, but she never formed a relationship when he asked. I don't know the entire story, but from what small information I've heard they seemed pretty close. She hasn't had a relationship since 5th grade, but she will never give an actual reason besides "I've never really been into relationships". I don't know if she really doesn't want one until school is finished or what. She has also said "because I dont think I would be good at that stuff idk" and I said, "How can you be so sure if you've never tried?"...which led into the other stuff.

 

Two major mistakes here:

 

1) You are trying to analyze this woman and her rationale for not wanting a relationship. I still say her excuse is BS, but it doesn't matter. It's nothing you did (which is the root of your analysis) and there's nothing you can do. Which brings out mistake two.

 

2) Trying to use logic to "talk" her into liking you. That doesn't work with women. Do not try to talk her into liking you. It will just make things worse. Because on the surface, logically, her BS excuse doesn't stand up. For one its just an excuse so yeah it doesn't make sense. Also, "you don't know unless you try" is logic. Women decide on relationships via emotion, the opposite of logic. So please stop making a fool out of yourself!

 

Yes, a lot of the reason I want to get to be friends is to try and restart what I messed up. You guys made me realize that's not the right thing to do though. However, as we work together and run X-country together and that, I don't want to be enemies with her. I feel like I annoy her just being around her, although she never seems like it.

 

You don't have to be enemies. You don't have to be friends either. This woman isn't your friend bro. She can't even give you the respect of a face to face talk but uses text messaging. That's not a friend. Just be neutral. Neither happy to see her or sad to see her. Neither approachable or stand-offish. Never ask her open-ended questions if she approaches.

 

 

You guys have really aided in getting past the difficult part. My biggest problem right now is imagining. I went to a movie today and just imagined what it would be like if I would have went with her. Doing what I should have done, going on dates before asking her to form a relationship, but was to stupid to do because it was an inexperienced action.

 

The more you do that the more you will become infatuated. Stop doing that. Think about some other woman or a actress. Fantasize someone else. What you run the risk of is creating a fantasy of this woman in your mind that isn't reality.

 

So basically, I need to ignore her for the most part, correct? If a time comes where it feels right to say, "Hello, how are you?" is that fine? We will be running X-Country practice together so I don't know if she'll say anything.

 

You don't have to ignore her but you don't have to promote conversation either. When it feels right you'll talk to her? Absolutely not. You're feelings are romantic in nature so you will not be thinking rationally.

 

Should I remove her as a friend on social networking sites, or will that seem immature? I can remove her number but I don't want to be tempted to search for her on Facebook or something of the sort.

 

Yeah it will seem immature to her, so what? she rejected you. You have to take command and do what is best for you now. If you look at her page non-stop and it's causing you to become fixated, then I would do it. I did to the girl I liked. She got mad, but guess what? It helped me get over her. Which is what your priority needs to be now. Not analyzing her or worrying how you come across to her.

 

If she approaches me to say something, what do I do? If she tries to start a conversation or something? Today at a cross-country meeting she asked, "Are you going out for cross country this year?" and I just said a small yes and nodded my head.

 

That was great! Just stick with that, only if she approaches. Small talk that's it. Don't invite her to a conversation and don't ask open ended questions.

[Chassy13]

Once again I thank you for the detailed and helpful post. And laying it out flat.

 

I haven't texted her since I was rejected. The meeting in real life thing and the other texts (like the logic ones) were before I started ignoring her. She will probably never text me first.

 

So basically just stay neutral. If she talks to me, short and quick responses. Don't ask questions that aren't needed, unless related to the job at work. Don't start up a conversation with her. Delete number from phone & profile from Facebook.

 

If she happens to notice that I deleted her from Facebook (which I doubt she will), and gets upset about it (which I doubt she will), and approaches me, what do I say?