questions for the guys

[Vodka]

I'll try to keep this as short as possible while giving the whole story. I started talking to a guy from online about 1.5 years ago. My plan then was to move back to my hometown where he was currently living and I started talking to him in hopes of just having a friend once I moved. Fast forward a year and plans didnt work out and I didnt move at that time, but we continued to talk daily. I moved about 6 months ago. When we had started talking, I was much smaller than I am now weight wise. I won't make excuses, but I got fat again.

 

Once I finally moved, he started to bug me about meeting. I was upfront and honest and told him that since those photos he had seen (1.5 years ago), I had gained weight and was very apprehensive about meeting him. He said he had seen photos of me since and that I didn't look big, and that it didn't matter to him. I'm a realistic person and I KNOW what I look like, and I told him that I didn't think the photos showed just how big I am, and that I was just trying to be honest with him so it didn't come as a shock.

 

Some background on this guy is he has a good job, we like the same things, out senses of humor are the same, he is big into gaming. Weekends and time off is spent gaming mostly. He doesn't go out much outside of work so I know he isn't talking to other girls. He has been cheated on and treated badly in the past. He is sort of shy but will definitely tell you the truth, even if it hurts your feelings, which I like. He told me a long time ago that he is not someone who needs to see friends or girlfriends on a daily basis, that he likes his alone time even when in a relationship. He also told me awhile ago that he is not in a rush to rush into a relationship. He is not the kind of guy to bang a girl for the sake of having sex. After 1.5 yrs of talking about every topic under the sun, we probably know each other pretty well.

 

The first time we met, was a quick hi/bye deal. He mentioned he needed to go somewhere so I said Id pick him up and drop him off, so it would be really quick and no pressure. It went well, I was very nervous but we joked around. When I went to drop him off at his place he invited me in but I said no.

 

The next time I went to hang out at his place was the first time we spent actual time together. We just hung out and watched some movies and played some video games. I normally feel very nervous around guys, but I felt really at ease around him. We have a lot in common, and seemed to be able to relax and joke around with each other. I made some stupid joke and he threw a blanket at me, He hit me on the top of my knee/thigh a few times, and I commented on how strong I was and he grabbed my wrists and obviously I couldn't get away, then I pinched him and he started trying to pinch me all over my legs. It's weird, but it felt like we had hung out 100 times before. I KNOW this sounds all very juvenile behavior.

 

We hung out again and still got along well, joked around but I started to get frustrated that he wasn't making any sort of move on me that I blurted out 'show me your dick'...he looked at me funny and said no. So I pretty much stormed out of his place. I don't know what came over me. After that I was like WTF does he want from me, so I said to him do you have any interest in me? He told me how me storming out freaked him out a bit, that he thought it was rude I didn't even say bye. He said at that time he had interest as friends and 'we will see for the rest'. I know I rushed this part. We had hung out twice and I was asking him this!

 

After this (which was about 2 months ago) we started talking less. We still exchanged texts usually daily, but it was less. I basically accepted that he wasn't into me and that I would remain friends and whatever.

 

Then I really got into working out (still am), I lost about 35lbs and I started hanging out with another guy. I continued to talk to my friend but didn't mention I was hanging out with this other guy until a month or so ago. That very next night after I told him, my friend had me over. He was very touchy feely (but not creepily so) we joked around so much and played some video games, he grabbed my keys when I went to leave and wouldn't give them back so I had to try grabbing him to get them back. He smacked my ass a few times. I'm a bit of a perv for a girl so I wanted to see how far he would let me go (because previously he said no to me seeing his dick). He let me try to lift up his PJ pants to see it...and when I went to leave I was rubbing it a bit on the outside of his pants. Just momentarily. But point is he still let me. It was just friendly back and forth goofing around.

 

Since then I have been over twice or 3 times which is a lot for him seeing as he says he never really has friends over. We get along so well, he seems really relaxed and himself around me and I feel like I can be myself around him. We can make stupid jokes and make fun of each other, play video games and watch UFC together, and he just feels more into me now than he did after I stormed out.

 

I know he doesn't want to rush anything and that he doesn't just have sex with anyone, but what confuses me is, why hasn't he made some sort of move? To be honest, I probably wouldn't have sex with him yet, but at least a move shows an interest.

 

Would you be acting like he is and touching a girl and letting her touch you if you weren't into her in some way? Would you keep having her over if you weren't? I really do think it has something to do with my weight, which I totally understand. I lost 35lbs since seeing him and he seems more into me. I can't expect him to be attracted to something he isn't, so that doesn't bother me. Our personalities are the same, we get along so well, so I wonder if he is just waiting until I drop more weight?

 

Pretty much I think the dude knows that if he wanted to use me for sex, we could have possibly done it already. I don't want to rush things at all, but I also don't want to keep spending more time with him and growing to like him more, only to get told he doesn't like me at all. I'm sorry this is so long. Can anyone give their serious opinion?

[Vodka]

Anyonr have an opinion on this?

[d'Arthez]

He may be a bit shy, or not really certain of your intentions. It seems that he is rather shy, and perhaps simply does not know how to broach the subject. He may fear that bringing this up can complicate and potentially end this friendship / relationship. Which is not uncommon for guys like him.

 

Have you considered bringing it up with him?

[Vodka]

I have considered asking him but I know he did say long ago that he didnt want to rush into anything with anyone. AlsoI kinda prefer to hang out with someone and getting to know them well before dating. That being said, id rather not spend time getting attached if in the end there is no chance. Does it sound like he could be into me?

[d'Arthez]

He keeps inviting you over, there are serious similarities in beliefs and likes, etc. To top it off, even despite things having been a bit awkward at times it has not killed off the friendship.

 

There is a chance that something more can develop, but you have to ask yourself how long does he need? Is he really not interested, or is he unable to bring things up? In the case of the former, things will hardly ever progress, in the case of the latter you probably need to spell it out for him.

 

It may be difficult to bring things up, but you can make it clear you'd want to take things slowly as well. Just saying you are interested in pursuing what might be, does not mean you have to jump into bed with him, go to city hall and get your marriage certificate in 48 hours. Rather, it would be more of an opportunity to go out of the home, do a few things together, and get to know each other in other settings than his home or through videogames.