Long term girlfriend wants to be single young and party

[Chi townD]

What would you have me do give up on my dreams when they are still in grasp? Its only 3 days NC, she loves me, finds me sexy, we have great sex and just recently. She is text book gigs, and that isnt just my assumption. Her own words was "Im confused, I just want to have fun, and see if I miss you".

 

 

Yeah, but your dreams aren't shared by her. She wants to go off and be by herself and single and have casual dates and hook ups with random people, then that's her choice. She feels that, that's more important to her now than a relationship with you.

 

So, you need to show her that you AREN'T going to sit idley by while she plays the field. That you aren't going to be sitting on the sidelines, ready to take her back at a moments notice. That her choices DO have consequences. And one of the conseqences is loosing you.

[diddleum]

Yeah, but your dreams aren't shared by her. She wants to go off and be by herself and single and have casual dates and hook ups with random people, then that's her choice. She feels that, that's more important to her now than a relationship with you.

 

So, you need to show her that you AREN'T going to sit idley by while she plays the field. That you aren't going to be sitting on the sidelines, ready to take her back at a moments notice. That her choices DO have consequences. And one of the conseqences is loosing you.

 

She shared the same dreams and more strongly than me just recently. She knows im not gonna sit about, im talking to other girls, just to distract myself. Im just keeping my mind open, it isnt easy but im not writing it off just yet. Time will tell. I can deal with her having a great time hooking up with guys for a short while if it means she MIGHT realise what she lost and come back.

[Chi townD]

I can deal with her having a great time hooking up with guys for a short while if it means she MIGHT realise what she lost and come back.

 

But is that love? Is that fair to you? Sorry dude, but it sounds more like desperation than anything else.

 

Look, I know you love her. I get that. But you have to realise that she chose this other life over you! And you deserve better. You deserve a girl that wants to be with you because she choose you and knows that's where she belongs and there's no other place in the world she would rather be.

 

You deserve that.

[Don_HBK]

What would you have me do give up on my dreams when they are still in grasp? Its only 3 days NC, she loves me, finds me sexy, we have great sex and just recently. She is text book gigs, and that isnt just my assumption. Her own words was "Im confused, I just want to have fun, and see if I miss you".

 

Your probably right in that I should think that way to accelerate my healing, but I cant give up and risk killing my feelings for her. Not yet anyway, lets see if she misses me. Take care.

 

Hey dude sorry you're going through this. For the record I think your ex is going through "gigs" as well. But if this is a case of textbook gigs you have to realise that it'll last for a long time...YEARS even. No one is worth putting your life on hold for that amount of time. No one.

 

I know that you're not waiting for her (and most of your actions support this), but staying in contact will not help you in the long run. Let her continue to have her "fun" without you in the background. Go ghost...she can't miss you with LC anyway. Best of luck.

[flitzanu]

Flitzanu, sounds like you've been burned dude. Can understand why you givethat advice, and I will take it seriously. However not every relationship that ends fails, I happen to strongly believe mine has a good chance of being one of those.

 

What would you have me do give up on my dreams when they are still in grasp? Its only 3 days NC, she loves me, finds me sexy, we have great sex and just recently. She is text book gigs, and that isnt just my assumption. Her own words was "Im confused, I just want to have fun, and see if I miss you".

 

Your probably right in that I should think that way to accelerate my healing, but I cant give up and risk killing my feelings for her. Not yet anyway, lets see if she misses me. Take care.

 

we've all been burned, that's not the reason i'm asking you.

 

i'm asking if you're recognizing that your girlfriend of 4 years that lived with you has now left you and moved out of your cohabitation.

 

are relationships supposed to move backwards?

[diddleum]

Soo. im on 5.5days no contact!

 

Earlier in the week I posted something of hers to her that I know she needed, just in a blank envelope no message. She text me when she got it ...

 

"Thank you for sending me my gems, ur a little gem for sending them, thank you xxxxxx"

 

It isnt even normal that she would send that many kisses! Anyway I know it doesnt mean anything, but it made me feel better sadly.

 

My dilemma at the moment is that Im keen on breaking NC and trying to get LC and some sort of friendship going on while she is in her GIGS process. She is likely to be up for this. Pros and cons that I see..

 

My current game plan is no contact...

 

pros: less risky for me, if she comes to me I know she is thinking about me

 

cons: because she cant and I cant rule a reconcillation out (quite the opposite, it feels likely), its very hard going NC. If im out of her sight im out of her mind? She may think I want to be left along (which I dont)

 

If I was to establish some sort of friendship...

 

pros: I could let her see me improving myself, looking good & happy etc. It could make me feel better day to day. It could speed it up.

 

cons: I may put myself in the line for some hurt, which weighing up the situation I think I can deal with

 

She definately isnt trying to forget me, shes is still friends with all my friends and family on facebook. After the first breakup she was happy to see me as friends.

 

What do you guys think? Please try and take into account that even though she has GIGS and wants to be free, she has always clung on to hope wed get back together andalways been positive about me and being friends etc.

[betterdeal]

My suggestion:

 

Lose contact (read the link in my signature) and free yourself of all this worry and heartache. I know it sounds incredible, but she is not the only woman in the world who you can fulfil your dreams with. And, besides that, finding a way to live that you enjoy is an end in itself. Where you are now is so sorrowful and regretful it can't be good for you. I feel she likes you but doesn't fancy you, or want to be your lover. You can part on good terms if you accept that.

 

You're a decent guy. Don't be sad that it's over - be happy it happened - and go out and make more happy memories for yourself. Close that chapter and start a new one. You get one go at this life and then that's it, over and done with. Savour your moments, don't play with people's hearts and don't waste your energy on people who mess with yours.

 

Who knows who you'll be with in a year, two year's time? Her? Someone much better for you? Your self? Accept the mystery of the future, cherish the good times and learn from the difficult times in the past and live in the present.

Edited May 23, 2012 by betterdeal

[diddleum]

Thanks betterdeal, shortly after I posted this morning and before I read yours I broke no contact.

 

I basically asked if she had thought about me/missed me and if she thought we should still see each other regulary as friends. I said I didn't want to shut my feelings off from her, and could wait.

 

She responded straight away with "Yes id love you hang out with you x".

 

This is what she asked for at the start, so I have to give it to her. Im gonna go low contact and wait for her to ask me out, I wont take her back.

 

Maybe im opening myself up for punishment, but its only been a month since this happened really. I just have to try. First sign of her getting serious with another guy ill be off though.

 

It was actually your initial advice I took from betterdeal about coming to some sort of agreement. I coudlnt move on anyway with that uncertaintly and chance looming. So I guess ill see how I progress.

 

I intend on working on myself and meeting new people in the meantime, which will help my chances of getting her back or getting over her if the worst happens.

[diddleum]

I feel she likes you but doesn't fancy you, or want to be your lover. You can part on good terms if you accept that.

 

If our sex life was bad id agree but its great! After we broke up we had a night where we texted all night about our sex life and how great it was. She even sent me naked pictures of herself a few weeks ago. We had amazing sex just a few weeks ago. I make her climax all the time and she messed up our bed everytime, you cant fake that! After 4 years relationship that is quite something that I can say we still have that I think.

 

I might be dum, but I do think this is a special case of the GIGS, she is so unsure.

[betterdeal]

Every situation is unique, and if you act with courage, as in, you speak from the heart, that's being as true to yourself as one can be.

 

Think of people are objects. Two getting close to one another means their shapes start to touch and reshape one another. Sometimes we need to pull apart to create a space in which to reshape ourselves to better suit (first) ourselves and (second) each other.

 

Do work on yourself, and building up your life to be one that's enjoyable for you. Be it fishing or bare fist fighting, reading or going for long walks, find things to do that don't need a girlfriend to do them with. You can be open-minded and see how things go with you two, and the more you have going on in life, the less dependent you will be on you two. That, ironically, can be just what's needed to allow you two to be together in a way that you both enjoy, be it as friends, lovers, whatever you want to call it.

 

Good luck

[diddleum]

Every situation is unique, and if you act with courage, as in, you speak from the heart, that's being as true to yourself as one can be.

 

Think of people are objects. Two getting close to one another means their shapes start to touch and reshape one another. Sometimes we need to pull apart to create a space in which to reshape ourselves to better suit (first) ourselves and (second) each other.

 

Do work on yourself, and building up your life to be one that's enjoyable for you. Be it fishing or bare fist fighting, reading or going for long walks, find things to do that don't need a girlfriend to do them with. You can be open-minded and see how things go with you two, and the more you have going on in life, the less dependent you will be on you two. That, ironically, can be just what's needed to allow you two to be together in a way that you both enjoy, be it as friends, lovers, whatever you want to call it.

 

Good luck

 

Thanks betterdeal so eloquently put. Sent a shiver up my spine no less... Thank you.

[Glove_slap]

Ah. When women turn 18 and throughout their 20s a new world opens up to them. Club scene, party scene, drinking, drugs, crowds of people with different social networks and most threatening of all? Men with money. You can't help it and there's nothing you can do but let her go. Trust me on this one. Let her go, one day she'll come running back to you as long as you don't chase her. This phase is one that most people regret even if they have the time of their lives as in the end they realize their opportunity cost (what they had to give up to live this life). I know it hurts but just let it go.

[flitzanu]

Ah. When women turn 18 and throughout their 20s a new world opens up to them. Club scene, party scene, drinking, drugs, crowds of people with different social networks and most threatening of all? Men with money. You can't help it and there's nothing you can do but let her go. Trust me on this one. Let her go, one day she'll come running back to you as long as you don't chase her. This phase is one that most people regret even if they have the time of their lives as in the end they realize their opportunity cost (what they had to give up to live this life). I know it hurts but just let it go.

 

kinda think this is falling on deaf ears right now.

[diddleum]

I do take your guys points, however she is 25 not 20. Granted she has never been single, and has lots of attention at the minute. If she was 20 perhaps id agree with you easier.

 

She is still very interested in me, reassures me she isn't into doing anything with other guys other than a few dates at the minute.

 

Last month when I didn't understand where she was and I was pressuring her, she was SO stressed. She missed a period because her body had been through so much stress. Even after a month of confusion and hell (Caused by me pressuring her), she is still there telling me she loves me and that we are likely to be together, that she isnt interested in other men.

 

Seriously if I caused the girl that much grief and could upset her "good times" that much, why would she be saying this stuff and wanting to hang out as friends next week.

 

I aint saying im right chaps, but consider that everyones case is different. Maybe ill get burned and end up with the same attitude as you. But for me she is worth it.

 

As far as other guys go, Im confident I can offer everything they have. Without being big headed, im rich, have a home, car, go on expensive holidays with her, im fit, healthy, attractive, we have fun, great sex, im 100% faithful. In our generation there arent many guys like me that arent already taken.

 

Bit of positivity please chaps! Ill accept your "Told you so's" later on )

[MissBrunette84]

What I really want to say is that she's stringing you along.

 

But if you want the positives, I say what do you have to loose?

[crazylove]

I do take your guys points, however she is 25 not 20. Granted she has never been single, and has lots of attention at the minute. If she was 20 perhaps id agree with you easier.

 

She is still very interested in me, reassures me she isn't into doing anything with other guys other than a few dates at the minute.

 

Last month when I didn't understand where she was and I was pressuring her, she was SO stressed. She missed a period because her body had been through so much stress. Even after a month of confusion and hell (Caused by me pressuring her), she is still there telling me she loves me and that we are likely to be together, that she isnt interested in other men.

 

Seriously if I caused the girl that much grief and could upset her "good times" that much, why would she be saying this stuff and wanting to hang out as friends next week.

 

I aint saying im right chaps, but consider that everyones case is different. Maybe ill get burned and end up with the same attitude as you. But for me she is worth it.

 

As far as other guys go, Im confident I can offer everything they have. Without being big headed, im rich, have a home, car, go on expensive holidays with her, im fit, healthy, attractive, we have fun, great sex, im 100% faithful. In our generation there arent many guys like me that arent already taken.

 

Bit of positivity please chaps! Ill accept your "Told you so's" later on )

 

 

If she's not 'interested in other men', then how come she's going on dates with them?!

[diddleum]

Why would she string me along? She is the nicest of nice people, knows my family well. She was so stressed she skipped a period a few weeks ago, why would she want to keep me going when all this is so fresh? She hasnt un friended any of my family or friends on facebook?

 

Shes said "its not about other boys, she just wants to have fun" and "the thought of another guy near my body makes me sick". She hasn't actually said go on "dates", but I know shell be going out with guy friends, she is a massively social person. Im ok with her dating if it makes her see the "grass isnt greener".

 

I really apreiciate all your input, and its interesting that despite all my ranting about how different this is, your still telling me shes stringing me along.

 

Just have to try, when we got back together breifly she was so affectionate, posting she loved me on her face book etc (couple of weeks ago). The love must be still there, just the GIGS feelings are as well.

 

So im gonna try and just see her every now and then for a while, if she gets in a relationship with anyone im gone. Im waiting on her now to arrange meeting up next week, im not gonna chase her on that.

 

Am I really being that stupid? Its LC at best, surely its worth ago, its only been a week since she moved out.

[crazylove]

Why would she string me along? She is the nicest of nice people, knows my family well. She was so stressed she skipped a period a few weeks ago, why would she want to keep me going when all this is so fresh? She hasnt un friended any of my family or friends on facebook?

 

Shes said "its not about other boys, she just wants to have fun" and "the thought of another guy near my body makes me sick". She hasn't actually said go on "dates", but I know shell be going out with guy friends, she is a massively social person. Im ok with her dating if it makes her see the "grass isnt greener".

 

I really apreiciate all your input, and its interesting that despite all my ranting about how different this is, your still telling me shes stringing me along.

 

Just have to try, when we got back together breifly she was so affectionate, posting she loved me on her face book etc (couple of weeks ago). The love must be still there, just the GIGS feelings are as well.

 

So im gonna try and just see her every now and then for a while, if she gets in a relationship with anyone im gone. Im waiting on her now to arrange meeting up next week, im not gonna chase her on that.

 

Am I really being that stupid? Its LC at best, surely its worth ago, its only been a week since she moved out.

 

I'm afraid red flags are showing for me:( She says it's not about other boys? Well in that case how come she's not still in a relationship with you? Just be careful...you sound like a really nice person, and I believe she is too, but maybe just at different stages in life...

[diddleum]

I'm afraid red flags are showing for me:( She says it's not about other boys? Well in that case how come she's not still in a relationship with you? Just be careful...you sound like a really nice person, and I believe she is too, but maybe just at different stages in life...

 

She is definately at a different stage, at one point we was in sync, talking of marriage and kids etc. The big turning point for me was when she came off her contraceptive pill to loose weight. She lost loads of weight, looked really good and her personality changed a little to. Seems to of all gone to her head a little.

 

She is 25, so I cant help but think this phase might be short lived, particulary as she is SO confused and wont for a second even after all the stress, say we have no hope.

 

I plan on being very careful, I won't entertain the thought of getting into anything serious for a matter of months. I do have nagging doubts that im wasting my time. There are tons of couples that do get through this im sure, they probably just don't report back on here.

 

You have to be honest the people that lurk on here have more likely than not been burned and trying to help people avoid the pain. Whilst thats admirable, it has to give a negative slant on any chance of reconcilliation.

[rach24680]

I feel so good finding this site and understanding about GIGS, I can recognise I did this to a girlfriend I was pretty happy with when I was int hat age range. This current girl has never been single her whole life.

 

I dont think she is horrible, I know her so well and just know she finds it difficult to communicate her feelings.

 

anyway earlier today I had a good release, telling her I understand about how she feels now and thanked her for doing this now and not when we were married/with kids. I even said she had alot of courage for doing this. She responded really well saying she loved me. I said lets both go and have some fun and explore ourselves and see if life brings us back together. I joked about her catching some STDS on the way, she was very quick to say she isnt interested in men and just wants to have fun. She said having another man near her body makes her feel sick?! Whether or not thats bollox I dont know, but it ended really nicely, I have closure now as I understand completely, thanks to this site. I dont blame her its just natural. There is a great chance shell come back, but im on a better level to recover now if she don't! Just gotta be strong now and go NC, wish me luck with that!

 

The video is a bit dorky, when she moved back in she posted it on her facebook, and literally everyone of her friends was saying wow your so lucky, brilliant etc etc.

 

Thanks again guys )

 

Apart from the unfortunate situation, I love nice endings like this.

This site is an amazing place!

Glad you're happy

[MissBrunette84]

Why would she string me along? She is the nicest of nice people, knows my family well. She was so stressed she skipped a period a few weeks ago, why would she want to keep me going when all this is so fresh? She hasnt un friended any of my family or friends on facebook?

 

Shes said "its not about other boys, she just wants to have fun" and "the thought of another guy near my body makes me sick". She hasn't actually said go on "dates", but I know shell be going out with guy friends, she is a massively social person. Im ok with her dating if it makes her see the "grass isnt greener".

 

I really apreiciate all your input, and its interesting that despite all my ranting about how different this is, your still telling me shes stringing me along.

 

Just have to try, when we got back together breifly she was so affectionate, posting she loved me on her face book etc (couple of weeks ago). The love must be still there, just the GIGS feelings are as well.

 

So im gonna try and just see her every now and then for a while, if she gets in a relationship with anyone im gone. Im waiting on her now to arrange meeting up next week, im not gonna chase her on that.

 

Am I really being that stupid? Its LC at best, surely its worth ago, its only been a week since she moved out.

 

She might not even realise shes's stringing you along, but it is kind of what shes doing. You are veiwing her through rose tinted glasses a bit. The bottom line is if someone loves you, like really in love with you. Nothing at all would stop them being with you.

[flitzanu]

here's what's wrong with the situation.

 

been there done that.

 

one (of only 2) girls that i lived with and had a 2+ year relationship, thought it was going to last forever, blah blah.

 

she hits the same mentality.

 

but her reasoning is, she wants to know first-hand that she can survive as an independent woman, without living with me. so, she buys a new car, gets an apartment (signs up for it without me knowing), sets her plan in motion...and she moves out.

 

you know what she told me? our relationship was continuing and wasn't changing, we just weren't going to live together. not once did she admit to dumping me.

 

and i was blind enough to let it happen and not think twice that she literally had just LEFT the relationship.

 

just because she isn't saying it, doesn't mean it isn't happening.

 

 

one point you make though, that "everyone's story is different" is a tragic fallacy. from your eyes, this story is unique. from mine, and others that have read these stories every single day...your story is just the same as all the others.

 

it's unfortunate, and seriously if it works out for you that's awesome, but EVERY SINGLE THING in this story is a bright flashing red flag.

 

as noted in my own story of dealing with such a very similar situation...you can't "step back" or "downgrade" a relationship and have a positive effect. but, yet again...hope it works for you.

[Forever Learning]

Thank you so much Gibson, reading the GIGS post has given me so much comfort. I cannot thank you enough! Word for word it summed up our situation.

 

There is a good chance ill get her back after reading that, and even if I don't get her back, its gonna get me back on my feet and stopped being so upset.

 

For those of you that like a laugh check out the music video I did for her, thats me with a tshirt with her face on!

 

Olly Murs - my heart skips a beat - music video for my girlfriend - YouTube

 

Without sounding to big headed, how many guys would do that for her? Ive got alot going for me, good job, own place, atheletic etc. Im still in pain, but this has really helped. That hope will get me through and that NC that I now know is the correct path will help get me back on my feet.

 

I particulary connected with her coming up with mixed signals on why this is happening, there has been several. Also with that she has been doing things a little different recently -> Shes lost a bit of weight and looking really good and hanging out with friends more etc. She definately wont let go completely, and makes specific points to keep me hanging!

 

Hello! I haven't made it through the whole thread yet, just the first page, just wanted to comment that your video IS brilliant, well done!!

 

You will be a great catch for some lucky lady, whether or not you get the GIGS lady on your t-shirt back.

 

I am so sorry for all the pain and suffering you have gone through.

 

I am glad you found this website, for comfort and to gain knowledge and understanding (of so many useful things - this website is so amazing, it's done wonders in helping me and educating me in the past year since I've discovered it. Made lots of friends and even found love, for a time, here!).

 

Real quick story. I am a 42 year old woman (lived in Cobham, Surrey in the 1970's ).

 

From age 20 - 26 (7 years total) I was in a relationship with a wonderful guy. About mid-way through, I got "GIGS". We broke up, got back together, over and over, while I went out and did my thing (during break ups) and just explored life, dating, partying, socializing, and just overall getting to know life (and the powers of my feminimity, so to speak). I just wanted to enjoy life, love, men, etc etc etc and not be tied down constantly in a relationship.

 

He (his name is Mark) did the same, during the break ups.

 

We were just both very adventurous souls who enjoyed life (and sex) and wanted to explore all there was to offer. Others at that age get married, start families, etc. It just wasn't for me, to get married and have kids, in my 20's. I wanted to party, have fun, explore, socialize, enjoy, discover.

 

We were back together more than we were broken up, and always remained in contact. We finally broke up for good, around the 7 year mark. It was spotty the first few years, a bit of hurt feelings, we both got into other relationships, mine lasted 16 years, I got involved with a bad guy (just generally mean), married him (terrible idea) and had kids with him. He (my ex from my twenties, Mark) did several 5 year relationships, got married, and divorced.

 

I got divorced as well. So here we are, both divorced as of this year, and still great friends (Mark and I).

 

I don't think we will get back into a relationship anytime soon, it seems we are best suited as friends.

 

But it is a very special friendship and we have both agreed to be friends for life.

 

We had that particular conversation just the other day, about being friends for life, at the very minimum. I could never forsake him, he is a part of me now.

 

We both wouldn't trade our experiences for the world. We had variety, we had fun, and did the things we wanted to do, no regrets of having not explored life at that time (our twenties).

 

Good luck hanging in there through all this. I know it's a painful experience. If it gets too overwhelming, consider seeking out a counselor or what have you - I recently started taking an anti-depressant (Celexa) and it has done wonders for my mood. Not saying you need that at all. Only mentioning because it has been so very helpful for me in general. Wish I'd started Celexa years ago, it's been brilliant for me. It took away some sad feelings I would often have (many times, for no reason!) and helps me think more clearly, without the overwhelming sad feeling that would distort and fog up my thinking. Along with Celexa, you must take a multi-vitamin, extra vitamin D, and an Omega 3/6/9 blend purified fish oil supplement. I've done research, and found, some of the depression triggers are nutritionally related. Sorry to throw that it, someone else reading this may benefit from that knowledge. I like to share what I've learned. Depression is a nasty thing, but can be conquered.

 

All the best to you, and hang in there. Life can sometimes be a bumpy ride, but it's all in how you look at it that makes the difference. Cheers!

Edited May 26, 2012 by Forever Learning

[diddleum]

Thanks Forever Learning for sharing your story, I found it very interesting.

 

Thought id give you guys an update, it will make me feel better writing it out. In some ways I should of listened to you, but spare the "I told you so" comments!

 

So we agreed to be friends and to meet up now and then to see how each other is going. I wasnt expecting much from this other than the odd chat. Was really bad last thurs and friday and couldnt go to work, lots of crying etc.

 

Saturday I woke up with vigor and started feeling really good, I was running in the great sun we are getting in england atm and life was good and I could see a path out. Late morning she calls me and wants to come grab an ice cream with me for 15 minutes before she does a client in my area (shes a nail technician). I agreed, and I think my positivity that morning shook her a little, anyway we talked very nicely about her having to go find herself yada yada, but she made a point as we left each other to passionately hug and kiss me and tells me she loves me! I felt great at that point, and the rest of the weekend went ok and we didnt talk really.

 

She texts me sunday "Just found a letter you sent me when we first got together... cute". The monday and tuesday (yestarday) she pops by my work for 5 mins to see me again, this is a bit weird as these clients werent even that close to my work. Anyway I was unable to play it cool with all this attention so I approached her about it, and she had no answers or not promises or interest in talking about a relationship or my feelings.

 

We didnt argue but I just told her that we arent gonna be able to be friends without feelings getting in the way, I told her not to contact me unless she is serious about us being together. She didnt reply so I guess she got the message.

 

So im on day 1 of no contact, I don't regret all of the last week even though in some respects ive gone back a step. She saw me looking good and positive and was clearly interested in seeing me, even for 5 mins, going out of her way to see me. She told me to "Just go with the flow" but I cant when its me being dragging along, just not strong enough. And she isnt really gonna miss me whilst she can see me whenever she wants and appease herself that im still there.

 

Mistakes made, Im glad it only took me a week to work out that NC is what I should be doing, for my own health and any future chance with us. Just need to be strong now, and start reading the "Coping thread as well".

 

One thing I did work out myself is that not eating when your upset/anxious/depressed makes all of those symptons ALOT worse. I forced myself to eat plenty regulary and I felt SO much better. Think that tip will help alot of you guys to.

[Glove_slap]

If I had a dollar for every time this happened...

 

Do you ever wonder why some birds leave their cage and never come back while other birds always return to it's master? Well think about relationships in this sense. The more you cage a bird the more it wants to go outside and explore, the less you cage it the more it understands that it's safer within it's cage, that it's cage has everything it ever needs and that it's owner actually loves it enough to keep it as a pet. The more you constrict a girl the more she is likely to run away and never come back, the harder you squeeze the easier she will slip through your fingers.

 

What I'm saying is....let her go but not so she'll come running back but for your own sake. The truth is that once people hit this stage there's NO stopping them.