Consolidated Discussion - Paying for Dates

[PhillySpecial]

Ad hominem.

 

With every post, you're looking more and more like a gold-digger who uses guys for money - just like a prostitute.

 

And you're looking more like a $7 per hour Walmart employee. :lmao:

[Cora]

Yeah, I'm kind of in the same situation. Been dating this guy for a few months now and he has never paid for a single date. We always split the cost and of course I don't expect him to cover me as well.....it would just be kind of nice I guess to have him offer just once you know? But that doesn't bother me so much because I like him for who he is and he is very sweet and shows me he cares in other ways. Funny thing is he is Jewish too......maybe a Jewish thing? I dunno lol. I think he is aware of it too because he says he takes after his dad a lot who is tight with money. I have never once mentioned to him that this bothers me so I'm not sure why he would feel the need to make excuses. Usually when we go out he will just say....so do you just want to pay seperately? I'll of course say sure that is fine. It was kind of funny though the last time we went out to dinner because we totally forgot to let our waitress know ahead of time that this was going to be seperate checks so she only brought out one. He made it a point to flag her down and let her know we were paying seperately. I was willing to pay for both just to not make a scene, but he never even gave me a chance to speak up. Who knows, maybe he really is just tight with money. Ah well, if that's his only flaw I can deal with it.

[Twenty-ten]

You've just said that his lack of financing your dinner is the biggest impression on you. It's because you're more impressed with money than any other trait of his (intelligence, humor, personality) which is shallow.

 

No, that is your interpretation. I already said that unless I am interested in seeing a guy again which would mean that I am enjoying every aspect of his company, ie. intelligence, values, conversational skills, physical attractiveness and overall chemistry, then I would not mind at all going dutch as I will never see him again. It is only when I am interested in a guy that I care for the detail of him offering to pay.

It adds to the overall attraction.

 

If you are more impressed with saving a buck at the end of a date, it shows your overall cheapness, and general incompatibility with most women who are worth dating.

[homersheineken]

And you're looking more like a $7 per hour Walmart employee. :lmao:

 

minimum wage is $7.75

 

Actually I have a really well paying job.

[Twenty-ten]

And you're looking more like a $7 per hour Walmart employee. :lmao:

 

 

part/time employee.

[homersheineken]

Who's doing the name-calling now? ;)

 

 

Not me She has said herself she uses guys for money.

[Twenty-ten]

She has said herself she uses guys for money.

 

 

Knock it off! She never said she uses men for money, you see that way and keep twisting people's words around, even did it to my posts a few times.

 

No one is being used, it's two people out for a good time, where one offers the courtesy of paying and the other accepts. It is it really that foreign of a concept to you?

 

When I go out for drinks with my coworkers some times we take turns paying and I am the one who least drinks of the bunch yet some nights I offer to pay just because I had a good time and I fell like it. A few weeks ago I spent over $200 on after work drinks for people who aren't even close friends. With friends same things. We take turns and pick up dinner or whatever. I don't go around calling all these people prostitutes, get a grip will you?

[homersheineken]

No, that is your interpretation. I already said that unless I am interested in seeing a guy again which would mean that I am enjoying every aspect of his company, ie. intelligence, values, conversational skills, physical attractiveness and overall chemistry, then I would not mind at all going dutch as I will never see him again. It is only when I am interested in a guy that I care for the detail of him offering to pay.

It adds to the overall attraction. .

 

 

 

No that was your statement - not my interpretation.

 

The date could be great but he doesn't offer it would turn me completely off, sorry but that's honest.

 

You said the date could be great (hence you want to see him again which is the whole point), but the overriding impression of the date is that he didn't pay for you - so you won't. Everything else could be awesome but it's secondary to him buying you. So you won't see a guy again if he doesn't pay. Those are your words...

 

 

If you are more impressed with saving a buck at the end of a date, it shows your overall cheapness,

You avoided this before: if it's not much (just a buck as you say), why aren't you offering to pay? Sounds like overall cheapness to me.

 

and general incompatibility with most women who are worth dating.

Again, another false assumption in an attempt to justify your own cheapness.

[PhillySpecial]

Twenty-Ten, quality women like you and I and the other ladies out there understand what we're saying. Unfortunately these guys will never get it, and that's pretty sad. I fear that they'll never get a quality woman either, they're only hope is to attract one with really low self esteem who doesn't know any better. Maybe that's what they want. The one dude Carolina already said his woman left him for being cheap, so alot of this is just bitterness.

 

Women are the jewels to be adorned. Its the natural courting process, the man must chase, impress, entice and ultimately if he pursues correctly he'll win the prize. I mean who doesn't get this. If we were lions in the jungle you'd go kill a dear, bring it back and present it to me, but since we're not in the jungle you pay for dinner. Don't like it, tough sh*t. Deal with it.

[homersheineken]

Knock it off! She never said she uses men for money, you see that way and keep twisting people's words around, even did it to my posts a few times.

 

No one is being used, it's two people out for a good time, where one offers the courtesy of paying and the other accepts. It is it really that foreign of a concept to you?

 

When I go out for drinks with my coworkers some times we take turns paying and I am the one who least drinks of the bunch yet some nights I offer to pay just because I had a good time and I fell like it. A few weeks ago I spent over $200 on after work drinks for people who aren't even close friends. With friends same things. We take turns and pick up dinner or whatever. I don't go around calling all these people prostitutes, get a grip will you?

 

Did you really not read what she wrote? Every guy must always pay for her. Like I did for your post, I'll post her exact statement:

 

Any man who dates me is paying for meals- period.

 

Someone is buying her. And she's not taking turns (like you are with your friends) And don't tell me hanging out with friends is the same as dating

 

It's not my fault you are so loose with your words.

[Twenty-ten]

N

You avoided this before: if it's not much (just a buck as you say), why aren't you offering to pay? Sounds like overall cheapness to me.

 

 

 

 

Because a real guy, doesn't see a girl not going dutch as cheap. Real women however, DO see men who won't pay on a first date as cheap. Unfortunately that is one of those double standards you men just have to deal with.

[Twenty-ten]

It's implicit.

 

 

 

It's implicit to cheapskates who want to drive the point home. I pay for my friends for dinner, when it strikes me to do so. It is NEVER implicit that my friends are prostitutes because I pay for their dinners.

[homersheineken]

Because a real guy, doesn't see a girl not going dutch as cheap. Real women however, DO see men who won't pay on a first date as cheap. Unfortunately that is one of those double standards you men just have to deal with.

Actually I don't have to deal with it and I don't.

 

Again, you still didn't answer why you won't pay if it's so little. You've given me your assumption on "real" guys' interpretations and 'real' womens' interpretations (ignoring the falsity of such), but not why YOU won't.

[homersheineken]

Twenty-Ten, quality women like you and I and the other ladies out there understand what we're saying. Unfortunately these guys will never get it, and that's pretty sad. I fear that they'll never get a quality woman either, they're only hope is to attract one with really low self esteem who doesn't know any better. Maybe that's what they want. The one dude Carolina already said his woman left him for being cheap, so alot of this is just bitterness.

 

Women are the jewels to be adorned. Its the natural courting process, the man must chase, impress, entice and ultimately if he pursues correctly he'll win the prize. I mean who doesn't get this. If we were lions in the jungle you'd go kill a dear, bring it back and present it to me, but since we're not in the jungle you pay for dinner. Don't like it, tough sh*t. Deal with it.

 

 

Again more wrong assumptions. I do very well with women.

 

If we're lions in the jungle bringing you deer (nice incorrect spelling btw) I guess we're basically just cavemen and cave-women in dating, so then it's safe to assume you have no rights, the man can beat you, drag you around and own you as property? Is that the type of primal characteristics you desire?

 

Again, I don't have to deal with it and I don't/won't

[PhillySpecial]

I also have no problems treating my SO from time to time, like a gift.

 

Yet she chose to focus inordinately on my preference for splitting checks. Pissed me off.

 

 

Ummmm, yeah she dumped you because you're cheap. At least own up to that. And what's this garbage about you treated her FROM TIME TO TIME... Cheap. Had she listened to me she wouldn't have wasted any time on your sorry behind. You lost your woman because of your cheapness, yet you still can't admit you have a problem... LOL. I, on the other hand, have never lost a man expecting them to pay for dates. They love to do it because they are real men.

[Twenty-ten]

Actually I don't have to deal with it and I don't.

 

Again, you still didn't answer why you won't pay if it's so little. You've given me your assumption on "real" guys' interpretations and 'real' womens' interpretations (ignoring the falsity of such), but not why YOU won't.

 

It's not my "assumption" it is my experience, are you going to tell women you know more about how men behave with women on a first date, than an actual woman? You can try but you won't succeed.

 

I already told you why not, because REAL men will insist on paying on a first date. So I don't.

 

El cheapo doesn't get a second date. No more explanations needed, I think. And your "assessments" about my character are not going to change an iota on how I date men and how men date me so....

[Twenty-ten]

 

I JUST FIND IT A BIG TURN-OFF WHEN WOMEN ACT LIKE THEY ARE ENTITLED TO HAVING THEIR DATE PAY FOR THEM AND NOT WANTING TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM IF HE DOESN'T.

 

 

Well a lot of us expect it so you might as well get over it. Hence the opening post of this thread. She went along with it but deep down she expects him to pay. Women expect it so you can hate all women while you are it. Just like men expect sex sooner than later when dating. But I won't hate men for that, it is what it is.

[PhillySpecial]

Again more wrong assumptions. I do very well with women.

 

If we're lions in the jungle bringing you deer (nice incorrect spelling btw) I guess we're basically just cavemen and cave-women in dating, so then it's safe to assume you have no rights, the man can beat you, drag you around and own you as property? Is that the type of primal characteristics you desire?

 

Again, I don't have to deal with it and I don't/won't

 

Instead of focusing on my misspellings maybe you should focus on joining a cheap men's recovery group or something, get some help for your obvious cheapness and resentment of attractive women who won't date you.

[Romance]

our first few dates my boyfriend paid but now its like 50/50. if we go somewhere expensive like 150-250 dinner bill he pays.

[Woggle]

As much as we have clashed at times I must S4S some props for being a real feminist and not being a hypocrite about this. If women want to preach equality which I fully support they should put their money where their mouth is. Women who claim independence yet still want the old chivalry when it benefits them come off looking like complete hypocrites. I don't mind paying for a woman who I know is worthwhile but the princess mentality displayed by some in this thread is a major turnoff. Nobody is entitled to be pampered just because of what gender they are born. Yes attractive women make the rules with some guys but there are men like me who think with the right head and would never fall for it. Until a woman proves herself she doesn't get a dime from me. I work hard for my money and I don't waste it.

[homersheineken]

It's not my "assumption" it is my experience, are you going to tell women you know more about how men behave with women on a first date, than an actual woman? You can try but you won't succeed.

 

I already told you why not, because REAL men will insist on paying on a first date. So I don't.

 

El cheapo doesn't get a second date. No more explanations needed, I think. And your "assessments" about my character are not going to change an iota on how I date men and how men date me so....

are you going to tell women you know more about how men behave with women on a first date, than an actual woman?

 

Yeah, I do understand guys better than women - since I am a guy. Just as I'd assume you'd know more about women. This isn't complicated.

 

Why would a guy want to date a cheap hypocritical double standard woman? A smart guy wouldn't want a second date with that anyways - so why would/should he pay for you (and he has no idea if that you're willing to go dutch to avoid a second date).

[PhillySpecial]

As much as we have clashed at times I must S4S some props for being a real feminist and not being a hypocrite about this. If women want to preach equality which I fully support they should put their money where their mouth is. Women who claim independence yet still want the old chivalry when it benefits them come off looking like complete hypocrites. I don't mind paying for a woman who I know is worthwhile but the princess mentality displayed by some in this thread is a major turnoff. Nobody is entitled to be pampered just because of what gender they are born. Yes attractive women make the rules with some guys but there are men like me who think with the right head and would never fall for it. Until a woman proves herself she doesn't get a dime from me. I work hard for my money and I don't waste it.

 

This from the guy who made his wife some bullsh*t chicken dinner for her birthday... didn't even buy her a gift or anything to go along with it...

[homersheineken]

Instead of focusing on my misspellings maybe you should focus on joining a cheap men's recovery group or something, get some help for your obvious cheapness and resentment of attractive women who won't date you.

 

Actually I adore attractive women (and they adore me). Gold-digging (as you've admitted) ignorant people who can't form a cogent argument, like yourself isn't one of them.

 

Since you can't seem to form an argument and have to resort to namecalling, it's safe to assume you have either no argument skills or no argument. Do you need help deciding?

[Woggle]

This from the guy who made his wife some bullsh*t chicken dinner for her birthday... didn't even buy her a gift or anything to go along with it...

 

I did buy her a gift plus I gave her one at night. I am generous with a woman who earns it and has proven herself worthy but a pampered princess gets nothing from me.

[Chicago_Guy]

Twenty-Ten, quality women like you and I and the other ladies out there understand what we're saying. Unfortunately these guys will never get it, and that's pretty sad. I fear that they'll never get a quality woman either, they're only hope is to attract one with really low self esteem who doesn't know any better. Maybe that's what they want. The one dude Carolina already said his woman left him for being cheap, so alot of this is just bitterness.

 

Women are the jewels to be adorned. Its the natural courting process, the man must chase, impress, entice and ultimately if he pursues correctly he'll win the prize. I mean who doesn't get this. If we were lions in the jungle you'd go kill a dear, bring it back and present it to me, but since we're not in the jungle you pay for dinner. Don't like it, tough sh*t. Deal with it.

 

A lot of women don't respect guys who treat them like "jewels." Men aren't stupid and they quickly learn to stop treating women like jewels after they have had a few women take advantage of them.