KatZee Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I don't want to sound traditional. But when a guy pays for Dinner, in the back of his mind, he is expecting the woman to "pay her half with sex, eventually." If a woman wants to pay for dinner himself, then the guy will think that she is not interested in him and does not want to sleep with Him, or be "indebted into sleeping with him." We live in a capitalist society and "everyone knows that nothing is free" - so if a guy is buying you expensive dinners or drinks, then he is going to expect the woman to pay him back with sex. If a man shells out cash and expects to be given sex in return, I think it would be a lot less pressure on both genders if that person just goes out and buys a hooker. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 The woman without a doubt of course. A man needs to be shown he is loved and desired. He needs to be pampered and treated with respect. Paying for his meal is the least you can do to display your devotion to such loveliness' date=' refinement, and perfection that is man.[/quote'] Ahhh yes. A man's fragile ego. lmao Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Why in the world would I want to pay to go on a date with a woman who doesn't even want my company? Why would I even want to do that for free. Only a masochist does that. If a woman doesn't even want male company why does she even care about chivalry anyway? If the way some of you view male/female relationships applied to everybody I would just become a celibate monk or something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I do think it sounds bratty to expect a free ride and the guy to pay all the time early on. First date w my bf he paid for the first activity and I offered to pay for the 2nd and did so. I never thought twice about it. I fully paid for our 3rd date....it's basically been 50/50 from he get go, naturally. It never felt weird. I like being treated and I like to treat just as much 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Some women know how to naturally inspire a man to want to court her and be a gentleman without ever feelings he is actually doing any work. Some just have that personality and demeanor that inspires chivalry in men. I think it would be a good idea to develop that skill instead of demanding it from men and questioning our manhood when we want to split things down the middle. If a woman doesn't make me want to do it I won't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 What shows interest is a guy suggesting a 2nd date. Plenty of girls have been on first dates where he paid and he never called again. If you wanna prove your interest ask about a 2nd date at the end of the first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I'm slowly getting back into the dating field after a long drawn out break up. I don't know if I'm being too cautious or picky but I went out with a guy tonight (we're both in our 30's). At the end of dinner I went to the washroom and when I came back the bill was already on the table and he put his credit card in. I ALWAYS offer to pitch in on a first date but usually the men I've gone out with take care of the cheque. Anyway, I asked if I could please pitch in and he didn't hesitate and proceeded to ask the waitress to just split the bill down the middle. I'm definitely not stuck in the old-school mentality of dating & chivalry, but I think it says something about someone on a first date if he let's the lady pay. What do you all think? He called me later that evening to ask if I got home ok (it was a little bit of a drive) and said he had a good time. That's a positive in my mind in terms of being "gentlemanly" lol. Guy should pay first time out unless the girl was a loser (acted cold, impolite, disinterested, yet still hung around for the meal and drinks) then I would gladly tell the waitress: "put half on my card." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Chivalry is not dead; men should pay on the first date. You followed proper etiquette in offering; his form of proper etiquette should have been to decline. If he sensed you really wanted to contribute, then he could have asked you to leave the tip. Proper etiquette is running to the bathroom until the check arrives? And then insisting on paying yet being bothered that the guy accepted the help? Etiquette my azz 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I do think it sounds bratty to expect a free ride and the guy to pay all the time early on. First date w my bf he paid for the first activity and I offered to pay for the 2nd and did so. I never thought twice about it. I fully paid for our 3rd date....it's basically been 50/50 from he get go, naturally. It never felt weird. I like being treated and I like to treat just as much This. Thank god there are plenty of young women out there who still just go with the flow. PS - Girls dont underestimate how you can knock a guys socks off by actually taking him out after hes taken you out. What veggirl did for the second half of her first date and for her 3rd date as well, would definitely earn her max brownie points from most guys. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 The man pays for the first date, end of story. If you're going to act like you want to chip in to make yourself look good, even though you don't want to and then get upset that he takes you up on the offer that's your fault and you're being disingenuous. Also, many men are told that if a woman offers to split on a first date that she's not interested so I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't call again. Link to post Share on other sites
SJC2008 Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I think you'll find it's how a lot of men describe themselves on this site and in real life. I'm very simple and aren't ashamed about it! I have a dirt bike and a boat; All I need is a jet ski, season tickets to the Texans, a house and a wife and that's it! It doesn't take much for me to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I'm very simple and aren't ashamed about it! I have a dirt bike and a boat; All I need is a jet ski, season tickets to the Texans, a house and a wife and that's it! It doesn't take much for me to be happy. Me too. What is so wrong with being simple. Is it better to be overly complicated and never satisfied with anything? Link to post Share on other sites
crude Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I love how sexism and stereotypes become reality. Men are told women pay half when they're not interested, women are told to pay half when they're not interested. Isn't it possible for a woman to pay half simply because she has class, dignity, a good job, and she knows damn well it's the right thing to do? It doesn't have to be Dutch, it could be alternating, but why not have two adults be equal and fair with each other? Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 I don't think the OP is out of line. She offered to pitch in, he automatically splits the bill. My questions... how much was each of your meals? I would find it extremely tacky to say split it down the middle, why not just ask for 2 separate checks? I always offer, but if a guy did that, I probably wouldn't go out with him again. Some women value chivalry, some could care less. To each their own. If he asked her out, at 30 years old, I would think he would appreciate the offer but still pay. I wouldn't complain if he didn't, but I wouldn't date him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Pompeii Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Christ Kaylan what do you have to spend 20 bucks on that's better than a date. Expecting a woman to chip in on the first date is not what builds a healthy sexual relationship with a girl who respects herself. At least with one that wants to be the woman in the relationship. This dude flunked twice. First letting her pay at all, and second letting her decide the paying situation. Two total turn offs. Offering to pay is fine even if she doesn't really want to, it's the polite thing to do. Doesn't mean it's unfair for her to be turned off if he accepts. You personally have more of a desire to be the woman role in a relationship so your motives are different but for most other guys it is a sign of contempt. What does a "healthy sexual relationship" have to do with paying on a date? Link to post Share on other sites
J_L_C Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Hi everyone, I feel like I'm being made out as the bad guy in all of this, but I am just of the mind that it's very sweet if he does pay on a first date and really makes me wonder why he wouldn't have insisted. I don't know if this makes a difference at all or not, but it was the very first time we met in person. We'd been chatting online for awhile, met off POF. Does that change things? Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted March 21, 2013 Share Posted March 21, 2013 Hi everyone, I feel like I'm being made out as the bad guy in all of this, but I am just of the mind that it's very sweet if he does pay on a first date and really makes me wonder why he wouldn't have insisted. I don't know if this makes a difference at all or not, but it was the very first time we met in person. We'd been chatting online for awhile, met off POF. Does that change things? A dinner date as a first meeting is kinda weird imo. An activity like bowling or mini golf or something or even coffee would be more appropriate. And since this was your first meeting I def think its appropriate to split the bill. I think its detrimental when women use a man's open or closed wallet to judge whether or not he likes her/is interested. If a man has money, what does paying for you mean...nothing. I would look to other actions to see if he is interested--has he set up a 2nd date? Or are you just turned off that he didn't insist on paying? Does him paying negate the fact that he seemed interested in you? Does it make you less interested in him? I just think money is a weird thing to get hung up on and try to find a deeper meaning in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FrustratedGuy91 Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I'm not very experienced on dating, but to me it seems that may be the way you asked may have influenced his decision. Perhaps he thought it was important for you to pay and wanted to respect your wish. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 @JustAPoster ^She insisted on paying! You know whats classless? Running to the bathroom expecting a guy will take care of your bill. Wanna know what else is classless? Making disingenuous offers to pay and then questioning someone for accepting after you insisted. And again, she said "please let me chip in". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
chex Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 The problem with dating these days is that women have to do all the work. They pay for basically every date, and I know that some women like it because it makes them feel more feminine, but really, I think if guys look for women that have jobs, etc, shouldn't they have jobs themselves? I know unemployed guys who say that their girlfriend has to be making at least six figures. Like seriously? Link to post Share on other sites
jcrew11 Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 If a man shells out cash and expects to be given sex in return, I think it would be a lot less pressure on both genders if that person just goes out and buys a hooker. Okay, so a Guy pays for $100 steak dinners on 3 dates, and if a Girl refuses to have sex with him or any affection, then wouldn't that Girl just be using the Guy for free expensive dinners? "Having Sex" is part of the Dating process; and "Having an expensive dinner" is step 1 of the Dating process, which would ideally lead to marriage or sex. Its understood that as the Man and Woman have "Dates" and get to know one another, then these two people might eventually have sex. Otherwise, the Woman is just using the Guy for Free Meals, and while that is not as bad as prostitution, it is lying to the Guy about her intentions for a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
J_L_C Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I'm slowly getting back into the dating field after a long drawn out break up. I don't know if I'm being too cautious or picky but I went out with a guy tonight (we're both in our 30's). At the end of dinner I went to the washroom and when I came back the bill was already on the table and he put his credit card in. I ALWAYS offer to pitch in on a first date but usually the men I've gone out with take care of the cheque. Anyway, I asked if I could please pitch in and he didn't hesitate and proceeded to ask the waitress to just split the bill down the middle. I'm definitely not stuck in the old-school mentality of dating & chivalry, but I think it says something about someone on a first date if he let's the lady pay. What do you all think? He called me later that evening to ask if I got home ok (it was a little bit of a drive) and said he had a good time. That's a positive in my mind in terms of being "gentlemanly" lol. Nowhere in here did I say that the bill CAME and THEN I left to go to the washroom. We'd just finished dinner, were having coffees and I had to pee!!! I guess he'd asked for the bill at that point and when I came THAT'S WHEN I saw it on the table. ANOTHER THING I SHOULD POINT OUT: He got at least two text messages during dinner. Checked his phone and was texting under the table for a good 3-4 minutes!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Eclypse Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 The amount of entitlement and mind games on this thread make me sick. You don't want to pay then don't offer???? It makes you come across as false and a lier if you hold it against him later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 If the man doesn't pay, then he is cheap and miserly. Especially if he asked YOU to go out to eat that night. He'll be self centered throughout the rest of the situation (whatever that may be). A major red flag for me. It's thoughtful of you to care about the other person's finances, but if he really wants to be with you, he can spring for a decent meal or a drink. It's not much to ask for. Link to post Share on other sites
runningfar Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I would be taken aback if I was invited on a date and the guy didn't try to pay... but this guy tried. You asked please, and he did what you wished. I'd have been taken aback if he didn't respect your wishes. It might have been better if he said, You can get this next time, but really he was not in a good position here. Whatever else he did should be evaluated on its own merits or lack thereof. This is a nonissue. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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