Consolidated Discussion - Paying for Dates

[musemaj11]

The fact is when a man's penis is clouding his judgment, he won't care however much money he is throwing.

 

Also women will forever expect men to pay on dates as long as the majority of men remain supporting that belief.

 

Dutch women pay for themselves on dates because Dutch men won't date a woman who won't pay for herself so a Dutch woman has to pay if she wanna play.

 

Its a simple collective power thing.

Edited June 17, 2013 by musemaj11

[somedude81]

I must be super lucky.

 

The girl I'm going out with doesn't care about splitting the bill, which we have pretty much done every time.

 

Though every now and then I'll buy us dessert or something for us to snack on without asking her for anything in return.

 

Frankly, I'm amazed on how easygoing she is.

[sillyanswer]

I must be super lucky.

 

The girl I'm going out with doesn't care about splitting the bill, which we have pretty much done every time.

 

Though every now and then I'll buy us dessert or something for us to snack on without asking her for anything in return.

 

Frankly, I'm amazed on how easygoing she is.

 

Don't forget that the real world isn't like Loveshack. In the real world, many people are far more easygoing about all sorts of things than the polarised discussions on here! (Because: many people who just don't care one way or another about an issue aren't likely to post about it.)

 

The girl I'm dating now... She bought dinner on our first, I think we split the next two, the next one was very cheap (I paid, but it was really just pocket change), I bought dinner at the next one, she bought dinner at the one after. That most recent one was probably as expensive as the rest of the dates put together, but she made it clear that it was her treat.

 

Of course there's lots more to dating than who pays, but I'm feeling lucky right now, too.

[Ripnet]

You seem to think there are only two ways of "being" -- the "pathetic nice guy" or the "'I won't let women take advantage of me, there I won't date' guy"

 

That's ridiculous! If I'm out with a man on a first, second or third date you can assume I like him. The problem is, you will miss on some wonderful, caring women by putting up walls and not taking a chance on them. I consider myself a generous girl with a lot to offer but if a man were stubborn and rude enough not to offer to pay on a date, he would never get a chance to find out what kind of person I am because I wouldn't go out again. I'd assume he was cheap, selfish, bitter and immature.

there are plenty of women will go out with a guy for more than one day. Sometimes for a few months. She said she wasn't feeling it but love could grow lol Caring person? Caring person wouldn't look at people as cheap, selfish and bitter. Selfish to expect a woman to pay their own way? It's selfish not wanting to pay your own way. How can a guy be selfish when he doesn't expect a free meal when a woman does? Calling someone bitter because he stands up for himself? Oh yeah real caring people here.

[Ripnet]

The fact is when a man's penis is clouding his judgment, he won't care however much money he is throwing.

 

Also women will forever expect men to pay on dates as long as the majority of men remain supporting that belief.

 

Dutch women pay for themselves on dates because Dutch men won't date a woman who won't pay for herself so a Dutch woman has to pay if she wanna play.

 

Its a simple collective power thing.

 

So a man with a penis is clouding his judgement because he's dating women and paying for dates? He won't care however much money he is throwing at them . Ok nice theory.

[NoMoreJerks]

The fact is when a man's penis is clouding his judgment, he won't care however much money he is throwing.

 

Also women will forever expect men to pay on dates as long as the majority of men remain supporting that belief.

 

Dutch women pay for themselves on dates because Dutch men won't date a woman who won't pay for herself so a Dutch woman has to pay if she wanna play.

 

Its a simple collective power thing.

So Dutch men generally expect women to pay, even on the first date? Good to know. I am going on a date on Wednesday, with a Dutch man who lives here.

[NoMoreJerks]

The fact is when a man's penis is clouding his judgment, he won't care however much money he is throwing.

 

Also women will forever expect men to pay on dates as long as the majority of men remain supporting that belief.

 

Dutch women pay for themselves on dates because Dutch men won't date a woman who won't pay for herself so a Dutch woman has to pay if she wanna play.

 

Its a simple collective power thing.

I would alter that post and say, a man who is looking for sex, will not care if he's paying -- as long as it's not like, hundreds of dollars in one night (and even then, depending on his paycheck, he might consider it).. He would not mind to keep paying as many times as it takes to get into your pants, as long as that doesn't go on for months, of course.. A total stranger paid my bill once, and then gave me his number, took me out to dinner a few days later, and he just wanted sex..

[NoMoreJerks]

You can't win as a man. If I offer to pay I'm called a sexist and against equal rights and if I were to not offer I'd surely be called mean and cruel.

I'm not too bothered, to be honest. Splitting is good enough for me. Some men also abuse this, btw, and get a free ride sometimes. Oh yes. It's been done to me, after my ex realized I was too willing to pay my share. I did pay a few times for the both of us, thinking he'd reciprocate and we'd alternate, but nope.. Any time that he felt like it was his turn, he'd be like, let's split...

 

I would not be bothered if a man offers to pay, and wouldn't call him sexist. I also wouldn't want the man to get turned off if I offer to pay for the both of us, because he might think I am "desperate." I don't think I implied that all men who pay do so with the intent to use you for sex. I was just saying that usually, men who are after sex, try to charm their way into bed, and they think dishing out money on a woman helps them get there.

[NoMoreJerks]

So Dutch men generally expect women to pay, even on the first date? Good to know. I am going on a date on Wednesday, with a Dutch man who lives here.

Although, to be honest, I'd expect a Dutch man to adhere to standards of behaviour here, and not behave like he would in the Netherlands. And I am not a Dutch woman so.... We'll see what happens. I will report back after my date.

[NoMoreJerks]

Women have been offended on several occasions when I've tried to pay everything, one accusing me of just wanting sex, even though I didn't touch her in any way or make any sexual references or innuendos the entire date or before when talking to her. She blamed me by default since in her eyes, all men want sex immediately.

Well, there are some crazy women out there, just as there are crazy men out there. Men are equally judgmental, about a lot of things. If a woman has sex with him after the first date, because she likes him a lot and they clicked and she is interested in seeing him again, etc., she is usually considered a slut. In fact, that's a lot more common than women being offended if a man pays...

[Ripnet]

I had a woman willing to pay for dates without me contributing but I wouldn't allow something like that because I don't think it's fair. Even if she was a millionaire it wouldn't be right.

 

I"ve seen plenty of women go dutch or take turns when I worked with the public.

[crude]

Splitting is good enough for me. Some men also abuse this, btw, and get a free ride sometimes. Oh yes. It's been done to me, after my ex realized I was too willing to pay my share. I did pay a few times for the both of us, thinking he'd reciprocate and we'd alternate, but nope.. Any time that he felt like it was his turn, he'd be like, let's split...

 

 

 

I wish you better luck with men, because many of the women I see expect the man to pay for every single date, day trip, vacation, etc. At the end of 2 years, I figure some men might have paid $18,245 for dates, while the woman paid $14.26 (the tip on his birthday). If they get married, I'm sure they'll be equal partners in life.

[Ripnet]

I would say it is a fair trade off with you but there are many that consider what you do to be degrading and something that a stepford wife does. After a few decades if hearing how women won't do all those things for men anymore can you blame guys for saying the hell with chivalry? What most men have issue with is the fact that traditional roles only seem to go one way.

 

It's called greed when people think they are entitled with something without much effort on their part.

[SuperGeek]

The last date I went on (before I stopped dating) the girl threw the money back at me and went into a giant monologue about how I was insulting her by paying. After sitting there totally shocked and silent for a long pause, I asked: "Would you like to pay for our drinks this evening?" in a nice calm respectful manner. She got up and walked out of the coffee shop and I ended up paying any way.

 

SIGH.

 

Dating is ****ing impossible these days with the screwed up gender roles.

[Ripnet]

The last date I went on (before I stopped dating) the girl threw the money back at me and went into a giant monologue about how I was insulting her by paying. After sitting there totally shocked and silent for a long pause, I asked: "Would you like to pay for our drinks this evening?" in a nice calm respectful manner. She got up and walked out of the coffee shop and I ended up paying any way.

 

SIGH.

 

Dating is ****ing impossible these days with the screwed up gender roles.

 

I make sure upfront they know what to expect.

[NoMoreJerks]

The last date I went on (before I stopped dating) the girl threw the money back at me and went into a giant monologue about how I was insulting her by paying. After sitting there totally shocked and silent for a long pause, I asked: "Would you like to pay for our drinks this evening?" in a nice calm respectful manner. She got up and walked out of the coffee shop and I ended up paying any way.

 

SIGH.

 

Dating is ****ing impossible these days with the screwed up gender roles.

Wow, WTF. What a head case!! Better off finding out sooner rather than later!

[Southern Cal Dude]

The last date I went on (before I stopped dating) the girl threw the money back at me and went into a giant monologue about how I was insulting her by paying. After sitting there totally shocked and silent for a long pause, I asked: "Would you like to pay for our drinks this evening?" in a nice calm respectful manner. She got up and walked out of the coffee shop and I ended up paying any way.

 

SIGH.

 

Dating is ****ing impossible these days with the screwed up gender roles.

 

 

Agreed. It also varies where you live. I live near LA and its basically a big sausage fest. Women paying doesn't seem to be terribly common here. I'm a bartender so I see this regularly.

 

On the other hand, when I visit my grandparents in New York, I noticed you're more likely to see it there where the playing field is more even.

[D-Lish]

I always like to split the bill on a first date with someone- however, I always appreciate the perfunctory offer from my date to pay.

 

I went on an online date last year - he asked me out, he suggested dinner, he picked the place. At the end of the night he went over to the waitress and had her split the bill. The place was pretty empty, his voice carried, and I could hear him going over the bill with her and making sure nothing I had ordered was going onto his bill. Then he paid his portion and had her bring me my separate bill while he crept off to the bathroom.

 

He kept asking me out again after that but his behaviour regarding the splitting of the bill was a deal breaker for me. It wasn't about splitting the bill that was the problem- it was how he went about it that turned me off in a huge way.

[musemaj11]

So Dutch men generally expect women to pay, even on the first date? Good to know. I am going on a date on Wednesday, with a Dutch man who lives here.

Where did you think the term "Go Dutch" come from? LOL

 

Anyway, Central Europe and Scandinavia have a very strongly egalitarian society where men and women have the same responsibilities and benefits. Women get paid the same as men and pay the same as men. In Sweden, men are even forced to take paternity leave, so not only women have to care for newborn babies.

 

Depending on how long the man had been in Canada though, chances are he should already be aware that the culture is different than in his home country.

 

I would alter that post and say, a man who is looking for sex, will not care if he's paying -- as long as it's not like, hundreds of dollars in one night (and even then, depending on his paycheck, he might consider it).. He would not mind to keep paying as many times as it takes to get into your pants, as long as that doesn't go on for months, of course.. A total stranger paid my bill once, and then gave me his number, took me out to dinner a few days later, and he just wanted sex..

Well, money doesnt grow on trees. Men work hard for their money so can't really blame them for expecting something in return for their investment. If all they want to do is just throwing free money, they should give it to charity instead I think.

Edited June 18, 2013 by musemaj11

[Ripnet]

The place was pretty empty, his voice carried, and I could hear him going over the bill with her and making sure nothing I had ordered was going onto his bill. Then he paid his portion and had her bring me my separate bill while he crept off to the bathroom.

 

He kept asking me out again after that but his behaviour regarding the splitting of the bill was a deal breaker for me. It wasn't about splitting the bill that was the problem- it was how he went about it that turned me off in a huge way.

 

 

Did you have lobster and a few glasses of expensive wine?

 

Yeah that would turn me off too. I'm sure the waitress know who order what.

[SuperGeek]

This is crazy. I don't even look at the bill when I'm on a date. My attention is usually focused on my date and how she's doing, feeling, and if she has genuine interest in me. I could give a crap what the bill costs. I don't understand why men do this. I've never EVER nitpicked about a bill. Hell, I usually never look at a receipt unless it's for purely geeky reasons such as there being a q-code on it ( in which case I gotta scan it ) etc.

 

Just recently a girl totally flipped out on me that I was paying the bill. Totally shocked me to the core. I don't even know how to date at this point. The dating world seems to have changed so much. I'm thinking maybe it's due to vastly changing gender roles?

 

Oh well, it will be awhile before I date again. I'm just so frustrated with it now.

 

He kept asking me out again after that but his behaviour regarding the splitting of the bill was a deal breaker for me. It wasn't about splitting the bill that was the problem- it was how he went about it that turned me off in a huge way.

Edited June 18, 2013 by SuperGeek

[crude]

All this is why it makes sense for people to take turns planning and paying for dates. It's common sense for someone to return the favor when the other person has just treated them. It's classier than going Dutch and you can adjust the cost if one person has less money. The confusion comes in when women demand to always be paid for or else. Or when the man insists on always paying and a feminist wonders what other Medieval thoughts the man has on a woman's role.

[phineas]

The last date I went on (before I stopped dating) the girl threw the money back at me and went into a giant monologue about how I was insulting her by paying. After sitting there totally shocked and silent for a long pause, I asked: "Would you like to pay for our drinks this evening?" in a nice calm respectful manner. She got up and walked out of the coffee shop and I ended up paying any way.

 

SIGH.

 

Dating is ****ing impossible these days with the screwed up gender roles.

 

No,

Dating is impossible when the other person is cray cray.

Nothing you described even remotely resembles the behavior of a sane person.

[NoMoreJerks]

No,

Dating is impossible when the other person is cray cray.

Nothing you described even remotely resembles the behavior of a sane person.

exactly lol... well said.

[venusishername]

I went on a date last night with someone I met recently. He asked me out both times, and this was our second date.

 

He came to pick me up and my place, and he brought over something to drink so we could have a chance to talk before going out.

 

We went out to a place of my choosing, he was a total gentleman, even ordering for me, and picked up the bill.

 

Things were going perfectly. As we were leaving, I was not quite ready to end the night, so I suggested we go somewhere else. The check came to the table, and he didn't touch it. We wanted to leave, and so I felt compelled to ask him, "Did you want me to get that?"

 

First of all, I have never dated a man who did NOT pick up the tab, unless we were in a long term relationship and I occasionally got the check. Of course I paid for our drinks after he said that, but I told him that he caught me off guard and that I wasn't used to that. He had a good argument though, and said he appreciated me being old-fashioned, but men and women are equal in the world now, and so you can't have your cake and eat it too, basically. He went on to explain that he was the one to ask me out, so he wanted to pick up 'most' of the tab. I like him, but this really threw me off.

 

I'm a successful, independent woman with a good career and am living comfortably, but I swear this is the first time on such an early date that a guy has done this. I'm not sure if I like it, but he gave me food for thought. Should I kick him to the curb or join the 21st century?