Consolidated Discussion - Paying for Dates

[Eggplant]

More like escort mentality.

 

They're expected to pay for the pleasure of her company, after all.

 

I have such "escort" mentality, to some degree, insomuch as "escort" refers to trading resources. I will bear a man's children. (And I'm only interested in men who appreciate that)... I could just get a sperm donor, but I want somebody who is nurturing and a good father.

 

He should provide. The providing need not come in the form of money. I am willing to be a SAM while he work; I am willing to be a breadwinner while he is a SAD; and I am willing to both go to work. But regardless of the currency with which he provides, he must demonstrate generosity -- a willingness to invest. Paying for a date is a small symbolic gesture that indicates generosity.

[L1ght]

Gotta admit that I don't pay for anything until I'm in serious relationship with someone. Yes I will split things but I certainly wont pay for a stranger who expects me to reach into my pocket while they sit on their ass and enjoy the fruits of my labour. I get offended by women who expect me to do so when I don't even know them. Most women come around and find this reasonable but there are some who get offended...well guess what? I get offended too when you want me to spend money on you when I don't even know you.

Some things that are seen to be normal in modern society are a little bit backwards.....guess it wouldn't be so bad if I'm guaranteed sex at the end of the night but thats not always the case. I would be better off getting a prostitute in the days where I don't get laid after paying for someone else's meal cos then at least it would be money well spent.

[Eggplant]

Gotta admit that I don't pay for anything until I'm in serious relationship with someone. Yes I will split things but I certainly wont pay for a stranger who expects me to reach into my pocket while they sit on their ass and enjoy the fruits of my labour. I get offended by women who expect me to do so when I don't even know them. Most women come around and find this reasonable but there are some who get offended...well guess what? I get offended too when you want me to spend money on you when I don't even know you.

Some things that are seen to be normal in modern society are a little bit backwards.....guess it wouldn't be so bad if I'm guaranteed sex at the end of the night but thats not always the case. I would be better off getting a prostitute in the days where I don't get laid after paying for someone else's meal cos then at least it would be money well spent.

 

I think your attitude is fair. The first several dates should be extremely casual. Coffee/breakfast/walk. I think dating strangers is not as frequent in other societies outside of the U.S.

[L1ght]

I think your attitude is fair. The first several dates should be extremely casual. Coffee/breakfast/walk. I think dating strangers is not as frequent in other societies outside of the U.S.

Not as frequent? Sorry I don't follow. I live in the UK which is pretty much the same as the USA. Most of Europe is as free thinking as we are and not to mention Canada, Australia and probably a whole bunch more.

So you're saying that in general strangers don't date? Well that's complete nonsense. Maybe I misunderstood you?

[L1ght]

I think another point to make is that when somebody has a sense of entitlement its such a big turn off. If we start to feel pressure to go into our pockets for someone then that's a clear sign of a lack of respect and that the relationship is not moving in a good direction. Also what if the lady you're dating has a job and earns more money than you do? Lol

From my experience women who are successful are proud about the life they have made for themselves and like to point out that they are very capable of being independent. I guess its the women who have no prospects of their own who expect men to foot the whole bill on every date.

[LilGirlandOW]

lmao, i read the title and thought this thread was about escorts...

 

I think there should be a trade off in paying, switch it up

[L1ght]

Men have no idea that being a hot woman cannot be cheap. She has to spend a lot of money on nails, hair, skin, clothes, makeup and many other quality expensive things. Men do believe that they can get hard without all the things that women do to be hot. But, IRL, every girl knows that men cannot get hard without it. Men want us to look hot, to have beautiful faces, smiles, nails, hair, and everything else. And, they believe that all the stuff costs much less than a few drinks he might buy for us.

A man typically get ready for a date for 5-10 minutes. He typically takes shower and puts on smth that he got from Walmart several years ago.

That's hilarious! You justify indulging in all your favourite things and expect a guy to help you indulge further while emptying his pockets for you by saying that its all for our benefit?

Wow! lmao! You made my day with that whopper. Its unbelievable that you are so self absorbed and have such an absolutely gigantic sense of entitlement. You spend money on yourself and indulge in all the things you love for the benefit of men?

Priceless.

[L1ght]

I take it you satisfy him sexually on the first date to indicate a willingness to bear his children?

At least it would be money well spent then....well if she performs that is. Lol

[Eggplant]

I take it you satisfy him sexually on the first date to indicate a willingness to bear his children?

 

No, not on the first date. But if I'm in committed relationship, yes.

Edited July 9, 2013 by Eggplant

[Eggplant]

How do women show that they are generous?

 

Over the long course of dating, both parties should give and take. But the person who carries the babies to term is more vulnerable. In general, almost all mothers do what they can to nurture and provide for their children. Many fathers are great fathers; however, men as a gender don't have as good of a track record. Displays of generosity from the man are therefore important to helping the woman become confident that the man will invest in their children. Displays of generosity from the woman are important too, but not as crucial to convincing the man that the woman will invest in their children. Therefore, the man is given his chance to prove himself first.

[Drseussgrrl]

as much as i hate to say, girls are mostly golddiggers looking to leech off a man who has it all

 

Welp sounds like you have nothing to worry about, then.

[L1ght]

Over the long course of dating, both parties should give and take. But the person who carries the babies to term is more vulnerable. In general, almost all mothers do what they can to nurture and provide for their children. Many fathers are great fathers; however, men as a gender don't have as good of a track record. Displays of generosity from the man are therefore important to helping the woman become confident that the man will invest in their children. Displays of generosity from the woman are important too, but not as crucial to convincing the man that the woman will invest in their children. Therefore, the man is given his chance to prove himself first.

The thing is life isn't black and white like you are portraying and you never know....a guy might be a better father than you are a mother but that's not the point. You talk about guys investing in their children which is of course the absolute correct way to do things in life but what women like you seem to think is that you should be getting a fair share of the investment too without question or compromise. That's why I really don't understand guys who jump into marriage without a prenup cos its basically an invitation to get bled dry by a woman like you that thinks she is entitled to everything and anything she can get her grubby little hands on and you better believe she will show no mercy when it comes to divorce. Thanks for the great insight into the mind of a true gold digger and be safe in the knowledge that I would never ever go for a girl like you who quite obviously can never be trusted.

[skydiveaddict]

Chivalry is on it's way out and people just need to accept that fact. It's not men that killed it either.

 

I don't think so. Girls today love chivalry. Paying for dates, holding her hand, taking her to her favorite restaurant opening doors for her....girls love that stuff.

[amazingdrummer]

Take turn is ok, going dutch...urgggg.

Me and my bf are pretty poor, so we never have 150-200$ dates as many people in this thread. Can't imagine spending that much money for a date.

I'm kinda old fashion, I do believe man a should be the main provider. Sometime we go out and having dinner at some decent restaurants, and my bf pays most of the time. In return, I help cleaning, washing dishes, and doing laundry. I often go shopping for groceries and cook for him (it takes me a lot of time but he could enjoy fresh and healthy foods, and it's cheaper)

Love is all about caring for each other, too much "number calculation" would kill the romance

[amazingdrummer]

Right.

 

As long as he's paying the majority of the time.

 

Hahahah, you seems to be a very sarcastic person, wonder if you ever have a real relationship

[amazingdrummer]

Hahaha

 

But am I wrong?

 

It's all about looove, money and numbers shouldn't matter.

 

As long as he's the one paying.

 

My man pay when we eat out, maybe once a week, I cook for him twice a week or more if I'm not busy. Maybe because he's old fashioned too, so he doesn't find paying any problem, just as I don't find any problems spend 3 hours doing his chores and cooking.

When you want to commit, you will automatically want to be the 3P

[Eggplant]

The thing is life isn't black and white like you are portraying and you never know....a guy might be a better father than you are a mother but that's not the point. You talk about guys investing in their children which is of course the absolute correct way to do things in life but what women like you seem to think is that you should be getting a fair share of the investment too without question or compromise. That's why I really don't understand guys who jump into marriage without a prenup cos its basically an invitation to get bled dry by a woman like you that thinks she is entitled to everything and anything she can get her grubby little hands on and you better believe she will show no mercy when it comes to divorce. Thanks for the great insight into the mind of a true gold digger and be safe in the knowledge that I would never ever go for a girl like you who quite obviously can never be trusted.

 

You're making blanket statements about me and assume you know me. What did I say to make you draw so many conclusions about me? Let me just set the record straight.

 

First of all, I do not think I should be getting a fair share of the investment without question or compromise. Both people in a relationship should pull their weight. I am not entitled to anything, and I would never take advantage or rip off the man who invests in me and is a good father to my children.

 

Secondly, I am not a gold digger. I am extremely secure in my own engineering career, and I make a very good living on my own. I would definitely sign a prenup -- in fact, I would require one. And in a mate, I honestly don't give a sh*t how much money he makes. I want a good father for my children, and I want love. My last boyfriend, whom I would have married but for circumstances beyond my control, worked 90 hours a week making minimum wage. I worked half the hours for double the hourly rate. And I thought he was golden and would have sacrificed everything for him. Once the relationship developed we split the costs. But in the beginning, I let him pay for the beer and the first few meals at very inexpensive places -- and he was happy to pay for it, and I was grateful. It's not about the god-damned meal. I was accepting what he had to offer -- that's symbolic, get it?

 

Thirdly, I agree that many men are fabulous fathers, my own included. But there do exist A LOT of deadbeat dads, so you have to be careful.

 

I know why you don't want to pay for dates -- because you view all women as selfish gold diggers.

[Eggplant]

Thanks for the great insight into the mind of a true gold digger and be safe in the knowledge that I would never ever go for a girl like you who quite obviously can never be trusted.

 

Ouch. Your $ is safe from me -- I would never accept a penny from you.

[Eggplant]

That's nice and all but this isn't the 1950's, the chances of you being the one that'll be carrying his offspring are pretty slim.

 

Why are the chances slim? There are 7 billion people on the planet.

[Eggplant]

I see, so you feel superior to men?

 

What, other than intense self loathing, would make a man want to date someone who feels they shouldn't have to do anything but have a pulse until they're in a committed relationship?

 

Why are you equating not having sex with not doing anything but having a pulse?

 

No, I do not feel superior to men.

[skydiveaddict]

Take turn is ok, going dutch...urgggg.

Me and my bf are pretty poor, so we never have 150-200$ dates as many people in this thread. Can't imagine spending that much money for a date.

 

that's a different story though. like college kids or folks who don't have much money.. you must do what is possible. there is certainly no shame in that. i'm just referring to some tight ass dude who refuses to treat his lady like a lady when he has the means to do so

[Woggle]

Since I don't want kids and neither does my wife for the most part it was just as important for her to show her generosity to me. If I am going to commit to a woman and go all out for her she needs to show she can be loyal, faithful and be willing to do for me what I do for her. If not what is the point of being in a relationship?

[Lixxy]

I think all this really comes down to in the end, is...

 

 

 

1. What someone wants, and being with someone who wants the SAME thing, (whatever that may be)...

 

and

 

2. Not taking it upon themselves, to intrude upon anybody else's business and pursuit of happiness (whatever makes them happy), if they aren't hurting anybody else...

 

 

 

Yes. The idea of simply expecting a man to pay - because he is male - repulses me. I find it laughable. I do not want a relationship like that. That isn't want I want...

 

HOWEVER.

 

If there exists a man (which I am sure there are many) who absolutely wants - of his own deciding - to conduct himself this way, in his own relationship, then what right do I have to intrude upon their personal business and how they choose to run their relationship?

 

Absolutely none. I have no place. It is none of my business.

 

 

Just the same as if a lady were to come up to me, and stick her nose up at my partner for not paying for my meals (actually that does exist in my life! ~ my mother! ha!), I would say (as I have done) - That is not how I want my relationship to be run. I do not think he should have to pay for dates, because he is male. And I do not believe I - as an employed person with their own money - need to expect free meals because I am female".

 

 

 

Conduct your personal affairs as you and your partner wish ~ as long as you are both happy. Just don't expect to change the personal affairs of anyone else.

[Fondue]

I always pay for all my dates. I just feel that if I am taking YOU out on something, if I invited YOU, then I will be treating YOU.

 

Otherwise, if I had zerrrooo planning in the date whatsoever, I mayyyyyyy be more lenient and allow a girl to pay for me if she had already purchased tickets to an event or whatever. Otherwise if we are going out for food, I'm still going to try and snatch that bill once it comes.

 

I feel like a man by treating a woman. Even if I have zero interest in a girl, I still feel it is necessary to treat her. I don't know what it is, but my mind tells me it's the "right thing to do."

 

__________________

 

In regards to your date idea though, I wouldn't choose a dinner date as a 2nd date. That just seems like a gamble. What if you have little to talk about? Or the conversation goes stale? I would reserve dinner type things until you've seen her more than just a handful of times.

 

Try something active and fun. I usually make my first dates at an arcade bar, and the 2nd maybe a local comedy show at a bar. That way you can get a drink, have some light conversation, and then either goof off with some games , or watch laugh together. After the fact, I always suggest skipping the train and walking for a bit together. It's a great way to walk off a light buzz and have some great easy conversation while HOLDING HER HAND.

[dasein]

you pick, you pay.

 

Very convenient in a world where men are still expected to do most or all of the initial asking out. Equates to "Men are to take all the financial risk of early dating, when subsequent dates are never a given. Women, who seek equality in every way that favors them, are mysteriously not beholden to -be- equal in ways that don't favor them."

 

To the topic, yeah, OP current femculture dictates you will pay. This is changing blessedly, but for now, it is what it is. As for ideas, sitting side by side at a bar and getting a drink and appetizers is not too expensive. Make the eating a side part of the date, not the main focus. Try to find something active, like a walk in a park, gallery near some trendy, fun restaurants, and wind up at a bistro or something similar. Good luck on your date.