Consolidated Discussion - Paying for Dates

[ATrainofAngels]

SOME women.

 

My wife has always tried to help with date expenses, even though she made a lot less money than I did.

 

Also, I have had more women buy me drinks than I have for them.

 

Find women like this. They are out there.

 

It helps though to a have a good attitude and an attractive personality so that they will enjoy your company enough to want to pay for things.

 

If you ask a girl out on a date and she says yes. Pay for it. You asked her out. After the next few dates a good woman will usually start offering to help pick up the bill.

 

 

Dude I would pay for not only the first date, but the 2nd one and in a few years, probably all of them if I really liked a girl and thought she was relationship material

 

 

What turns me off is just the attitude that many of the women on here exhibit in terms of just demanding that men pay for their dates

[mesmerized]

Well, a lot of men also feel entitled to a younger more goodlooking girl friend. They have different standards for a girl than they have for themselves. I don't understand that either. I guess these two groups would be a good match for each other, trading money for beauty!

[ATrainofAngels]

Well, a lot of men also feel entitled to a younger more goodlooking girl friend.

 

 

 

Agreed 100%. If you're not good looking/in shape yourself, you have no business demanding that your girlfriend is

 

 

two wrongs don't make a right though

[mesmerized]

Agreed 100%. If you're not good looking/in shape yourself, you have no business demanding that your girlfriend is

 

 

two wrongs don't make a right though

 

Well I would love for these people not to exist but they do and they find each other. Not much we can do about it.

[Feelsgoodman]

Well, a lot of men also feel entitled to a younger more goodlooking girl friend. They have different standards for a girl than they have for themselves.

Let's not pretent that only men do this. There's no shortage of ugly/overweight women thinking that they are entitled to date prince charming. In fact, the feeling of entitlement to a hotter SO seems to be more prevalent among women nowadays.

[Badsingularity]

LOL:laugh:

 

You guys would probably both hate seeing my wife and I out together on the street.

 

I'm overweight and older then her. She is thin, pretty, and younger than me.

 

I didn't demand anything. She just happens to love me.

[mesmerized]

LOL:laugh:

 

You guys would probably both hate seeing my wife and I out together on the street.

 

I'm overweight and older then her. She is thin, pretty, and younger than me.

 

I didn't demand anything. She just happens to love me.

 

And who spends more money in your relationship?

[ATrainofAngels]

LOL:laugh:

 

You guys would probably both hate seeing my wife and I out together on the street.

 

I'm overweight and older then her. She is thin, pretty, and younger than me.

 

I didn't demand anything. She just happens to love me.

 

 

 

That's different. There's nothing wrong with that. You can't help who you fall in love with

 

 

 

It's when an old balding chubby guy in his 40s demands that his wife be thin and pretty that most people have a problem with

[Badsingularity]

And who spends more money in your relationship?

 

I do because I make more. It's fare. We both spend about the same amount of our incomes percentage wise on our expenses.

 

Why do you ask?

[ATrainofAngels]

I do because I make more. It's fare. We both spend about the same amount of our incomes percentage wise on our expenses.

 

Why do you ask?

 

 

 

nothing wrong with that

[Badsingularity]

And who spends more money in your relationship?

 

 

I hope your not suggesting the money for beauty trade thing in our case, because that would be hilarious. Seeing that she refuses to take any money from me when she wants to buy something for herself and is always trying to buy me stuff and pay for more than her fair share.

[Silly_Girl]

I do because I make more. It's fare.

 

Freud would love that!

 

I really have a problem with the principle that men should EVER pay more for ANYTHING because they're the 'PWAP' (Person With A Penis). I have experienced guys trying to pay and I'll never accept it and my boyfriend and I tend to take it in turns for dinners etc but for trips away we tot up broadly who spent what and will reimburse the other. And I pay 2/3rds of holiday accommodation cost because I have a son and I must bear that cost myself.

[musemaj11]

And who spends more money in your relationship?

Damn, you are cruel.

 

When we see a retarded person on the street, we all know he is retarded. You dont need to point and call him a retard. LOL :D:D

[Els]

What I don't understand is how you can confuse 'being okay with' with 'feeling entitled to'. If you're okay with someone giving you a discount at a store does that mean that you go around expecting every store to give you one?

[musemaj11]

Judgements and expectations go both ways in dating - I would go so far as to say that women are generally expected to shave their legs, for one thing. But I don't push for 'more egalitarian standards' just because I don't want to shave MINE. I just... don't, if I don't want to.

I think being liked for your physical desirability is a lot more attractive than being liked for your financial desirability.

 

I would rather be expected to look handsome to have a woman with me than having to pay to have a woman with me. The feeling is different. One gives me an ego boost that makes me feel good looking while the other gives me a feeling of sadness that I need to pay for love.

 

So, let me get this straight. Some women wanted to have the right to compete with men in the job market on equal footing. Thus, making men compete further for jobs and educational opportunities and effectively doubling the workforce (and reducing real wages), but that should not affect dating. How about this, if women stop competing with me in the workplace and allow me to make more money, I will gladly pay for those dates. Until then, your real problem is with the women's movement and not with men. Those women wanted equality and more freedom and the men here are just demanding the same.

Equal gender opportunity and affirmative action are greatly unfair toward men. Its like giving the rich lower tax than the poor.

 

same here. im 50 and i have never paid for a date. no guy i have dated would ever let me pay for a date either and i certainly wasnt using him for a cup of coffee or a sandwich.

 

listening to these younger guys whinge on and on about spending their entire pay check on a meal or worrying about being used for a meal just gives me a nauseated feeling in my stomach. it is just so smarmy, boorish, and distasteful.

 

if a guy didn't want to pay for a date he asked me on or expected me to come up with half, that would be the last date he had with me.

 

i also get sick of these young women apologizing for these whiny males who think there should be no expectations of them. oh i pay my half blah blah blah. apologizing for it.

 

to the guys, if you are spending an entire week's wages on a meal either you work at mcdonalds earning min wage or you are a fool which is another reason, i wouldn't go out with someone who doesn't have good sense.

guys you don't realize what a turn off you are being with your whiny b tch behavior.

 

dating hasn't changed all that much. men ask the girl out, women play coy and allow the man to win her heart. it is the way things are supposed to be.

 

men used to want to show off and impress a woman. now they are lazy whiny slugs.

 

good thing i wont ever be dating again!!

I guess lets go back to the 19th century then when men didnt have to compete with women in the workplace and women were a lot more obedient to men.

 

In that time you needed not worry about paying on a date. But there was little chance for you to be able to afford your own Mercedes since your job opportunity was highly limited. You'd better be hot enough to marry a wealthy old man who would be willing to buy you one.

 

Are you serious? This has got to be the most disgusting thing I have ever heard.

 

You're basically saying it's worse to lose something tangible than to give up your body.

 

Wow.

Give up what body? Sex is done by at least two bodies.

 

Besides, most men make money through hard work. We give up our time and body in exchange for money. And when we get used for our money, we get cheated out of our time, body, and emotion.

 

And for the record, if sex is free, THEN STOP EXPECTING SEX WHEN YOU PAY FOR A DATE.

Yes, since sex is free, women should actually have sex with me without me having to take her out first and spend money. It sucks that I have to pay for something that should be free.

 

And if you still expect it, then when you make her pay her half, DONT COMPLAIN WHEN SHE DOESN'T SLEEP WITH YOU.

If a woman doesnt expect me to spend money on her, I dont expect sex from her either. Im fair. Edited June 13, 2012 by musemaj11

[zengirl]

I think being liked for your physical desirability is a lot more attractive than being liked for your financial desirability.

 

That doesn't mean everyone agrees. Personally, I think both suck, but if forced to choose, I'd MUCH rather be liked for money I'd earned, rather than looks I was born with and have no control over.

 

Not everyone gets the 'ego boost' you do from someone liking you for your looks. Personally, I feel positively dirty if someone just likes me for my looks. I'm sure many feel the same way at being liked for their money, but many obviously don't and throw it around to impress others, just as some love being loved for their looks. Just choose your bait wisely and there's no worry.

 

At least money can be hidden. There's no way to really hide beauty and only show it to people you already trust, unless you wear a burka. Too hot here for that.

[january2011]

There are men in some cultures who expect to pay. They'd even go so far as to be offended if a woman/their guest asked to go dutch or wanted to pay the entire bill.

 

If your date indicates that she wants you to pay for everything, then it suggests a fundamental incompatibility and you can next her. However, that's not to say that she won't find someone else who would be more than willing to pay for every date. It's just that that person is not you. Different strokes for different folks. I suggest that you use your strong view to help you to filter out those who would be incompatible with your worldview. The rest, you can throw back into the water to swim away freely, with all due respect.

 

Daters are allowed to have preferences and their own rules when it comes to dating. It's actually helpful that they do, so that everyone can filter out the people that they're incompatible with.

[denise_xo]

I think the whole 'man pays for woman' concept is completely outdated. It's not common where I live, expenses are usually split - not necessarily in the format of everything down the middle, but they can be alternated so that two people contribute equally. Whenever I've been to the US, I've always felt deeply uncomfortable in situations where the man has insisted to pay.

 

I understand men's frustration with it, because although many women say it's not expected, I've seen so many women accuse men of being 'cheap' if they don't at least offer to pay for everything on the first date. I realise people are different and so on and so forth, but it seems very clear that the cultural expectation is that men pay for women on the first/first few dates, and never the other way around.

Edited June 13, 2012 by denise_xo

[sally4sara]

I find it odd that you would start the thread topic with "I don't understand how women are okay with...." and then go on to post:

 

" Keep in mind, I don't have any problem with a man paying for his girlfriend. My goal is to actually make a lot of money and be able to spoil my future wife/girlfriend like crazy."

 

You state how it makes you feel to have your friends paying your way even when you do what favors you can to even the score. But you intend to find a woman who won't expect to have you pay for everything and then want her to feel good about you spoiling her? It just sounds like you're going to be on the lookout for a particular kind of woman who won't want monetary pampering just to make her feel bad about being with you. How is that going to work?

 

And while I completely understand not wanting to have someone expecting to be paid for all the time, I don't get this contributing attitude many men exhibit of wanting to date grown women and then treat them like needy children. I guess its just a want for conflict? Or to take an equal and create reasons/excuses to see them as lesser?

[musemaj11]

We all work hard for our money.

 

To me paying is caring.

 

So its nice when a woman spends money on me too because that means she cares for me as much as I care for her.

 

If I paid on the first date, I expect a woman to voluntarily insist on paying on the second date. Otherwise I would say nothing and pay anyway but grow negative feelings toward her.

[zengirl]

As sally says, I see some dissonance in your OP in terms of two different views.

 

As to why I'm fine with someone buying me dinner (not just men, frankly), it's this: If someone OFFERS me something generously, I am fine with graciously accepting. I don't expect a man to buy me pasta or whatever, not even Hubby (though a lot of our money is joined), but why on Earth would I feel uncomfortable if someone wanted to do so? If a friend or my Mom or my boss shells out for pasta or whatever, I also still feel okay.

 

Why on Earth do people feel guilty about receiving generosity? I give generously, and I receive graciously, and I think both are key to a happy life. Giving or offering something to someone FEELS GOOD and I hope people will only offer something when they want to. That's the only time I suggest it! I also hope people will graciously receive, without expectation, rudeness, defiance, or guilt, when someone else gives. That's yin and yang working together.

[Daniel5987]

I do agree with your point.

 

I liked to pay for my ex girlfriend on dates but it got to the point where she would expect it everytime and she'd often say, "your the man you have to pay for me". She rarely offered to pay...

 

It annoys me when they constantly expect it and don't help you out in anyway shape or form.

[january2011]

This is where managing expectations, good communication and honesty can help to mitigate those kinds of situations.

 

By always paying, you created/reinforced the expectation in your ex and therefore any behaviour that didn't match was questioned as suspect and considered rocking the boat.

 

The good communication and honesty comes in where you don't expect your SO to be a mind-reader when it comes to your wants and needs. If you want her to pay sometimes, then you need to tell her. Be honest about your wants and needs. She not a mindreader and neither are you.

 

Otherwise, this is the kind of stuff that creates resentment all round.

Edited June 13, 2012 by january2011

[maybealone]

This is why I prefer dates that don't cost money. I have no desire to share a meal or see a movie -- and then figure out how to split the bill -- with someone I hardly know. I'd much rather go for a walk and stop for a coffee.

 

It's when an old balding chubby guy in his 40s demands that his wife be thin and pretty that most people have a problem with

 

I'm curious as to how you know all this. Am I missing the store that sells "I am entitled to a hot girlfriend" and the "If you want to take me out, pay for the date" t-shirts?

 

Why on Earth do people feel guilty about receiving generosity? I give generously, and I receive graciously, and I think both are key to a happy life. Giving or offering something to someone FEELS GOOD and I hope people will only offer something when they want to. That's the only time I suggest it!

 

Exactly. I would never want a man paying for date because he feels he has to, I would only want him to pay if he wants to.

 

I liked to pay for my ex girlfriend on dates but it got to the point where she would expect it everytime and she'd often say, "your the man you have to pay for me". She rarely offered to pay...

 

It annoys me when they constantly expect it and don't help you out in anyway shape or form.

 

And that's why you are free to make someone like that your EX-girlfriend.

[sally4sara]

We all work hard for our money.

 

To me paying is caring.

 

So its nice when a woman spends money on me too because that means she cares for me as much as I care for her.

 

If I paid on the first date, I expect a woman to voluntarily insist on paying on the second date. Otherwise I would say nothing and pay anyway but grow negative feelings toward her.

 

Is this not the same thing you complain about? Expecting a prescribed action to come from something you chose to do. A woman chooses to go out on a date but only if he will pick up the check is the same as you choosing to pay for a date but only if she will agree to a second date which she pays for. Its a set up that you don't seem to clue them into either. I'll bet you don't tell them that you're going to get your nose out of joint if date one doesn't result in Part Two:The Repayment.

 

For someone who complains about entitled expectations, you seem to have plenty of your own.