Consolidated Discussion - Paying for Dates

[MrNate 2.0]

I have to get some popcorn for this one.

[ThaWholigan]

I find it so fascinating that this is such a vehement topic amongst people. I have never placed such a big deal on paying or not paying for a meal. In any case, I've gone dutch with a girl, or covered the costs if I felt like it, simultaneously. I don't really decide until it comes time to pay, whatever happens is whatever.

 

I don't really mind paying basically, I don't care that much about it.

[MrNate 2.0]

I find it so fascinating that this is such a vehement topic amongst people. I have never placed such a big deal on paying or not paying for a meal. In any case, I've gone dutch with a girl, or covered the costs if I felt like it, simultaneously. I don't really decide until it comes time to pay, whatever happens is whatever.

 

I don't really mind paying basically, I don't care that much about it.

 

They're not girls. They're escorts. Get it right man. haha.

[ThaWholigan]

They're not girls. They're escorts. Get it right man. haha.

Of course, how silly of me . Maybe I should throw in an extra £50 for BJs

[oaks]

I find it so fascinating that this is such a vehement topic amongst people. I have never placed such a big deal on paying or not paying for a meal. In any case, I've gone dutch with a girl, or covered the costs if I felt like it, simultaneously. I don't really decide until it comes time to pay, whatever happens is whatever.

 

I don't really mind paying basically, I don't care that much about it.

 

Indeed. I don't see it as a big deal. There are more important things to worry about, even in dating, than who pays for a meal on a date.

[ThaWholigan]

Indeed. I don't see it as a big deal. There are more important things to worry about, even in dating, than who pays for a meal on a date.

Indeed, such as if she would like 10 little orgasms or one big bastard orgasm later in the evening

[Pyro]

Indeed. I don't see it as a big deal. There are more important things to worry about, even in dating, than who pays for a meal on a date.

 

Exactly. I'd be more worried if she insisted on four star or higher restaurants and a gift of some sort on every date.

 

I have never in my life heard anyone complain about this subject matter until I came here.

[LoveEachOther]

Exactly. I'd be more worried if she insisted on four star or higher restaurants and a gift of some sort on every date.

 

I have never in my life heard anyone complain about this subject matter until I came here.

 

of course you don't complain about it. you're only a man by age/definition and don't even think twice about handing someone your wallet for company. how many times have you posted and quoted people in this thread? do you even have a life outside of LS? i mean really.

 

and...

 

i don't even know why this topic is so huge. listen girls, guys aren't supposed to be your dads/baby sitters. if having your meals paid for is such a huge deal to you, your sorry asses need to get a better job and make something of yourselves... or better yet, just be honest with your intentions, and admit that you're a hooker in denial -- then, go from there.

 

i know i'll get called a misogynist because my post wasn't favorable for women, but you all honestly need to grow up and drop the entitlements and leaning on men for things. what happened to be "confident", "independent"

[MrNate 2.0]

What about basic common courtesy?

 

You're asking her out. Is it really such a big deal to fork over a few extra dollars? If you feel awkward asking to go dutch, well you should be. You just invited someone out, and now you're asking them to fork over money. You're probably killing your chances for dessert over something so simple.

 

I mean come on man, this is like me throwing a party, and expecting my guests to buy everything.

 

Common courtesy.

[oaks]

What about basic common courtesy?

 

You're asking her out.

 

I've never been convinced by the argument that the person who asks should be the one who pays, because the social situation is that it's almost always the guy who does the asking. (but it's still not very important, as per my previous posts)

 

I mean come on man, this is like me throwing a party, and expecting my guests to buy everything.

 

Common courtesy.

 

I wouldn't dream of going to a party and not taking a bottle of wine, or something similar, as a gift for the host. It's common courtesy.

Edited July 21, 2012 by oaks
typo

[maybealone]

I don't, the dictionary does.

 

Actually, I had to look at about five dictionaries but I did finally find one that said that an escort is someone that is hired to spend time with another person.

 

My point was that you are considering this to be someone who comes out financially ahead, which is different that someone hiring someone else.

 

But even if you and the dictionary did agree, the dictionary -- like me -- does not differentiate between $1 and $100. So if I split the cost of a meal with a mean 50/50 but I drive one hour to get there and he drives 10 minutes, then he is -- by your definition -- my paid escort.

 

Indeed. I don't see it as a big deal. There are more important things to worry about, even in dating, than who pays for a meal on a date.

 

What cracks me up is that there is this thread practically saying that women are nothing special and men should not have to do anything to woo them or impress them, while at the same time there are other threads saying that women have all the advantages because there are tons of men begging each one to go out with them.

 

Well, if women have a ton of options, why try not a little wooing? It might keep you warmer at night than that 3 bucks you saved by not buying her a cup of coffee.

[maybealone]

Nobody said women couldn't prostitute themselves

 

Or men, since the man in my above example would -- by your definitions -- be considered a prostitute.

 

I merely encourage people to be honest about what they are.

 

And if who you are is someone that wants to split all dates 50/50, then be honest about what you are.

[oaks]

Well, if women have a ton of options, why try not a little wooing? It might keep you warmer at night than that 3 bucks you saved by not buying her a cup of coffee.

 

Yes, there's some sense in that. For my own part I don't shy away from buying coffee or whatever, I just don't see "who pays" as being a big issue.

[MrNate 2.0]

If you're consistently expected to invite people over because they themselves virtually never throw a party themselves it's perfectly reasonable to expect them to contribute financially.

 

Well this never happens to me so I can't relate. When my friends throw parties, food and such are generally provided. Same goes for me. Maybe it's a southern thing, but we like to cater to our guests. Hospitality is big here.

 

 

Also I assume when you initiate hanging out with your buddies you pay for everything, right? Because you invited them to go out and do something.

This doesn't sound like a party to me. So, no. Hanging with friends is not throwing a party.

 

Or is this reserved for those born with ovaries?

I'll leave that to you. It seems like you're concerned about this way more than I am.

[MrNate 2.0]

I've never been convinced by the argument that the person who asks should be the one who pays, because the social situation is that it's almost always the guy who does the asking. (but it's still not very important, as per my previous posts)

 

Yeah, I think you understand where I'm coming from. This is more taking the stance of the guy asking the girl out. Which I think most women would appreciate.

[ThaWholigan]

Why can't everyone just pay for themselves unless someone WANTS to "treat?" Isn't that really the most fair way?

Everytime I've been out with a girl, she always paid for herself, except on the odd occasion I offered to cover it. I am a broke guy, and girls who know me know this, so I always go dutch .

[dbzeng]

I am guessing you guys live in the middle of no where or are really young.

 

Here is how a typical 2nd date might go for someone living in a city. Friday night dinner at restaurant that ends at 9 and the girl says lets go meet up with my friends at such and such club. So then you end up shelling out for:

 

Dinner for 2

Cab ride to the club

Cover charge for 2

Coat check in the club

Drinks all night for you and her

Cab ride back to your apartment.

 

That is a lot more than a simple date to the olive garden.

[Pyro]

I am guessing you guys live in the middle of no where or are really young.

 

Here is how a typical 2nd date might go for someone living in a city. Friday night dinner at restaurant that ends at 9 and the girl says lets go meet up with my friends at such and such club. So then you end up shelling out for:

 

Dinner for 2

Cab ride to the club

Cover charge for 2

Coat check in the club

Drinks all night for you and her

Cab ride back to your apartment.

 

That is a lot more than a simple date to the olive garden.

 

and who is making the guy in that situation pay? He is more than welcome to stand his ground and ask or suggest that she chips in. No one is twisting his arm to follow her and be an ATM for the night.

[dbzeng]

and who is making the guy in that situation pay? He is more than welcome to stand his ground and ask or suggest that she chips in. No one is twisting his arm to follow her and be an ATM for the night.

 

 

Women.

 

Women rarely if ever offer to pay their fair share. If you ask them to pay you are ridiculed (there are many examples of female posters in this thread) as being cheap or poor.

[Pyro]

Women.

 

Women rarely if ever offer to pay their fair share. If you ask them to pay you are ridiculed (there are many examples of female posters in this thread) as being cheap or poor.

 

all women you say?

 

That makes sense.

 

If they don't want to pay their share then end the date. I feel bad for any man who is being a pushover in that situation.

[maybealone]

It should be expected, women are my complete equals and should therefor not expect special treatment.

 

Why is it special treatment? If I invite my friends somewhere, I tell them ahead of time if/what they are expected to pay. I don't ask friends to chip in when I have them over for dinner and drinks.

 

Women rarely if ever offer to pay their fair share. If you ask them to pay you are ridiculed (there are many examples of female posters in this thread) as being cheap or poor.

 

Against my better judgment, I will try to explain this one more time.

 

A woman like that is not a woman you would want to go out with, so what does it freakin' matter?? If you're at a club, just don't get out your wallet. If she calls you cheap, who cares -- you are not interested in ever going out with her again anyway! And if this happens over and over again, stop going with women to freakin' clubs!

 

This seems to be far less complicated than about 90% of the posts here.

Edited July 22, 2012 by maybealone

[Seductive]

What I'm about to say is un-PC, but I've had male friends confirm this.

 

If a man really, really likes a woman, he will want to pay for her. It's a gesture of romance and pampering, just like a woman likes to pamper her man with a good meal or other *feminine wiles*. Some men do feel emasculated when a woman offers to pay, just like how some women feel unfeminine when they're dating a submissive man that doesn't know how to take charge.

 

 

It would be best if you make sure you and your date are on the same terms. Some couples are okay with going dutch, while others aren't. My core belief is that when a man is ecstatically in love with you, money and being stingy isn't an issue. If a couple is struggling with money, then don't go out to eat at expensive places. I knew a man that complained about not having enough money, but he would purposely choose pricey restaurants and then want his girlfriend to pay. The girlfriend suggested that they stay at home and cook, if he was struggling with money.

[dasein]

If a man really, really likes a woman, he will want to pay for her.

 

Yes, some do, and it's either a holdover from when women did not have assets or simply ascribing to the de facto prostitution model of buying sex and "selling it high" that is still very common in our society. Let's call it what it is because it's a very simple, obvious concept. Describing it otherwise is lipstick on the pig.

 

It's a gesture of romance and pampering, just like a woman likes to pamper her man with a good meal or other *feminine wiles*.

 

It's a gesture of trading money for sex, gussy it up and euphemize it however you like. And since when are "feminine wiles" some kind of great prize men desire to receive from women? "Feminine wiles" really doesn't mean anything at all does it? Finally, men don't slander women who don't cook them a meal on the first couple of dates. Women can and do slander men who don't pay or pay enough every day as the next quote from you proves.

 

My core belief is that when a man is ecstatically in love with you, money and being stingy isn't an issue.

 

The fact that you automatically categorize a man's not paying as "stingy" proves all the antipaying and slander points in this thread instantly and well. Thanks.

[Seductive]

My beliefs stem from the culture that my parents come from, which is India. The concept of going "dutch" is unheard of. Even when friends go out, they fight over who gets to pay for the bill. If you're a guest at someone's house, the family hosting you will pay for you and treat you like a king or a queen. We don't even ask our friends to pay for gas money, if we are giving them a ride or driving.

 

My friends from Eastern Europe, Vietnam, Thailand and the Middle-East were raised with similar beliefs. From what I've read about Southern Europe, it seems like splitting the bill is also considered rude. It just depends on your upbringing.

 

 

Since going dutch is an American concept, I would suggest the men in this forum to maybe target white-American women? I've met a lot of white-American women that are okay with going dutch. They say they feel embarrassed at "allowing" a man to pay or they feel spoiled. In Indian families, it's the norm to spoil the daughter and the daughter-in-law by lavishing her with jewelry and clothing. It's also rude for an Indian woman to reject someone's offer of generosity, especially when it's coming from an elder. My white friend teases me and calls me a "spoiled dothead", which I think is hilarious (he means well. He's just being playful).

 

Good luck to all you guys! Hope you find the woman that you're looking for.

Edited July 23, 2012 by Seductive

[Seductive]

Btw, I looked up dutch on wikipedia. It seems like Northern Europeans also are okay with splitting the bill. I'm not sure what the norm is in the black-American community? Or Hispanics?

 

I'm trying to help you guys out by seeing where you can find more women that are okay with paying for dates. If a woman offers to pay on the first date, I'm guessing that's how you tell if she's okay with it? I guess you just have to keep getting to know different women and see what their views are.