Consolidated Discussion - Paying for Dates

[mesmerized]

This thread makes me laugh. Because at the end of the day, when men get a bit older, they just love the fact that paying can get them younger more attractive models. It's just when they're young that they expect a woman to pay for herself so they can save up for the conquests in their older years. If women didn't care at all about money, how could unattractive guys ever get a good looking woman? And men would do anything in their power to get an attractive woman because that's what they mostly care about when it comes to women.

[fortyninethousand322]

I'd pay for a date. A cup of coffee, maybe a picnic outdoors. That's got to be what, 10 bucks or less? That's pretty gentlmanly and will probably get a girl's attention, flashing some of those Hamiltons around.

[bac]

So we can expect a woman to pay up if she does not appear on a date up to our physical expectation?

 

Absolutely, if you do not want to have sex with the woman, you can do whatever you want.

[Pyro]

I'd pay for a date. A cup of coffee, maybe a picnic outdoors. That's got to be what, 10 bucks or less? That's pretty gentlmanly and will probably get a girl's attention, flashing some of those Hamiltons around.

 

That is why I don't understand why some guys are making an issue of this. If spending that little bit of money for a date is an issue to you then don't date.

[fortyninethousand322]

That is why I don't understand why some guys are making an issue of this. If spending that little bit of money for a date is an issue to you then don't date.

 

I suppose because it can feel like you're bribing someone to spend time with you. If you're under the illusion that a woman would hang out with you for free, then it probably chafes your rear end. If you're a more realistic person, then you understand the costs of doing business.

[Greznog]

That is why I don't understand why some guys are making an issue of this. If spending that little bit of money for a date is an issue to you then don't date.

 

Because sexism is wrong.

[Pyro]

I suppose because it can feel like you're bribing someone to spend time with you. If you're under the illusion that a woman would hang out with you for free, then it probably chafes your rear end. If you're a more realistic person, then you understand the costs of doing business.

 

A 10 dollar date is not a bribe.

 

My point is that making a deal out of spending that little bit of cash is ridiculous.

 

Because sexism is wrong.

 

[fortyninethousand322]

A 10 dollar date is not a bribe.

 

My point is that making a deal out of spending that little bit of cash is ridiculous.

 

Yeah, and I'm not saying that it a bribe. Just that some people could (and do) construe it as such. Or, maybe some of these guys think women like expensive dates and assume that it's why they are supposed to pay for dates.

 

I don't know, I'm not saying I agree with those types of guys, just explaining why it is I think they object.

[Greznog]

 

I concede it's a novel idea but it's wrong even when it benefits women.

[Pyro]

Yeah, and I'm not saying that it a bribe. Just that some people could (and do) construe it as such. Or, maybe some of these guys think women like expensive dates and assume that it's why they are supposed to pay for dates.

 

I don't know, I'm not saying I agree with those types of guys, just explaining why it is I think they object.

 

well we know what usually happens when something is assumed.

 

If you stop yourself from making it an expensive date and she sticks around with you then there are no reasons to indicate that she is a gold digger.

[Sanman]

well we know what usually happens when something is assumed.

 

If you stop yourself from making it an expensive date and she sticks around with you then there are no reasons to indicate that she is a gold digger.

 

 

See, I think the issue is that it is not always over a couple of bucks and the definition of a date also differs around here. Are we talking a first date after an online conversation or a date after you have known the girl a while and are friends. What happens if the girl rejects your idea for a picnic or cheap night out and suggests a more expensive alternative for dinner because she wanted to check it out? I have had women do this to me before including at the last minute.

[Pyro]

See, I think the issue is that it is not always over a couple of bucks and the definition of a date also differs around here. Are we talking a first date after an online conversation or a date after you have known the girl a while and are friends. What happens if the girl rejects your idea for a picnic or cheap night out and suggests a more expensive alternative for dinner because she wanted to check it out? I have had women do this to me before including at the last minute.

 

If it is something she suggests then she should pay her half at the least, and that goes for a first date or for a date with a girl you have known for a while.

[KimRandall]

I think I'd stop paying for the dates. Is he asking you out on these dates? If so, he should pay. If you initiate the dates I would say he should at least pay his half.

Does he work?

[Els]

Just for the heck of it, I spent a bit of time over the past few weeks noticing who paid when couples eat out. I currently live in a small city in a very egalitarian country - one of the few cited by the Mercer Quality of Living index as having complete gender equality. THe women here were supposedly the first in the world to be given the right to vote.

 

My observations:

 

About 50% of all couples went dutch, and almost 90% of the young couples did.

In about 30% of all couples and about 5% of the young couples, the man paid.

In about 20% of all couples and about 5% of the young couples, the woman paid.

 

Seems fairly equal to me. Granted, I completely excluded Asian couples from my observations, since most Asian immigrants bring their own culture with them and cultural standards in Asia are that: the man pays. Otherwise, yes, fairly equal. I daresay this would be mostly the case in many countries in Europe, as well as Australia, as well.

 

America, I would imagine, is a bit of a puzzle, since it is supposedly one of the most modern countries, yet maintains some strangely antiquated notions such marriage being required for legal purposes, anti-abortion laws, anti-same sex marriage laws, anti-prostitution laws etc. It's probably in one of those fluid states that you're not entirely sure where you are. Still, I would imagine that given time and progress, eventually this would even out and be a non-issue.

[kaylan]

^Young people > Old people

 

Thats what I gathered from that post lolz.

 

Btw...how do you define young?

[Sanman]

Just for the heck of it, I spent a bit of time over the past few weeks noticing who paid when couples eat out. I currently live in a small city in a very egalitarian country - one of the few cited by the Mercer Quality of Living index as having complete gender equality. THe women here were supposedly the first in the world to be given the right to vote.

 

 

You're a Hobbit?

[Sanman]

^Young people > Old people

 

Thats what I gathered from that post lolz.

 

Btw...how do you define young?

 

 

Nor really, the reduction in going dutch is explained easily by the fact that older people are much more likely to be in more serious relationships. Early in my relationship, we went dutch. Now, we take turns and it really does not matter where the money comes from.

[musemaj11]

Nor really, the reduction in going dutch is explained easily by the fact that older people are much more likely to be in more serious relationships. Early in my relationship, we went dutch. Now, we take turns and it really does not matter where the money comes from.

I think what he was saying was that older people behave differently than younger people due to generational differences.

 

My mom for example believes that a man has to always pay but at the same time a man shouldn't do anything at home.

[Els]

^Young people > Old people

 

Thats what I gathered from that post lolz.

 

Btw...how do you define young?

 

Hmm, good question. By appearance, sadly, I couldn't go up and ask everyone their ages. Young would probably be 30 and below (ages in which the couple would be more likely to be dating, not married). I'm sorry if this pisses anyone off, but I swear I was not intending that when I subconsciously divided the people up.

 

You're a Hobbit?

 

Why, yes! How did you guess?

 

Nor really, the reduction in going dutch is explained easily by the fact that older people are much more likely to be in more serious relationships. Early in my relationship, we went dutch. Now, we take turns and it really does not matter where the money comes from.

 

Yep, I think the older couples are most likely married and possibly even have joint finances, too.

[bac]

I think that it is polite of a man to pay in short-term Rs or on the first several dates. As for the first dates, men do often ask women where they would like to go. And, a woman should choose smth from a man's list. But, if she has choosen smth it does not mean that she wants to pay for the first dates.

If a man likes a girl and he expects to have sex with her someday, he should pay for the first dates. The payment is a polite 'thank you' for having sex in the future if he gets any sex. The probability that they are going to have a serious R is questionable at the begining of dating. But, they might have casual sex on the dates #1-5 and the R might not last long. Therefore, it is nice of a man to be thankful that a girl let him have casual sex with her. In other words, he got what he wanted (casual sex) but she did not get what she wanted (a serious R), so, it is nice of him to say 'thank you'(=pay for the dating) at least.

[johan]

Paying is the traditional way for a man to show that he has the means to support himself and a family. Maybe that's not necessary in the modern world, but then most guys still want to demonstrate that they are self-sufficient. And women like to see that in a guy. It also shows that he can be generous and that he cares enough to make even a small investment. Maybe that's why I like to pay most of the time.

 

As the relationship progresses I also like to see the woman pay for things. She can take the opportunity to show me that she isn't going to simply live off of me, but instead likes to see things be fair. And down the road we can both contribute equally if we decide to share assets and combine our lives.

[Almond_Joy]

Hi everyone,

 

 

I was watching this vid and thought of this forum, because I see this argument on here all the time. .....that's it.

 

[Sanman]

I think that it is polite of a man to pay in short-term Rs or on the first several dates. As for the first dates, men do often ask women where they would like to go. And, a woman should choose smth from a man's list. But, if she has choosen smth it does not mean that she wants to pay for the first dates.

If a man likes a girl and he expects to have sex with her someday, he should pay for the first dates. The payment is a polite 'thank you' for having sex in the future if he gets any sex. The probability that they are going to have a serious R is questionable at the begining of dating. But, they might have casual sex on the dates #1-5 and the R might not last long. Therefore, it is nice of a man to be thankful that a girl let him have casual sex with her. In other words, he got what he wanted (casual sex) but she did not get what she wanted (a serious R), so, it is nice of him to say 'thank you'(=pay for the dating) at least.

 

 

That is just scary. It is nice for a man to be thankful that a woman let him have sex with her? So he should by dinner as pre-payment? Wow, so in you eyes women are pretty much prostitutes? Women cannot want casual sex as well? Men cannot want relationships? That whole statement just boggles my mind.

[musemaj11]

I think that it is polite of a man to pay in short-term Rs or on the first several dates. As for the first dates, men do often ask women where they would like to go. And, a woman should choose smth from a man's list. But, if she has choosen smth it does not mean that she wants to pay for the first dates.

If a man likes a girl and he expects to have sex with her someday, he should pay for the first dates. The payment is a polite 'thank you' for having sex in the future if he gets any sex. The probability that they are going to have a serious R is questionable at the begining of dating. But, they might have casual sex on the dates #1-5 and the R might not last long. Therefore, it is nice of a man to be thankful that a girl let him have casual sex with her. In other words, he got what he wanted (casual sex) but she did not get what she wanted (a serious R), so, it is nice of him to say 'thank you'(=pay for the dating) at least.

I agree with you.

 

I have the belief that if a man knows that a woman seeks serious relationship with him yet he has not the same intention, then he should cover most if not all of the relationship's expenses. Its the fair thing to do.

 

Personally I care about who pays only if I wanted something serious with a woman because Im going to invest emotionally in her and I dont want to fall for someone who is selfish. But I dont mind paying for everything if I have no long term intention in a woman because that makes me feel less guilty when I drop her once Im no longer interested in her. Its like I paid for her service so I owe her nothing.

[filani]

Paying is the traditional way for a man to show that he has the means to support himself and a family. Maybe that's not necessary in the modern world, but then most guys still want to demonstrate that they are self-sufficient. And women like to see that in a guy. It also shows that he can be generous and that he cares enough to make even a small investment. Maybe that's why I like to pay most of the time.

 

As the relationship progresses I also like to see the woman pay for things. She can take the opportunity to show me that she isn't going to simply live off of me, but instead likes to see things be fair. And down the road we can both contribute equally if we decide to share assets and combine our lives.

 

It's all good and well to talk about 'traditional roles' but this is the new millennium, the era of equality no less. Following traditional roles blindly without taking this into consideration will just set a man up to be a free meal dispenser!

You talked about having your girl pay for dates 'further down the line' but what assurance do you have that she'll want to do that?

If you have set up a dynamic where you are always paying for dates early on in the relationship why should she suddenly feel like opening her wallet on your behalf? after all you've never called her out on it before!

 

Any girl who is not willing to go dutch by the second date , then set up and pay for the third date raises a major red flag IMO