deemoney Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 I'm all for women sharing the load but not paying or even offering to pay is just bad manners period. I'd be cautious Even if he was raised differently he still should have the common sense and decency to pay at least once. Does he treat his male friends this way? it's just a bit bizarre for me. However, it doesn't damn him immediately but it's definitely a red flag. I just found this funny video which might help explain how men really think about women. I hope it doesn't make light of your experience. I just thought it was kind of accurate when it comes to men and their relationships Link to post Share on other sites
sooniechan Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 I always remember my mom telling me to never let a guy pay for you. Ha ha. If he pays it means you owe him and you don't want to owe him anything. Just go out to have a good time. I still think that's somewhat true. I feel bad if someone pays for something for me. I feel like I have to return the favor. Overall, I'm not sure why some people get upset if someone wants to pay for a woman. Or if a woman wants a man to pay. Just don't date those women if that's how you feel. Or am I missing something on that one? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kalaslsl Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 Are you saying he splits the tab or that you pay the bill entirely? If you're just splitting the tab, and you're getting everything you'd want out of the relationship as far as attention, initiative, and affection - what is the problem? Would you be happier if he just handed you $100 at the end of the night? Cause you know what that sounds like right? Damn, I'm copying this and saving it, great response!! Link to post Share on other sites
kalaslsl Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 I always remember my mom telling me to never let a guy pay for you. Ha ha. If he pays it means you owe him and you don't want to owe him anything. Just go out to have a good time. I still think that's somewhat true. I feel bad if someone pays for something for me. I feel like I have to return the favor. Overall, I'm not sure why some people get upset if someone wants to pay for a woman. Or if a woman wants a man to pay. Just don't date those women if that's how you feel. Or am I missing something on that one? We need more women like you and your mom in this world Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamless Sleep Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 This is a great thread. A woman at work who appears happily married to a guy she met online was discussing this recently. She callously talked about how she got so many great meals at great restaurants in town. I didn't get the impression that she enjoyed the company of many of these guys. She always had them pay. It was an unflattering and surprising revelation. Sounds like a way to ruin a good meal I would expect to pay for the first few dates but would be flattered by an offer to get the next one etc. I'm not in the position of someone in their 20's just starting a career so I think it's different for me. Wining and dining them isn't something I can't afford. I want someone who expects to reciprocate in the relationship. It doesn't have to be close to 50% either. But someone who presumes that I should always pay, no way. Regardless of her lot in life. I'll save the nice places for those I want to share a nice time. Link to post Share on other sites
bac Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 I always remember my mom telling me to never let a guy pay for you. Ha ha. If he pays it means you owe him and you don't want to owe him anything. Just go out to have a good time. I still think that's somewhat true. I feel bad if someone pays for something for me. I feel like I have to return the favor. Overall, I'm not sure why some people get upset if someone wants to pay for a woman. Or if a woman wants a man to pay. Just don't date those women if that's how you feel. Or am I missing something on that one? We need more women like you and your mom in this world They are good women! But, what are their other qualities including their appearance on a scale of 1 to 10? They are probably beautiful but I assume there might be some women who have to pay because they have no choice. In other words, it might be impossible to find anyone who would be willing to pay or date them. Also, what is their position on casual sex. Is she planning to have sex with the men? How many times in her life has she ever had sex? Perhaps, a few. How many sexual partners has she had? I understand her mother. Mother gave her right advice because she did not want her daughter to have casual sex with men. Link to post Share on other sites
Sanman Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 I always remember my mom telling me to never let a guy pay for you. Ha ha. If he pays it means you owe him and you don't want to owe him anything. Just go out to have a good time. I still think that's somewhat true. I feel bad if someone pays for something for me. I feel like I have to return the favor. Overall, I'm not sure why some people get upset if someone wants to pay for a woman. Or if a woman wants a man to pay. Just don't date those women if that's how you feel. Or am I missing something on that one? Men get mad about this the same way women get mad about men who want sex quickly. At the end of the day, both are social norms and mean you have to work much harder to find someone you are compatible with. I think that frustration leads to such anger. Link to post Share on other sites
crude Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 How about this idea. A man pays for 5 dates, including 1 out of towner. The dates cost him $1,200, but lead to sex on the 6th meeting at his place. After that, they're officially bf/gf and they go Dutch, treat each other, and eat at her place, so it's free. Multiply that by 5 women, sex twice a week, and maybe it'll last for 18 months before the women want marriage and he has to get 5 new women. That's sex 780 times for $6,000. Approximately $7.70 per. Either that or maybe women should pay their own way and stop pressuring men to be their human ATM. Just saying. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 I dated a man I wasn't attracted to while I was out of town on vacation. I just wanted some company. He bought the theater tickets and I paid for the meal afterward at a nice seafood restaurant. I didn't want him to feel I'd led him on or that he had a chance with me. He still offered me some money so I told him to leave the tip. I told him that if he ever came to visit my city, I'd show him around. Another guy I was dating took me out to dinner and paid for everything. We had sex afterward. We continue to date. I told him about my experience with the first guy and how I paid because I didn't want to have sex. I asked him if that was the right thing to do. He said, "Those are the rules." He happens to be very successful in business and is 50 years old, divorced twice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 I don't EVER let someone pay for me on the first date. I feel it's very bad form. I don't like the idea of letting a guy pay for me, because then it indebts me to ask him out again so I can return the favor...or it leaves me being a jerk if I never contact him again. After a while of going out, I'll take turns paying, but don't ever like to deviate too far from a 50/50 split. One of my friends is a lesbian, and she went out with a princess type who was happy to be wined and dined. Princess cut the date short, allowed my friend to pay for the meal without ever offering a dime (not even the tip). Immediately after the date, texted my friend to say she 'didn't see it working.' At the very least, if you decide while on the date that you never want to see that person again, at least settle the score financially between you before you part ways for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Carenth Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 I always offer to pay, however I have found at least with the girls I've dated and had relationships with it always pans out to be about 50/50. Either take turns paying for nights out, or go dutch. It seems very common where I live to go dutch as no one (including girls) want to be seen as a cheap skate. Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel V. Ross Posted November 16, 2012 Share Posted November 16, 2012 On going to date, I'm the one who is paying the bills. Link to post Share on other sites
Troubled1 Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 How about this idea. A man pays for 5 dates, including 1 out of towner. The dates cost him $1,200, but lead to sex on the 6th meeting at his place. Either that or maybe women should pay their own way and stop pressuring men to be their human ATM. Just saying. I hope you are joking. Only hood rats accept a dinner date with a man for the free dinner. Most women over age 25 would not waste their time, lets do the math: $25 dinner, 15 for 2 drinks, all for about 3 hours of my time? I would rather work and buy my own dinner than spend 3 hours with someone I wasn't feeling. I just see it as if a guy REALLY likes you he can pay for the majority of the dates. It's just how our society works. I reciprocate, with stuff like backrubs & home made meals, and I buy him shirts and bicycles and take his kids back to school shopping & other little presents here and there. It ends up about the same, I just like the way it works better when he pays for dates. Link to post Share on other sites
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I hope you are joking. Only hood rats accept a dinner date with a man for the free dinner. Most women over age 25 would not waste their time, lets do the math: $25 dinner, 15 for 2 drinks, all for about 3 hours of my time? I would rather work and buy my own dinner than spend 3 hours with someone I wasn't feeling. I just see it as if a guy REALLY likes you he can pay for the majority of the dates. It's just how our society works. I reciprocate, with stuff like backrubs & home made meals, and I buy him shirts and bicycles and take his kids back to school shopping & other little presents here and there. It ends up about the same, I just like the way it works better when he pays for dates. HAHAHAAH my best friend JUST said like a few hours ago when I was talking to her that she was going to get on POF and try to get someone to buy her dinner tonight! I personally always make the effort to pay for whatever date I go on. Most of the time the guys pay or he will pay for dinner and I'll pay for the movie or snack or something. I don't wanna feel like a bum Link to post Share on other sites
rainfall Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I just see it as if a guy REALLY likes you he can pay for the majority of the dates. It's just how our society works. I reciprocate, with stuff like backrubs & home made meals, and I buy him shirts and bicycles and take his kids back to school shopping & other little presents here and there. It ends up about the same, I just like the way it works better when he pays for dates. I disagree, there is no reason that a man should have to pay for the majority of dates, especially after you have been together for a long time. I think the first few dates should be paid for by whoever asked the other one and after that a woman should be willing to pay on occasion. Link to post Share on other sites
Michal2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 I think you should meet her and ask her if she love you or not or just time pass if she say she love you then you should meet her parents and make good relation with them sometimes it depend upon the situation Link to post Share on other sites
syw0806 Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 (edited) Moderator note: This particular thread and post was chosen as an appropriate starting point for the master thread on etiquette regarding paying for dates. Historical and current discussion will be merged as appropriate and found. If the topic of 'who pays for dates' is what you wish to discuss, this thread is the place to do it. Thanks. I've recently started dating someone. From the beginning he has not offered to pay for a single date. We are on our fifth date at this point and it makes me feel like he's not taking this seriously. We do chat all the time and he does make effort in calling me first. When we are alone he's very affectionate and passionate. He is from a different background than me. I don't know if it makes a difference. He is Jewish and I'm not. We both know that our parents would hate the fact that we are dating. Would that make a difference? He's already told me that he does not plan on dating other people at the same time. However this makes me doubt him. (I know so old fashioned) Any advice would be appreciated. I'm a girl and even myself would insist to split the bill, or pay at least on the second or third date, because I want to show my date that i'm not taking any advantage of him nor seeing him just for free dinner or free whatever. If a guy I am dating never insists to pay, I would definately assume he doesn't want to impress me at all.. I don't know. I cannot say it is wrong, but it is weird. I dated few jewish guys, well my case some are not religious some would go to temples few times a year, and they all insisted to pay. In my experience, if a guy wants to impress you and likes you, he will pay at least for few times. I cannot judge him by reading just few lines, but I would doubt him if he never pays. It doesn't matter if he's seeing only you for now. Maybe he really was telling you the truth, but don't you feel there's something wrong that the guy never pays? unless he has any execuse. If I don't have money to afford a date, and it's been few dates, I would explain the guy about my situation at least, so he's not getting any wrong impression. I'm pretty sure he knows that he's not been paying any so far. Edited November 26, 2012 by syw0806 Link to post Share on other sites
crude Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 The problem I see is the double standard. A woman can simply say if a man doesn't pay, he's cheap a loser, not a man. It could be turned around- if a woman doesn't pay, then she's cheap, a loser, and not a woman. Some women say a man must pay to show her that he could be a provider. The same thing could be said about a woman, but we never do. Honestly, grownups should pay their own way in life, but women keep putting the squeeze on men by insisting they pay or else. Don't be surprised when these forced johns/providers/meal tickets become hardened and look to get their money's worth. Pay for 5 dates and get free sex for a year, then dump her. Better still, have 4 "girlfriends" at once and dump them all for 4 new purchases. Create a distorted, sexist system, and watch men become cold and calculating. 5 dates x 4 women =$3,000 and an instant harem for the year. Link to post Share on other sites
zebracolors Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 Maybe I am progressive, or just trying to make it clear that I am independent. So If i am on a dinner "date", when the check comes I will reach for my purse and casually offer to pay. Which I think is something women can do if they feel like they are imposing, or something. And the man will either let you, or he will state that "he's got it". It doesn't have to be a big deal, and at least for me personally, I feel better for at least offering:) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
maybealone Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 It could be turned around- if a woman doesn't pay, then she's cheap, a loser, and not a woman. That's pretty much most of the content of this thread. I don't think dating needs to be all that different than friendships. With my friends, it is a constant give and take. Sometimes I treat, sometimes I am treated. I don't think I would want friends that constantly insisted that everything be split down the middle. Link to post Share on other sites
crude Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 About 80% of our male posters constantly whine that a woman won't even TALK to them, much less go to dinner with them 5 times in a row and then proceed to give them sex for a year. Hysterical!! But hey - thanks for playing. I was just going by this pattern that I've seen here. The man is forced to pay for dates, the woman spreads on the 5th date, then suddenly they're declared boyfriend and girlfriend, and they go dutch, treat each other, eat at her place, so it's equality after that magical 5th date. They have sex for maybe a year, before the woman asks where the relationship is going. He can then say that she forced him to pay for her, he got his money's worth, now it's time for a new "girlfriend". Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 If a woman isn't generous, she isn't that into you becase she doesn't feel the need to give to you. I notice that when Im with someone who is into me as much as I am into her, we fight to pay for each other all the time. Cheap women are good only for sex. Not worth long term emotional investment. Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 (edited) Hawaii, with all due respect, I simply can't IMAGINE taking the time to get dolled up for the evening and spending a couple of hours with someone I barely know, making polite small chat all through dinner JUST so I can 'feed' at the trough and pick my teeth while you pay the bill. It boggles my mind that ANYONE would find a $14.99 Applebee's steak dinner worth that much time and effort. I'd rather drive through the Micky D's window and pick up a bag of burgers and eat them at home alone. People are different. Personally, I love going to a nice Middle Eastern restaurant with my hubby. To me, it's fun to get all elegant and go eat yummy food that we don't cook. (My husband and I both cook.) It's also fun not to wash dishes afterwards. My husband and me don't eat burgers because we like to eat healthy (even though some things we eat, like dessert, aren't healthy, but we don't eat dessert everyday). About paying for dates, when my hubby and I first started dating, we took turns paying. Also, when we first got married, I payed for most everything, from rent to groceries. I don't have any problem with that, cause we are a team. When we were first dating, it felt nice being able to pay for things too, because it helped me feel closer to him and that we are on the same page. After Christmas, I am looking forward to working full-time again in order to continue helping more with the finances. For me, dating was to see if the man and I would make a good team, and marriage is teamwork! Edited November 27, 2012 by BetheButterfly Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 Men pay with the sweat from their brow. Women pay with their bodies. Link to post Share on other sites
Bassetti Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 (edited) Like someone said a few posts above I also prefer to switch off paying but splitting the bill is uncomfortable for me. If it came down to splitting the bill I would rather just pay the whole thing. I think just being the age that I am (30) I don't see dating as a formal courting ritual but just getting to know someone andideally I'd like money to have as small of a part as it could. Edited January 1, 2013 by Bassetti Link to post Share on other sites
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