Consolidated Discussion - Paying for Dates

[ltjg45]

I don't care anymore because women have shown themselves to be takers, not partners. And pbjbear, don't be fooled by a man who waits for sex. He probably is getting it elsewhere, and can afford to wait, and make it seem like he's a great guy who's respectful and considerate. When she finally thinks it's time, he adds her to the rotation. I swear I don't understand why women don't just have sex with men they've know for years, friends, and not some stranger after 3-5 dates.

 

Funny. Your stereotype doesn't match up with me at all.

 

I have no issues waiting for sex and I damn won't have some "rotation of women" to sleep with at my beak and call.

[crude]

Funny. Your stereotype doesn't match up with me at all.

 

I have no issues waiting for sex and I damn won't have some "rotation of women" to sleep with at my beak and call.

 

 

Aren't some women here saying there's incredible pressure on a woman to have sex after 3 dates, or he'll go elsewhere because the opportunities are plentiful? Those other women as well as old friends are part of many men's lives, and they're not desperate to have the new woman in their life right away.

[Fondue]

I recently started to follow a certain rule.

 

Regardless of relationship status, gender, sexual orientation, etc.

 

If I invite you to come out with me, I will be paying for you. Whether it is coffee, drinks, a meal, etc.

 

If I am asking YOU to join ME, then I will be treating you.

 

I just took a male friend of mine out for dinner and drinks, fun was had. Paid for him, no homo. Been doing this for a few weeks now. EVERY time the other person kindly requested they pay their share, but once I told them that I do this for everyone I ask to join me in something, they all seem to really respect it. One girl in particular said that it was very "Chinese" of me to do so. I am not at all Chinese or Asian, but apparently they have similar custom? I dunno.

 

EDIT: I am careful in who I take out though, dates or no dates. I am not looking for gold diggers and can spot them from a mile away, I wouldn't ever ask anyone with that sort of mentality out . Genuine girls will always offer to pay and be very grateful that you paid for them.

[Ruby Slippers]

3rd date this weekend. I like him, have no idea if it'll go anywhere, but want to keep dating him. He hasn't let me pay for a single thing, though I've offered and even tried to grab the bill at one point. Every time, he said I could "get it next time". But he didn't seem to like the idea of me paying. His attitude came across as: Why is she trying to pay?

 

He's 5 years older than me and quite old-school with his approach to dating - total gentleman, which I love.

 

Do I insist upon paying next time?

[pbjbear]

I don't care anymore because women have shown themselves to be takers, not partners. And pbjbear, don't be fooled by a man who waits for sex. He probably is getting it elsewhere, and can afford to wait, and make it seem like he's a great guy who's respectful and considerate. When she finally thinks it's time, he adds her to the rotation. I swear I don't understand why women don't just have sex with men they've know for years, friends, and not some stranger after 3-5 dates.

 

Because if we did that, most women would have over 100 partners and men would judge us.

 

Its also easy for you to say that when you dont have to work about getting pregnant

 

Have you ever thought maybe women have emotions too? Of course youd encourage us to act that way...because then youd get tons of sex! Your motives are purely selfish.

 

Crude is a selfish little pig based on his posts here I see constantly

[pbjbear]

Funny. Your stereotype doesn't match up with me at all.

 

I have no issues waiting for sex and I damn won't have some "rotation of women" to sleep with at my beak and call.

 

 

You seem like a good guy. Unfortunately in the real world, most men are like CaptJack and crude and are selfish little pigs who see women as disposable holes. I do come across decent men in the real world, but they are pretty damn rare.

 

They pretty much admitted no guy is respectful and caring of women's feelings...then blame me for being a manhater LOL

 

Sorry it is within my right to hate people that see me as an object to be used and nothing more.

[Els]

86 pages for paying for dates, but my waxing thread only has 3?

 

Sheesh.

[pbjbear]

Damn, you really need to chill with that attitude if you want to find a keeper.

 

I'm sure you're a really nice and cool person that has just had bad experiences, but man-hating is not the answer.

 

Trust me. I've been there (except the opposite).

 

If every guy has your attitude then I am def. a manhater

 

Men today are animals, not humans. Grow the **** up, attain some morals and emotional depth as a person and maybe Ill change my mind

[Els]

I recently started to follow a certain rule.

 

Regardless of relationship status, gender, sexual orientation, etc.

 

If I invite you to come out with me, I will be paying for you. Whether it is coffee, drinks, a meal, etc.

 

If I am asking YOU to join ME, then I will be treating you.

 

I just took a male friend of mine out for dinner and drinks, fun was had. Paid for him, no homo. Been doing this for a few weeks now. EVERY time the other person kindly requested they pay their share, but once I told them that I do this for everyone I ask to join me in something, they all seem to really respect it. One girl in particular said that it was very "Chinese" of me to do so. I am not at all Chinese or Asian, but apparently they have similar custom? I dunno.

 

EDIT: I am careful in who I take out though, dates or no dates. I am not looking for gold diggers and can spot them from a mile away, I wouldn't ever ask anyone with that sort of mentality out . Genuine girls will always offer to pay and be very grateful that you paid for them.

 

Hahahah, yeah, Chinese tend to fight to PAY the bill. East Asian culture typically involves the guy insisting on paying for dates as well - word on the streets is that if a guy doesn't, he's thinking of it as a platonic meeting, and if the girl doesn't let him, she's enforcing platonicity. I'm not sure if I agree with it, but it certainly makes the whole, "Was it a date? Did he/she like me?" question easier.

[crude]

@pbjbear

 

Most men start out being decent, but after getting kicked in the face repeatedly by women who are creeps hiding behind their gender, they change and become selfish. Women seem to approve of any double standard that benefits them. I love when a woman tells a man to just pay for all the dates, it's no big deal. When he says if it's no big deal, then YOU pay, it becomes a big deal and a story she'll tell for the rest of her life. Women can't be lazy or cheap or cowardly or gold diggers, it's always dismissed as their nature. They have unbelievable opportunities in the workforce now, but choose to hide behind old stereotypes when it suits them. As long as women treat men badly and use us for selfish reasons, it's only right for men to defend themselves and not care one bit about women.

[pbjbear]

@pbjbear

 

Most men start out being decent, but after getting kicked in the face repeatedly by women who are creeps hiding behind their gender, they change and become selfish. Women seem to approve of any double standard that benefits them. I love when a woman tells a man to just pay for all the dates, it's no big deal. When he says if it's no big deal, then YOU pay, it becomes a big deal and a story she'll tell for the rest of her life. Women can't be lazy or cheap or cowardly or gold diggers, it's always dismissed as their nature. They have unbelievable opportunities in the workforce now, but choose to hide behind old stereotypes when it suits them. As long as women treat men badly and use us for selfish reasons, it's only right for men to defend themselves and not care one bit about women.

 

I dont approve of double standards that benefit me we've been over this 100x. I pay for myself on all of my dates (that way men dont expect sex, because they always have this "exchange theory" in the back of their head...after all, women arent human beings we exist only for their pleasure and we dont have thoughts or feelings ourselves)

 

I give every guy I date the benefit of the doubt and I havent ever been called a manhater in real life. I dont say this stuff to people because I know what their reaction will be and most people live in denial.

 

If you ever meet a girl like me in your life your attitude will make them run for the hills. I have dated men I am sure had your attitude (but didnt say it out loud to me...) my internal alarm bells went off and I stopped seeing them

[ltjg45]

You seem like a good guy. Unfortunately in the real world, most men are like CaptJack and crude and are selfish little pigs who see women as disposable holes. I do come across decent men in the real world, but they are pretty damn rare.

 

They pretty much admitted no guy is respectful and caring of women's feelings...then blame me for being a manhater LOL

 

Sorry it is within my right to hate people that see me as an object to be used and nothing more.

 

In a way, I can't blame you. I have seen this kind of stance from fellow males for a good portion of my life. I told my father I refuse to be anything like him. I meant what I said, even though I said that back when I was 14.

 

Yeah, back then, I grew up fast. I learned how cruel the world is and how fast I need to take note of it.

 

And to think I was born retarded with messed up eyes and seizures.

 

Unfortunately, I'll be a fool if I said that females isn't just as devious as the males, which they are. I got turned off by a sheer number of them because of the way they walk and carry themselves.

 

I'm just looking for a good woman that I can respect and love. Why would I say this?

 

Well, I do expect a women that not only respect herself but also respects others while is willing to love me for who I am. Now, this doesn't mean that I should stay unemployed or the like. I have no desire being like this myself. I have goals in life and I do aim to reach them.

 

I just feel that if I don't succeed in dating and finding at least one women that I want to marry, my goals in life has little meaning because the only reason why I'm doing it is to say I did something meaningful with my life. I don't need the money, the fame, or the respect that comes out of it.

 

After that, everything else concerning her can be overlooked provided there is no real big red flags that can occur out of them. That even include sex (even though that means more self-control since I won't be able to get my sexual desire to be covered within the relationship and I have some issues with that right now. )

 

My main issue? Confidence and a burning hatred in my heart after what I went through due to my family. I'm still going through some of it in this day and era. I'm trying to recover but my childhood memories of living in the ghetto still reminds me often throughout this day and age.

[Ruby Slippers]

86 pages for paying for dates, but my waxing thread only has 3?

 

Sheesh.

And my on-topic, non-argumentative question is ignored. I guess I need to stir more **** if I want a response.

[123321]

That but I find its more so you like the SEX

 

Sex is usually nice but after the breakup there will be a new GF and new sex, which IME is a lot like the old sex. So it's not really a matter of sex for me.

[Els]

And my on-topic, non-argumentative question is ignored. I guess I need to stir more **** if I want a response.

 

Don't forget the blanket statements about the opposite sex! And always, always bring sex and prostitution into the 'who pays' debate. Tried and trusted technique, that.

[Els]

LOL. What these delusional chuckleheads fail to realize is that treating a woman to a $3 cup of coffee or springing for the $14.99 New Orleans Steak Dinner at Applebee's is NOT the equivalent of what they'd pay your standard prostitute. Hell, most prostitutes won't even let these guys see their g-strings for $14.99, much less give them full on sex (unless they're desperate crack whores looking for whatever they can earn for their next fix).

 

If these social misfits can find a decent looking prostitute who'll give them the time of their lives - for $14.99 - I say go for it! LMAO!!!

 

Ah, but that is why those guys complain - there was a rather prolific poster who detailed how he brought his new date on a lavish cruise and spent $5000 on her, I believe. According to him, that was proof that all women were gold-diggers, not proof that he was stupid and desperate.

[Mr_Flay]

Here's some proof, once for all, that money doesn't get you women. Not even gold diggers, it seems:

 

The multi-millionaire who has spent $65,000 on web dating¿ and still can't find love | Mail Online

[Revolver]

Its very simple.

 

Men are ok with paying for dates with girls they Really like and see serious relationship potential with. They only really get mad when it's a woman they just want to sleep with and they're paying over a few dates and not getting any action.

Edited February 21, 2013 by Revolver

[crude]

Its very simple.

 

Men are ok with paying for dates with girls they Really like and see serious relationship potential with. They only really get mad when it's a woman they just want to sleep with and they're paying over a few dates and not getting any action.

 

There have to be more men in the world than me who simply believe in equality and want a woman to pay her own way in life. If she mooches on dates, I doubt she'd ever be a good, contributing wife. The mooching would continue. And if a woman likes a man and sees a relationship potential, maybe she should stop being so cheap and pay for dates like we expect men to.

[bac]

There have to be more men in the world than me who simply believe in equality and want a woman to pay her own way in life. If she mooches on dates, I doubt she'd ever be a good, contributing wife. The mooching would continue. And if a woman likes a man and sees a relationship potential, maybe she should stop being so cheap and pay for dates like we expect men to.

 

You can always do reality check of your expectations.

Go ahead and let us know how many real girls, who were into equality, you have ever had sex with.

How many the contributing wives have you really had?

How many women did like you so much so they got generous and paid for dates like you expected them to do?

 

IMO, If you have never seen them IRL, how do you know that they even exist there.

But, it is a wonderful sexual fantasy to expect that the amazing ladies are out there IRL.

[iKING]

Not to sound crass, but having come from a side of the family being devout Jews, money is very important. A gentleman will insist on paying regardless of cultural stigma or heritage, even sometimes with friends. There are too many possible factors to assume one, but financial security is somewhat important when you go to date. Lifestyles do play a role in relationships as humans are naturally inclined to look to others for self-benefit, true love however, is blind.

[Drseussgrrl]

When a dude's really into you, he wants to romance you, woo you, win you over, and won't think twice about asking you out on a proper date and treating you to dinner, or anything else for that matter.

 

He doesn't bitch and moan about 'women's equality'. Jesus grow a sack already.

 

My friend is dating someone long distance and he springs for her ticket every chance he gets to see her. In turn, she'll cook for him while she's there and of course pick up the tab when they're out if he lets her. Not once has this ever been an issue.

 

I've been paying my own way through life since I was practically 18. And it still feels great to me to be treated by a man.

[iKING]

When a dude's really into you, he wants to romance you, woo you, win you over, and won't think twice about asking you out on a proper date and treating you to dinner, or anything else for that matter.

 

He doesn't bitch and moan about 'women's equality'. Jesus grow a sack already.

 

My friend is dating someone long distance and he springs for her ticket every chance he gets to see her. In turn, she'll cook for him while she's there and of course pick up the tab when they're out if he lets her. Not once has this ever been an issue.

 

I've been paying my own way through life since I was practically 18. And it still feels great to me to be treated by a man.

 

Agreed. Money is just paper. It's actually just a representative of gold in the treasury, but that's another story. Money comes and goes, memories last forever. I try not to judge but those who put money on a pedestal have superficial tendencies. Having enough to live comfortably is one thing, hoarding gold-bricks like a clepto is another.

[kimberlydoll]

There have to be more men in the world than me who simply believe in equality and want a woman to pay her own way in life. If she mooches on dates, I doubt she'd ever be a good, contributing wife. The mooching would continue. And if a woman likes a man and sees a relationship potential, maybe she should stop being so cheap and pay for dates like we expect men to.

 

Crude, you just want the best of both worlds. You want to be able to use girls for sex and dont have to pay for it. I can see why not being able to satisify BOTH of your selfish desires at the same time would anger you

[crude]

Crude, you just want the best of both worlds. You want to be able to use girls for sex and dont have to pay for it. I can see why not being able to satisify BOTH of your selfish desires at the same time would anger you

 

 

 

You make it seem like all women are hookers and all men are johns, and no way men should get free sex. Wow. I feel sorry for you with an attitude like that, or rather feel sorry for myself, because I seem to be the only one who wants women to enjoy sex too and contribute equally to society. If wanting people to be people, not simplistic sexual stereotypes makes me a bad guy, then so be it. I guess only men were told it's better to give than to receive.