janie423 Posted April 18, 2010 Share Posted April 18, 2010 That's how I feel. If I like a guy and he insists on paying- I'll let him, because I know I'll see him again and be able to reciprocate. If I know I am not going to be seeing him again, I'll insist on paying my share. I totally agree with this . . . this is exactly what I do. Link to post Share on other sites
janie423 Posted April 18, 2010 Share Posted April 18, 2010 And the women who enjoy casual sex get labeled as a slut, which makes you look better to your dates since you aren't one. But really, it's not about looking better to the men, it is about the heart. Don't forget, it is men labeling these women. They do that because they don't see them as relationship material because these women do not appear to be discriminating enough. Such casual physical involvement would cause me emotional distress. So right from the first date I set the boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
kdark Posted April 18, 2010 Share Posted April 18, 2010 Women do just as much labeling as men do when it comes the slut name calling. But yes, men do do it as well. And I could never see eye to eye with men who will have a one night stand with a girl, and then call her a slut the next day to all of his buddies. Another damn double standard... Link to post Share on other sites
janie423 Posted April 18, 2010 Share Posted April 18, 2010 Women do just as much labeling as men do when it comes the slut name calling. But yes, men do do it as well. And I could never see eye to eye with men who will have a one night stand with a girl, and then call her a slut the next day to all of his buddies. Another damn double standard... Well, yes, women label them because if they are loose, then who knows, they could be sleeping with their man hehehe. Seriously, it's sad because sometimes you really feel strongly about a man and would like to get physical but you are afraid he will label you and you want him long term, so in a way men inhibit women. Does that make sense? So you have to go through these dating rituals to weed out guys that just want a one night stand. Sad but true. I'm glad you feel that way about men who do that to one night stands. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted April 18, 2010 Share Posted April 18, 2010 Getting back to the OP's original question- I do think she had reason to be annoyed. As demonstrated by my own dating ethics- I insist on paying my half, But I'd be totally put off if I had a date and the guy ate and drank more than me and insisted I paid half of a bill that included his over-indulgence. I have a female friend that pulls out her calculator and adds up her share, but never factors in the taxes and tip...Then she only puts in her share according to the pre-tax/tip amount. I hate going out with her. Her cheapness makes me furious. If I went out with a guy on a first date and he did this, I'd be more pissed than a guy that forgot his wallet. Link to post Share on other sites
kdark Posted April 18, 2010 Share Posted April 18, 2010 Getting back to the OP's original question- I do think she had reason to be annoyed. As demonstrated by my own dating ethics- I insist on paying my half, But I'd be totally put off if I had a date and the guy ate and drank more than me and insisted I paid half of a bill that included his over-indulgence. I have a female friend that pulls out her calculator and adds up her share, but never factors in the taxes and tip...Then she only puts in her share according to the pre-tax/tip amount. I hate going out with her. Her cheapness makes me furious. If I went out with a guy on a first date and he did this' date=' I'd be more pissed than a guy that forgot his wallet.[/quote'] Yeah I never answered the OP's question, and what he did to her was cheap as hell. I just do whatever is natural to keep the date flowing. If that means I pay, then fine. If that means we split, then that's even better. I don't want the night ruined because both parties are worried about who pays for what. Granted I will think a little less of my date if she doesn't offer SOMETHING to help. But it is most certainly not a deal breaker. And getting out a calculator is the biggest turn off ever. What a huge dating foul. Seriously, it's sad because sometimes you really feel strongly about a man and would like to get physical but you are afraid he will label you and you want him long term, so in a way men inhibit women. Does that make sense? Yes it makes perfect sense. And that makes me mad because when men call a girl a slut for sleeping with a guy too soon when dating, it makes women self conscious about their reputation, and what everyone thinks about her actions. All because she wanted to have sex with a guy she's attracted to, which is never a crime in my book. I don't care if a girl sleeps with me on a first date or if she waits a few dates. It makes no difference to me if I really like her. Granted, if she waits too long, then she probably isn't compatible with me, so I would lose interest. Link to post Share on other sites
marsha80 Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Since my other post had created a bit of a stir-up about dates and who pays, here's the proper outlet for that discussion. Money is obviously a burden when it comes to dating (if you're actively dating), so what are YOUR ground rules and beliefs on who pays for what? We're all adults, so lets keep this polite, constructive, and intelligent (or try to as much as possible). Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 This topic is never-ending on LS, where real life doesn't reflect the obsession with nickels and dimes. Dating is so simple. If you're dating someone who has different views about money, don't date them. If you can't afford to pay, you can either split the bill or ensure that dates are inexpensive ones. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Mine won't be the popular opinion (as usual!) but I think a guy should pay for dates. I like the feeling of being taken care of by a man, and it makes me feel special. I wouldn't personally go out with someone who expected me to pay half, simply because it would be obvious to me that our values and expectations are very different. But I don't see a problem with it for other people, if both agree on it. And no, I am not a "gold digger". I make $$ and have no problem using my $$ in a relationship or for buying something for a man. But when it comes to the dating part, I like for the man to pay. I like being treated like a lady. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
marsha80 Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 I once went on a date with this guy (after a long non-dating phase) and I offered to pay for the drinks. He didn't ask for a 2nd date, but i heard back 2wks later, and he told me he thought i wasn't into him because i paid the tab. On the flipside, a man approached me once and asked what i was drinking. I needed a refill, so I ordered one, asked him what he was drinking and bought the drinks. He was really taken aback in a positive way. So I guess it's a crap shoot. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 The first few dates we go dutch and then when we start taking it further I will pay. I have no issue being a gentlemen but I am not going to invest on somebody I am not sure if I will see ever again. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
JaySonM Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 I'm a dude and I always pay. I would feel weird not to. Link to post Share on other sites
FrustratedStandards Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Mine won't be the popular opinion (as usual!) but I think a guy should pay for dates. I like the feeling of being taken care of by a man, and it makes me feel special. I wouldn't personally go out with someone who expected me to pay half, simply because it would be obvious to me that our values and expectations are very different. But I don't see a problem with it for other people, if both agree on it. And no, I am not a "gold digger". I make $$ and have no problem using my $$ in a relationship or for buying something for a man. But when it comes to the dating part, I like for the man to pay. I like being treated like a lady. I agree with this post 100%. I feel the exact same way. I'm a dude and I always pay. I would feel weird not to. I think every man should feel bad not paying. I think it's weird that a man can ask a girl out then expect her to pay for her half. Umm...who asked who out? It's such a jerk move and a huge turn off. It's funny that guys think they are okay to say they don't want to pay for the date. They really have no idea how low they sink in a woman's eyes when they say that. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelsgoodman Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 This topic is never-ending on LS, where real life doesn't reflect the obsession with nickels and dimes. Dating is so simple. If you're dating someone who has different views about money, don't date them. If you can't afford to pay, you can either split the bill or ensure that dates are inexpensive ones. The simplest thing is to get separate bills. Everyone pays for their own food and drink, there is no confusion and no one feels like they're being used. If it was ip to me, there would be a law requiring restaurants to prepare a separate bill for each patron. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FrustratedStandards Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 The simplest thing is to get separate bills. Everyone pays for their own food and drink, there is no confusion and no one feels like they're being used. If it was ip to me, there would be a law requiring restaurants to prepare a separate bill for each patron. Then the next time a girl invites you over for dinner, make sure to bring your own ingredients so you can cook the meal for yourself too Hey, at least she pays her half on dates! Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 The simplest thing is to get separate bills. Everyone pays for their own food and drink, there is no confusion and no one feels like they're being used. If a guy is on a date, and wondering if they are being used for dinner is a top priority in their mind, I wouldn't want to be on that date anyway... seems like awfully damaged thinking to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Everyone in the world likes getting things for free. I sure do. If I took things for free as a matter of my gender alone, it would be a plain, inescapable statement that I didn't think my gender was truly equal to the other gender, was in fact less than the other gender. No other POV really possible, either equal... or not, stacking rationalizations up to the clouds won't change that simple fact one bit. Equal... or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 (and if a guy is regularly used for dinner, he needs to examine the type of women he is asking out.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Feelsgoodman Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Then the next time a girl invites you over for dinner, make sure to bring your own ingredients so you can cook the meal for yourself too Hey, at least she pays her half on dates! I've never been invited over for dinner on a first date. Link to post Share on other sites
marsha80 Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 Question: Do men feel that 'need' to be dominant and be the provider when doing the courting dance? and How are your actions influenced by how you think your manliness will be perceived? Link to post Share on other sites
Feelsgoodman Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 If a guy is on a date, and wondering if they are being used for dinner is a top priority in their mind, I wouldn't want to be on that date anyway... seems like awfully damaged thinking to me. Well, I guess we can apply the same logic to women's concern about being used for sex. If a woman would not sleep with you on the first date because being used for sex is a top priority in her mind, I would not want to date her anyway...seems like awfully damaged thinking to me. And if she is regularly getting used for sex, she should reexamine the kind of men she's attracted to 1 Link to post Share on other sites
marsha80 Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 we're going to have to keep this thread on the topic of money or suffer the wrath of the mods. Someone else can pose the whole weirdness about expectations of sex, but it won't be me (no ma'am), I'm not opening that can of whooop-ass). Link to post Share on other sites
FrustratedStandards Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 I've never been invited over for dinner on a first date. I can see why. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelsgoodman Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 I can see why. Clearly, you have a certain view of dating that you wish the rest of the world shared with you. Unfortunately for you, this view belongs to a different era. Fewer and fewer men are willing to accept the role of a human wallet. You may not like it, but that's just how things are. You can either get with the times or remain miserable and frustrated for the rest of your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 18, 2012 Share Posted May 18, 2012 If a woman is attracted to a man him paying has nothing to do with it. Many women base their decisions on instant chemistry and all the paying in the world does not change that. If she is not attracted to him he just becomes a sucker she uses for free stuff and if she has scruples she will just tell him she is not interested. No man wants to find himself in the position of being the sucker who gets used for free stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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