Consolidated Discussion - Paying for Dates

[daisybuchanan55]

Crazy Canuck, what the hell? Women should pay for themselves? Errr...what planet are you on??? I like being catered to and doted on and if a guy has a problem with that I think he's a loser! I consider myself an independent woman and fully support MY life, but if you're too cheap to pay for dinner, you definitely aren't going to be dating me. My God! How is that showing the woman you care AT ALL about impressing her?

[daisybuchanan55]

Hell no. No woman is worth that much time for me yet. I knew a guy that spent $3000 in two months dating women. He did get a girlfriend at the end but dang. He had to work 6 months on his free time to pay it off. I thought he was crazy.

 

Maybe you thought he was crazy but it was probably worth it to him! He is probably dating a great woman who loves and supports him and has regular sex with him. Where are you???

 

If I'm going to be paying for myself and therefore not feeling at all special I might as well bring a lamp in my house to the restaurant and sit across from it.

 

It's about the EFFORT and showing the woman you are happy to treat her to something.

[pteromom]

$30 plus tips plus 3 times a week becomes a lot of money. I'm not interested in keeping track but I hate free loaders, men or women. Women should pay for their own. It shouldn't cost a guy a car payment to date women.

 

Free loaders. LOL

 

I am sure there are SOME women who take advantage of a situation. Who will order steak and lobster and a bunch of drinks simply because someone else is paying.

 

So... if that is a woman's mindset, you don't go out with her again.

 

The getting-to-know-someone part of dating doesn't HAVE to be expensive. You can have a picnic in the park, have a meet-up at a coffee shop or book store, have a few beers in a sports bar, meet at a dive diner, hang out at the beach or pool... it doesn't have to cost a car payment.

 

Then, as you get to know someone, you'll figure out if she is a "free loader" or not. Most of us just want to have fun with someone, and feel like a lady and be cared for. I like a guy to pay... not because I am trying to get something for free, but because I appreciate a gentleman who treats me like a lady.

[BluEyeL]

Last date i was on, I ordered a bowl of chili. $6.00. Not going on dates to eat, Gosh!

[daisybuchanan55]

Free loaders. LOL

 

I am sure there are SOME women who take advantage of a situation. Who will order steak and lobster and a bunch of drinks simply because someone else is paying.

 

So... if that is a woman's mindset, you don't go out with her again.

 

The getting-to-know-someone part of dating doesn't HAVE to be expensive. You can have a picnic in the park, have a meet-up at a coffee shop or book store, have a few beers in a sports bar, meet at a dive diner, hang out at the beach or pool... it doesn't have to cost a car payment.

 

Then, as you get to know someone, you'll figure out if she is a "free loader" or not. Most of us just want to have fun with someone, and feel like a lady and be cared for. I like a guy to pay... not because I am trying to get something for free, but because I appreciate a gentleman who treats me like a lady.

 

EXACTLY my thought.

 

One way a guy can treat me like a lady is to TREAT me to a nice dinner. Open the door for me. Be polite. And yes, PAY!

 

It's not at all about getting things for free. I pay for myself in my day-to-day life, but that's what separates a date from regular life...feeling like I'm out being treated to something nice.

 

Crazy Canuck, it's not the way of the universe for a girl to pay for a guy. Girls reciprocate in other ways.

[daisybuchanan55]

The two best dates I've been on, by the way, cost vastly different amounts. One date the guy spent almost $1000. The other one we went horseback riding and had beers after. They were both awesome and I felt very appreciated on both. It's not about the amount of money, it's about the effort expended and the fact that I am being treated to a fun activity.

[Keenly]

I just took a girl out to a nice restaurant yesterday. I had one beer, 8$ she had three 7$ beers and a calamari appetizer.

 

 

I paid without giving it a second thought. Because it was a date, and I'm a man.

[serial muse]

This says it all. Women buy homes, men live with their parents. Much of that is because men pay for dates. Unreal. Men who don't understand this are chumps.

 

"It's hard to remember that just a few decades ago it was difficult, if not impossible, for a woman alone to take out a mortgage. Federal legislation changed that.

And yet, it's still surprising to learn how dominant single women have become in the housing market today: Their share is second only to married couples, and twice that of single men."

 

 

 

Moving Out And Buying In: Single Ladies Emerge As Homeowners : NPR

 

:lmao: My favorite part is how you then quote the article, as though it actually backs up this strange idea that men paying for dates = women thus have enough to buy a house and men don't.

 

Hint: It doesn't.

[daisybuchanan55]

Sorry it's not about money. I'm not kissing anyone's butt. You can let the nice guys for you. But then those nice guys are usually tossed aside.

 

Actually my FWB always paid, however I did buy a special meal for mother's day and flowers often. We never really went out a date though.

The first time we meet she brought this fruit tray. I was shocked because I didn't expect her to bring anything.

 

Your FWBs sound like losers lol. I guarantee they wanted to date you and thought they'd get your attention by being "cool" and paying for things. And obviously you weren't interested...

 

As for "nice guys" paying and "kissing my butt"...uhh, no. I loathe "nice guys." Not naming names but I've dated several high-profile men who are not "nice guys" in the traditional sense but treated me like god.

 

Sounds to me like you've been screwed by girls taking advantage of you or been overly nice too soon and then had girls hurt you. Consider that maybe you came on too strong and it's not about paying for a girl's coffee or making an effort or being friendly that makes you a "loser nice guy"...you probably were way too into a girl who wasn't reciprocating.

 

Any TRUE badass would never dream of letting a girl pay, though. Actual badasses are not worried about $30 or appearing to be "kissing someone's butt." You think George Clooney is worried about paying for Stacy Keibler's ravioli when they're on vacation in Lake Como? I don't think so...

[daisybuchanan55]

You're one the guys do it for the ego. Hardly a man sorry. How's that working for you btw?

 

I'd rather go out with Keenly seven days of the week! He's got it right...he's the man, so he pays. DUH!!!

 

If I were with a guy and he didn't pay for the entire bill I'd never go out with him again and all my friends would hear all about what a jackass I went out with. Seriously, I can't think of a bigger loser move!

[pteromom]

Sorry it's not about money. I'm not kissing anyone's butt. You can let the nice guys for you. But then those nice guys are usually tossed aside.

 

There's a difference between kissing someone's butt and showing them respect and interest.

 

A guy may pay, but it isn't as if a woman just sits back and gathers her rewards in a healthy budding relationship. It's reciprocal in different ways. If one person is strictly a taker and the other a giver, then sure, that taker may be a free loader.

 

As far as "nice guys", I can only speak for myself, but that's what I prefer. I don't like bad boys or someone who treats me like a free loader if they buy me dinner, or ESPECIALLY someone who pays $30 for a dinner with the attitude of "what's in this for ME?!?!?" There's a deficiency in that way of thinking that I can't quite put my finger on. Just the attitude behind it - like assuming that someone is always out to get something from you, and that you (general you, not you specifically) are always making sure you come out on top and aren't being taken advantage of. It's very unattractive.

[pteromom]

I'd rather go out with Keenly seven days of the week!

 

Me too.

 

If I were with a guy and he didn't pay for the entire bill I'd never go out with him again and all my friends would hear all about what a jackass I went out with. Seriously, I can't think of a bigger loser move!

 

I am not quite this strict. I certainly don't mind paying for myself, but again, it depends on the attitude around it.

 

If I were to offer and a guy were to accept and let me pay, I wouldn't have hard feelings about it. If he were to insist HE would pay and not let me pay, he'd get bonus points (LOL).

 

But if he asked me out, then the check arrived, and he was sitting there with his calculator adding up my part of the bill for me, then yeah, I'd think he was a total douchebag. Or if he paid but gave attitude about paying.

[Keenly]

Lol. I do something because its how im raised an I'm.told I did it for the ego boost.

 

 

Why does spending money on some one else boost my ego exactly? I am a little appalled that YOU are telling ME how I feel .

[daisybuchanan55]

Are you insane? He's got the most beautiful women in the world clamoring to be with him despite the fact that he's publicly said he will NEVER get married again.

 

Basically living the dream life...millions of dollars, gorgeous women for his taking, no commitment necessary.

 

And the way you talk...you sound like a girl. Your company IS appreciated. But so is treating a woman like a lady.

 

I'm curious where your views came from?

[crude]

:lmao: My favorite part is how you then quote the article, as though it actually backs up this strange idea that men paying for dates = women thus have enough to buy a house and men don't.

 

Hint: It doesn't.

 

 

I've looked at a condo owning woman's budget. She goes out to fancy restaurants 2 times a week (2x$75), eats at cheaper restaurants twice a week (2x$15), gets 2 mini-trips a year (2x$300), and 1 major vacation ($1200), all paid for by the chumps she goes out with, so not in her budget even though those are things she wants to do, man or not. That adds up to over $11,500 a year, including gas she never needs to get because the men are her chauffeurs. $11,500 a year pays for a $165,000 mortgage, give or take. More than enough for a place of her own.

[aussie sam]

I should point out first of all that I'm not American and that this type of etiquette is different in a lot of parts Western Europe (especially Germany).

 

I don't have a problem with paying for someone else if one of us is in a better financial position, But I have found that the quality of woman and the realness of our interaction is far higher when I don't try and wine and dine them in a way that I am unlikely to continue to do after the first few dates. I feel on the same wave length and that they respect me more. Also many woman have told me that they find it hard to respect guys who buy them drinks in bars.

 

Just my experience outside of America.

[pteromom]

Obviously you haven't heard about this woman.

 

 

Apparently her and her room mates was using men for free meals. They agreed to only on dates with each man only 5 times then disappear.

 

This Young Woman Scored $1,200 A Month In Fancy Dinners Using Match.com - Business Insider

 

There are always a-holes. A-holiness doesn't have a gender qualifier, and there are absolutely a-hole women.

 

But going on a date ASSUMING that a woman is like this woman and has the same agenda is...strange and just a little paranoid.

[ltjg45]

Any TRUE badass would never dream of letting a girl pay, though. Actual badasses are not worried about $30 or appearing to be "kissing someone's butt." You think George Clooney is worried about paying for Stacy Keibler's ravioli when they're on vacation in Lake Como? I don't think so...

 

George Clooney is quite wealthy. He is not the average working-class male.

 

That is a pitiful comparison.

[daisybuchanan55]

Seriously, Canuck, what is wrong with you?? So you're telling me you expect to find a girl who will be happy to go 50/50 with you on everything from day one? Where is the romance? The chivalry?

[aussie sam]

Seriously, Canuck, what is wrong with you?? So you're telling me you expect to find a girl who will be happy to go 50/50 with you on everything from day one? Where is the romance? The chivalry?

 

(Again here is my biased european perspective)

 

I strongly believe that there are far more genuine and original ways to demonstrate romance and chivalry other than the cliche of insisting that you pay for everything until she likes you... and then stop once you're together.

 

It seems really contrived to me, and the strong confident type women here often feel like charity cases when men do that, or like they are just trying to impress them in a fake way.

 

Some of the most beautiful moments I have spent with a woman have involved us both spending time and money on someone who needed it far more than either of us did.

 

NB: I do pay often and I don't believe that a woman who accepts it is a freeloader.

[edgygirl]

(Again here is my biased european perspective)

 

I strongly believe that there are far more genuine and original ways to demonstrate romance and chivalry other than the cliche of insisting that you pay for everything until she likes you... and then stop once you're together.

 

It seems really contrived to me, and the strong confident type women here often feel like charity cases when men do that, or like they are just trying to impress them in a fake way.

 

Some of the most beautiful moments I have spent with a woman have involved us both spending time and money on someone who needed it far more than either of us did.

 

NB: I do pay often and I don't believe that a woman who accepts it is a freeloader.

 

I used to think like this until I moved to the US. It doesn't make sense here. It's a cultural thing really and I now think like an American. I think guys who don't pay for first dates are petty. Read the Women are from Venus Men are from Mars book and you'll understand why it does make sense, even biologically.

 

I use to behave like a feminist European. I came to the conclusion that you only get cheap men when you behave that way. And don't get me wrong, I had a career and don't need any men to pay stuff for me. But the fact is no sane woman likes a man who is cheap.

[edgygirl]

You think George Clooney is worried about paying for Stacy Keibler's ravioli when they're on vacation in Lake Como? I don't think so...

 

LOL. Don't you know this kind of woman doesn't eat? Specially not carbs!

 

Cheap date! Date models, guys!

[edgygirl]

Sorry the nice guy in me died. I can assure you my experiences women don't want romance. chivalry? Sorry dear I open doors for everyone put just women. You work, heck you might make more than the guy you're dating you expect him to pay? Where's the equality in that?

 

Sorry, you are misunderstanding women. Don't you know that each gender has preferences on how they like to be seduced? So let me tell you how it feels for a woman. It feels awesome when a guy doesn't let you pay - and I swear it's NOT about the money. It just feels like: he's serious, he's interested, he's a gentleman, perhaps he will be able to provide for a family if the relationship turns serious and the woman has to stay at home taking care of a child, he's kind, and overall it feels manly and not cheap. And it's sexy. Even when the woman is not a gold digger (I'm far from it).

 

I don't want equality. Equality doesn't exist. Feminists fooled everyone. Just read the articles that came out recently saying "why women cant have it all". We can't. Guys can't have children. We have to do it. And most times someone has to pay the bills while we're doing it.

 

Me and most women I know want a man who will support our family when we can't because we're having their baby. It's animal, biological instinct, no matter what the feminists say. This coming from a high skilled woman who dedicated most of her life to her profession. Sorry. Live with it.

 

Edit: I think you're Canadian so it doesn't count because women there get 1 year paid maternity leave. In the US we don't get one paid day off. So yeah we do need a guy who can support a family. How do you think we'll feel about a guy who can't afford to buy a slice of pizza and a beer on a first date? Promising as long term relationship? Hm, no.

Edited May 29, 2013 by edgygirl

[Woggle]

I can understand a woman wanting to be treated like a princess but will a woman treat a man like a prince in return? Does the queen have a king or just some lowly servant doing her bidding? I am just curious as to what exactly a man gets out of this.

[ltjg45]

Me and most women I know want a man who will support our family when we can't because we're having their baby.

 

Good luck with that.

 

And, yeah, I'm serious.

 

There is far less males making enough to take care of any form of a family these days with so many women in there claiming the jobs the males normally get.

 

With that said, there is too many highly-earned women and not enough highly-earned men. The men that does get there take advantage of that fact by not getting into relationships and being players, which leads to this mess where successful women will either have to be the breadwinner of the family (since it is unlikely she will find one who is her equal financially and actually wants her) or remain single for the rest of her life.

 

While I'm all for the equality of careers, the chivalry of the male treating the female is basically dead as a result of it because the average male simply can't afford it anymore. So you can live with that as well. I'm sure the males, on average, will agree with that. The average earnings of a U.S. man these days is lower than the average earnings of a U.S. woman so I would make the guess that you got a bit too entitled for your own good.

 

Apparently, you forgot that feminism was done to give you a choice. It didn't help you to go down both paths with no issues. Either you chase a career and be independent or you will be a traditional housewife. There is very few women that can get away with doing both. Judging from your luck, that isn't happening with you.