Consolidated Discussion - Paying for Dates

[johan]

I pay in the US. She pays in her country. In dollar terms I make about 5 times what she makes, so it makes sense.

 

I don't see any problem with guys who question traditions. They can run their relationships however they want. They'll need to find an untraditional girl, or a pushover, to go out with.

 

If your assertion that she pays comes with a big chip on your shoulder, then it's probably the pushover you'll be with. Same result if you make your relationship about money.

 

If you state, in a good natured way, if you can, that you just want to break down the tradition of man-always-pays but you think equity and fairness are important in every aspect of the relationship, then you'll have a better chance with the woman who questions traditions herself. Then maybe you'll also end up being a house husband. Or did you want to pick and choose?

 

I also don't think there is anything wrong with people who embrace traditions, even in the modern world. If the guy wants to pay on the date, he should do it. Even self-sufficient women like the gesture and like to feel cared for.

[tbf]

As you can see counterman, paying for a single date equates to devastating social inequality for men!!!

 

Talk about conflating unrelated issues.

[will1988]

I've seen women who suggest a very expensive place to eat, they virtually invite the man, then they realize how expensive the place is, so they switch their words to "you taking me", "you picking me up", "maybe too expensive for you", making it seem like he asked her there. When the bill comes and it's huge, if he reminds her the place was her idea and she should pay her share, she pretends to be willing, and goes to her purse in slow motion, waiting for the chivalrous fool to stop her and pay himself. If he doesn't, she bad mouths him behind his back. This is what men have to put up with from the entitled ones.

 

I guess I'm a chump then... I like dining at fine restaurants and do not mind spoiling a lady to a nice evening and diner.

[Southern Cal Dude]

This is why I date older women. They don't bicker over such issues. Fewer sexual hang ups too.

[johan]

Or date someone who you actually care about. Depending who you're with, the question of who pays for a particular night out can actually be a total non-issue. I've seen it happen with my own eyes.

[Mascara]

Perhaps all men should band together and refuse to ever pay. It's Dutch or nothing. Become a "grass eater". Because every man I hear who complains about this, still does it.

 

So don't do it. Sure, you may never get a girlfriend, but you'll still have your principles.

[will1988]

Perhaps all men should band together and refuse to ever pay. It's Dutch or nothing. Become a "grass eater". Because every man I hear who complains about this, still does it.

 

So don't do it. Sure, you may never get a girlfriend, but you'll still have your principles.

 

count me out... I enjoy paying, as I've stated. lol

[TheBigQuestion]

Perhaps all men should band together and refuse to ever pay. It's Dutch or nothing. Become a "grass eater". Because every man I hear who complains about this, still does it.

 

So don't do it. Sure, you may never get a girlfriend, but you'll still have your principles.

 

I've managed to "keep my principles" but I also have a girlfriend. Funny that.

[tbf]

Perhaps all men should band together and refuse to ever pay. It's Dutch or nothing. Become a "grass eater". Because every man I hear who complains about this, still does it.

 

So don't do it. Sure, you may never get a girlfriend, but you'll still have your principles.

It really is that simple. Cause and effect. Don't want to pay, then don't.

 

If guys believe they're being slandered, they have a tort means to address slander.

[Mascara]

I've managed to "keep my principles" but I also have a girlfriend. Funny that.

 

That's exactly my point. To hear some of you men talk, you have to either pay, or die alone.

 

You don't. Just find someone who matches your dating style. Dasein on this thread just said how he paid $85 on a date. Why??? If he's that against it, DON'T DATE WOMEN WHO WANT YOU TO PAY.

[dasein]

As you can see counterman, paying for a single date equates to devastating social inequality for men!!!

 

Talk about conflating unrelated issues.

 

Or date someone who you actually care about. Depending who you're with, the question of who pays for a particular night out can actually be a total non-issue. I've seen it happen with my own eyes.

 

It's just one date! After all we know that men only go on one first date their whole lives today, not ever 5 a month or hundreds over time!

 

And of course every first date carries knowledge of whether the parties "care about each other" going in. They never have to go out several times to know that.

 

Lots of people love to sit in the back of the bus, so it's just not a big deal when you are expected to! I mean you only rode the bus once last year, just one bus ride, why all the fuss? That bus is comfy and air conditioned, so you should just accept your lot in life without a peep!

[TheBigQuestion]

That's exactly my point. To hear some of you men talk, you have to either pay, or die alone.

 

You don't. Just find someone who matches your dating style. Dasein on this thread just said how he paid $85 on a date. Why??? If he's that against it, DON'T DATE WOMEN WHO WANT YOU TO PAY.

 

Because a lot of guys, especially younger ones, don't understand this, and don't think it's an option for them. You're also minimizing the fact that many women, especially those in professional circles (legal, investment banking, pretty much any occupation where six figure salaries are the norm), are used to the good life and pretty much expect to be taken out to places where an $85 first date tab is the norm.

 

And you know what else? Plenty of people seem to think that this is a topic worthy of discussion. There wouldn't be a dedicated thread if it wasn't. Obviously, it isn't just a matter of not "dating women who want you to pay."

[tbf]

It's just one date! After all we know that men only go on one first date their whole lives today, not ever 5 a month or hundreds over time!

 

And of course every first date carries knowledge of whether the parties "care about each other" going in. They never have to go out several times to know that.

 

Lots of people love to sit in the back of the bus, so it's just not a big deal when you are expected to! I mean you only rode the bus once last year, just one bus ride, why all the fuss? That bus is comfy and air conditioned, so you should just accept your lot in life without a peep!

Oh so you're concerned about the financial impact because of volume dating for first dates. So it's up to women to make it easy to date ferociously. Talk about entitlement.

[Mascara]

Because a lot of guys, especially younger ones, don't understand this, and don't think it's an option for them. You're also minimizing the fact that many women, especially those in professional circles (legal, investment banking, pretty much any occupation where six figure salaries are the norm), are used to the good life and pretty much expect to be taken out to places where an $85 first date tab is the norm.

 

And you know what else? Plenty of people seem to think that this is a topic worthy of discussion. There wouldn't be a dedicated thread if it wasn't. Obviously, it isn't just a matter of not "dating women who want you to pay."

 

Just because someone expects to be taken out on a $85 tab, doesn't mean you have to oblige.

[dasein]

I just got a good laugh by reading, yet one more time, about how "egregious" it is for women to have "equal rights" while not sharing the "financial risks" of dating.

 

:laugh:

 

"Financial Risks"

 

:lmao:

 

What is the big problem, dudes? You have NO ground to stand on, since it's 100% easy and acceptable for you to NEVER spend one dime on a woman again in your lifetimes. Walk your talk, come on!

 

"Don't even think about taking away our gentleman tax ATM, and if you even insinuate such, we'll slander you here and slander you everywhere else!"

[Mascara]

Guy pays for all his dates because he's frightened they'll call him names.

 

Have to say, that's a new one

[tbf]

"Don't even think about taking away our gentleman tax ATM, and if you even insinuate such, we'll slander you here and slander you everywhere else!"

If you feel someone's slandering you, you have tort means to address this issue.

[BluEyeL]

I think this thread is very repetitive, so I'll repeat myself too So with the current guy, I had him pay for the first three dates, but really just the first was a "full" lunch. The second he got a coffee for us and I brought some snacks for a picnic we had after that. The third I think he paid for some activity. After that date, I proposed that we start taking turns paying and it's been 2.5 months so far. Now I found out how much he makes and I'm considering asking if he'd be comfortable with me paying two times and him once. So basically I want to pay 2/3 of the time. Haven't done it yet, still considering if it's a good idea.

[TheBigQuestion]

Just because someone expects to be taken out on a $85 tab, doesn't mean you have to oblige.

 

Look around. This thread is full of women who look down upon men who do not take care of the whole tab on first dates. This isn't a matter of how much money, it's a matter of principle. Their gentlemanliness is called into question. They're called cheap. It's insinuated that they are petty and silly for questioning inequitable social mores. This is absolutely ridiculous.

[tbf]

Look around. This thread is full of women who look down upon men who do not take care of the whole tab on first dates. This isn't a matter of how much money, it's a matter of principle. Their gentlemanliness is called into question. They're called cheap. It's insinuated that they are petty and silly for questioning inequitable social mores. This is absolutely ridiculous.

Then don't date women who feel this way. It's so simple.

 

Men aren't entitled to every woman they want. Same goes for women. We're not entitled to every man we want. It's okay for people not to be compatible in values.

[dasein]

Oh so you're concerned about the financial impact because of volume dating for first dates. So it's up to women to make it easy to date ferociously. Talk about entitlement.

 

We are talking about date 1-2 at least in OP, and that female expectation carries an added variable X number of dates to boot. Sometimes "X" is infinity depending on her level of "entitlement." At any time, she or he may say heave-ho without being obligated in any way. But he's the only one out $$.

 

So yeah, a guy dating goes out on 4 first dates in a month, 3 second and 2 third. Even on a shoestring that can easily add up to hundreds a month and thousands a year.

 

Yeah, getting annoyed at how the gentleman tax actually plays out in the average man's dating is some real "ferocious entitlement."

 

@thread, spare the upcoming "costs me more to date due to cosmetics and clothes than him." Inaccurate, played out.

[TheBigQuestion]

Entitlement is fine when it comes to men. Because they are naturally entitled. Maybe because they have penises, or discovered America, I don't know. Anyway, entitlement is only egregious when it's displayed by the weaker sex. I mean, wimminz.

 

I was wondering how long it would take for you to chime in on this thread with inflammatory, exaggerated, and completely inaccurate characterizations of other people's posts. You're a reliable disruption, I'll give you that.

[dasein]

If you feel someone's slandering you, you have tort means to address this issue.

 

Wrong. Previously addressed in the thread and not retyping.

[TheBigQuestion]

Wrong. Previously addressed in the thread and not retyping.

 

I assume that people who so cavalierly suggest suing those who commit non-physical torts like defamation have never actually gone through the process themselves.

[Mascara]

Look around. This thread is full of women who look down upon men who do not take care of the whole tab on first dates. This isn't a matter of how much money, it's a matter of principle. Their gentlemanliness is called into question. They're called cheap. It's insinuated that they are petty and silly for questioning inequitable social mores. This is absolutely ridiculous.

 

Then it's up to men to not care about that, not care if they get dates and stick to their principles. It's not my responsibility to be in charge of how a man feels about my views. Likewise, if a man calls me a gold digger for expecting him to pay. If I choose to go ahead and date that man, that's my problem.

 

You said earlier that it's not as easy as just telling men "don't pay", but do you know what, it is. Nobody is forcing anyone to date.