Consolidated Discussion - Paying for Dates

[Red Wolverine]

So you should just say you want men to pay without all of the verbiage.

 

Not true. In an established relationship, I pay equally.

 

On a first date, he asked, he should pay.

[tbf]

First date, man should pay. It's a sh!7 test for male generosity.

 

The only time I pay on first dates is when I don't want to date the guy again. Then I guerrilla pay the entire bill and escape as fast as courtesy will allow.

 

Any subsequent dates have been bounced back and forth.

[tbf]

Where is the female generosity test in your philosophy on first dates?

That's up to the males to do, if it's important to them. Edited August 14, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[tbf]

So you are saying females don't need generosity or for it to be tested and it is up to the males to be the geyser from which all generosity should spring forth. Thanks for clearing that up.

No. How you managed to twist what I posted to the above crazy perception, defeats me.

 

If female generosity is an issue for males, then it's up to males to test for it in the first date.

[tbf]

If a male doesn't test for generosity then you feel no need to display generosity.

If a female doesn't test for diabetes in a male on the first date, do you feel the need to display your lack of diabetes?

[tbf]

Is her lack of a test a test to gauge perceptiveness to being tested by allowing myself to broach the topic of a test on my own?

How wood chuckian.

[Mascara]

If I were a man, I'd "test" - I prefer "take note of" - how much effort she's put in. And yes, I know this has been said before, but I don't care how much men say "we spend just as much money/time getting ready". Mostly, you don't.

 

I had an ex who always loved how I'd arrive for a dinner date with my nails done, my hair curled, my makeup perfect, wearing the dress I remembered he loved. The little touches, like how he had a thing for seamed stockings.

 

If I were a man, that's what I'd notice. How much she wanted to do all that for me.

 

I'm quite sure that the vocal men on this thread will dismiss all of that, which is fine. But I prefer a dynamic where things are equal, they're just not identical.

[fortyninethousand322]

If I were a man, I'd "test" - I prefer "take note of" - how much effort she's put in. And yes, I know this has been said before, but I don't care how much men say "we spend just as much money/time getting ready". Mostly, you don't.

 

I had an ex who always loved how I'd arrive for a dinner date with my nails done, my hair curled, my makeup perfect, wearing the dress I remembered he loved. The little touches, like how he had a thing for seamed stockings.

 

If I were a man, that's what I'd notice. How much she wanted to do all that for me.

 

I'm quite sure that the vocal men on this thread will dismiss all of that, which is fine. But I prefer a dynamic where things are equal, they're just not identical.

 

I just want some reassurance of date #2. I could care less how a girl dresses unless it's something totally extreme like mud stained jeans or something. I just don't want to feel like some girl is tolerating my presence for an hour in exchange for free food or a boost to her ego. I don't know perhaps I'm crazy.

 

I've had a date show up in a hoodie and jeans and I honestly didn't care. The girl I "dated" in college, she never wore anything more fancy than a blouse and jeans.

 

Like I said, I don't have any real issue paying, just expressing some of the fears that go on with me...

[Mascara]

I just want some reassurance of date #2. I could care less how a girl dresses unless it's something totally extreme like mud stained jeans or something. I just don't want to feel like some girl is tolerating my presence for an hour in exchange for free food or a boost to her ego. I don't know perhaps I'm crazy.

 

I've had a date show up in a hoodie and jeans and I honestly didn't care. The girl I "dated" in college, she never wore anything more fancy than a blouse and jeans.

 

Like I said, I don't have any real issue paying, just expressing some of the fears that go on with me...

 

All of which can be avoided by doing free or cheap first dates. Then, when she does want date 2,3,4,5 etc.... if she wants to wear something you love, or she turns up and she's done her hair in a way you said was cute - wouldn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy? If she left work an hour early to go to the salon because she was excited and wanted to look good for your nice dinner?

[fortyninethousand322]

All of which can be avoided by doing free or cheap first dates. Then, when she does want date 2,3,4,5 etc.... if she wants to wear something you love, or she turns up and she's done her hair in a way you said was cute - wouldn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy? If she left work an hour early to go to the salon because she was excited and wanted to look good for your nice dinner?

 

If the day ever comes that a woman does something like that because she thinks I'll like it, of course I think that would be nice. But I'd probably die of shock first. And if I didn't die I'd probably go play a lottery ticket too.

[Mascara]

Of course it will happen . And when it does, she'll be happy to do all of that, and you'll be happy to grab that check. And other times she'll surprise you and treat you, while you bring her flowers. Because it IS all about equality, but in different ways.

 

There are very few women who feel entitled to be on the receiving end of all the effort, and you just don't end up with those women.

 

For most people, it all shakes down to be pretty much even in the give-and-take stakes.

[Simon Phoenix]

If I were a man, I'd "test" - I prefer "take note of" - how much effort she's put in. And yes, I know this has been said before, but I don't care how much men say "we spend just as much money/time getting ready". Mostly, you don't.

 

I had an ex who always loved how I'd arrive for a dinner date with my nails done, my hair curled, my makeup perfect, wearing the dress I remembered he loved. The little touches, like how he had a thing for seamed stockings.

 

If I were a man, that's what I'd notice. How much she wanted to do all that for me.

 

I'm quite sure that the vocal men on this thread will dismiss all of that, which is fine. But I prefer a dynamic where things are equal, they're just not identical.

 

I just want good company. I really don't care about the fashion show. I mean, I'll compliment a woman if she looks good, but I couldn't care less if you are wearing a designer dress or a skirt you picked up on sale at JC Penny.

[Mascara]

That's fine. Some men like it, some don't. Some women like men who pay for the first date, some don't care one way or the other.

 

The point is, we should date who fits with our own approach. Cheap or free first dates, then clarify the other persons views.

 

Why is that so hard?

[fortyninethousand322]

So basically I could roll outta bed and show up in sweats and you'd be cool with that?

 

Shower first then it's a deal.

[Red Wolverine]

I never gave my relationship status.

 

It's obvious.

[Mascara]

Do you think she'll buy that argument without hitting me?

 

Not if you don't inflate her

[Red Wolverine]

Then my girlfriend shouldn't get upset when I pick up other women since I am obviously single. Do you think she'll buy that argument without hitting me?

 

I'll bite.... What attracted you to her?

[Monm82]

I don't mind paying on the first date, but I don' like the notion that the guy is "cheap" or any other names if he doesn't pay.

[Star Gazer]

Who invited who out? Who suggested the meet/date? That's who pays.

[Simon Phoenix]

How many pages before this is folded into the master thread?

[fishtaco]

I believe in the US, the tradition is men pay. Even though this doesn't really make sense in the modern world, it is what it is.

 

But there are women out there that will feel uncomfortable making you pay for anything unless they are interested in you as well. And ones that will offer to pay on subsequent dates.

 

I heard that's more common in Europe, but in the US, good luck finding one.

[Sweetgirl28]

In some European countries like Holland and Belgium, women want to be independent. They wouldn't even allow a guy to pay for them because they consider that as a violation of their freedom: "If the guy pays, I owe him something"

 

Paying for a date doesn't make you a gentleman. I have come across many a-holes that would hold doors and pay for dates. It doesn't make them good men.

 

I'd suggest to ask her in advance if she wants to split the bill or not.

[hoping2heal]

So, Ol' Poopsy took this broad out for a first date last week. It wasn't really a full on date, just coffee and a bit of conversation for about an hour. When we went to order and pay for our coffee, I allowed her to go first. Keep in mind, at this point we had just met less than two minutes prior. After she orders, the cashier asks if we were paying together or separately. The broad steps aside and looks back at me to have me answer the cashier. I thought it was a bit odd to even think I would be purchasing anything for her since this was a "get to know you" meet up rather than a date. I told the cashier we were paying separately. The broad then says she left her wallet in the car and leaves to get it. I step up and order and just pay for the both of us.

 

Now, I really didn't mind paying, I just though the expectation in this situation was a little odd. We are meeting up Friday for our first actual date (dinner and a movie) and I let her know she could choose whatever she wanted and it would be on me to avoid any awkward moments like last time.

 

I was just wondering what the expectation is for most of you in regards to paying for your first couple of meetings / dates?

 

Nevermind, I'm seeing later that despite saying you took her out, she was the one who took you out.

[Woop1337]

The person who asked the other person out, gets to pay. In general, as the man, you shouldve paid. If a woman insists, just refuse once, then let her pay if she insists the second time.

[pyramid]

Is this real?

 

If you want a second date, pay for her coffee. Pay for dinner on the next date too.

 

I'm kind of surprised she came back after leaving to get her wallet, actually.