Letting go of what you can't control...

[LondonBridges]

How does one do this??

 

With regards to my relationship, I get anxiety sometimes over things he does in his own time that I have zero control over. So being that I cannot manage anyone but MYSELF, how do I stop obsessing about the things I have no say about? I'm tired of being stuck in my thoughts and just want to be able to let go of my control issues...

[betterdeal]

Think of it as taking control of your life. If you let go of the habit of trying to control his, you will have more control over yours. That's the benefit of letting go. Instead of worrying about what he's doing, ask yourself, what am I doing, what could I be doing, what do I want to be doing right now?

 

I often found when I felt jealous or ruminated over a past argument or lover, I was actually bored, or ill, or tired, and by not attending to my needs right then I ended up in those dark, unsure mindsets where your imagination sprinkled with doubt and fear conspire to create jealousy and bitterness - the basis of control.

 

So, find other things to do with your time. Have a massage, a facial, go for a run, paint the spare room, get into kick boxing, watch a dumb movie, read a book, run naked across the rooftops at midnight, have a hot bath, change your bed sheets, learn to cook Thai food, phone a friend, phone your Nanna, meditate. You know, just find stuff and things to do that you enjoy.

[ladyabstrused]

I often found when I felt jealous or ruminated over a past argument or lover, I was actually bored, or ill, or tired, and by not attending to my needs right then I ended up in those dark, unsure mindsets where your imagination sprinkled with doubt and fear conspire to create jealousy and bitterness - the basis of control.

 

This is so very true. I second this. Very important to make sure you're at a positive state in order to give positivity to people. And that's when you will start getting positivity back.

[Joaquin]

When you realise how difficult it is to control your own mind (say to stop thinking about stuff, to stop obsessing about someone, to forgive etc...) you get a better understanding that it's pointless to try and control others. This realisation should help you let go.

Edited May 19, 2012 by Joaquin

[whichwayisup]

I get anxiety sometimes over things he does in his own time that I have zero control over.

 

Are you worried something bad is going to happen to him (accident) or are you scared he'll cheat on you?

[LondonBridges]

Think of it as taking control of your life. If you let go of the habit of trying to control his, you will have more control over yours. That's the benefit of letting go. Instead of worrying about what he's doing, ask yourself, what am I doing, what could I be doing, what do I want to be doing right now?

 

I often found when I felt jealous or ruminated over a past argument or lover, I was actually bored, or ill, or tired, and by not attending to my needs right then I ended up in those dark, unsure mindsets where your imagination sprinkled with doubt and fear conspire to create jealousy and bitterness - the basis of control.

 

So, find other things to do with your time. Have a massage, a facial, go for a run, paint the spare room, get into kick boxing, watch a dumb movie, read a book, run naked across the rooftops at midnight, have a hot bath, change your bed sheets, learn to cook Thai food, phone a friend, phone your Nanna, meditate. You know, just find stuff and things to do that you enjoy.

 

Thank you for this great advice. Regarding the bolded above.. this is exactly what I do. It's my MIND that is the problem because I can so easily fall into that obsessive thought process that gets me absolutely nowhere and serves NO purpose.

 

Your ideas are good, I just need to put such things into action. I don't know why that seems to be so hard for me, but I know if I can get in the habit of focusing on myself and my wants/needs rather than letting my thoughts and worry run my life, that it'll start getting easier over time. My therapist always told me that you can't obsess about 2 things with the same intensity at the same time, so if I can just refocus...

[LondonBridges]

This is so very true. I second this. Very important to make sure you're at a positive state in order to give positivity to people. And that's when you will start getting positivity back.

 

Totally agree. I do feel you get back what you put out.

[LondonBridges]

When you realise how difficult it is to control your own mind (say to stop thinking about stuff, to stop obsessing about someone, to forgive etc...) you get a better understanding that it's pointless to try and control others. This realisation should help you let go.

 

Well this is true but I've found that logic isn't near as powerful as my emotional mind... when I get on a roll it doesn't always make a lot of sense. I can sit back and tell myself all the reasons why I should not obsess or worry but my illogical mind doesn't seem to care.

[LondonBridges]

Are you worried something bad is going to happen to him (accident) or are you scared he'll cheat on you?

 

No, I'm not worried he'll cheat on me. I mean, mayyybe there's a slight distrust way in the back of my mind, but not because of anything he's done... I just have an overall distrust of men in general. I do have some insecurity issues though and I probably overcompensate by trying to control everything.