How to address my boyfriend's cheap ass ways?

[Goldie5]

When I started dating my bf, I let it be known I'd do my share of paying for stuff. I didn't want to be the gf that expected him to pay for everything.

 

I'm thinking I should have went about that in a different. He makes quite a bit more than I do(close to 12k more than me a year) and we pay about the same in bills, yet I pay for at least half of our dates/hang outs/dinners and sometimes I pay for even more than he does. He rarely offers to pay for extra stuff (like if I make him cookies or margaritas or something) or if I say I can't afford to go to a movie or baseball game, he won't offer to pay.

 

And I owed him $10 from last week. He took me to get ice cream last night and asked me to pay for it since I owed him $ any way. It was $10!!!!

 

How do I bring this up and let him know it's not ok? He is a great guy and we have a good relationship ..he is sweet in so many other ways.

 

But I've heard cheap ass ways are never a good sign. Advice please.

[threebyfate]

Well "Goldie"... Why would anyone do extra if it's not appreciated?

[Oxy Moronovich]

The fact that he makes significantly more than you shouldn't be an issue. Women generally look for a man that makes significantly more than they do. I really wanna bet you wouldn't be as interested in this dude if he made equal or less than you do.

 

You can't afford something for 10 bucks yet you call him cheap? Wow. You should be grateful you don't have a spendthrift bf. Hell, maybe that's the reason why he makes so much. Movies and going to baseball games are expensive, especially if you make it a habit.

 

I can't believe you think you have a good relationship yet you're mad he doesn't spend every penny on you.

[FitChick]

Is he a cheapskate with himself and everyone else or just you?

[Goldie5]

The fact that he makes significantly more than you shouldn't be an issue. Women generally look for a man that makes significantly more than they do. I really wanna bet you wouldn't be as interested in this dude if he made equal or less than you do.

 

You can't afford something for 10 bucks yet you call him cheap? Wow. You should be grateful you don't have a spendthrift bf. Hell, maybe that's the reason why he makes so much. Movies and going to baseball games are expensive, especially if you make it a habit.

 

I can't believe you think you have a good relationship yet you're mad he doesn't spend every penny on you.

 

Whoa whoa whoa, back up.

 

First of all, I don't expect him to spend every penny on me. I am fine with paying for stuff part of the time, but it's getting to be where I am paying for more and he's keeping track of who pays for what, which I think is ridiculous since he is more financially set than myself.

 

As for the $10, I had to have cash for something and only had my debit card, so he handed me a $10 bill.

 

And this has nothing to do with only being with him for his $. He makes less than 40k a year, which is where I expect to be in the couple of years (I'm a recent college grad).

[Goldie5]

Is he a cheapskate with himself and everyone else or just you?

 

No, not with himself at all. He spends $100 a week on eating out and blows a lot of $ on video games and books and alcohol, etc. which is fine. It's his $ and he can do with it as he pleases. But I just wish he wasn't so cheap when it comes to our relationship.

 

I've told people I pay for half of everything and they tell me that's crazy.

[Leigh 87]

yuck:sick:

 

This guy is a jerk! Sorry., but personally, I value kind people, and people who ARE NOT stingly. Sure - he earnt his money, and should not HAVE to buy you EVERYTHING at all! However, if he earns significantly MORE than you do, and yet askes for bloody 10 bucks for ice cream...... he is simply STINGY, which is a REAL TURN OFF for me!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Obviously, each women is different - I hate stingy men and am instantly put off by it; on the other hand, some women are perfectly FINE with a guy holding you to a ten dollar sum of money you borrow off them!

 

 

If it were me, I would dump him - I think a little bit of generosity goes a long way. Sure, he earnt his money - but if he is earning far more than I am, it is telling if he feels that 10 dollars is something you should pay him back, if it is only a one off occurance of course....

 

...It would be a different story, if you borrowed ten dollars off of him all the TIME - like, a couple of times per week... But, most men who earn significantly more than their date, will be happy to shout them ice creamnce per week.

 

If he does not feel happy about shouting you ten bucks once a week, he is either; not the nicest of people, and/OR, just not that into you ( which would go back to not being a nice guy - refusing to treat women great unless he is head over heals with them).

[threebyfate]

I ask you again, if he doesn't appreciate the extra, why do them? If he expects that you put in extra, shut him down.

[CarrieT]

he is more financially set than myself.

Irrelevant.

 

I am paying for more and he's keeping track of who pays for what

This seems to be contradiction of what you are saying; if you are paying for more and he is keeping track, he should be aware that it is not an equitable relationship and anteing up more...

 

 

If this really bothers you, then you need to have a sit-down chat about it. "Hun, the penny-counting is becoming annoying and I think is getting in the way of us really enjoying each other's company..."

[firehawk_1]

you just want everything to be paid for for you. life is not like that. you dont appreciate anything but only think about yourself. he is better off without you to be quite frank. if you base everything on money, you are just all about posessions.

[kaylan]

OP...are you an adult? If so it shouldnt matter how much more your bf makes than you. Pull your own weight like an adult...jeez

 

Id drop you for your attitude...its very unattractive. Hows a guy cheap if he takes care of himself and simply has a "ill get it this time, you get it next time" attitude? It seems fair to me. You seem cheap since god forbid you buy icecream when he treated you to something previously. You seem like you just want to be babied and bought.

 

Again, just because one person makes more in a relationship doesnt mean the other person is entitled to that money. No one should have to spend more because they make more. If you make like a lower salary than average and have a hard time getting by than Id understand you wanting him to take care of more things financially. But if you are able to take care of yourself fine, then you shouldnt expect him to pay more than you do. Thats just moochy and unattractive entitlement. I mean if you were single you wouldnt be complaining about having your friends or other people buy stuff for you would you?

 

And to be honest, if you brought this up to me, youd be single very quickly....because itd show me we arent compatible and itd show me why you are with me. Id like to know a girl would stick by me because of who I am as a person, and not because of my material possessions. Youd make me think that Id have no woman to stand by me if I was on hard times...what man wants a gf who makes him think that?

[threebyfate]

Must admit I'm laughing at this thread since it's a parody of sorts!

[Fondue]

yuck:sick:

 

This guy is a jerk! Sorry., but personally, I value kind people, and people who ARE NOT stingly. Sure - he earnt his money, and should not HAVE to buy you EVERYTHING at all! However, if he earns significantly MORE than you do, and yet askes for bloody 10 bucks for ice cream...... he is simply STINGY, which is a REAL TURN OFF for me!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Obviously, each women is different - I hate stingy men and am instantly put off by it; on the other hand, some women are perfectly FINE with a guy holding you to a ten dollar sum of money you borrow off them!

 

 

If it were me, I would dump him - I think a little bit of generosity goes a long way. Sure, he earnt his money - but if he is earning far more than I am, it is telling if he feels that 10 dollars is something you should pay him back, if it is only a one off occurance of course....

 

...It would be a different story, if you borrowed ten dollars off of him all the TIME - like, a couple of times per week... But, most men who earn significantly more than their date, will be happy to shout them ice creamnce per week.

 

If he does not feel happy about shouting you ten bucks once a week, he is either; not the nicest of people, and/OR, just not that into you ( which would go back to not being a nice guy - refusing to treat women great unless he is head over heals with them).

Many women hate men who are "cheap," but get offended when men accuse women of being too liberal with their finances-- I.E, spending their money on extra pair of shoes, handbags, nails, etc. instead of possibly putting it away in the bank, maybe put more of it paying off the car/house/whatever.

 

It works both ways.

 

Maybe this guy is conserving his cash on something that is meaningful to him?

[Sanman]

OP,

 

Welcome to the life of many men I know. At the end of the day you can't change your bf. You want to not keep track of every dime and he does keep track of every dime. Your choices are split everything down the middle and you keep track as well, find a new bf, or let go of the fact that you may pay more in the relationship and enjoy the other benefits.

[Goldie5]

Thx all.

 

I wasn't saying I expect nice things or a lavish lifestyle. Just that it'd be nice if he chipped in more often on dates if it's easier for him to do so.

 

But maybe I'm being childish and need to appreciate What's more important.

[Art_Critic]

And I owed him $10 from last week. He took me to get ice cream last night and asked me to pay for it since I owed him $ any way.

 

How much do you owe him now ?

Edited May 19, 2012 by Art_Critic

[FitChick]

you can't change your bf.

 

Yes you can -- by changing boyfriends!

[Sanman]

Yes you can -- by changing boyfriends!

Hey, I said that too!

[Coffee20]

Yes I think I know what you mean, it's always nice when a boy pays for something extra and especially if you do too. And I know how it feels, my bf made more than me and got money from his parents, he didn't pay for me on the first date, although I was invited.....We usually split the bill and more to that, I kept inviting him and paid more..I didn't bother at first then I realized I mind it, especially when he was the one who wanted to buy something or go for a drink or to a restaurant, because I didn't make so much and didn't get extra money from my mum I sometimes didn't have enough money.

 

I just don't understand some answers here. Goldie hasn't said that she wants from him to spend each penny on her nor to pay for expensive things, just wants him to pay sometimes for little things.

 

I don't think he is going to change. You can talk to him about it but I am worried that he is just like that.

[CarrieT]

Just that it'd be nice if he chipped in more often on dates if it's easier for him to do so.

 

Do you know this for a fact? I mean, has he laid out his monthly budget and bill structure to the extent that you know he has more expendable money than you do?

 

I am not being facetious in this; my BF is a surgeon with his own practice but he also has shared custody of three kids and has bills (lease, payroll, rent, childcare, alimony, nanny, groceries) in excess of $75k a MONTH.

 

Now I know that he makes way more than I do but I also know his expenditures far exceed my own so it becomes relative how much more he makes than I do. I try to be respectful of this and often offer to pay for things - especially near the first of the month when all these bills are due - just to make it easier for him and for both of us.

 

It is all a matter of perspective, my dear...

[Goldie5]

Do you know this for a fact? I mean, has he laid out his monthly budget and bill structure to the extent that you know he has more expendable money than you do?

 

I am not being facetious in this; my BF is a surgeon with his own practice but he also has shared custody of three kids and has bills (lease, payroll, rent, childcare, alimony, nanny, groceries) in excess of $75k a MONTH.

 

Now I know that he makes way more than I do but I also know his expenditures far exceed my own so it becomes relative how much more he makes than I do. I try to be respectful of this and often offer to pay for things - especially near the first of the month when all these bills are due - just to make it easier for him and for both of us.

 

It is all a matter of perspective, my dear...

 

Yes, we have discussed our monthly bills on several occasions.

[Pierre]

Many men are cheap. This board proves that.

 

Generally speaking gold diggers are not attracted to cheap men, so I don't understand why the cheap men think many women are gold diggers. Or maybe that is just an excuse for continuing to be cheap.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Many men are cheap. This board proves that.

 

Generally speaking gold diggers are not attracted to cheap men, so I don't understand why the cheap men think many women are gold diggers. Or maybe that is just an excuse for continuing to be cheap.

Are you serious? LS forum posters are a good representation of the behavior of men and women? If that were true I would have gone celibate a long, long time ago.

[kaylan]

Many men are cheap. This board proves that.

 

Generally speaking gold diggers are not attracted to cheap men, so I don't understand why the cheap men think many women are gold diggers. Or maybe that is just an excuse for continuing to be cheap.

Since when is a man cheap for expecting another adult to be able to take care of themselves and not mooch as well.

 

Its apparent to many of us here that you wish for older more "traditional" times of the male-female dynamic. Times where women and men adhered to stringent gender roles, and where a woman was placed on a pedestal without a man being able to say "nah uh". Sorry, some dudes in the present day see themselves as a prize as well. And I see nothing wrong with treating a woman just like id treat any other adult.

 

Why must I spend more money simply because Im the man? Why should I be deemed cheap if I like an even split? Seems fair to me. Maybe I have reason to be secretive about my job situation in the future so I can make sure thats not much of a factor in a chick dating me.

[SJC2008]

You said he pays for half on dates so what's the problem? This sound like anothe dammed if you do dammed if you don't scenario. Spend to much on her and she wierds out bc you're trying to win her with your wallet, be an adult and split you're cheap. Cheap would be you paying for everything which is not the case.