Here's my story...

[HrtAche]

Hello Everyone, I've been in a long distance relationship for over two years now. Everything seemed great on the surface, or at least i thought everything was great (love blinds you). I had enourmous trust (blind trust) for my gf and that's what has gotten me through these last two years. If you don't trust the person, the relationship is bound to fall apart. Obviously at times i felt insecure and jealous in the past but I always trusted her and that's what kept me at ease. Throughout the years, i've tried to be the best boyfriend I could have possibly been - i don't believe there's anyone selfless as me when it comes down to it. I've never cheated on my girlfriend and never would even today. Well we both were studying abroad, she in one country and me in another. We saw each other at least twice a month and emails almost everyday except on the weekends not as much. Before i left, she had left a month earlier before me. I would soon leave a week and a half, after i arrived abroad, to see her for her birthday and valentines day. To tell you the truth, i was looking forward more to see her than to be abroad studying.

 

Well, months pass and we talked a few times a week. It was expensive but i tried to text her as much as possible even though i had no meal plan and all my food had to be bought (she had everything paid except luxuries). There would be nights where I would text her and i wouldn't get a message back. She said it was expensive, so i figured she was trying to save money or whatever. Forward time a few months and she arrives for her spring break and we're having a wonderful week. I was going to bring her to see my family and it was a day before my bday and a week before our 2 years. She was in the shower and I was cleaning my room getting ready and I grabbed her bag and all her stuff fell out. Her diary was in her bag and it popped open (this is how it happened, i have no reason to lie). I picked it up and read that 3 days after i arrived, a week and a half before her bday and vday she had cheated on me in another country she had made out with some dude in a bar. She wrote that sometimes she felt guilty and other times she didn't give a damn. I think those words killed me. How could someone, after 2 years, do that to someone they truly love? She wrote that she couldn't tell me cause I would break up with her. That is so selfish when I have been everything but. I was unbelievably heartbroken and I didn't know what to do. I didn't have the heart to read on and put the book back.

 

That night I told her she had something to tell me, and eventually she came out and said it but she made pretend she didn't know what i was talking about for most of the night. I didn't know what to do now, how could i be happy for my bday and show her off to my family and be unbelievably happy?? Why was that taken away from me? So I put on a smile and went and made pretend of nothing, even though i was hurting. She promised me she would do anthing to keep me and that she regreted it so much. She cried; I cried. Whatever.

 

The key thing in any long distance or normal relationship is that someone shows you that they love you. It's not about the email I love you's, or the 20 min phone calls where u end the convo with i love you and i miss you or how happy you are in the moments you're together. It's about the actions taken when you're not with the other person. It's about the moments where you don't have to think twice about sacrificing something of yours for the other person. If anything, this action would make you feel happier that you're doing it for that person rather than doing it for yourself. Selflessness. That's how I knew I loved this girl.

 

So moving on forward, she goes back to her study abroad and i don't know what to do. I had 500 dollars left in my bank account and 2 weeks left abroad. I needed to see her; so spontaneously i walk in the travel agency, spend almost all my money and the next day i'm with her.

 

 

We have a good weekend together and after school ends i go to visit my family for 3 weeks. We planned for her to come and see me for one last time before the summer ends (she now jumped from one country to another to study/work for a month so she's still abroad). She calls me up and complains about the ticket prices and such so I tell her that ill pay for half (although at one point in the convo it seemed as if she wouldn't be coming at all and she didn't seem to object to it until i had gave her an ultimatum somewhat, either i saw her or i couldn't deal with ldr anymore). So i paid half she came and we had a great time i guess (as much as i could). When she goes back she write me an email saying she may go travel somewhere else depending on price and time. Now not for anything, but that hurt me, considering that she had made a fuss about money when it comes down to me but when its for her own liesure, anything is game. When i brought this up for convo, she explained she felt guilty cause her rents were paying for her and that it didn't seem right if she spent the money for "us" implying having to do with me, but rather is ok when its just for her (selfish?). I'm not saying that she's wrong, i mean, its her rents money. But i never made an issue when it came down to my rents helping me out and spending it on her. I'm not saying that she hasn't paid for stuff, we usually do half but I dunno, something didn't seem, or isn't right.

 

Flash back for a second, i was talking to her on the phone and she was in the new abroad place and some guy comes to the door. I never had any issues with her having guy friends but obviously now, its a lot different for me cause hell, i just don't have that trust anymore. I'm trying to build it back up but its nearly impossible. Anyways, this guy comes to the door and i think i hear something about having slept in his bed. I think i'm going crazy and drive myself crazy trying to go to sleep that night saying that i'm being paranoid. When she came to visit me i had a convo about being honest and she told me she had slept in this one kids bedroom while his roommate was out , but she was with another girl in the kids bed (she didn't sleep with the roommate, just in the same room with another girl). Now, like wtf?! If you're trying to fix things in our relationship, you're not doing a good job. So she started hanging out with the kid she slept in the same room with a lot, like dinners movies plays, sh** that eventually got on my nerve cause i mean, can't you do stuff in groups?? I'm sure he's not the only guy there...

 

Sorry if i'm blabbing peeps but i guess this is a stress reliever for me...

 

SO...i get an email she says she had wine night with this kid, music, chilling, you know things that i think couples do or good friends (she's known this kid for 2 weeks). Obviously theres some sort of sexual attraction, i'm not stupid. I confront her about it saying how would she like it if i cheated on her then a month after i have wine night with some girl i just met by myself listening to music and chilling out reading magazines as she put it. Sounds sketchy. I ask her tell me about this kid, she tells me she's just like her and they have the same personalities and he's funny...obviously my gf ain't too smart cause she seems to be dealing me every wrong card...even if she's being honest, after everything, that might be too honest. I dunno...

 

So I fly back to the states and we're talking on the phone a lot more. I catch her in her room rather than in this kids room where she leaves talks to me then goes back up. I guess that's somewhat making me feel better or was. Cut it short, yesterday was her last night and we were supposed to talk after i got out of work, called her up 4 times phone rang no answer, i wrote her an email telling her to have a safe trip. She write me back in the morning saying that she drank that night and passed out and didn't hear the phone (first she said she put the volume on high, then she tells me on the phone that she set it for 1 ring on a high tone than it vibrates. I don't really believe her. I want to....

 

And this takes me here. the last two months of been sh** for me emotionally. i tried to break up with her, she cries and i decided to give her another chance and she pulls this bs above. Like am I too demanding? I dunno, i sincerely love this girl but i'm not happy anymore. I don't think i can forget, i've forgiving her and it's not even the fact that she did something, it's the fact that she never told me and the dishonesty. That's wat kills me...if someone can't be honest with you, how can you trust them anymore?

 

Remember, it's the actions that really count...can this ldr work anymore or am i just slowing the process of eventually breakup? We go to the same school so i'd see her in late august...

 

Any advice i'd take as a blessing. Thank you

[neptoon]

Wow, that is BS. My honest opinion, I think she's playing because she's too insecure to be by herself.

 

She probably does sense things wrong between you and her and her insecurity is driving her to escapism. This is why she does not want to see you -- because she has to confront her own guilt.

 

She sounds like an irresponsible individual. To me, it looks like she wants to string you along until she can find a guy who does not know the way that she is and maybe start over again.

 

I say you tell her everything that you've just posted here. You really need to tell her that you know about what went on.

 

But, in all honesty, it's hard to regain that trust once you know the other person cheated. You can forgive but you'll never forget and it'll drive a massive wedge in the relationship. Personally, I think you can do better than this dishonest, irresponsible woman.

[undecicded]

alot of things about trust, is the partner has to watch out for putting his/herself in a position to compormise trust.

seems like this girl doesnt care about your feelings, seems like shes getting too close to another guy, seems like she has been unfaithful to you, seems like you could do better with someone who respects you.

[HrtAche]

Thanks for reading my post everyone, I know it's long but I needed to get it all out. She basically knows all of the info i've said and how i'm feeling, i've told her. I guess i'm mad cause i just don't trust her anymore and I don't believe she just passed out in her empty dormroom by herself at 1230 at nite on her last day abroad, either that or there's more to it at least in my opinion...

 

An update on today, she called me from at the airport, she had a connecting flight and was waiting. I sounded like i didn't really want to talk to her and she def got that. She asked if i was mad but i told her i was just overall dissappointed in everything. She asks me if its about last nite or "everything" and I was like everything all together. She tries the sweet talk like i miss you and I love you. I told her I needed to make dinner and to call me later tonight if she wanted to once she arrived home. She was like ok and said i love you and i just hung up on her without saying it back. I'm just tired of all of this...but i feel bad at the same time cause like i said, i do love her even though she's put me through this heartache. Believe me, i love to see her happy. I love to see her smile. So i wouldn't purposely do this if i didn't feel emotionally drained...

 

Dunno, how should i react to her? I'm not being myself, this isn't me. But i feel like being the great guy that i know that i am has just hurt me so much. But it's the type of thing like, damned if i do, damned if i don't. Either way, i guess i'm hurting.

 

BTW i spent these last 2 years believing that our relationship was perfect. I stood up for her when my guy friends would tell me she was probably cheating on me. I told them they were all wrong and they didn't know her. I guess it was me who didn't know her. Lately obviously we have been fighting more, trust issues, and when she goes off and tells her guy friend or girl friends that we fought, she obviously doesn't mention why i'm so devistated and angry, all she says is that we're fighting and that i'm mad at her so it makes me look like an a$$. Probably gives a guy more of a reason to make a move on her, she's fighting with her bf and she needs to be consoled if you know what i mean. She tells me she hasn't told anyone (I have, i needed to talk).