Religion in couples and it's affect

[Radu]

How did your religion affect your various relationships ?

Interested in LTR's only, marriage ideally and i also count for this the ppl who don't believe in God.

 

Obviously i'm mostly interested in differences and how you dealt with it.

 

PS: If you have kids, mention what religion they are and why.

[TaraMaiden]

Catholicism meant that my ex-husband agreed to have our children brought up as Catholics.

Had the big nuptial mass, children baptised and schooled in a RC school.

 

Neither one particularly religious.

AFAIK, both atheist, actually.

 

Changed from Catholicism to Buddhism.

Divorced previous H, but there was no connection or relevance to religion.

 

My being Buddhist hasn't made one jot of a difference to my relationship with my present H. or his with me.

[NjnearGeek20]

Dated 2 girls, one atheist and one Christian.

 

The Christian one was all brought up to be afraid of affection and all that good stuff.

 

Both were equally nasty in terms of unacceptable behavior (disrespect, yada yada yada).

[taiko]

As an atheist there were no LTRs in my life. After being born again I have been involved with two Catholics and married the second. Both of their children were already grown and nominally Catholic.

 

The effect is that while I work on Saturday she does the mandatory mass, or watches on TV Sunday mornings. After which she joins me at church. Basically, at least at the church service level the Catholic tends to be about me and the church closing with my Eucharist, while the Evangelic tends to be about the church family. So the evangelic stays, longer because of the opening party/praise block of time and after the message followed by actual socializing of the members

[thatone]

always been atheistic. didn't attend church as a child outside of a few times and didn't want to go back when we did.

 

have dated christians as an adult but not any other religion. not due to bias, just don't run across many openly 'other' religious women.

 

and by christian i mean catholic or not really practicing or close to a particular protestant denomination, one of the two. because should the worst play out, and the catholic girl go psycho after marriage, that annulment she'll need is a huge bargaining tool in a divorce. and if the non catholic but non denominational girl isn't tied to a particular protestant denomination, it's because she's seen the hypocrisy and idiocy in a lot of those protestant denominations and has sworn off of them all. she has one foot on a banana peel and the other on my side of the fence anyways.

 

call me cynical? sure.

[BetheButterfly]

How did your religion affect your various relationships ?

Interested in LTR's only, marriage ideally and i also count for this the ppl who don't believe in God.

 

Obviously i'm mostly interested in differences and how you dealt with it.

 

PS: If you have kids, mention what religion they are and why.

 

Hello Radu,

 

This is an interesting topic.

 

How my religion affects my various relationships... well, before I got married, I did date men of different beliefs. However, it became clear to me as I grow in my faith that I want to be married to a man who believes the same as I do. So, that is how I dealt with differences concerning dating men who were of different beliefs... decided to pursue marriage with a man of my own belief.

 

My husband and I got married last September, and by God's grace, we desire to be married till death do us part! Having a long term relationship is encouraged in our belief.

 

As Christians, we believe that Jesus strongly discourages divorce, as well as sexual immorality in any form. We believe marriage is God's guideline for sexual relations and is a good component for families/communities. Even though during the time of Abraham and Sarah, that didn't mean getting a piece of paper from the government lol, marriage being a public commitment between husband and wife is important to my belief, and is a promise to love and be faithful to each other before God.

 

Concerning differences in our relationship, in our beliefs, the husband is the head of the home. That means he has the responsibility before God to protect, provide, and make good decisions for my (and if God gives us kids someday) welfare. I don't mind this at all, because my husband is a very loving, gentle, and considerate gentleman. Now, I would definitely be upset about it if my husband was a male chauvinist macho, mean, inconsiderate, rude, uncaring, apathetic, and so on. Sadly, some husbands are like that.

 

However, thank God, my husband is a very caring, loving, affectionate, caring, and wonderful gentleman who I know without a doubt loves me and wants the best for us. I do get mad at him sometimes... he knows how to read me and always knows and tries to get us right again. He is the one who initiates reconciliation when I am mad. (I am the one with the hot temper.) Because of his kindness (he never curses or insults me, but rather shows me both verbally and in action that he loves me) I have become more mature, I think.

 

I also know that I am a good influence on him too, because when I support him, am happy, and take good care of him it is amazing his growth in strength, hard work, and initiative in making all of his dreams come true!

 

Peace and God bless you

[Radu]

Well, i don't believe in God, but i wish the best for the two of you and i hope you get to celebrate your 50th wedding aniversary.

 

If you haven't figured it out, i'm asking because i don't believe in God; when i do have kids i want them to read the Bible because i see it more like a book that guides one to live a good honest life.

So far it hasn't been a problem, but this section got me thinking.

 

Keep them coming guys [and gals].

[aj22one]

I'm Christian, my wife is Muslim. Neither one of us is fanatic about it so there's never been any issue. We've decided we don't want children, but if by some chance accident we were to have children we're committed to having them be open minded and learn about all religions, not just Christianity and Islam.

 

Thankfully her parents and siblings are very nice people and perfectly fine with her marrying outside the faith. I've dated Muslim women in the past whose families had a big problem with me.

[CarrieT]

I'm an avowed occultist (almost 35 years now so this isn't a passing fancy) and my current BF was raised Jewish and converted to Lutheranism.

 

He is raising his children with Christian beliefs and he and his daughter enjoy church (his boys don't care).

 

We have had extensive philosophical discussions and as our core beliefs on how to treat people basically coincide, we have no issues in our separate beliefs.

 

As I am getting to know his children, I am going to keep my occult beliefs underwraps; I will let them know that I am not a Christian and if asked directly, will tell them I am a Kabbalist as it is the most banal aspect of my beliefs that won't raise too many red flags. The BF is good with this plan.

[KathyM]

My husband and I were both raised in the Lutheran faith. My family of origin are very spiritual. My husband's family of origin are believers in Christ, but not particularly spiritual. One of the big reasons I married my husband was because we shared the same faith, and that was important to me. We both attend the same non-denominational Christian church, and brought up our children in the Christian faith. Our Christian faith is what has kept us together through the difficult times in our marriage. It has taught us to be forgiving of each other, and to stay committed to making our marriage work.

[KathyM]

Why is it that people have this concept that anyone who goes to church, and the people who run the church, are supposed to be these sinless saints who are perfect and nothing bad should ever happen with it? Well, newsflash: the people that attend and run churches are humans--yes, I know that's hard to believe, but they are. They all struggle with their sinful nature, and some, unfortunately, give in to it. They are all sinners in one way or another. That is a reflection on the weakness of humans--not a reflection on God. Church is a hospital for sinners, not a country club for saints. Sorry, I know you want to feel superior by pointing out the fallacies of some church members, but any true Christian will tell you that the church (or rather its members) can easily succuum to temptation and sin. Sorry to burst your bubble of what you think the church should be. I go to church to hear the word of God, to learn about the Bible's teachings, and to commune with fellow believers. I know there will be some who are struggling with their sinfulness--we all are. Doesn't mean that God's word is any less relevant or less meaningful. You can't judge a whole religion by some of its weaker members, because the negative behavior is not what is taught. What is taught is to strive for Christlike behavior. We are to acknowledge our weaknesses, and our sinfulness, and strive for strength to battle those weaknesses. (My post is in response to a poster whose comment has since been deleted by the moderators.)

Edited May 23, 2012 by KathyM

[shorty7]

Myself:

Grew up going to a Catholic Daycare, a Buddhist kindergarten, and a secondary Seventh-Day Adventist Language school (kind of like cram school after normal public school).

 

I am currently Jodo-Shinshu Buddhist.

 

Him:

Father: Catholic

Mother: Jewish

Church they went to in his childhood: Unitarian

 

I consider him more agnostic/apathetic re: religion than anything else at the moment. He probably just doesn't like the idea of religiously going to church (or waking up early on a Sunday, more likely) but I know he doesn't dislike religion.

 

We both agree that if we were to marry, a secular or non-church affiliated setting would be better. I'd like to have it in my church as I'd likely get a great deal saving a bunch of money, but I don't think he feels comfortable with the idea of his 120+ Catholic relatives being in a Buddhist Chapel. I on the other hand, don't feel comfortable getting married in a Christian setting. I can't decide which I feel more uncomfortable about, the "oath before God" thing, or the Bible verses (though I don't mind some of them).

 

As far as if and when I do have kids, they can go to a Muslim school for all I care if that's what the best school in the neighborhood offers. My parents sent me to the schools that they thought would be best choice for the quality of my education; they just happened to be Buddhist/Catholic/Seventh-day Advents. If anything, going to different religiously-affiliated schools in my youth has taught me to be open to new religions and tolerable of other beliefs than my own, so I wouldn't mind sending my kids to a church outside of my family's religious beliefs.

[pink_sugar]

Neither my husband and I were religious. It doesn't mean were atheists, it just means we're not devout or practice religion.

[zengirl]

Why is it that people have this concept that anyone who goes to church, and the people who run the church, are supposed to be these sinless saints who are perfect and nothing bad should ever happen with it? Well, newsflash: the people that attend and run churches are humans--yes, I know that's hard to believe, but they are. They all struggle with their sinful nature, and some, unfortunately, give in to it. They are all sinners in one way or another. That is a reflection on the weakness of humans--not a reflection on God. Church is a hospital for sinners, not a country club for saints. Sorry, I know you want to feel superior by pointing out the fallacies of some church members, but any true Christian will tell you that the church (or rather its members) can easily succuum to temptation and sin. Sorry to burst your bubble of what you think the church should be. I go to church to hear the word of God, to learn about the Bible's teachings, and to commune with fellow believers. I know there will be some who are struggling with their sinfulness--we all are. Doesn't mean that God's word is any less relevant or less meaningful. You can't judge a whole religion by some of its weaker members, because the negative behavior is not what is taught. What is taught is to strive for Christlike behavior. We are to acknowledge our weaknesses, and our sinfulness, and strive for strength to battle those weaknesses. (My post is in response to a poster whose comment has since been deleted by the moderators.)

 

I don't know what the post you were responding to said, but I will say: This is all well and good. HOWEVER, let him without sin cast the first stone, so if you're going to disparage others for being sinful, well. . . don't, because as you say, no one has any right to speak in that regard, as everyone in a church has sin.

[zengirl]

I'm Buddhist, husband is agnostic. My religion has very little impact on our marriage, though hubby is curious about it and goes to temple with me sometimes, etc.

[d'Arthez]

I am atheist, and so was my ex. We lasted 5.5 years.

 

However she was a flaming atheist (certainly not the most endearing trait), and struggled to make friends with people of any religion. She has done so, but not without great difficulty.

 

It did not really impact on our relationship though.