Can somebody

[Shazbob]

A few months ago my husband of 19 years told me after another huge argument it was over , that he cared but wasn't in love with me, and it wouldnt work because we haveboth hurt each other too much .We own the house we are both living in and he is still living here, the confusion is the way he is with me. At first he was very secretive , always staying late at work didn't tell me any more than i neededto know and always saying he was going to move out ASAP blaming money and work commitments as to why he hasn't already though I know he did have a substantial amount of money he could of put a deposit down on a new place .I have told him that I understand he wants to seperate , he was only nineteen when we got married and I understand that he may want to spread his wings so to speak but could we at least be friends as we were living in the same house which he was quite happy about.He stills pays all the bills and buys the food and as yet dont think hes opened a separate bank account , to distance himself from the marraige .The problem is I don't know whether I'm looking to much into it now,he is spending more time with me , coming home earlier , asking if I need anything bringing in , talking about work , telling me what his day was like , where he is going for work that day etc. He has offered that I go with him and our son to football matches , asked how my day was , how doctors appt went , and generally all in all talking mainly but having a laugh with each other . I see these as positive signs that it may work after all , he's just being cautious about jumping in again too soon I case we get hurt again , but I've seen his fb page ( to which im blocked )where he says things like " theres something missing , it doesn't feel right " does that mean he thinks it's over for good or was he looking for somewhere and realised it wasn't right ??? and " in truth everybody hurts you , it's trying to find the ones who are worth suffering for " does that mean he does - or doesn't think it's worth saving? He trying not to brush past me or touch me or anything , he's very stand off ish in that way but in other ways he is so nice . I don't think there's anyone else he hates that kind of thing but I really do love him , can anybody help me please .

[january2011]

The lack of physical contact suggests that he's still distancing himself from you.

 

I'd echo the comment made in your other thread - I think there may be someone else and he's just doing what he can to keep things pleasant while he gets his ducks in a row behind your back.

 

I strongly suggest talking to him and possibly doing some asking around. I suspect that he is either already engaging in an affair or is on the lookout for one as a way out of the marriage. His FB posts sound like a cry for help.

[KathyM]

I would suggest marriage counseling. That may help to get his true feelings out in the open, and to uncover an affair if there is one. Counseling helps to achieve a break through in a wall that has been put up. It may lead to reconciliation, or it may lead to divorce, but what it does is to get people talking about their true feelings and to develop a better understanding of each other, and to work through issues that are impeding the marriage. I would recommend marriage counseling in your case.