Is dating for women 100% easier? Are men expendable to women?

[reptilelover88]

I agree that both men and women face difficulties in the dating game - albeit different ones. As a woman who is generally considered to be quite attractive, I find that I do indeed have a lot of options but they are rarely good ones. I have no shortage of reasonably good-looking guys who just want sex or a bit of fun, but finding a man who actually ticks all the personality/compatibility boxes AND wants a relationship is very rare.

[Negative Nancy]

IMO dating for males is 100% easier because a man has the right to choose first. You can be yourself if you date inside your league. Women have much more problems than men do in terms of dating. You just do not know anything about the problems. If you knew what it takes for a woman to be slim and fit, .............

Perhaps, life is really worth it even men often need women just to use them for sex or something else. Women often feel disposable as sex objects.

Of course you can change your gender, if you want to take your chance waiting for men to choose you as a disposable sex object.

 

it's actually worse than that because all guys would love to date the hottest girl they can get. yeah, they will settle for you if they can't get what they really want but believe me if man had their pick, they would not even settle down. they would just bang a harem of the hottest women and live the pump and dump lifestyle.

 

men always claim that they created civilization but in reality their behavior is just that of a primitive monkey.

[Woggle]

it's actually worse than that because all guys would love to date the hottest girl they can get. yeah, they will settle for you if they can't get what they really want but believe me if man had their pick, they would not even settle down. they would just bang a harem of the hottest women and live the pump and dump lifestyle.

 

men always claim that they created civilization but in reality their behavior is just that of a primitive monkey.

 

I think deep down most women are like that as well.

[grkBoy]

My problem has been women assume I'm a jerk and a player because of the way I dress and look, so they play games with me to test me, which frustrates me because I am a nice guy. By the time they realize I'm a nice guy, I'm usually gone and I hear from them. I'm so jaded by their behavior I don't give them a second chance.

 

My only suggestion is to see that behavior as a red flag. If she'll easily assume you're a playa and plays games...walk. Lord knows I wouldn't get mad...but be happy I'm not with that flake.

 

I think girls with options love to abuse them. Have their cake and eat it, too. Fool around with all the hot guys they can while young and beautiful, but when their looks start to slip, and that biological clock is ticking, it's time to settle for a "safe guy", ie, financial and emotional secure. Less emphasis on looks, more on security.

 

I think ANYONE (male or female) will abuse if they have plenty of options. It's why I tell people who are prone to meeting users should assume that anyone who has loads of options and takes part in those options will more than likely never commit or give you what you want in a RL. Male or female...no one is that "special" or "amazing" enough to make someone with loads of options give up said options.

 

A person with options will more than likely be a user/abuser because they can "easily replace" people when one gets mad. I've told plenty of guys and girls when they bitch and moan about the playa or princess they're trying to leash that this person can dump you in a heartbeat, go out this weekend, find someone new, and snag that person into his/her web as easily as he/she did to you. It's again why I tell many in that case to walk away...rather than fight.

 

In my book, the grass is still evenly green on both sides of the fence.

[Imported]

it's actually worse than that because all guys would love to date the hottest girl they can get. yeah, they will settle for you if they can't get what they really want but believe me if man had their pick, they would not even settle down. they would just bang a harem of the hottest women and live the pump and dump lifestyle.

 

men always claim that they created civilization but in reality their behavior is just that of a primitive monkey.

 

You're wrong. I have a family name to be carried on. I'd like to raise three kids and be around to help them succeed in their early life. I have parents, I have grandparents and they're looking at me like WTF. My sisters are even worse about me not being settled down yet. I do have choices in women, I can find attractive women that would be egar to have sex with me. It's not that difficult, lots of slutty girls out there bouncing from one cock to the next.

[Oxy Moronovich]

it's actually worse than that because all guys would love to date the hottest girl they can get. yeah, they will settle for you if they can't get what they really want but believe me if man had their pick, they would not even settle down. they would just bang a harem of the hottest women and live the pump and dump lifestyle.

 

men always claim that they created civilization but in reality their behavior is just that of a primitive monkey.

Remind us why you're so desperate to be a stay at home mom with such a male-bashing attitude?

[somedude81]

For all the guys who think women have it so easy in dating...

 

...imagine if you find that most women you try to date only want you to spend money on them and will never have sex with you, kiss you, commit to you, or even respect you.

 

Imagine if you're stuck between choosing a woman you don't find physically attractive, but she'll commit to you and love you...versus any "hot" looking woman who will only use/abuse you.

 

 

This is what women go through. Think about how many women meet men, go on dates, she wants a relationship, but finds out he wants to remain single and only "have fun". He'll easily have sex with her, but won't marry her or commit even.

That is where I think you're very wrong.

 

I doubt it's hard at all for a woman to find a man who wants more than just sex from her.

 

The only problem might be is that a woman may have crazy high standards, and is unable to find a man who meets them and wants a relationship with her. Such a woman will get no sympathy from me.

[ThaWholigan]

That is where I think you're very wrong.

 

I doubt it's hard at all for a woman to find a man who wants more than just sex from her.

 

The only problem might be is that a woman may have crazy high standards, and is unable to find a man who meets them and wants a relationship with her. Such a woman will get no sympathy from me.

I don't think he's wrong. Even the guys who want relationships, sometimes they may want them for the wrong reasons, or reasons that aren't suitable for the woman to enter them. It's never as cut and dry as we may think. I'd venture to say it's the same for men, sometimes they deal with women who want relationships for wrong reasons too, that may not be suitable with what we are looking for when it comes to dating and relationships.

 

As for these "crazy high" standards, how do we define that? I have standards, and I don't think they are very low. Shouldn't everyone have standards which aren't low?

[d'Arthez]

Shouldn't everyone have standards which aren't low?

This is so true. The problem is that a lot of men and women just stick to poor yardsticks of quality. Hotness does not pay the bills, people!

[verhrzn]

My problem has been women assume I'm a jerk and a player because of the way I dress and look, so they play games with me to test me, which frustrates me because I am a nice guy. By the time they realize I'm a nice guy, I'm usually gone and I hear from them. I'm so jaded by their behavior I don't give them a second chance.

 

I think girls with options love to abuse them. Have their cake and eat it, too. Fool around with all the hot guys they can while young and beautiful, but when their looks start to slip, and that biological clock is ticking, it's time to settle for a "safe guy", ie, financial and emotional secure. Less emphasis on looks, more on security.

 

So... stop looking and acting like a player! That's a pretty simple fix. I mean, on the one hand you're complaining about girls settling for "safe guys" and not putting emphasis on looks.... but then you complain about how they are staying away from you because they assume you are a player, and they want a nice guy! Isn't that some mind-bendy logic right there?

 

Also, be really, really, really honest with yourself... if you have options, wouldn't you abuse them, just a bit? If you knew you could go out and get a new girl to want you every week, would you be so fast to settle down? Probably not-you'd tell yourself that you aren't giving that up until you've found someone amazing. That's human nature.

[somedude81]

As for these "crazy high" standards, how do we define that? I have standards, and I don't think they are very low. Shouldn't everyone have standards which aren't low?

You are aware there is a middle ground between crazy high and low right?

[BetheButterfly]

Guys have to be taller. If you're 5'5...well don't even bother looking at women.

 

The stress on height seems to be a recent phenomenon. I think one of the main reasons is because many cultures today are becoming more and more obsessed with physical appearances, rather than qualities that have nothing to do with the shell of the body.

 

 

Guys have to have status

Guys are trapped to a gender role

Guys have to show alpha male traits

 

I disagree with all of the above. My husband was poor... we are today poor. He did not have to have status in order to "catch" me. He did have to have a loving heart. Even though it's true that he is handsome (and tall), sad to say, many handsome and tall men do not have a loving heart. It is not my husband's looks that captured me, but rather his good, loving, and caring heart.

 

My husband loves to cook, clean, and is not at all trapped in a gender role. He is also an artist. He is attracted to females (this was something I made sure of ... a common complaint nowadays is that many great guys don't seem to be attracted to females). My husband is in no way trapped to a gender role nor does he have to show alpha male traits.

 

Women just have to be healthy looking (As in not being fat). As a female soon as you walk outside you'll have 10 guys ready to date you. As a man I have to work hard as hell just for one girl to look at me.

 

There are many other qualities men look for too, as well as not being fat. Even though it is true that my husband wants a healthy wife, he had other qualities he was looking for, not just physical ones.

Women can get the numbers of 40 men out of 120 guys

Men if lucky can get 5 numbers out of 200 women.

 

? I don't really care. When you meet the right one, the numbers of who one "can get" doesn't matter, in my opinion.

In the end of the day as a man I question my existence as a man. Is life really worth it if women and society only need you for utilitarian purposes?

 

I would encourage you to grow in understanding that your existence on earth is not dependent on being needed by women. People are stewards of the earth... it's our job to take care of the earth, each other, animals, and to make the world a better place. You don't need a woman to do that. All people, no matter their ages (even little kids can help make the world a better place) and no matter their social status, as well as relationship status, can help make the world a better place!

As a male I'm freaking tired of this disposable feeling I get when I'm around females in general. I've seen it so many times when a guy is sick of his gender role in the world of dating ALL women discard his existence while other men punish him for it.

 

Again, this seems to be a part of modern day culture. I am 34, and it is interesting to me how times have vastly changed since I was in my 20s!

 

However, I encourage you not to let modern day culture get you down. Be a rebel! Be yourself! Grow in your talents and your confidence! Enjoy life! Help people! Care for animals! Take care of the beautiful yet dangerous yet amazing earth!!!

 

When you least expect it, I wouldn't be surprised if a beautiful and lovely and intelligent woman who loves you for who you are falls in love with you, and you with her!

 

So, don't let the modern day superficial, physical trait obsessed culture get you down! There are women out there who can see more than what vanity fair offers! Instead of focusing on the negative, enjoy life and focus the positive!

[ThaWholigan]

This is so true. The problem is that a lot of men and women just stick to poor yardsticks of quality. Hotness does not pay the bills' date=' people![/quote']

Hotness is a very subjective thing to me. There is this misconception that only a small subset of people can be attractive, and everybody else pales in comparison.

 

I've met some truly radiant women but they weren't always conventionally beautiful - their physical attractiveness level was very often complemented by an elegance, a personal authority, and a sort of cerebral self-awareness. There are all these equalizers that people blind themselves too, it's not just the hotness, at least not to me. What I find physically attractive is exclusive to me, and what I find attractive on the whole is the same.

[ThaWholigan]

You are aware there is a middle ground between crazy high and low right?

 

Yes but I think you are overestimating how "crazy high", women's standards actually are and what those standards actually consist of on the whole. That's my point. I have standards that are not low at all, and I try to be able to be on a level where I can actually match those same standards, one of the reasons I don't date a lot - I'm an inexperienced, autistic man who has quite high standards, as I have come to realise .

[Kamille]

The stress on height seems to be a recent phenomenon. I think one of the main reasons is because many cultures today are becoming more and more obsessed with physical appearances, rather than qualities that have nothing to do with the shell of the body.

 

 

I think it's purely an effect of on-line dating, where everyone's height is out there for the world to see.

 

I also think on-line dating is responsible for the angst a few of these guys feel. It's changing dating culture and ups the ante. I was in my late teens early 20s in the 90s, before OLD took off. What prevailed at the time was more of a hook up culture. You'd meet people in bars, in cafes, through friends and you would hang out. Eventually you would kiss.

 

Now there's a whole industry centered around dating. It's an industry premised on traditional gender roles as well as superficial traits.

 

In the past, people who could not get dates would at least not have been surrounded by this professionalization of dating.

 

Studies should be done.

[d'Arthez]

In the past, people who could not get dates would at least not have been surrounded by this professionalization of dating.

 

Studies should be done.

Men and women become commodified even in their "free time" (free time is already a misnomer). Capitalism, fully unleashed, is shaping the world in its own image. And it is not a pretty sight.

[CarboniteCammy]

I was on the market for 30 years before I met someone I felt was worth my time to marry. Part of the reason I felt that way is all of the times in the past that I had been burned by men who honestly felt like they were, "Nice guys."

 

I don't know too many dudes who are like, "You know what? I'm an ********* and that's why girls don't like me."

 

Most guys are like, "Man, women suck!"

 

It's a whole lot easier to blame other people, even 1/2 the population, rather then to look at what's wrong within yourself. Trust me, I know. I was there myself for a while.

[verhrzn]

I was on the market for 30 years before I met someone I felt was worth my time to marry. Part of the reason I felt that way is all of the times in the past that I had been burned by men who honestly felt like they were, "Nice guys."

 

I don't know too many dudes who are like, "You know what? I'm an ********* and that's why girls don't like me."

 

Most guys are like, "Man, women suck!"

 

It's a whole lot easier to blame other people, even 1/2 the population, rather then to look at what's wrong within yourself. Trust me, I know. I was there myself for a while.

 

It blows my mind how many guys tell themselves that they are "nice," while engaging in behaviors that are anything but.

[Badsingularity]

 

I doubt it's hard at all for a woman to find a man who wants more than just sex from her.

 

The only problem might be is that a woman may have crazy high standards, and is unable to find a man who meets them and wants a relationship with her. Such a woman will get no sympathy from me.

 

The problem for women is that often they don't feel attracted to the guys that want to love them. They could meet 10 guys and not feel any attraction to any of them. For men this usaully is not the case because of the differenences in the ways that men and women become attracted to someone.

[Ruby Slippers]

Men and women become commodified even in their "free time" (free time is already a misnomer). Capitalism' date=' fully unleashed, is shaping the world in its own image. And it is not a pretty sight.[/quote']

Good post. I think this is a huge part of the problem. The machine sells a lot of BS - the image, the fantasies, the perfect life. And most people buy it without thinking much about why. I'm a pretty free thinker, but I get roped in sometimes, too.

 

It makes me angry sometimes to see the stupid ads on this and other sites - ads of a scrolling menu of "fabulous single men". These mind tricks work on people.

 

But screw that. These schemes are designed to separate people from their money, security, and happiness, and keep our souls poor and weak.

 

Most of the U.S.'s problems are tied to our over-inflated egos, our materialism and greed. This is the pattern of prosperous and dominant societies. The "land of the free" is supposed to be the beacon of striving for meaningful human ideals, with heart. The rest of the world loves and hates us for this, for the striving and our shortcomings.

 

I think we'd all be better off if more of us thought for ourselves, and used our own inner compass as a real guide. We need to stop doing things because they are trendy and modern, and do things because they are good and right.

[Kamille]

The problem for women is that often they don't feel attracted to the guys that want to love them. They could meet 10 guys and not feel any attraction to any of them. For men this usaully is not the case because of the differenences in the ways that men and women become attracted to someone.

 

And thank goodness for that! If everyone merely settled for the first hot body that showed up, imagine how high the divorce rate would be.

[paperboy48]

I think you're misinterpreting what happens on OLD sites and thinking this is true of all areas of life. Yes, it is true that men are put at a disadvantage on those sites. I can understand how OLD sites could make a man feel at a disadvantage and expendable.

 

But guess what? OLD sites do not represent all of reality. Men stand a much better chance of getting noticed in real life, through their social networks, by getting active in activities which bring men and women together. Don't let what happens on-line determine how you feel about yourself.

 

OLD Sites?

[Kamille]

OLD Sites?

 

On-line dating sites.

[Oxy Moronovich]

The problem for women is that often they don't feel attracted to the guys that want to love them. They could meet 10 guys and not feel any attraction to any of them. For men this usaully is not the case because of the differenences in the ways that men and women become attracted to someone.

Are you serious guy? Are you one of those dudes who thinks the average woman gets hit on by at least 12 guys a day?

 

I can assure you the average woman considers it a joy to meet a dozen guys a year. Women do not get hit on all the time. The number of women who get hit on at least 12 times a month is less than 5% of the female population. And even then the number decreases when her looks fade as she passes 30.

[Kamille]

And even then the number decreases when her looks fade as she passes 30.

 

I must be like a good wine. Mine seem to increase with age, but carry-on.