Hero to Zero

[Edtheduck]

These are great posts and its comforting to know that there are people here who care. It is 3 months NC for me. We were together for 5 1/2 years. I wanted closure from her but she kept me on a string for a year. Finally when she hung up on me, I got my closure. WHat somebody said is right: they make up their minds months before the actual break up, but don't have the decency to tell you up front the real reason, which really don't matter. It has been extremely hard for me to move on. I am not a young buck luck most of you. I am 59 and she was 54. It is hard, but i tell myself I am a great catch !!

 

Keep telling yourself you are, as everyone in this world is! Everyone deserves happiness Wow kept you on a string for a year? If my ex did that with me now I'd tell her to **** off!!

 

It's truly been a bad few days. I think of her smiling, I think of us on holiday, I think of us with her kids. Where the hell is this all coming from all of a sudden? Not only do I actually miss her right now, when I thought I was growing out of love for her, the last few days have made me realise I'm clearly still in love with her.

 

Damn ****ing crazy. I need to sleep else I'll probably dwell tonight, and I really don't want to.

[barese1]

Know that feeling mate. Just keep at it. I have this belief now that after a bit of time the feelings actually come back stronger nad harder and hopefully will die down properly with some more time.

[todreaminblue]

Hey Deb,

 

Thank you It feels like déjà vu all over again for me. It's like I stopped worrying, then BAM I'm starting to again. It's a sickening feeling.

 

I take great comfort in the fact I would have looked after and been a father to her kids, if she wanted it enough. People will say you're a fool, you're better off without.

 

I say, it's just the way I feel, and been brought up. I have great morals, am a caring person who gives a lot more than he gets back.

 

I'm trying to forget these thoughts right now. It's harder than its ever been.

 

The funny thing is, in the last few weeks, I've got my strength back, am looking and feeling good again. So I have been improving myself, and making the most of my time.

 

It's just that annoying trigger switch which once set off, sets my mind to someone who I truly cared about.

 

3 weeks NC from me, almost 3 months since I last saw her (end of next week)

 

hey there ed,

i once wrote a poem about love being an addiction and it is....... it invades rational thought, stops progress, makes you feel high its like chocolate and all the good things rolled into one dish.....in the first year we split i decided

i wanted to go on a mission and help the starving children in africa.....thankfully my mum talked me out of it I have responsibilities with my own kids and to myself first and honestly i wasn't on an even keel...but who knows one day maybe i might go to africa..the world is huge and i wanna see it.........the really random point i am trying to make is at least you are on an even keel you arent trying to escape to africa and feed the kids you are struggling but doing it with grace and conviction....the first year i was a mess........let yourself feel ed, you have that right to feel nostalgic.....and you have a right to feel anything be it good bad or in between, you cant stop it and when you try and stop feeling it actually makes it harder.....all i can say is it does get better........like any addiction it fades........thank god and the sky above for that.....or i don't think i would be here writing this to you now.....hugses from me to you......deb

[Edtheduck]

I hear what you're saying Deb...basically I'm doing everything I can to be me at the moment and enjoy my freedom. I do smile, I do haeckel laughs and I do enjoy my life. It's just that annoying feeling in the background which always reminds me of her.

 

Just got ready for work, she is on my mind again today. 4 days on the trot. Honestly don't have a clue where this has all come from all of a sudden.

 

One day, I hope she realises the effect she had on me. I'm just a normal humble guy who wants happiness. Honestly thought I had it with her. Ah well.

 

Brighter opportunities ahead no doubt.....here's hoping. Another day, another dodgy feeling

[Edtheduck]

STOP ME FROM BREAKING NC.

 

The urge is unreal today. Damn it!!!!!

[Ruby65]

Ed, how are you doing with this?

[Edtheduck]

Have resisted so far today.

 

More will power than anything. It's been harder than ever today, I have to admit.

[Ruby65]

Good for you for resisting!! Keep STRONG.

 

Remember -- even if you're still hoping for a reconciliation, NC is still the way to go.

 

It sounds like it's been really hard since she contacted you.... imagine how much harder it's going to be if you have contact with her now!

[Edtheduck]

I'm keeping strong, well trying to anyway.

 

Every emotion I thought I had gotten over, it's there today. I don't know what I'm hoping for to be honest. Of course I'd love to give it another shot, but on my terms first, then ours.

 

The rest....god knows. I guess it was the crying last week which maybe has contributed a lot. She didn't cry at all when together, as we always got on well. Strange.

 

Need to keep busy, it's the only way in coping at the moment. It's not a sob story, it's something which I thought had passed.

[Edtheduck]

Yep, you know what I'm going to say don't you all!

 

The urge eventually got too much, and after speaking with some close friends first, I, after 3 weeks and 1 day, broke NC from my side. It was a simple message, meaningful yet expecting no reply as I didnt ask any questions. That's the way I wanted it to be.

 

To be honest, I don't feel any different, it hasn't set me back to square one, and I still remain as I am. She's still on the mind of course, this sudden wave which has hit me remains. I did send it late too. It's no mind games from me, just a simple message to let her know she's been on my mind.

 

In a way, NC for me was never going to work, as we have both at certain points broken it. I guess that's because we didn't really argue at all during our relationship, and nothing bad to say to eachother.

 

I'll keep everyone posted. Ruby, I know what you're going to say

 

TBH, it's 50/50 with me at the moment. I do hope, but at the same time, nearly 3 months on, I feel better and much more confident in myself.

 

It's a process alright

[todreaminblue]

Yep, you know what I'm going to say don't you all!

 

The urge eventually got too much, and after speaking with some close friends first, I, after 3 weeks and 1 day, broke NC from my side. It was a simple message, meaningful yet expecting no reply as I didnt ask any questions. That's the way I wanted it to be.

 

To be honest, I don't feel any different, it hasn't set me back to square one, and I still remain as I am. She's still on the mind of course, this sudden wave which has hit me remains. I did send it late too. It's no mind games from me, just a simple message to let her know she's been on my mind.

 

In a way, NC for me was never going to work, as we have both at certain points broken it. I guess that's because we didn't really argue at all during our relationship, and nothing bad to say to eachother.

 

I'll keep everyone posted. Ruby, I know what you're going to say

 

TBH, it's 50/50 with me at the moment. I do hope, but at the same time, nearly 3 months on, I feel better and much more confident in myself.

 

It's a process alright

 

 

It is a process and it isn't any use to you to beat yourself up or for anybody else to beat you up over breaking nc.As long as you feel confident you can handle the no reply if not...... you have support........i think you are doing great ok......better than i was at your particular point in time ...always look to the bright side of life......monty python was genius and more people should listen to him...have to go catch the kangaroo in my front yard now......sending you feel good vibes...a friend from the land down under......deb

[Edtheduck]

Thanks Deb!

 

I don't expect a reply to it, as I didn't really ask a question. It was simply to let her know she was in my thoughts. Nothing lost, nothing gained. It doesn't really state that I'm missing her, well in a way it does, but at the same time, it's not asking for anything.

 

I feel better today, she was in yet another dream last night. It's never been so bad with the memories and me missing her. It's odd! I'm doing my best though and intend on keeping it up!

 

Let me know if the kangaroo gets away or not

 

I do hope these emotions die down a tad soon. I guess the realisation that even good relationships can **** up is getting to me at the moment.

[barese1]

Mate I feel ya! Glad you aren't holding out for any reply after the message, thats a good emntality.

 

Dreams of the ex are horrible and, same her, it leaves you with little faith when you know the relationship was fine but still broke down. Hard to have hope really.

 

I think the feelings will die down for us but only after a long, long ,long time. I'm starting to realise that cr*ppy fact now.

[Samilia]

I just read your post. I feel for you, especially with kids involved, your feelings for her and for them.

 

I hope you dig yourself out of the hole, It must be twice as hard.

[Edtheduck]

Thanks Barese. I just couldn't hold out in the end, and had to send the text. Like I said I wasn't expecting a reply to it, so I carry on as I am. It's like resetting the emotional clock to 12am again if you know what I mean.

 

When it hits 12am again, in days or weeks time, I'll evaluate the situation again. Even if during that time I receive breadcrumbs.

 

How you coping? Still feeling down and can't shake her off?

 

Samilia, thank you It has been hard. When I think I'm getting better, I find things in my place which belonged to her or her kids, like yesterday.

 

The attachment and bond to all of them is proving hard to let go of, but I hope in time it gets easier.

 

Football on tonight, hopefully a welcome distraction from it all

[Edtheduck]

I actually shed some tears for my ex tonight.

 

Yea.....exactly. She doesn't deserve them. But whatever I feel, whatever is on my mind, im letting it all come out. I guess it's the only way I'll heal properly.

 

Right now, I miss her more than the day she decided to end things. It's ****ed up, and on that note, I need to try and sleep off these emotions.

[barese1]

Hey ed, I know what you mean about the 12am thing. Its literally taking all my will power not to text/call.

 

I know I'll get a response, but a response from someone who wants to be friends and as tempting as it is to have that, I do not want to go down that road.

 

Every now and then I wanna cry, something stops me. That thought that yes she cried during the break up, but no she probably isn't crying now so she is not getting my tears.

 

Yup still feeling down. The more the days pass the more I miss her being around, not so much the relationship now just her being there, which is made harder but the fact I know she'd probably be happy to be friendly.

 

Football was my only salvation tonight too....my whole family being Italian made tonights game interesting. Straight after the match I thought how much I'd like to share my joy of the 2-1 win with her....sucks even when I'm happy my thoughts go to her. Sigh.

 

Keep it up though mate, and keep posting.We're all in this together

[todreaminblue]

Thanks Deb!

 

I don't expect a reply to it, as I didn't really ask a question. It was simply to let her know she was in my thoughts. Nothing lost, nothing gained. It doesn't really state that I'm missing her, well in a way it does, but at the same time, it's not asking for anything.

 

I feel better today, she was in yet another dream last night. It's never been so bad with the memories and me missing her. It's odd! I'm doing my best though and intend on keeping it up!

 

Let me know if the kangaroo gets away or not

 

I do hope these emotions die down a tad soon. I guess the realisation that even good relationships can **** up is getting to me at the moment.

 

 

Kangaroos are slippery critters they have an attitude problem as well ......smilin......so i let mine go much to much trouble to tie him down......caught a bus instead.....much bigger target......is that a goofy enough joke to crack a smile with....if not i will work on the goofiness......emotional connections fade mine dont die.......i am a hoarder.....i hoard connections.......faded ones but still keep them none the less, there is no way to know when it wont be so hard on your pysche, all i can say without a doubt in my mind is it is going to get easier for you and i am sending you huge hugs from across the pacific big sloppy almost eaten by a great white shark ones......and yeah i am smilin so have that as well......deb

[Edtheduck]

Thank you both!

 

Your words are helping a great deal at the moment. Honestly feels like I've gone backwards since last week. I've no doubt hearing her voice and her crying has caused it. Damn emotions.

 

Barese, thanks mate. I know what you're saying about sharing good things happening to you and around you. Whenever I get something good going my way, my first thought is to share it with her. Then the realisation that she's not here sinks in. Terrible feeling. You're doing great resisting the urge to contact. I think it's much harder not talking to them, than receiving breadcrumbs like I did the last few weeks. In a way it let's you know they are still around. Keep going, and nice work doing over the Germans! Play like that against Spain and you've got a genuine chance!

 

Debs, your words never go unnoticed! You do make me smile! It's a long process alright, and I've no doubt these feelings will linger on for some time still. It's a no brainer, I would have done anything for her and her kids so the love was very strong on my side. I'm taking it day by day, and more often than not when I feel something, I'm here to write it down and let it out.

 

That shark, could you make it about 5"6, curves in the right places and brunette? The hug will be ten times nice then! Kidding! Just trying to cheer myself up again!

 

Friday, not much planned at all after work. I sense, this could be a very, very long weekend

[todreaminblue]

Thank you both!

 

Your words are helping a great deal at the moment. Honestly feels like I've gone backwards since last week. I've no doubt hearing her voice and her crying has caused it. Damn emotions.

 

Barese, thanks mate. I know what you're saying about sharing good things happening to you and around you. Whenever I get something good going my way, my first thought is to share it with her. Then the realisation that she's not here sinks in. Terrible feeling. You're doing great resisting the urge to contact. I think it's much harder not talking to them, than receiving breadcrumbs like I did the last few weeks. In a way it let's you know they are still around. Keep going, and nice work doing over the Germans! Play like that against Spain and you've got a genuine chance!

 

Debs, your words never go unnoticed! You do make me smile! It's a long process alright, and I've no doubt these feelings will linger on for some time still. It's a no brainer, I would have done anything for her and her kids so the love was very strong on my side. I'm taking it day by day, and more often than not when I feel something, I'm here to write it down and let it out.

 

That shark, could you make it about 5"6, curves in the right places and brunette? The hug will be ten times nice then! Kidding! Just trying to cheer myself up again!

 

Friday, not much planned at all after work. I sense, this could be a very, very long weekend

 

lol that shark could almost be me i would have to wear heels control my curves and detach the tribe of teenage sharks and fully grown alpha males who would eat you alive i tell ya..... but i am however a brunette.....for today anyway...........smilin.....I am glad that i can make you smile.....and happy you let it out here.....better than fermenting it i will try and deco0de it for you..... and if i see a five six female predator with brownish hair i will send her swimming......there a quite a few mullet this time of year.......she should be well fed......well wishes and many fishes......debxo

[todreaminblue]

If i could delete the comment above that i wrote, i would, i was trying to be funny and my foot firmly implanted itself on the keyboard....sorry ed .....hope you have a great day.....deb

[barese1]

Yeah I think this weekend will be hard for me too ed. Just stay strong. Eevryday that passes is another day closer to healing.....I hope

[Edtheduck]

Debs, you worry too much!!

 

Don't get me wrong I still think women out there are hot! It's a natural progression not thinking everyone compares to my ex! Some are prettier, but then some don't have the body! Ha!

 

I have to admit I look after myself, have a good body, I train hard, and eat healthy. My ex knew it too. The last weekend I was with her, I packed my protein into my bag!! Lol

 

Just keep doing what you're doing, it's helping!! And if you stumble across that stunner of a brunette, please let me know. Today, I had women looking, both at me and my bod. Do I care? Not really. Not my concern right now.

 

Barese, it's gonna be a ****ing hard weekend coming. BUT, with friends and family by my side, I'm hoping it will go quickly. Like I said, just be in it for YOU right now. We deserve it, so **** the rest!

 

See my anger coming out now...not at my ex, at life!!

[todreaminblue]

Debs, you worry too much!!

 

Don't get me wrong I still think women out there are hot! It's a natural progression not thinking everyone compares to my ex! Some are prettier, but then some don't have the body! Ha!

 

I have to admit I look after myself, have a good body, I train hard, and eat healthy. My ex knew it too. The last weekend I was with her, I packed my protein into my bag!! Lol

 

Just keep doing what you're doing, it's helping!! And if you stumble across that stunner of a brunette, please let me know. Today, I had women looking, both at me and my bod. Do I care? Not really. Not my concern right now.

 

Barese, it's gonna be a ****ing hard weekend coming. BUT, with friends and family by my side, I'm hoping it will go quickly. Like I said, just be in it for YOU right now. We deserve it, so **** the rest!

 

See my anger coming out now...not at my ex, at life!!

 

Thanks ed for being you......if i ever do go over the top let me know i would appreciate that or hijack your thread.....i am so glad you can see what you could bring to a relationship and you should be confident.....it takes hard work and dedication to stay in shape....ex military so i know...anger can be healthy to change and growth it can motivate you inspire you to step up you know all that though with how good you feel when yoru muscles work......lets you know you are alive and kickin.....i surely would send a stunner your way.......but i would go on the hunt for a stunner with a personality and drive to match....i love matchmaking....lol....beats dating myself.....smilin......debxo

[Edtheduck]

So, I've just woken up...mind...yep, on you know who.

 

Time to flush that out straight away as I don't want it to ruin my weekend. Tomorrow is always the bad day for me.

 

Debs, thank you. I know what you're saying about the hard work and dedication. It happens in all forms of life so I strive to do it everywhere.

 

Looks aren't everything, personality for me goes a long long way too. In fact it's just as important. It's a shame she has both! Oh well.

 

Whatever she's doing, I hope she is ok. I'm a human after all and I hold no grudges. I've learnt and accepted to forgive her for her actions in the breakup. I'll never forget it though. In the meantime, ME time, and let's see what unfolds.

 

Tomorrow brings the start of July, which means birthday month At least something to look forward to. Where is the time flying.....next week will be 3 months since I last saw my ex. Madness.