Hero to Zero

[todreaminblue]

So, I've just woken up...mind...yep, on you know who.

 

Time to flush that out straight away as I don't want it to ruin my weekend. Tomorrow is always the bad day for me.

 

Debs, thank you. I know what you're saying about the hard work and dedication. It happens in all forms of life so I strive to do it everywhere.

 

Looks aren't everything, personality for me goes a long long way too. In fact it's just as important. It's a shame she has both! Oh well.

 

Whatever she's doing, I hope she is ok. I'm a human after all and I hold no grudges. I've learnt and accepted to forgive her for her actions in the breakup. I'll never forget it though. In the meantime, ME time, and let's see what unfolds.

 

Tomorrow brings the start of July, which means birthday month At least something to look forward to. Where is the time flying.....next week will be 3 months since I last saw my ex. Madness.

 

 

lol you mean my birthday month.....are you a cancer too? hi fives a fellow possible maybe crab if not i take the hi five back......... she is ok ....my crabby intuition tells me so.....yes to the me time, no to the madness and a bright month ahead....soon enough....its your birthdee its my birthdee gonna party gonna dance all night come on do that dougee now....

[Edtheduck]

Do the dougee? You Aussies sure are strange!! Lol

 

I'm no Cancer, I'm the king of the tribe, a mighty Leo. And you know what they say about Leo's don't you...they are caring people who always give give give, not expecting anything back. Yep that will be me.

 

I'll toast to your birthday when you let me know when it is, of course I expect a toast back in late July!

 

I'm feeling so so today. Weekends are ten times harder for me than through the week, as it's the only time we saw eachother being 180 odd miles apart. So I naturally wonder what she's doing, and hope she's doing the same.

 

I'll admit to all here, I do have hope that she returns in the future. But at the moment I'm not waiting around for it. I'm just living my life day by day, head down with work, and keeping fit. I don't want to date, the one I went on was a mistake as I thought of my ex straight after.

 

Put simply, I can't believe this one woman has had such an effect on me in just over a year. Its new to me after nearly 16 years of dating and going through a handful of relationships. Why the hell does this one stand out?

 

Thanks for the memories ex

[barese1]

Weekends suck mate, shame that I'm glad when they're done now. At least tehre's the footy to look forward to tomorrow.

 

Keep it up mate, sounds like you're getting stronger everyday even if you don't feel you are

[todreaminblue]

Do the dougee? You Aussies sure are strange!! Lol

 

I'm no Cancer, I'm the king of the tribe, a mighty Leo. And you know what they say about Leo's don't you...they are caring people who always give give give, not expecting anything back. Yep that will be me.

 

I'll toast to your birthday when you let me know when it is, of course I expect a toast back in late July!

 

I'm feeling so so today. Weekends are ten times harder for me than through the week, as it's the only time we saw eachother being 180 odd miles apart. So I naturally wonder what she's doing, and hope she's doing the same.

 

I'll admit to all here, I do have hope that she returns in the future. But at the moment I'm not waiting around for it. I'm just living my life day by day, head down with work, and keeping fit. I don't want to date, the one I went on was a mistake as I thought of my ex straight after.

 

Put simply, I can't believe this one woman has had such an effect on me in just over a year. Its new to me after nearly 16 years of dating and going through a handful of relationships. Why the hell does this one stand out?

 

Thanks for the memories ex

 

You can do the dougee anywhere even sitting in a computer chair in fact i consider it medicinal in nature you put on some reggae music drop your shoulders up and down first then take your hands away from the keyboard add a few hey nows........and you are dougeeing ed yayyyyyy......lol..........normal aussies are quite blunt in nature not that strange a friendly bunch of people and an aussie wide motto is .....(she'll) be right mate...(she'll) be everything that bothers you lumped into one package..... i am however not a typical aussie......i worry too much and i have a phobia concerning emus(that would be because an emu chased me around an animal park......most aussies arent scared of emus........i think that traumatic incident made me strange....i blame the emu......not the aussie part....smilin....as far as you being giving ed it is an admirable trait......giving to people who appreciate it..... is when you start to get it back.....you will find someone like that.....i know you dont want to date.....i understand that......myself i haven't been out of a relationship since i was a teen and have never dated as such as have only had relationships turn from friendship into just being together........so it is all new to me......a bit scary but .....

 

why would you stop dating because you thought about your ex straight after........ the fact is you wont stop thinking about her......she had an impact on your life that is why it stands out..... maybe it was the children involved that your emotions were heightened......

you dont have to fall in love on a date ed or think you remembering your ex is a sign you shouldnt date, or find a partner or even have sex.....i know i aint doin the last part for a long time.....its about meeting new people ed who share your interests, a woman to spend time with......you arent ready to take it further in a date so dont.......most women would respect that i feel.....and the ones that dont shouldnt matter......I just dont feel it would be moving forward if you retreat from social contact with women just take it slow.....what are your expectations if you were to go on a date?

 

 

 

i have a dr suess quote that is my fave......"those who dont mind.... matter.....those who mind.... dont matter" dr suess is a genius.....from your emu phobic friend .....deb

[Edtheduck]

Thanks both.

 

For once I let my hair down and went out yesterday. It was good to be out without the thoughts of her coming into my mind. Today, different story. Sunday's are by far my worse days so I always think about her today. It's just something I can't help, even if I try not to.

 

Debs, it's not that I dont want to date or anything. It's just that it's not fair on the women if I'm offering my presence when I'm not 100% there. I'd rather do it when I'm ready for it. Don't get me wrong I'm still going out and enjoying socialising, I'm just not ready mentally to meet and greet other women. I still have an emotional connection to my ex, so it's not fair on them or me.

 

Hopefully it will pass soon enough and I can get on with that side of my life. Right now, she's left such a void that it's hard to fill it with other things. I'm still doing what I normally do, and will continue to do so.

 

Today is going to be a struggle. Always is on Sunday

[todreaminblue]

Thanks both.

 

For once I let my hair down and went out yesterday. It was good to be out without the thoughts of her coming into my mind. Today, different story. Sunday's are by far my worse days so I always think about her today. It's just something I can't help, even if I try not to.

 

Debs, it's not that I dont want to date or anything. It's just that it's not fair on the women if I'm offering my presence when I'm not 100% there. I'd rather do it when I'm ready for it. Don't get me wrong I'm still going out and enjoying socialising, I'm just not ready mentally to meet and greet other women. I still have an emotional connection to my ex, so it's not fair on them or me.

 

Hopefully it will pass soon enough and I can get on with that side of my life. Right now, she's left such a void that it's hard to fill it with other things. I'm still doing what I normally do, and will continue to do so.

 

Today is going to be a struggle. Always is on Sunday

 

 

Do you know ed I am the last person who should be telling people to date.....i haven't dated anyone really my whole entire life.....my last two relationships happened after years of friendship and the last one lasted fifteen years....so who am i to tell you to date...slap me with a cold mullet....so scrap that comment i made to you..... i havent even attempted to try to date other than gradually joining dating sites on the internet looking for friendship and penpals with the possibility of romance being down the track way way down.....so i have received quite a few photos of pretty wittle penises i have no desire to be friends with.....met a penpal who is widowed though in a country one day i might travel too who is sweet so i have been nice to him......dont think he can handle my humor though so i am being gentle.....the penises i get to look at........i have a standard response.....awwwwwwww isnt the little one cute awwww diddums......they dont send me anymore.....i wonder why....smilin.....was it something i said you think?.....i dont think dating is for me at the moment either but i am trying to be open to possibility....you however are doing better than me.....at socialising at least and you are honest with yourself....i try to trick myself into thinking im ready and fail..........i should just gag my fingers and stop offering advice and ask you for some advice instead...should i give talking to the penises a go or maybe not?...hugssses......deb

Edited July 2, 2012 by todreaminblue
adding and spelling mistakes

[Edtheduck]

You're worrying too much again Debs!

 

Lol me give you advice? Ok, do everything at your own pace, don't rush into anything you don't want to, and take your time. It's what I'm doing right now as I'm simply not ready for it. I'm still, if I'm honest, in love with my ex. Not the memory of her, but her. So that means I won't be doing any form of dating for a while again. Oh while I'm at it, ignore the penises, they sound like seedy men only in it for one thing and one thing only! You're better than that.

 

For some reason today, I find myself wanting to reach out to my ex again, but I won't. This is the longest time I've not heard from her since that call two weeks back. To be fair, I did tell her at the time to take her time, evaluate the situation and talk when she wants to. Maybe that's what she's doing, I have no idea.

 

Yes I still miss her, yes I think of her. But I've learnt nearly 3 months on to cope with the feelings. Some days are better than others, but that's life. It's interesting that I find myself feeling this way. I was always hard after other relationships and promised myself I would move on quickly and forget about them. It's simply not the same this time around, but, I've leant I shouldn't be doing anything to get in her mind or hassle her.

 

If she wants to reach out she will. If she doesn't, another woman will eventually deserve the good natured heart I have. I guess it's true what they say that women seem to like the rough and ready men, who treat them bad.

 

It's not a patch on being a gentleman I say. And that, I'm proud to say, I am. And always will be.

 

2 weeks NC tomorrow. 3 months post BU next week.

[todreaminblue]

You're worrying too much again Debs!

 

Lol me give you advice? Ok, do everything at your own pace, don't rush into anything you don't want to, and take your time. It's what I'm doing right now as I'm simply not ready for it. I'm still, if I'm honest, in love with my ex. Not the memory of her, but her. So that means I won't be doing any form of dating for a while again. Oh while I'm at it, ignore the penises, they sound like seedy men only in it for one thing and one thing only! You're better than that.

 

For some reason today, I find myself wanting to reach out to my ex again, but I won't. This is the longest time I've not heard from her since that call two weeks back. To be fair, I did tell her at the time to take her time, evaluate the situation and talk when she wants to. Maybe that's what she's doing, I have no idea.

 

Yes I still miss her, yes I think of her. But I've learnt nearly 3 months on to cope with the feelings. Some days are better than others, but that's life. It's interesting that I find myself feeling this way. I was always hard after other relationships and promised myself I would move on quickly and forget about them. It's simply not the same this time around, but, I've leant I shouldn't be doing anything to get in her mind or hassle her.

 

If she wants to reach out she will. If she doesn't, another woman will eventually deserve the good natured heart I have. I guess it's true what they say that women seem to like the rough and ready men, who treat them bad.

 

It's not a patch on being a gentleman I say. And that, I'm proud to say, I am. And always will be.

 

2 weeks NC tomorrow. 3 months post BU next week.

 

 

I think will take my time ed.....a snail will move faster than me in the dating pool.....as far as the photos go......i was starting to wonder whether its a new dating thing for guys to send a picture of their one eyed friend to show how humorous they are....seeing i did request a sense of humour and that is what i get..........so no ....i am still waiting for me to feel amused.....i am going to post them as a slide show on you tube entitled "pick which one is yours'.... i may then feel amused...........

 

 

No ed.....and ill say no again and pause for effect.....

most women dont want rough and ready men or bad boys......only women who have issues would want that.....be that gentleman that you are and you will get what you truly deserve ...most women want to be loved as much as they can love......when you are ready to you will find her.....slinkin off to youtube some amusement........god i hope i dont dream about these things.....ackkkk.....quote for ed.......nice guys make lasting impressions not finish last......deb

[Edtheduck]

Debs, I'll tell ya, it's good to take your time and only do what you feel is right. Like you said yourself, if youve never really done the dating thing, it can be daunting for you. You've started in the right way, so just take it slowly and who knows what it may be bring. There are nice men out there, who will take on the responsibility of your kids too. Look at me

 

For me, who knows. I'm in no rush to date again, that much I know. I do have hope, but at the same time, I'm carrying on with my life. For now, work and general socialising with friends will take priority. Anything else, if it comes my way, will be a bonus.

 

Some have said save a hoe on this thread, some have said I deserve more. All I'll say is, even after the BU, and post BU, a strong part of me still wants her to return to me. I doubt she will though.

 

So.....I post here when I'm down, or thinking, or evaluating things. It's my release, and I'll continue to use it for this purpose. It's a shame I can't talk to her about it, but, NC is the only way for me right now. (Even if I really want to talk to her)

[todreaminblue]

Debs, I'll tell ya, it's good to take your time and only do what you feel is right. Like you said yourself, if youve never really done the dating thing, it can be daunting for you. You've started in the right way, so just take it slowly and who knows what it may be bring. There are nice men out there, who will take on the responsibility of your kids too. Look at me

 

For me, who knows. I'm in no rush to date again, that much I know. I do have hope, but at the same time, I'm carrying on with my life. For now, work and general socialising with friends will take priority. Anything else, if it comes my way, will be a bonus.

 

Some have said save a hoe on this thread, some have said I deserve more. All I'll say is, even after the BU, and post BU, a strong part of me still wants her to return to me. I doubt she will though.

 

So.....I post here when I'm down, or thinking, or evaluating things. It's my release, and I'll continue to use it for this purpose. It's a shame I can't talk to her about it, but, NC is the only way for me right now. (Even if I really want to talk to her)

 

 

That's the thing ed, there are not many guys who accept kids from previous relationships especially when you have kids from two relationships previously...(you are part of of a rare and highly specialised breed.....don't ever change)....let alone take responsibility for, the hoe comment is a perfect example of this.....I don't need a man to take responsibility for them ......that would be unfair if i were to even contemplate a man having to take responsibility for a true tribe of teens and adult children.....i do expect a potential partner not to resent the amount of time i have to give them and accept them and grow to love them and all their quirks.......because they are a part of me.....and my life......for as long as i live....its hard for a male to come into my life......i have a swarm of overprotective kids to get through......i have sympathy for the male who takes me on.....he would have to be an alpha to keep his sanity..... so for the moment i am just making tentative friendships on the prowl for a rare breed of male that can handle friendship first and can be strong enough to handle a plane full of baggage..... I would love to travel and have someone to travel with one day......see the world see the sights fall in love again anything is possible right? I have to write a couple of books that sell well to do that travel is expensive.....i have plans and dreams ....that can be adapted to not finding that special someone....I had a hot passionate love with a man for fifteen years.....i consider myself blessed for that and you my fine friend......are part of an exclusive club that women are happy to join.....dont forget to renew your membership........ i think i need an aussie crocodile wrestler he should be able to handle the insanity.......lol....deb

[Edtheduck]

Its good to know women will accept men like us into their lives, but only after considering whether we could be a whole package for them and their kids. I hold my head up high to that

 

I guess it was easier with my ex as all 3 kids have been brought up very well, are respecful, mature and behave well.

 

Really miss them all right now. Not a nice feeling. Let's hope work distracts me today. These thoughts of her seem to be intensifying instead of calming down. And I'm not even going out of my way to think of her or anything about her life. It's just coming on all of a sudden.

 

Big fat dirty

[Edtheduck]

For those who are around the 3 month BU mark, a question for you?

 

Is it usual that you seem to miss them more?! For some reason, for the last week or so, I seem to be missing my ex and her company more than ever right now. I'm not even thinking of our relationship or what might have been if things had happened differently.

 

I just miss her like mad. It's bad enough that I've not actually seen her since before the BU too.

 

Don't like the fact I find myself wanting to open up LC again. I won't for now though. Today is 4 weeks since I started NC, and apart from one text last week, I've kept to it. Why do I still want her in my life?!

[Stanza]

I'm 2.5 months and I thought I was doing a bit better but just had a bit of a downturn today. Definitely still miss the contact, person, relationship, old life a lot.

 

Am also interested what others say.

[Edtheduck]

Downturns really suck don't they.

 

I find myself wanting to reach out to my ex again. It's a sickening feeling as I miss her so much right now. I have to be strong and continue what I'm doing. People around me are starting to talk about her again, so it's not helping me take my mind off her. If only she knew how I was feeling, instead of not even bothering to ask.

 

Hard day today, very hard.

[Stanza]

I often wonder if they know what we're feeling, then they're sort of blocking us from their lives to move on. I hope so.

Don't reach out. Not yet.

[barese1]

I think to be honest, they don't care how we're feeling. They are not going through as much pain as us, we have to accept this.

 

Missing my ex like mental and people keep bringing her up all the time now, they don't realise that the mere mention of her name hurts me. I want to reach out so bad but it will not do any good. They will not turn around and say hey yeah I want to give it another go, therefore whatever, if any, response they give will just lead to more pain.

 

Days are getting harder not easier. Just over 5 weeks NC, have no idea what shes doing with life at the mo.

[Edtheduck]

Awful day for thoughts. I miss her like crazy.

 

That is all. It's bothering me today

[Edtheduck]

Hi all,

 

I've been reading posts here and commenting, but thought I would give a brief update on things.

 

In the last 2-3 weeks myself and my ex have had LC, texts and conversations. Nothing major, just chit chat. I've been wanting to talk to her "on the level" as I believe my personal healing is complete, and ive improved myself in the last 3 months. Yes, she dumped me, but she's very stubborn and always have been.

 

Most recently, on Wednesday, we finally got to talk for around 30 minutes. It was good to catch up, and I told her that I still had feelings for her, I explained that I'd sorted things out which could have caused the BU. Basically, that I was not mad at her, things do happen for a reason, and I'd accepted that. She knows I still harbour feelings for her. Especially after the call. I put it to her that we should meet up this w/e, but she has things going on. She listened a lot, talked about her, what's been going on. At least of anything I put it out there, but in a calm and relaxed manner. She hasn't told me to **** off, and there still may be feelings from her side. I can tell she's still very, very nervous.

 

There's a small, small chance we still may meet next week. It's my birthday. Doubtful though. Anyway, I just wanted to explain that, after you've improved yourself, healed, forgiven, analysed, the lot, you come to understand that you know what's important in life. The fact that 3 months down the line, I still miss her, and have feelings for her, I'm ok with I guess. It was that which made me reach out.

 

I don't know what may come of things, my hope for us fixing things is sill quite low. But I'm a lot stronger these days, and able to think about things more clearly. I'd like to think I may see her soon, but who knows. If not, things happen, and you just have to accept them.

 

Thanks for reading.

[Edtheduck]

So today is my birthday. (Hoorah!!)

 

I got the text I was expecting from my ex. Was very early in the morning too. I've said I'll call her later to see how she is. Just shows how far I've come that I don't fear speaking to her anymore, or feel no bad things towards her. Can any good come from it? Who knows. Doubtful.

 

Yes I'd love to be with her, but today is about me so I'll be happy, chirpy, and smile. Great weather out too so can't complain!

 

I do hope to see her soon. It's been nearly 4 months since I did. Long time

[barese1]

Happy birthday buddy, hope you have a good day.

 

Sounds like you are in a better place, but to be fair if you still think you want her back maybe she shouldn't be in your life unless there is a possibility she wants you back.

 

Up to you, just don't want you to hold any expectations that can't be met

[Edtheduck]

Cheers dude.

 

I don't have expectations to be honest, just a little hope. She knows I still miss her after a phone call we had last week. It's slow and steady at the moment, with drips of chat here or there. In my mind I know it's a long long shot and I've already come to terms with that.

 

I'm better within myself now, either way. I just know I have feelings for the girl still. That's what I guess keeps that tiny piece of hope there, and of course the fact she doesn't hate me or anything. The relationship we had was very good so it's comfortable when we do talk.

[barese1]

That sounds similar to my situation. I could easily ring her and she would be ahppy to talk, we never argued or fell out once. The reason I won't is becuase I know she just wants a friendship. If you're sure that its not the same for you then having hope isn't bad but just make sure its not the same as my situation, as hope is basically the biggest enemy

[todreaminblue]

Hi all,

 

I've been reading posts here and commenting, but thought I would give a brief update on things.

 

In the last 2-3 weeks myself and my ex have had LC, texts and conversations. Nothing major, just chit chat. I've been wanting to talk to her "on the level" as I believe my personal healing is complete, and ive improved myself in the last 3 months. Yes, she dumped me, but she's very stubborn and always have been.

 

Most recently, on Wednesday, we finally got to talk for around 30 minutes. It was good to catch up, and I told her that I still had feelings for her, I explained that I'd sorted things out which could have caused the BU. Basically, that I was not mad at her, things do happen for a reason, and I'd accepted that. She knows I still harbour feelings for her. Especially after the call. I put it to her that we should meet up this w/e, but she has things going on. She listened a lot, talked about her, what's been going on. At least of anything I put it out there, but in a calm and relaxed manner. She hasn't told me to **** off, and there still may be feelings from her side. I can tell she's still very, very nervous.

 

There's a small, small chance we still may meet next week. It's my birthday. Doubtful though. Anyway, I just wanted to explain that, after you've improved yourself, healed, forgiven, analysed, the lot, you come to understand that you know what's important in life. The fact that 3 months down the line, I still miss her, and have feelings for her, I'm ok with I guess. It was that which made me reach out.

 

I don't know what may come of things, my hope for us fixing things is sill quite low. But I'm a lot stronger these days, and able to think about things more clearly. I'd like to think I may see her soon, but who knows. If not, things happen, and you just have to accept them.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

Ed the duck.....havent posted to you in ages....can you do the dougie yet.????no....then you have got to practice more......

I am glad you are feeling better and stronger I can see the hope in your post and the acceptance happy that you are making progress.....what will be will be thats the gist i get from your post.....its a good place to be in....best wishes from the aussie who knows how to dougie....deb

[Crila16]

When I tell you a good man is hard to find...I mean a GOOD man is hard to find...and you are a good man. You don't just throw that away, not ever. It's also tough being a single mom with 3 kids. Moving in with you is also a big challenge for not only her, but for her children.

 

If you're smart, I'd give her some time. I would do the NC thing. The fact that you're even asking for advice, shows how much you care. Just because she's pulling back and needs to take time to think about things, not only for her but her children, isn't such a bad thing.

 

I personally think you're going to get a call from her one day, saying that she made a mistake pushing you away. Just give it time. It may be a few months before that happens, but if you give her the space she needs, she will. Just don't blame yourself. You did nothing wrong and like I said, you sound like a good (and decent) man.

[Edtheduck]

Hey Debs! Good to hear from you. You're right, I'm kinda at peace with myself now. I've accepted it for what it is. She could have feelings for me, but I'll let her come to me if she does. After the phone call we had last week, where I pretty much laid all my cards out on the table, she knows how I feel. She's always known

 

Oh and no dougie yet, but I'm practising tomorrow when I'm out lol Call it my bday dougie dance.

 

Crila16, wow. Thank you. Very nice words and I appreciate them. I'm just me, I fell in love with her, and her kids. I take them all as one package. Who knows what will be in the future. We had a great relationship, and during the time we were together everyone told her she was the happiest she had been in years. So it was a bit strange to end it as she did. But I don't hate her for it one bit. On the contrary, I still smile when I think of her, so that's what keeps a little hope going.

 

If she comes to me, I'll be sure to listen to her and understand things from her perspective. I'm not saying I'm holding out for her as that's not right. What I'm saying is, in a long time of dating, no one has even come close.

 

Bday drinks are nearly due.....