Hero to Zero

[Edtheduck]

Thanks Stanza, it's words like that which keep me strong and make me focus again

 

How are you coping? If its unimportant do you really have to reply? Or can you just leave it? Remember my rubbish with breadcrumbs...it hasn't really got me anywhere in the last 2 weeks and the situation is still the same.

 

I've added you as a contact if you ever want to chat about it on PM

 

Keep strong, I'm trying to right now too....

[todreaminblue]

Hi all,

 

Yup, a newbie. Looking for advice, help, guidance really. My story is as below:

 

My G/F recently broke up with me, around 6 weeks back. We live nearly 200 miles apart, but always made the effort to see eachother every weekend. Things were good, in fact, they were great. A year together, holidays, meeting the family, new years, friends weddings, the lot. She is a mother of 3, I'm 30, she's 27.

 

Of course from day one, we had talked about one of us ultimately having to move if it were to become serious. Well it did, and I took to her kids like anything. Her kids took to me too. It knocked me for 6 when she called time on us recently, and I've been confused, broken and in need of a pick me up since. Of course, as you shouldn't do, I asked why, and tried to make sense of it all. Her reason, that she couldn't move her and the kids down, when it would be so much easier for me to relocate. Too many daily obstacles. Of course, and I've told her since, if that was the main reason, ultimately, I would do it. Things were very promising, we were thinking about getting engaged towards the end of this year, as the connection was great and everything seemed to fit into place. That feeling you get when you've think you've met that special person, it's there. Believe me I've had many relationships in the past, but this one, even after only a year, stood out.

 

6 weeks on, and finally, yesterday, I took the decision to say I think it's time I stopped asking why, and she knows where I'll be, if she wants to talk. I still don't know if she feels anything anymore, as contact after the break up has been scarce. I've had the I miss you messages, I've had the I called to say hi, but it hasn't led to any reconciliation, or meetings. For me, I'm now forcing myself to not contact, (which I know I should have done a long time ago) to try and move on, even though I still love her very much, and miss her kids too.

 

It's baffling, and I don't see any logical reason behind it, as I thought a stable home would be what she was looking for, with the happiness we shared. Even the day I saw her last, things were great, and the few days before it.

 

I know you will all say don't contact, heal the pains, and forget about her, but it's still not easy. We shared a lot of other things which I won't get into, so it's hard to let go. I hope in time she realises that I only ever wanted to make her and her kids happy.

 

Tough times, and it's hard to forget.

 

Thanks for any advice...

 

ED

 

As a single mother of five kids which includes three teenage girls I have not introduced dates to my girls unless I thought it was going somewhere so in actual fact I have introduced none of the men i have dated.Its hard with kids theres guilt about introducing another man as a possible father figure being insecure and feeling guilty about relocating for you could be a consideration why she is seeking space and maybe thinking about you is making her feel she is not concentrating on the kids enough and thinking of their best interests........I will tell you this if you have met the kids she considered it serious I think as most mothers i feel, would only introduce serious relationships..... so give her time even when the going gets tough the tough don't have to get going, you just might have to sit back for a little while and let it progress on her decision in her own time.If she is that special one to you and you are just as special to her she will approach you to hash it out.....good luck and I hope it works out for you.....deb:)

[Edtheduck]

Thanks Deb, it's interesting to read from a single mothers point of view.

 

I know for a fact she hasn't had many partners at all, and the kids are smart enough to know different men. My ex took her time to introduce me to them, and from day one told me that. I completely understood and it was a fair decision to make. When I did get to know them, they all loved me, and although they weren't mine, I treated them as they were.

 

She would even bring them down to stay with me over weekends, and all stayed with me over their break. So I think I must have been important enough at the time.

 

I get the feeling she's confused about what it is she really wants. BUT, she knows exactly what I feel, and where I stand. I've totally backed off and gone NC, so there's no stress or pressure on her. We're coming on nearly 3 months since the BU in 2 weeks, it's gone quickly. I'm giving her as much space as he wants and needs, but at the same time, I'm improving myself, getting back to me, and enjoying my life with friends and family again. It's all I can do really.

 

She knows I would take great care of her and her family if it meant a happy future, so as they say, she's served, I've volley'ed the ball back into her side of the court, and it's still there.

 

I've grown as a person in that time, and I've learnt a lot more about what I can do in the future too.

[todreaminblue]

Thanks Deb, it's interesting to read from a single mothers point of view.

 

I know for a fact she hasn't had many partners at all, and the kids are smart enough to know different men. My ex took her time to introduce me to them, and from day one told me that. I completely understood and it was a fair decision to make. When I did get to know them, they all loved me, and although they weren't mine, I treated them as they were.

 

She would even bring them down to stay with me over weekends, and all stayed with me over their break. So I think I must have been important enough at the time.

 

I get the feeling she's confused about what it is she really wants. BUT, she knows exactly what I feel, and where I stand. I've totally backed off and gone NC, so there's no stress or pressure on her. We're coming on nearly 3 months since the BU in 2 weeks, it's gone quickly. I'm giving her as much space as he wants and needs, but at the same time, I'm improving myself, getting back to me, and enjoying my life with friends and family again. It's all I can do really.

 

She knows I would take great care of her and her family if it meant a happy future, so as they say, she's served, I've volley'ed the ball back into her side of the court, and it's still there.

 

I've grown as a person in that time, and I've learnt a lot more about what I can do in the future too.

 

I think growth is important it sucks that it has to be through rough times we grow the most>I am a firm believer in fate is set anyway.....if I didnt get dumped by my ex my kids wouldnt have met the people they are with now.....it sux the way it happened and it sux for you too but hey we can say we have grown and i am smilin right now writing this in my grown state of mind......I hope you are too........i do believe in second chances working out......cheers to ya...Deb

[Edtheduck]

I'm always smiling Deb don't worry

 

I have grown as a result of the BU too, I'm glad you have. Having 5 kids by yourself can't be easy, but fair play to you! You're doing well too and I've read your story. I hope it works out for you, I guess second chances do happen.

 

I just don't believe they happen with me, as I've never had one before.

 

Here's to a hopeful peaceful Sunday. Always the worst day for me, so I hope my mind doesn't drift again. Yesterday was an awful day for it.

[todreaminblue]

I'm always smiling Deb don't worry

 

I have grown as a result of the BU too, I'm glad you have. Having 5 kids by yourself can't be easy, but fair play to you! You're doing well too and I've read your story. I hope it works out for you, I guess second chances do happen.

 

I just don't believe they happen with me, as I've never had one before.

 

Here's to a hopeful peaceful Sunday. Always the worst day for me, so I hope my mind doesn't drift again. Yesterday was an awful day for it.

 

 

Nah not easy but definately keeps me busy three teenage girls ......lol....shudder....hormone city.....i am glad you keep smilin.....and as far as it working out for me and the second chance thats on the back burner I am concentrating on me for now, meeting new people might even take up belly dancing.and I am going to start writing novels....i need to dedicate time to myself and open up to the new and unexplored..... ill be reading your story if you dont get bored of posting as your life moves on as mine is.....and hopefully we can share some smiles and a few belly laughs too ......cheers to ya from across the deep blue sea ...ps I dont like mondays..bob geldof read my mind and wrote that song.lol....deb

[Stanza]

I hope you do ok today, Ed. I should be online later, we should PM if we're on at same time. Haven't quite worked out how to do that on here but have added you as a contact too.

[Edtheduck]

Debs, thanks again! You're right, why not take time for yourself right now and focus on you. It's what I'm doing. Everyone deserves to be happy after all, regardless of the circumstance. Feel free to keep reading my story, sometimes I come here just to vent as I get contacted by my ex. Sometimes I just feel down and lonely. Good on you though and I'll be checking on your story too! belly dancing and writing novels hey? Nice!!

 

Stanza, thank you You're helping me through this as I hope I'm helping you. I'm playing football later so hopefully my mind doesn't drift too much. Not a great start, just had a cat nap and she was in the dream Onwards and upwards!

 

I think you click the persons name and send PM that way, so if I'm on later feel free to say hi. I hope you're doing well today....

[Edtheduck]

Just venting.

 

Yesterday was a bad day. She was on my mind all frigging day. I don't know why. I've only managed around 2 hours sleep too and now it's time to get up for work.

 

Thought I was way past this nearly 3 months on.

 

It's going to be a long, long day.

[todreaminblue]

Just venting.

 

Yesterday was a bad day. She was on my mind all frigging day. I don't know why. I've only managed around 2 hours sleep too and now it's time to get up for work.

 

Thought I was way past this nearly 3 months on.

 

It's going to be a long, long day.

 

 

Mondays are always long they truly succccccccccck..........Monday is almost over here in the glorious Oz so tomorrow is gonna be a sunny day ed For today your feel better medicine from me to you is the llama llama duck song listen to it on you tube.....hope you feel better the medicine should take effect shortly within the time you listen to the song.The song is truly stupid and therefore you cant help but smile........lol.....deb

[Edtheduck]

Thanks Deb, I'll be sure to look out for that one tonight when I get in! Lol

 

It's crazy, I don't know why but she is constantly on my mind at the moment. I can't explain it. God knows what I'll do if she's texts me this week as she has done the last two. I really feel like I want her back in my life, but alas she's made no effort so I need to sort my **** out.

 

Definitely going to be a long week at this rate

 

Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhh.

[Stanza]

Hey Ed, I understand. Having a hard time today and yesterday too.

I guess it's that peak and trough thing.

I hope you're doing ok at work today.

[Edtheduck]

Hey Stanza,

 

It truly is the highs and lows. Today is most definitely a low.

 

I feel terrible for thinking of her. How are you coping? I hope you're keeping to NC like me. As much as I want to talk to my ex or ask how she is, I don't see why I should. It has to be up to them.

 

Feel free to PM. Bad day all round Emotions all over the place and I thought I was stronger than I am right now.

[barese1]

Ed, sounds like your rollercoaster of emotions is the same as me. I have had a massive low point recently and its killing me.

 

Like you said though hearing from your ex did just make you feel worse in the long run. I crave that quick fix but I guess it really doesn't help at all.

 

Stay strong with NC and hopefully we'll feel better sooner rather than later.

 

Much love

[Edtheduck]

Tell me about it...it is the same as your emotions right now!

 

It's not that it made me feel worse, more it just brought everything back fresh in the mind! I feel bad for feeling like this when I shouldn't be!

 

I still have hope, but I shouldn't. I'm a bloody 30 year old grown man, so why have I been made to look like a fool?!

 

I guess I'm feeling angry, sad, emotional, everything really. All at once. I hope she doesn't get in contact this week. If she does, I may regret it

[Stanza]

I keep missing you online to PM

 

I have been having all those today as well, am not in a good place. Had to contact to ask some things too.

 

I think we aren't fools though, we can't help having 'love' and wanting to give it.

[barese1]

Guys we are not fools. We're just the types of guys who wear our hearts on our sleeves.

 

Let's just hope someone appreciates people like us one day.

 

I'm going to turn 30 in a few months and can't help but ask myself why am I not more emotionally mature to be able to handle this in a better way.

 

the low points are horrible and the high points only make it bareable.

 

i hope she doesn't contact you mate, keep strong.

[Edtheduck]

Thank you both, your words are helping me a lot today. I was so close to breaking that NC in the morning, but didnt. Im glad I didn't too.

 

Stanza, I think you need more posts so you can PM me. Not a problem, if you email me on [email protected], you can get me there any time. I don't mind sharing that email out as I have two main accounts.

 

Barese, thanks dude. I'm trying to be as strong as you are right now. I had the comfort of hearing my ex's voice last week, it must be so much harder for you right now. Just keep at it. Whatever "they" are up to, we just have to be ourselves and move forward regardless.

 

It's a long process, but well get there with support from everyone around us, and of course the wonderful people here!

[todreaminblue]

Thanks Deb, I'll be sure to look out for that one tonight when I get in! Lol

 

It's crazy, I don't know why but she is constantly on my mind at the moment. I can't explain it. God knows what I'll do if she's texts me this week as she has done the last two. I really feel like I want her back in my life, but alas she's made no effort so I need to sort my **** out.

 

Definitely going to be a long week at this rate

 

Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhh.

 

Its hard when you are still getting texts or phone calls to disassociate yourself ....I know I talk to my ex all the time because of the girls and he always wants to speak to me........having her on your mind is not unreasonable as she is texting you and it must make you wonder why.Dont beat yourself up and I promise you that the week will end....thank god for that hey....smilin....you arent alone anyway you have an aussie here who is available to be stupid to cheer you up...... have you ever tried vegemite?

[Edtheduck]

Thank you again Debs!

 

I don't know if it's my brain telling me to finally let go. It's an odd feeling. Once again, for the 3rd night in a row she was in my dream. What the hell is all that about?! I thought I was well past this already.

 

Vegemite...I've seen it, and tbh, yuck! Lol

 

I can see it being another long day today. Thank god I'm back in the gym. Motivation for today = lift 10kg more than I normally do. Should help take my mind off her. I bloody hope so anyway

[todreaminblue]

the dreaming thing is normal.....or i hope it is....i still dream of my ex 5 years on and its normally lucid in nature....eeek.......i tell myself off when i wake up .....doesnt seem to do any good though.....i have a naughty dreaming side who just wont listen to reason....

 

going to the gym sounds like a plan to me.........and i have heard btw that a lot of people with funny accents from overseas hate vegemite.....cant understand why, must be the strange accents not being able to get a tongue around the best thing on earth since sliced bread....lol.....cheers to you and cheers to me with a coffee......deb

[Edtheduck]

I hope it subsides Debs. I think its related to the fact she is constantly on my mind at the moment. I've been so so close to breaking contact today. But I haven't.

 

I gave her the option to talk when she feels comfortable last week when I spoke to her, so I guess I just need to be patient and do what I need to. It's like I'm suffering the same feelings post BU as I am now...no idea why!!!

 

Yuk Vegemite, you enjoy that won't you. I've just got back from the gym, 2 hours to go until I finish work. Protein shake in hand, and family birthday when I get back to my parents. It's something to take my mind off things that's for sure.

 

HATE this feeling again

[todreaminblue]

the feeling is naff i know you are doing everything right keeping yourself busy is right up there......You keep strong in body and mind......I will tell you this guys who accept kids from other relationships with love and compassion are rare i tell ya.......you are a special person dont forget it....its her loss hope she sees that .......until then hang in there and enjoy yourself ......who knows what or who is out there for you......something or someone good for sure.....bright days ahead my friend.......deb

[Edtheduck]

Hey Deb,

 

Thank you It feels like déjà vu all over again for me. It's like I stopped worrying, then BAM I'm starting to again. It's a sickening feeling.

 

I take great comfort in the fact I would have looked after and been a father to her kids, if she wanted it enough. People will say you're a fool, you're better off without.

 

I say, it's just the way I feel, and been brought up. I have great morals, am a caring person who gives a lot more than he gets back.

 

I'm trying to forget these thoughts right now. It's harder than its ever been.

 

The funny thing is, in the last few weeks, I've got my strength back, am looking and feeling good again. So I have been improving myself, and making the most of my time.

 

It's just that annoying trigger switch which once set off, sets my mind to someone who I truly cared about.

 

3 weeks NC from me, almost 3 months since I last saw her (end of next week)

[samj420]

These are great posts and its comforting to know that there are people here who care. It is 3 months NC for me. We were together for 5 1/2 years. I wanted closure from her but she kept me on a string for a year. Finally when she hung up on me, I got my closure. WHat somebody said is right: they make up their minds months before the actual break up, but don't have the decency to tell you up front the real reason, which really don't matter. It has been extremely hard for me to move on. I am not a young buck luck most of you. I am 59 and she was 54. It is hard, but i tell myself I am a great catch !!