i want to be a better me

[singlegirl25]

its been more than a month now since my ex left me for another woman.. I cant help myself to look myself in the mirror and say to myself AINT I GOOD ENOUGH?.. I admit I'm not that stereotypical kind of a girlfriend anyone has. I dont get it why he cheated on me many many times.. And this last time he finally left with a woman 20 years older than him,, she is beautiful (looking like 27 in her age), she is sexy, thin, caring.. RICH.. i dont know how to put away the insecurities I have inside.. I really feel im useless.. Im ugly.. Im not worth it.. I feel that i cant find someone like him. I gained 20 kgs after the breakup.. I want to be beautiful like her.. to be like her

[d'Arthez]

Stick to No Contact. His behaviour towards you throughout the relationship has destroyed your confidence. Chances are he is just a toyboy to this woman.

 

You have to ask yourself big questions such as:

-What are the things you like about yourself?

-What are the things you don't like about yourself?

-Where are you know in life (educationwise, jobwise)? Where do you want to be?

before you can make a concerted effort to turn your life around, and be a better you. Once you know what you want, you can work towards becoming the better you.

 

I am sure you feel dreadful to say the least, because of the way your ex treated you. Stick to no contact to detoxify yourself from his bad influence. Get your social support network involved. Tell yourself you are worth it, and deserve better than what your ex has given you.

[singlegirl25]

Stick to No Contact. His behaviour towards you throughout the relationship has destroyed your confidence. Chances are he is just a toyboy to this woman.

 

You have to ask yourself big questions such as:

-What are the things you like about yourself?

-What are the things you don't like about yourself?

-Where are you know in life (educationwise, jobwise)? Where do you want to be?

before you can make a concerted effort to turn your life around, and be a better you. Once you know what you want, you can work towards becoming the better you.

 

I am sure you feel dreadful to say the least, because of the way your ex treated you. Stick to no contact to detoxify yourself from his bad influence. Get your social support network involved. Tell yourself you are worth it, and deserve better than what your ex has given you.

..

 

*honestly.. i know im way better without him,,, but im still stuck on the feeling that im not good enough.. that im ugly.. im fat.. that my attitude aint good enough.. actually i even tried to change myself for him for the past 5 years of being together.. but i guess,,. i was just not that good enough for him to be contented and happy..

[d'Arthez]

..

 

*honestly.. i know im way better without him,,, but im still stuck on the feeling that im not good enough.. that im ugly.. im fat.. that my attitude aint good enough.. actually i even tried to change myself for him for the past 5 years of being together.. but i guess,,. i was just not that good enough for him to be contented and happy..

 

That is because you are still hurting and coming to terms with the loss of your relationship. You have probably internalized his hurtful comments and abuse towards you, and are judging yourself by this idiot's standards.

 

Don't change for anyone but yourself.

 

You are way out of his league. When the pain starts to subside, and you start to enjoy life again, things will improve. Take your life in your own hands.

[singlegirl25]

That is because you are still hurting and coming to terms with the loss of your relationship. You have probably internalized his hurtful comments and abuse towards you, and are judging yourself by this idiot's standards.

 

Don't change for anyone but yourself.

 

You are way out of his league. When the pain starts to subside, and you start to enjoy life again, things will improve. Take your life in your own hands.

 

 

Hoping for that day to come soon,. when things will be better, I guess I should change my attitude.. for me to be loved and not to loss my love again ..

[darkmoon]

were u to dress up and go for a walk, u will see how many other men like u, this isn't to say talk with them, but it is to say that u will see that u are prefectly ok as u are, improve for fun, ok, but not because of some ex

Edited May 21, 2012 by darkmoon

[d'Arthez]

Hoping for that day to come soon,. when things will be better, I guess I should change my attitude.. for me to be loved and not to loss my love again ..

That will take time. Give yourself that time. There is no magic cure to overcome heartache.

 

I'd personally would not suggest dressing up to get some attention from other men. For the reason that the behaviours of these men may remind you of your ex and his antics. Things you do not want to be reminded of. And if you are not getting the attention you'd think you deserve, you may even start thinking that his abusive comments (being ugly, fat, useless) have some truth in them.

[darkmoon]

@ d'Arthez, just meant for OP to garner some attention, how many strange men insult a woman whose going for a walk? i have neva has it done to me or seen it - or is it what u do yourself when not here on LS, d'Arthez, in a rough neighborhood?

Edited May 21, 2012 by darkmoon

[d'Arthez]

OP comes from an abusive relationship, in which she was repeatedly cheated on. Her ex has played emotionally manipulative games with her, so naturally she feels quite crappy. It is these games that she has been subjected to, that worry me the most.

@ d'Arthez, just meant for OP to garner some smiles, how many strange men insult a woman whose going for a walk? i have neva has it done to me or seen it - or is it what u do when not here on LS, d'Arthez in a rough neighborhood?

I don't think these men would insult OP. But if you go with the expectation that you will get a certain amount of positive attention, you may end up disappointed in a major way. And if you don't get the attention you think you deserve, you are going to wonder if it is because of you not being attractive enough.

[darkmoon]

OP comes from an abusive relationship, in which she was repeatedly cheated on. Her ex has played emotionally manipulative games with her, so naturally she feels quite crappy. It is these games that she has been subjected to, that worry me the most.

 

I don't think these men would insult OP. But if you go with the expectation that you will get a certain amount of positive attention, you may end up disappointed in a major way. And if you don't get the attention you think you deserve, you are going to wonder if it is because of you not being attractive enough.

 

only if she looks miserable in her expression

the ex got stiff in bed, they were dating - OP can't be too bad-looking

at what stage do u think OP will be ready to go out, albeit for a stroll?

[d'Arthez]

I am sure OP is not bad looking, but she has probably internalised all the lovely abuse her ex directed at her. It will take some time to realize that his words should mean nothing to her, and they were just a means of keeping her under control. That is something she needs to come to terms with.

 

One should not seek external validation for one's own internal struggles. She should consider her beauty as a given, not something that depends on the grunts and appreciation of the menfolk out there.

 

Her inner turmoil is probably reflected in the way she carries herself right now. If she does not have the expectation that men will be responsive to her she can go out immediately.

[TaraMaiden]

its been more than a month now since my ex left me for another woman.. I cant help myself to look myself in the mirror and say to myself AINT I GOOD ENOUGH?.. I admit I'm not that stereotypical kind of a girlfriend anyone has. I dont get it why he cheated on me many many times.. And this last time he finally left with a woman 20 years older than him,, she is beautiful (looking like 27 in her age), she is sexy, thin, caring.. RICH.. i dont know how to put away the insecurities I have inside.. I really feel im useless.. Im ugly.. Im not worth it.. I feel that i cant find someone like him. I gained 20 kgs after the breakup.. I want to be beautiful like her.. to be like her

Everything, but everything begins in your Mind.

Whether it's an opinion of what you observe, whether it's your reaction to something that somebody has said or done that affects you, or whether it's how you perceive yourself, you engage with that, *whatever-it-is* and process it in your Mind.

that's where it all begins.

With what we tell ourselves.

and if you lie to yourself enough, you'll begin to believe the lies. Or you find a level of comfort, a zone where it's more convenient to stay with those lies, because believing them, or subscribing to them, feeds a need in you.

 

I'm saying this because I've done it myself.

 

One of my exes fell in love with someone else, and suddenly, I instantly became the permanent ugly duckling, in my own estimation, because why else would he fall for her and abandon me?

she had to be better than me, in every way, right?

 

Wrong.

this happens, it happens all the time, and it happens to countless millions of people, and it happens to countless millions of people, maybe more than once.

 

you have to change the way you think, because the more crud you tell yourself, the more you will begin to believe it.

you are absolutely, wonderfully perfect as you are.

 

Everybody is.

 

If you think you need to be "a better you" look at yourself realistically, and decide, resolve and vow to improve on those aspects that you sincerely feel, in your opinion, you think it may be a good idea to work on, over a period of time.

But don't beat yourself up over it, because the race may be long, but it's only with yourself.

 

Take things easy, change if you feel you want to, don't if you don't want to.

But the important thing is to be comfortable with who you are, because who you are, was who he fell in love with.

The fact someone else came along, means nothing, except that everything has a beginning, a middle and an end.

 

start living and stop grieving.

It breaks your soul, and you should be looking after it, not beating it into submission.....

[singlegirl25]

Everything, but everything begins in your Mind.

Whether it's an opinion of what you observe, whether it's your reaction to something that somebody has said or done that affects you, or whether it's how you perceive yourself, you engage with that, *whatever-it-is* and process it in your Mind.

that's where it all begins.

With what we tell ourselves.

and if you lie to yourself enough, you'll begin to believe the lies. Or you find a level of comfort, a zone where it's more convenient to stay with those lies, because believing them, or subscribing to them, feeds a need in you.

 

I'm saying this because I've done it myself.

 

One of my exes fell in love with someone else, and suddenly, I instantly became the permanent ugly duckling, in my own estimation, because why else would he fall for her and abandon me?

she had to be better than me, in every way, right?

 

Wrong.

this happens, it happens all the time, and it happens to countless millions of people, and it happens to countless millions of people, maybe more than once.

 

you have to change the way you think, because the more crud you tell yourself, the more you will begin to believe it.

you are absolutely, wonderfully perfect as you are.

 

Everybody is.

 

If you think you need to be "a better you" look at yourself realistically, and decide, resolve and vow to improve on those aspects that you sincerely feel, in your opinion, you think it may be a good idea to work on, over a period of time.

But don't beat yourself up over it, because the race may be long, but it's only with yourself.

 

Take things easy, change if you feel you want to, don't if you don't want to.

But the important thing is to be comfortable with who you are, because who you are, was who he fell in love with.

The fact someone else came along, means nothing, except that everything has a beginning, a middle and an end.

 

start living and stop grieving.

It breaks your soul, and you should be looking after it, not beating it into submission.....

 

thank you tara.. i dont know but.. seeing the girl makes my self esteem verrry veryy veryyy low.. She is 43 but still she looks more beautiful than me.. and she was able to give everrything to the man who once loved me.. and it hurts.. I want to let go of evrything. Im keeping myself busy. but its kinda hard not to think of it everytime im alone...

[wierdmunky]

So sorry : ( I guess I'll chime in with, I was there too, and there were days where I just wanted to lay in bed. I had an x-fiance who after dating 7 yrs, broke up, and was dating our mutual friend withing the same week, hanging out with everyone like I never existed. I agree with TaraMaiden when she says everything begins with your mind. If you could only see yourself in my point of view. I can totally relate to.. " actually i even tried to change myself for him for the past 5 years of being together.. but i guess,,. i was just not that good enough for him to be contented and happy.." The reason why he was not contented and happy is not because of you. All I wanted to hear, when I was going through this was how much of a bad person the ex was, and how much better I am, because I needed to know that I was worth it, because I didn't care about me, I wanted TO be cared about. Well, you are worth it, and there are people out there who would take what you have given, and love it! There were some days where I could only see my self worth through other people, but at the end of the day that meant I was still expecting something from them. The best thing to expect is something positive from yourself. If I hope to gain something from myself, as in personal goals, and I got them done, even it was as tiny as making someone laugh, that was a gift.

[singlegirl25]

Stick to No Contact. His behaviour towards you throughout the relationship has destroyed your confidence. Chances are he is just a toyboy to this woman.

 

You have to ask yourself big questions such as:

-What are the things you like about yourself?

-What are the things you don't like about yourself?

-Where are you know in life (educationwise, jobwise)? Where do you want to be?

before you can make a concerted effort to turn your life around, and be a better you. Once you know what you want, you can work towards becoming the better you.

 

I am sure you feel dreadful to say the least, because of the way your ex treated you. Stick to no contact to detoxify yourself from his bad influence. Get your social support network involved. Tell yourself you are worth it, and deserve better than what your ex has given you.

 

 

 

we already had no contcat for almost 2 months now

[Radu]

I don't think it will work out for them, if it makes you feel any better.

 

I also think that you need to go to the gym and pump some iron, not do the yoga/running crap.

There's nothing doing this, and feeling the 'burn'.

 

Would you have done to him what he did to you ?

Answer this, and realize the differences between you and him ... he is just plain broken.

[Nohbody]

As unbelievably painful as this whole experience has been... I have become a better person in many ways. In some other ways I need to keep working on it... but this is an opportunity for personal growth and development. If you use it, you will be a better person - and come what may, no one can take that away from you.

[turnera]

Looks are something you're born with. Stunningly beautiful people can be complete vacuums inside. And in my experience, men don't want that. They like to show OFF that, but in the end, they (the healthy ones) want a companion who they can interact with, respect, and have fun with. That's what matters in the end. So a guy cheats on you 'many many times' and then leaves with a SugarMomma, so what? He's been showing his lack of character all along, so he just did you a favor by disappearing sooner than it would have happened. Be grateful you are dealing with it now. Spend your time getting out and having fun doing things you like to do - the boyfriend will follow.

[Radu]

turnera is right.

 

Some [read many] of the men and women out there who are stunningly beautifull put a lot of emphasis on it, and think they are perceived through it.

Hence, they are shallow.

 

The best looking women that i have noticed not only are physically beautifull but also are gratefull for what they have, they have this humility about them.

I don't think it's restricted to just women, and i am sure that you will eventually find someone like this.

[turnera]

Do you know what I told DD21 while she was growing up? Not to look for the good-looking guys. I told her those guys always have it easy, always get what they want, and rarely have to suffer or work for something. Who would want such a person for a boyfriend?

 

And boy did she bring home some doozies! One guy was so very homely I had to work to not drop my jaw when I met him; she had told me he was gorgeous!

 

She learned to not look at external factors and look for what matters - personality. I daresay many men have learned this as well

[CopingGal]

its been more than a month now since my ex left me for another woman.. I cant help myself to look myself in the mirror and say to myself AINT I GOOD ENOUGH?.. I admit I'm not that stereotypical kind of a girlfriend anyone has. I dont get it why he cheated on me many many times.. And this last time he finally left with a woman 20 years older than him,, she is beautiful (looking like 27 in her age), she is sexy, thin, caring.. RICH.. i dont know how to put away the insecurities I have inside.. I really feel im useless.. Im ugly.. Im not worth it.. I feel that i cant find someone like him. I gained 20 kgs after the breakup.. I want to be beautiful like her.. to be like her

 

Beautiful girls get cheated on. Beautiful girls get dumped. Even super models get cheated on. If you were a rich super model, he still might have left you. Just be yourself.

 

My ex cheated on me with an old, decripate hag, older than him who was a recovering alcoholic and smoked. He hates cigarette smoke. This bastard asked her to marry him and tried to groom her as a mother for his young son. Then threw her in my face.

 

I want to loose weight, but for me, not him. I want to improve myself for me. When you do stuff, do it for yourself, not some bastard who is not worth it.