dicky_fish Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Hi everyone who's interested. Today marks one year exactly since my ex broke up with me. For those of you who don't know my story it goes something like this: Met my ex at a festival in 07, had casual sex at a few festivals that summer but decided to start dating once we were back at university. We did long distance for 2 years while we finished studying, we partially lived together in my home city while she finished her degree then went back to long distance again while we both looked for jobs. She got a job fairly close to where I live and we partially moved in together again. We had a 24 hour split just before Christmas 2010 but she begged for me to take her back (despite her breaking up with me) and I agreed. She moved away last April to the place she went to uni, my gut was telling me she'd probably split up with me at some point but I didn't listen to it because I had my heart set on living with her and proposing, starting a family etc. After I stayed with her one weekend I could tell something wasn't quite right but she insisted everything was fine only for me to get a phone call from her the following day confessing that we both had chlymidia and she was responsible as the day before the December split she'd cheated on me. I should have run a mile there and then but I didn't. In fact the opposite happened, we had a talk and arrived at the conclusion we wanted the same things and she asked me to move in with her permenantly. I handed my notice in at work and started doing the prep to move, the following weekend she came down to see me and broke up with me stating she just wasn't a relationship person. I did the begging this time because I was about to lose everything, convinced her that we should just take a short break to re-assess what we both want considering the previous week's conversation. Two weeks later I went to stay with her and after a long conversation had to admit defeat. That's when I decsended into insanity. Not a day went by for maybe 3 or 4 months where I didn't cry my eyes out, a pain developed in my chest so intense that I though my heart was actually broken. I stupidly kept contact with her and one day after about 2 months I found she was with someone else and that crushed me even more. I spiralled into all out deep depression and started behaving really crazy. Suicide attempts and isolating myself to the point of becoming a hermit. I could only bear to be on my own in the dark listening to the voice in my head convincing me she left because I wasn't good enough. I spent months like that, lost quite a lot of my friends along the way and didn't have a job. I spent every night praying to God to bring her back to me. Of course I did the classic drunk dials, sobbing text messages, the works. Only when I got to Christmas did everything change (just look through my posts to my coping log and my New Years Eve post). I cut contact with her completely and started rebuilding whatever remains I had left of a life. I found an absolutly amazing shrink who is still working with me on the various issues I still have. In no ways am I completely over my ex, in some ways not by a long shot, how can I be? She was my first true love and I expected to grow old with her. Hell; I even had to run away this weekend because I found out she was visiting mutual friends and if I was in town we'd both be at the same night club and I knew I couldn't handle seeing her, mostly because I've repressed a lot of anger about all this and I may have released it. I had a depression set back on Friday obsessing about it so much because I kept thinking about her in that night club and wanting to see her so I could slap her to the ground, grab her by the scruff of her clothing and hysterically tell her how much damage she's done to me, to see the fear in her eyes and begin to cause her as much pain as she has me! That's not the right behaviour or mind frame to have so I know I'm not healed yet but I'm doing enough to better myself and face my demons to make sure that for whatever happens to me in life I won't let myself get into the state I was in for most of the last year. I keep telling myself that she was a total bitch for what she did to me, she never deserved me in the first place if that was how she was ever going to treat me, and that leaving me will turn out to be the biggest mistake of her life cause I'm f*cking awesome and a great catch for some lucky girl someday. This place was a real sanctuary for me during a lot of that time and I'm so thankful for the support I got. I got to a point where I didn't need this site any more, and I'm glad to see some of the people who were posting the same time as me have felt that same need to move on. I'm a little disappointed that some others just can't let go of their bitterness though, even after all this time. I'm going to hang around on here for a week or so if anyone wants to ask me any questions on how to cope. Trust me I've been to hell and back and I came out still breathing, and I'm finally starting to feel totally alive again. You will too. Link to post Share on other sites
sleepykitten Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Hi icky Fish, thanks for posting, I remember you! Its my yr break up anniversary this friday and maybe its because its that that i seem to be really struggling, its actually really comforting to read your post and know that youre so much better. I made a mistake in getting back in contact, I was feeling so together and just wanted to let him know i wasnt the mess I was when he left. However, just that small bit of contact has brought back all the old hurt etc and reminded me just how inconsiderate he was/is and all that stuff. When am i going to be over all the hurt!!?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dicky_fish Posted May 21, 2012 Author Share Posted May 21, 2012 Hi sleepykitten. I think the thing to realise is that with true love's we'll never be "over" the hurt. You just find a way of making a peace with it, and learn what you can from it all. What that is I can't tell you as it's your life and no one elses. I knew that if I saw her this weekend I'd have taken a massive step backwards and that's not something I wanted after all the work I've put in to sort myself out. I couldn't have imagined it while I was still holding out hope, but totally cutting contact with them is the only way to go in order to start getting your life back on track. For anyone who's reading this and freshly out of your relationship I know that the thought of completely cutting them out of your life sounds so unimaginable and painful, and the last thing you'll want to do, but you need to find your own way to it, and you will. The biggest cliche in the book is "it just takes time" but it does. Just embrace the emotions as they come. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Sweaty, dirty, haven't showered in days festival sex? That's naaaaasty. Glad to hear you've healed. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
StellaA Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Hey, it is refreshing to hear your story. I have good and bad days. Really my ex and I split up roughly a year ago. He went missing for 2 nights (we lived together for a year) this was unexpected and I did not see it coming, he was a bit stressed but I did not see the signs. That night we had, had tea as normal and he said he was going to pick his bike up from his mums, I did not see him again for two nights. I have never been so scared in my life! when he came home he did not sound himself and started talking about all the places he had been which did not make sense to me, they still dont. I was so pleased to see him but so upset at the same time. He then got admitted to hospital for 2 weeks under the mental health act. That killed me seeing him in there. He then came out and stayed with his mum (conditions of the hospital) he got really frustrated and angry, not the person I knew....he then asked for a break, this lasted 3 months. I hit rock bottom, my whole world fell apart! I went to see a counselor, was on anti depressants, time off work, could not do anything. Which was not like me at all! he then asked for a second chance, I still loved him so said yes.....now almost a year on I have finished with him. I can't forget what happened and I was to scared to let myslef go incase it was to all happen again. I love him soooo much and it breaks my heart not being with him but I could not trust him either! this time round I am not as bad as before but today it really hurts (1 week after second split) I have to really stop myself contacting him. Link to post Share on other sites
Phanpooh Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 This week is mark my 6m. I feel nothing for her. Just like nothing could hit me again, fearless, hopeless and keep dreaming my life without her. But she still in my mind, both good and bad side, i still care about her even i m in nc, let her bf deal with her things. So Could u tell me what is this feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted May 22, 2012 Share Posted May 22, 2012 Great to see you coming along. Keep up the good work! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dicky_fish Posted May 23, 2012 Author Share Posted May 23, 2012 This week is mark my 6m. I feel nothing for her. Just like nothing could hit me again, fearless, hopeless and keep dreaming my life without her. But she still in my mind, both good and bad side, i still care about her even i m in nc, let her bf deal with her things. So Could u tell me what is this feel? 6 months is an interesting one; it's where the numbness sets in. Which is what you're feeling. Your head and heart are still trying to work out what the hell has happened and how to process what other emotions are swimming about in there. The thing to be mindful of is that your ex will be in your head for a long time to come. Someone that important to you will always be there, and so they should, you'd be pretty heartless if not. Not a day has gone by where I haven't thought of my ex, but she just becomes background noise. And yours will too. Link to post Share on other sites
xxSRMxx Posted May 23, 2012 Share Posted May 23, 2012 Glad to hear you feel you are coming out the other end. Thank you. I personally am already thinking about events like christmas, Ive already booked to go away on the anniversary of when we first met because itll be too painful. I hope i come out the other side too.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dicky_fish Posted May 26, 2012 Author Share Posted May 26, 2012 Glad to hear you feel you are coming out the other end. Thank you. I personally am already thinking about events like christmas, Ive already booked to go away on the anniversary of when we first met because itll be too painful. I hope i come out the other side too.... Yep I was the same, even though it's months away I obsessed about my first Christmas without her, what would have been important dates etc. Just keep yourself busy on those days. Christmas day was terrible for me as I shut myself off completely so ended up alone with a bottle sitting on the floor of my living room crying my eyes out about the state I was in. But we pull through, and you will. You have to as it's the only way. You have hope so that's a good start. Never give up on hope. If there's one piece of advice I can give is if all seems lost always cling to what little hope you have in yourself. This is not to confuse the hope of getting back with your ex, as I know everyone still has that lurking around even if they won't admit it. This is the hope for yourself - the little voice that cries out that wants to be happy again, because you will find a way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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