d'Arthez Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Um, OP specifically asked to stop discussing the merits and demerits of multi-dating insofar it does not pertain to her situation. People! I hope it does not lead to further emotional confusion for you Kamille. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted May 21, 2012 Author Share Posted May 21, 2012 Um, OP specifically asked to stop discussing the merits and demerits of multi-dating insofar it does not pertain to her situation. People! I hope it does not lead to further emotional confusion for you Kamille. No it doesn't lead to further emotional confusion. And general discussion about the merits and demerits of on-line dating are helpful. For instance, I did enjoy FishTaco's take on it. It doesn't make me comfortable doing it myself, but he raises many good points. Likewise, I do understand why some would feel it is dishonest, although I think RedRobin is fine with it as long as the multidating is out in the open. There, I agree. I will feel much better once I make it clear that I am currently dating more than one person. Although, whatever happens, when I choose to end one of the relationship, I hope it will be because I've assessed we're incompatible, not because the other guy is better. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 I hope it will be because I've assessed we're incompatible, not because the other guy is better.These two phrases aren't as opposite as you might think since better is such a subjective and relative phrase. So is attraction as it relates to better. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 No it doesn't lead to further emotional confusion. I was actually referring to the actual dates when they do happen. I guess I did not make that sufficiently clear. Link to post Share on other sites
fishtaco Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 Um, OP specifically asked to stop discussing the merits and demerits of multi-dating insofar it does not pertain to her situation. People! I hope it does not lead to further emotional confusion for you Kamille. My bad, I did something worse I think. I tried to argue that multidating isn't immoral. Which is off topic since Kamille isn't one of those people that is saying multidating is immoral. So my apologies, but I'm out of this thread anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted May 21, 2012 Author Share Posted May 21, 2012 I was actually referring to the actual dates when they do happen. I guess I did not make that sufficiently clear. Got it! Time will tell. Wanted to make sure this was clear: General discussion about the merits and demerits of on-line dating are helpful. What I want to avoid is an unrelated discussion about which gender has it easier/who pays/etc. There are something like 4 active threads on the topic already and frankly, those topics aren't helpful in me thought process on the issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Heart Of A Lion Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 I am looking for a serious relationship. That means I don't want our story to be: "I was dating your dad and another guy and your dad won out". I want "our story" to be all about "us", with no one else in it. Except when you're multi-dating two guys, then the reality of the matter is that one of them does "win". What you're saying here is that you want it to be just about two people, but when you're dating multiple men, then it isn't just about you and him. Saying that "daddy didn't win" and "it's all about us and just our story", then you're ignoring the reality of the situation, because during the multi-dating process there ARE multiple people involved. And that doesn't have to be an issue if everything is transparent and honest, but ignoring the reality of it doesn't make any sense. If I had been dating you and things went well and you suddenly told me you also decided to date another guy and told me that after the fact and you actually already had been on dates with him, then I'd probably take a step back and stop dating you. It's such an unromantic thing to do, for me it just kills the romance and doesn't create very beautiful memories of how you both met. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamille Posted May 21, 2012 Author Share Posted May 21, 2012 Except when you're multi-dating two guys, then the reality of the matter is that one of them does "win". What you're saying here is that you want it to be just about two people, but when you're dating multiple men, then it isn't just about you and him. Saying that "daddy didn't win" and "it's all about us and just our story", then you're ignoring the reality of the situation, because during the multi-dating process there ARE multiple people involved. And that doesn't have to be an issue if everything is transparent and honest, but ignoring the reality of it doesn't make any sense. If I had been dating you and things went well and you suddenly told me you also decided to date another guy and told me that after the fact and you actually already had been on dates with him, then I'd probably take a step back and stop dating you. It's such an unromantic thing to do, for me it just kills the romance and doesn't create very beautiful memories of how you both met. Yes, I agree. That's why I have issues with my current situation and am planning to be honest about the situation with these guys. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mysteryscape Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 So about three weeks have gone by. Would you care to say how things have turned out? Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 So you make out and THEN you ask "are you seeing other people"? To me, this just feels like the world upside down. Most people don't even know what multi-dating is, not everyone hangs out on LS to learn about this stuff. At some point they'll be shocked that the person they're dating was dating 10 others and perhaps making out with them and having sex with them too. And if that isn't disclosed to them, yet they find out later in the relationship or even after marriage, well then that's just a nice surprise and treasured memory of how you both met. great post! The issue is that multidating almost always involves secrecy and deceit. Furthermore, for many people multi-dating causes confusion. Imagine you are going to a wine tasting function and you blend the wines in your mouth as you try to decide which wine you like best. How can these multi-daters properly evaluate others if they were making out all week with different people? Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 If I had been dating you and things went well and you suddenly told me you also decided to date another guy and told me that after the fact and you actually already had been on dates with him, then I'd probably take a step back and stop dating you. It's such an unromantic thing to do, for me it just kills the romance and doesn't create very beautiful memories of how you both met. I agree 100%. I would have no respect for a woman that was dating me and other guys at the same time------even if I win the competition. This shows that the person is able to live in more than one compartment and this is the way cheaters operate. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts