Powerplay vs Jealousy

[Zane Lovepoxx]

I have never been in a relationship that I ever got jealous. I was the pretty cool girlfriend, never had the need to snoop, spy, check on phones, emails, computer history, never called in to check what my partner is doing, i respected friend time etc.

 

Until I met my current beau.

 

We are from totally different worlds, and we were quick to realize that. We had a different value system, and even if our fundamentals are pretty much the same, we had different lines and boundaries.

 

I have never encountered this personality in the form of a man. I've realized that most of his inherent characteristics were too- of the female mind. In my mind at times I find myself calling him a bitch instead of an ***hole, he would rather strengthen friendships with women than men. Around his guy friends, he seems to be a little out of place. He grew up in a clan of which 90 percent are women, with strong big personalities. I have been introduced to his female best friends and they seem to be of the same kind of mold.

 

I, having come from a very beautiful relationship which lasted for almost a decade, and only came to an end because of my wanting to explore what's out there, having come from a relationship where we really fit, I have put myself in a situation where the only thing that was excellent in the current relationship was something that lacked in the previous relationship.

 

Before I proceed, I need to know what is normal. I need you to help me process things, by that I need people from different cultures come and respond to these points so I would know what the basic norms are. I hope you can help me.

 

1. " When in a group, I don't want us to look and act like a couple."

(Situation being: while walking he would rather assist, pay attention, put his arm around his girl best friend, while i should be walking alone. when in dinner, i'm supposed to be on the other end of the table while they catch up.)

 

2. "Kissing friends on the lips is normal"

3. " Sleeping beside each other without you is normal'

4. Terms of endearment love, hun etc

5. " A wedding is not about you, it's all about your mother-in-law. It's her party"

6. "work before you"

 

there are a lot more, but i can't recall for now. two years worth of bullcrap that i have to try to remember.

 

help me establish what's acceptable, then i'll proceed to my point.

[rach24680]

 

1. " When in a group, I don't want us to look and act like a couple."

(Situation being: while walking he would rather assist, pay attention, put his arm around his girl best friend, while i should be walking alone. when in dinner, i'm supposed to be on the other end of the table while they catch up.)

 

2. "Kissing friends on the lips is normal"

3. " Sleeping beside each other without you is normal'

4. Terms of endearment love, hun etc

5. " A wedding is not about you, it's all about your mother-in-law. It's her party"

6. "work before you"

 

there are a lot more, but i can't recall for now. two years worth of bullcrap that i have to try to remember.

 

help me establish what's acceptable, then i'll proceed to my point.

 

Holy crap?!?! are you for real? you say you've been with this "guy" for 2 years? what the hell was you thinking???

Sounds like you're the 3rd wheel not his best friend, or shal i be so cruel as to say **** buddy if hes sleeping with her, whilst trying to convince you that it is something totally normal.

1. If you don't want to act like a couple, then you shouldn't be a couple.

2. Kissing friends on the lips can be fine, I do it with maybe one -same sex- friend, not with all my guy friends and definitely not infront of my partner if I knew it would make him feel uncomfortable.

3. There's no way i'd sleep in the same bed as a guy friend -or let my bf sleep in the same bed as a girl friend- and be totally oky with it, thats just ridiculous. I mean, unless he's gay or something?

4. love hun etc.. I think that's nothing tbh but I can see why it would **ss you off! I hate being called love by someone that IS NOT MY LOVE.

5. The wedding thing if you're a big fan of them and you've talked about it, this seems a likely way to get you to stop talking about it, by making you seem like it wouldn't be about you having a big day but someone else, that's a load off crap!!

6. I don't know what you mean, but even so I don't want to hear anymore because it's making me angry!!

I don;t know how you've out up with him for so long!

I know that guys can have girl-friends but seriously, he's making you seem like everything he does wrong is actually all you're insecurities and he's the one who's doing everything right. Not cool!

[PegNosePete]

1. " When in a group, I don't want us to look and act like a couple."

Abnormal. It is normal when in a group to be a bit restrained and don't jump all over each other, you should not do too much PDA. But walking with his arm around someone else is a big no no.

 

2. "Kissing friends on the lips is normal"

Really? You even have to ask this one? No. It is not normal and extremely disrespectful, most people would call this cheating.

 

3. " Sleeping beside each other without you is normal'

See above.

 

4. Terms of endearment love, hun etc

Some people use those terms for platonic friends but take it into context.

 

5. " A wedding is not about you, it's all about your mother-in-law. It's her party"

Umm no. But who cares about this? 1-3 are each dumping offences on their own!

 

help me establish what's acceptable, then i'll proceed to my point.

I don't think you need to bother proceeding to your point. this guy is clearly shagging his best friend, or at the very least, cares a lot more about her than you. Dump him.

[Zane Lovepoxx]

You know why? Everyone in his world says this is normal. It gets juicy. I'll be posting the second installment soon. I just wanna get as much responses for this first.

[Zane Lovepoxx]

I wish this were just some fictional novel that I'm writing, but it's really happening. It's not just one girl best friend, it's a lot.

 

4 girl best friends - platonic ( i have stories for each of them)

1 ex girl friend - he still stays in touch but i've read the history messages and he's just stroking her ego, sending her mms of him having a massage etc.

ex " i'm sure you dress better than the girls there in LA"

1 ex girl friend - i found out two weeks after we started dating that he just broke up with her.

1 girl he tried to get with days before meeting me

 

I'm really just curious and approaching it academically now, because it fascinates me at how people can justify this. I wanna see how this is normal in other parts of the world.

[rach24680]

wheres he from?

its not normal anywhere to treat ur fremale friends better than your girlfriend, its awful!!

do not stick around with this guy!

does he make you feel special like he does with his other girlfriends? do you hvae sex?

[CarboniteCammy]

are you 100% sure he's not gay?

 

I'd be bored with him, honestly. I tend to say, "bored," when I feel like a situation is not worth my time, yet I feel stuck.

 

I'm not impressed with him. Are you?

Edited May 21, 2012 by CarboniteCammy

[threebyfate]

He uses women for validation. Low self-esteem. Time to end it and move on. This guy's an idiot.

[Zane Lovepoxx]

1. I suspect he is gay. Deep down.

2. The best thing about this relationship is the sex. He's the best I ever had. In fact he's the total opposite in bed, this is where he is a man, this is where he treats me well, this is where he is selfless.

3. I know what I have to do don't worry. I just simply want to rid myself of the unbelievable thought that in his camp, everybody thinks it's normal. they claim that people in our country are too close minded. I'm just amuzing myself with this thread. Indulge me.

I'm not a writer, but I think I should write about this. It feels like it deserves to be a book.

[Zane Lovepoxx]

wheres he from?

its not normal anywhere to treat ur fremale friends better than your girlfriend, its awful!!

do not stick around with this guy!

does he make you feel special like he does with his other girlfriends? do you hvae sex?

 

He's what I call a half breed. Here in my country, crab mentality is so bad that the half breeds have this arrogant, superior air about them. He grew up here, but went for work in Spain and UK for a decade before coming back.

 

Yes, surprisingly, sex is the best and perfect part of the relationship. This is where he's a totally different person, he's unselfish, giving, in the moment, really really loving and considerate. This is the only time i can fully trust him. I've had far more trustworthy boyfriends, but it was with him that I felt that i could trust him completely, well err, in bed.

 

I've since had the opportunity to be graced with friendships from other countries. I've gotten close with some, i get to talk to about this, and they're absolutely disgusted about the situation.

[Zane Lovepoxx]

are you 100% sure he's not gay?

 

I'd be bored with him, honestly. I tend to say, "bored," when I feel like a situation is not worth my time, yet I feel stuck.

 

I'm not impressed with him. Are you?

 

As a whole, I am not impressed.

 

But I fell for him because he seemed to have that great balance of intelligence and wit and charm. I thought he was so gentlemanly and really loyal. I like the way he smells, and I generally can't stand man scents. He's cultured, educated, i don't like having a dull and dumb partner. He's very responsible and excellent with his work. He's great in bed.

[rach24680]

He's what I call a half breed. Here in my country, crab mentality is so bad that the half breeds have this arrogant, superior air about them. He grew up here, but went for work in Spain and UK for a decade before coming back.

 

Yes, surprisingly, sex is the best and perfect part of the relationship.

 

Well im from and live in the uk, trust me if any of my friends bfs ormy.own bf treated us like this we wouldnt put up with it, its NOT right.

So you have good sex? Maybe hats all he wants from you? He wants all his other girls to feed his already big ego by kisses and attention and have sex with u when he pleases? If its what u want then stay wih him, personally id kick him in the bits and walk away!!i

[Reddice]

I, having come from a very beautiful relationship which lasted for almost a decade, and only came to an end because of my wanting to explore what's out there, having come from a relationship where we really fit, I have put myself in a situation where the only thing that was excellent in the current relationship was something that lacked in the previous relationship.

 

This is hilarious! You leave somebody who fits perfectly with you, only because you think there's something better out there. And now, the reality sinks in. Ah yes, the grass is always greener... Enjoy!

[rach24680]

What was it that was missing in ur previous relationship? That you get off this guy?

[Reddice]

What was it that was missing in ur previous relationship? That you get off this guy?

 

The sex. She's clearly stated that several times. Not really the best basis to build a relationship on, as the OP is now finding out.

[Radu]

 

1. " When in a group, I don't want us to look and act like a couple."

(Situation being: while walking he would rather assist, pay attention, put his arm around his girl best friend, while i should be walking alone. when in dinner, i'm supposed to be on the other end of the table while they catch up.)

****ed up, it's not normal ... no matter how much of a momma's boy he is

 

2. "Kissing friends on the lips is normal"

 

if you are a girl in highschool yes

 

3. " Sleeping beside each other without you is normal'

 

if you are a girl in highschool yes

If this guy of yours wasn't so badly warped i'd say he was cheating with her.

 

4. Terms of endearment love, hun etc

 

i had a phase in my childhood when i used to use these and very effeminate body language to freak guys out ... no, it's not normal if it's not done as a joke

 

5. " A wedding is not about you, it's all about your mother-in-law. It's her party"

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ... so he pretty much told you that at your wedding he will give your mother his balls neatly packed in a napkin. Bring ice, don't want those suckers to go bad.

 

6. "work before you"

 

NO NO NO NO

the key to a succesfull LTR [read lifetime] is to keep your partner in the center of one's life.

This to me means he doesn't love you.

 

there are a lot more, but i can't recall for now. two years worth of bullcrap that i have to try to remember.

 

help me establish what's acceptable, then i'll proceed to my point.

 

I think he has trouble understanding the difference [boundary] between friend-females and the female he loves.

I think his thinking got seriously morphed and his heavy female clan left him without a good male rolemodel.

 

Bottom line, he doesn't understand that he is not a woman.

Which means that if he has a straight friend and he sleeps beside her, at some primal level in both of their brains they find eachother in the cathegory of 'potential mate'.

 

I think his strong female clan has irreperably damaged this man, and i would seriously look in your situation at his past relationships [just get him to talk about this], and his childhood.

I'll bet you will see no real male rolemodel and a string of relationships where the other girl just got jealous out of the blue.

 

PS: I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that in his clan, all of the men have 'mysteriously' run away, and all of the women believe strongly in feminism.

How close am i ?

 

And for the future, avoid the family types that can be called 'clan'. It means that there is a leader everyone listens to, and that all is acceptable for the betterment of the 'clan'.

If you end up in an argument with your SO, his clan will mold itself to defend their clanskin, and make you the #1 enemy.

[Radu]

1. I suspect he is gay. Deep down.

2. The best thing about this relationship is the sex. He's the best I ever had. In fact he's the total opposite in bed, this is where he is a man, this is where he treats me well, this is where he is selfless.

3. I know what I have to do don't worry. I just simply want to rid myself of the unbelievable thought that in his camp, everybody thinks it's normal. they claim that people in our country are too close minded. I'm just amuzing myself with this thread. Indulge me.

I'm not a writer, but I think I should write about this. It feels like it deserves to be a book.

 

I don't think he is gay, i think he got brainwashed by his female cultish clan, i've seen guys like these before.

 

You can't put your finger on it, but it's like they think that the female gender is superior and their lives are to serve them.

Ppl make fun of penis envy, but vagina envy also exists.

 

You mention halfbreeds and crab mentality ... where are you from ?

Edited May 22, 2012 by Radu