The angry stage..

[xxSRMxx]

Well its week 7 now of the break up and throughout the break up its never been more than a week of NC. we even tried the friendly texes etc, must admit it felt nice to just text each other as friends etc.

We have slept together a few times during the 7 weeks but havent seen each other for the last two...

 

Well friday night i officially got angry, after a few drinks of course (oh god) the texes were okay at first, i just told him how much he had hurt me and that i wish we could turn back time, he said if he could magic everything into a fairytale again he would and that hes upset hes had to hurt me....then for some reason i just switched. Called him every name under the sun, said i was going to smash his windows (deary me) He then proceeded to not call me but call my mom and moan about it like im some sort of 12 yr old kid!

 

Obviously i didnt go and smash any windows (genuinely a heat of the moment speak, im not like that), I just took my drunken ass to bed and cried...but yno the way i felt, i probably could smash his windows, i probably couldve beat him up, i felt this horrid surge of anger and i just felt like i wanted to be nasty to everybody, I woke up the next day in a bad mood and started snapping at my mom all day aswell, I went to work and snapped at everybody there....I just felt horrible and wanted to be so mean.....is this normal or am i just a nasty person!!?? My sister said its just part of the break up phase im going through. I went to work yesterday and was nice to everyone and did personally apologise to my family and colleagues if i was a cow that day!

 

I deleted him off my fb (it rly wasnt helping having him on) and we havent spoke since, Im saving money the next few weeks for a holiday so im not going out, NC really is all i can do. i apologised for saying horrible things but left it at that. I wish I couldve handled the break up with dignity, wish i couldve just walked away with my head held high.. im not sure if im angry at myself too. All i know is everytime i break that dam NC, i go back to square one, so you get the moral of the story!

 

Im glad ive picked myself up out of that crying all day, staying in my bedroom stage, so in a way i KNOW ive made progress but i guess i just have to continue with therapy and staying away from him.