mustangsally Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 (edited) I'm not sure how to interpret things, or what I should do...when really there is nothing to do/interpret. Basically, here's my story. I'm supposed to work for a company next fall and went late last year for an interview. While I was there, I met a cute guy who will be working there next year and already lives there. I thought nothing of it at first because I saw he had a longterm girlfriend. Fastforward a few days later when I get home and he's messaging me everyday, telling me he's attracted to me and he cheats on his girlfriend with me. I tell him I'm no longer comfortable with this, so I ask him to either break it off with her and explore things with me or tell her what's happened. He decides neither, so I tell him to screw off. A few weeks later, he starts crawling back, speaking to me and I continue to speak to him...although there is an underlying current of attraction, it's no longer cheating. He then breaks things off with his girlfriend about three months after we've met (no big surprise). Our relationship gets deeper and deeper and I visit him a couple of times for work/to see him. We speak everyday and it becomes a routine. We end up having sex several times. He talks about how he wants to marry me, wants to be my boyfriend, etc., but the whole time I'm adamant about wanting to wait until the fall to see if we actually have feelings for each other in the same place. Meeting whilst away and then diving into a relationship that might seem great from a distance and then having it crash and burn while you have to work together seems....AWFUL! He was keen to call it a "friends with benefits" situation until we got it all sorted out, but I was never one to label it...although his housemates and close friends said he constantly talks about me, listed me as top reason for breaking it off with his ex and everyone thought we were an official couple without so much as saying so. A couple weeks ago, I went to visit him/take care of some business. We had sex a couple of times, and when we were about to again, he froze and said he couldn't have sex with me anymore because it doesn't feel "casual" anymore and "he's not ready" and he feels like he's becoming too emotionally invested and that he can't have sex with me without a commitment, but he doesn't want a commitment now. I told him if that's the case, then we need to quit talking as much because it's not fair to continue to create an emotional bond if he's not ready for it....especially because I'll be going away for the summer with little contact and won't see him but once more before I see him for work after moving there. So...putting ourselves in a committed relationship seems a bit foolish to me. The thing is....I really miss him, but the relationship was taking up too much time away from things I need to focus on. I told him I miss him and he said he missed me too, but we can't focus on that....but he also questioned whether or not we should cut down on talking so much and I remained firm that we should. I can see he's blocked me from facebook chat, and will turn it on every so often to talk to me. We've gone from speaking 3 hours + everyday to 30 minutes every other day (if that). I have to go there one more time for work and as such, I need to stay at his house. He's explicitly said we won't share a bed again because it causes too much temptation, which makes me feel like I'm being rejected....but he does share a bed with his housemates sometimes (who are girls) so I guess it's more complicated than that. What can I do? I keep thinking this is a rejection and trying to convince myself it isn't. But I know he can be very needy (one hesitation I have about us as a couple and I need to see it in action in person) and I could very well come back from the Land of No Contact and he could have fallen for someone else. But, with me being away from him all summer, I don't think making a commitment would stop that from happening anyway. Advice? So much agony for someone I might not even want to be with at the end of the day! Edited May 21, 2012 by mustangsally Link to post Share on other sites
CarboniteCammy Posted May 21, 2012 Share Posted May 21, 2012 In your shoes, I'd find another place to stay as in, don't stay with the dude who doesn't know what he wants. I've been in relationships like that before, and nothing good ever comes of this kind of thing. Just tell him that you'd like to be friends and set your sights on someone who wants the same things you do. Allow yourself time to grieve for what could have been, but don't linger. Don't use work as an excuse to get yourself in more trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mustangsally Posted May 21, 2012 Author Share Posted May 21, 2012 (edited) To be fair, I don't know what I want either. We're waiting to see how things go when we're actually together together...as in living in the same city and not having a romance via the Internet. I think being in the same place will add much needed clarity to the situation. I think I have strong feelings for him, but I'm not entirely sure. Edited May 21, 2012 by mustangsally Link to post Share on other sites
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