sb129 Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Forgive me if I am incorrect, but did you have another pregnancy, before your existing child? I have one child. Conceived naturally. No pregnancies prior to that. This current IVF pregnancy will be my second pregnancy. Not sure how that's relevant, but there you go. I for one am ecstatic that science has enabled us to have another child. Yes, I guess 'intents and purposes'. Legally, financially - and all of that. I was speaking from a belief that God is our Creator, and the baby coming from Him - through the mother. Therefore, the mother not having a call in the baby's demise. In my world, legal, scientific and financial matters are all that matters. I don't believe in god, so I'm off the hook there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I'm not saying adoption is "evil". You're taking this too personally. I'm glad you got a second chance at life. I wonder how your birth mother feels about things now. The "evil" is the sadness of being a woman who is in a situation where she feels she has no option but to have to choose to either give her baby away or abort it. I could never give a child of mine away. Not once I had carried it inside me and given birth to it. Never never never. It would haunt me forever. You have kids- could you have given one away? Most know that all that is needed to reconnect is to contact the agency in which you were adopted or gave a baby up for adoption. The procedure is to sign a waiver stating that should either party want to connect this opens to door to this communication...both parties much sign this waiver for privacy matters. She would be about 71 by now, so she may not even be alive. She was 19 in her first year of college and my father was 18 just graduating from HS. She is/was a very unselfish person so I'm sure she is/was ok, I'm sure she has thought about me over the years if in fact she lived a full life. What haunted me is the lives that I took, I know for a fact had I given both babies up for adoption my life would have been much different and not so self destructive, and when I say self destructive I'm not kidding nor making a casual self observation. It's only by Gods grace that I am alive. Thanks for the well wishes SB:) Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I think we agree that there is sadness and guilt whatever path is taken. Neither is "good". I'm sorry you were in that situation. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 You seem to forget not everyone believes in god. I don't have a religious bone in my body, so for me, it's all about the science. And the truth of the matter is, at 5 weeks, an unwanted baby is basically a parasite. This being said, I'm not advocating abortion. Because I don't know if I would be able to do it, but then again I don't have kids yet and would really like to, so having an abortion would go against everything I want. Maybe my view on it would change if I already had 3. Adoption is a nice prospect, but... having to carry the pregnancy to term and go through childbirth only to have your baby taken away at the end?? Now sure I could cope with that either to be honest... OP I have no advice... I hope you can figure out what is best for you at this time, with the help of your family. This is a human life we are talking about here...wow...and if you have too many already just terminate them? If that isn't anti-life I'm not sure what is:confused: Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 its a baby from concepton Uh no, it's not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Agreed and there is a reason women don't declare pregnancy until right after the first trimester. Reason being is that 30% of pregnancies end in miscarriage within the first 3 months. So really, you're not even officially pregnant until your fourth month. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 I wonder what the OP decided. Perhaps she had a miscarriage and that solved the problem. I hope she gets her tubes tied so she won't have this dilemma in the future. Unwanted children negatively affect Society -- higher crime, higher taxes. All children should be wanted. We are lucky that now we can choose to keep, abort or give away. Women in the past died because they didn't have that choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 There were ways to abort in the past as well FitChick, maybe not as safe but they existed. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 There were ways to abort in the past as well FitChick, maybe not as safe but they existed. I know that. Dangerous and illegal. An older co-worker told me her own story. That's why women today should be more appreciative of what they've got. Link to post Share on other sites
MooBear Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 (edited) "Two hearts, two humans Actually, a fetus doesn't have a heartbeat until 6 weeks. At this stage it is just a blob of cells inside a body, about as alive as your spleen. If the OP decides to abort, that is her choice. In her situation it is completely understandable - and I would hope that noone would judge her for that decision. I have had 2 abortions when I was quite young. I was on contraception and managed to be that 0.02% that got pregnant. Second one was because I was raped. Yes they were hard decisions, but I made that decision because I could not have carried them to full term to just give them up to someone else. I have friends who have given up babies and they have never recovered from it. For those suggesting it as a less "selfish" option, think of the effect on the mother. Very few women get through adoption without being scarred for life. I do not regret my terminations at all. I know I made the right decision for everyone concerned. Like I said, I would not adopt out, and it would have been irresponsible of me to have the babies due to my situation. OP - do what YOU think is right and what is the best thing for YOU! It's your life, you make the choice. And you will have support here whatever you decide. Take care xx Edited June 24, 2012 by MooBear Sp. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
louise_23 Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 I'm conceiving... 5 weeks... Just found out today. I've already broken up with the father of this baby. I found out he's got his ex pregnant. Should I keep this baby? Or just abort it? I already have 3 kids, their Dad died 2 years ago. And I'm 26 years old now. Advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks! i dont really share this but i will for this post. im a bit alarmed by the "shall i JUST abort it". i had an abortion at 8 weeks when i was 18. it is a traumatic experience regardless of which procedure you have. it is traumatic to have a scan and know youre about to destroy a piece of you and your partner. it is traumatic to sit in a room of sobbing women waiting for their turn. as a result of the abortion, my relationship eventually broke down. i have no desire anymore to have sex. at all. with anyone. i dont enjoy it. i feel ashamed every day. i feel like ive let my parents down. i sometimes feel like im being punished by God because life has been rocky since i made that decision. that said, if i could go back in time, i think i would make the same decision as i did then. the questions are can you provide for this baby? will this baby be happy? are you prepared for the potential consequences if you abort? have you got enough support around you in family and friends? as youve already got kids, maybe think about what if one of them wasnt there? its tricky. just go with your heart. if you do decide to abort, you're not a bad person. everybody makes mistakes sometimes. if you really believe you cant offer a child a good life then do it. but if theres even a glimmer of doubt, beware. good luck. x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 I vote adoption. You might even be able to find a couple willing to do an open adoption situation or at least be supportive during the pregnancy. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 11, 2012 Share Posted July 11, 2012 This thread was made on the 22nd of May and she was 5 weeks. I think she just passed 3 months, you guys think voting still counts ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Motherof3 Posted September 11, 2012 Author Share Posted September 11, 2012 Thanks posters for the replies. It's been quite a while sorry for the late reply. It's been quite chaotic but everything is fine now. I decided to keep the baby, you know, this child is mine and that's the best part. My family has been very supportive and has been helping me over the past few months. My relatives help me with all the finances and assure me that my child will get all the best things including the best family ever. My 3 kids have nothing but pure excitement for their little baby boy to come out. Oh yes, I'm going to have a boy.. It was really a good feeling when my eldest told me "Mom, just be happy in knowing that you're gonna bring out something so special to the world. Don't worry, we'll help you take care of him. I will be the one changing his diapers and making his milk so you can just sleep well at night." So touching. Now that my tummy looks bigger and my baby starts kicking me, that deep 'Mom-baby bond' develops. It's a warm feeling. Now I can't lose him. I can never. I would never. Sometimes I have doubts if I made the right decision, but each time I look to my 3 wonderful kids, each time I touch my tummy and see how excited all the people are around me, of course I made the right decision. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 I'm glad you made the best decision for yourself Motherof3. It's great that you have family support and you are very lucky for that as many do not have the luxury of a supportive family to help them, emotionally and financially. I know if I'd have to abort if I were in this situation, because my husband and I are entirely 100% on our own and cannot count on our relatives for support. Count your blessings, you are very lucky. Please look into some reliable BC or tubal ligation so you won't have to make this type of decision again. I hope everything works out well and best well wishes to you and the baby. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 I'm glad you made the best decision for yourself Motherof3.... Er...I think we'll find that's Motherof4 now..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MuscleCarFan Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 Er...I think we'll find that's Motherof4 now..... Haha, I was going to say the same thing! Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 Congrats, Motherof3.6! I'm glad you made a decision you could find peace in. How are the Child Support laws in South Africa? Link to post Share on other sites
SeattleBabe Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 Happy for you, OP! Your story's been quite an encouragement and inspiration. Link to post Share on other sites
Madman81 Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 I'm glad you made a decision that you are happy with and at peace with, and that it was your decision based on what is best for your life and your body. Having that freedom of choice is very valuable. I wish you the very best for the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 Thank You. Link to post Share on other sites
Wolfcub Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 I have 2 children, now grown ups. Divorced when they were 6 and 3 years old. Now when I helped my son to move to aonther country to University, I was crying from emotions and the only thing I was sorry - that I don't have many more like him. I don't know, maybe 2 or 3 sons and the daughter. I know very well its difficult phisically and very expensive to have kids, but still, they are soooo fantastic, especially when they become personalities of their own. With the present mind I would keep the baby. And not even for adoption, all for myself, selfishly )) Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 (edited) Should I keep this baby? Or just abort it? Always choose life Edited September 12, 2012 by skydiveaddict Link to post Share on other sites
The_Face Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Good ending to the story! CONGRATS!!! Link to post Share on other sites
SeattleBabe Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Always choose life I freaked out... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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