How to get over your best friend and the one you love?

[Eli]

Why is it that men can wakeup one morning and say "It's over" yet expect us to swallow it up and move on? We deserve an explanation, we deserve to know why the change of heart or else we are most likely to begin wondering what WE did wrong. Well, that is exactly what happened to me. Tell me what you think.

 

After being best friends with a guy for four years feeling began to blossom and we decided to date. In my opinion, everything was going blissfully well. We did have arguments but nothing extreme. However,one day, he decided to use the excuse "We argue too much" , and it was over. I tried to talk to him about it but nothing worked. I would have simply moved on after this, but he is also my best friend! He not only left the relationship, it seems that he wants to leave the friendship,too. I can not talk to him and try to settle this because he just does not want to talk about it. I do not know if you can imagine how much this is hurting me because I did not onle lose me boyfried, I also lost my bestfriend. If you have any advice on how to get on with my life. Or whether I should keep on trying to save a friendship that is dying, plesa let me know...

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Why is it that men can wakeup one morning and say "It's over" yet expect us to swallow it up and move on?"

 

While women normally taken much longer to make a decision to leave, the process usually takes place over many months without the man's knowledge and they usually wake up one morning and spring the "it's over" thing on the guy all over a sudden.

 

There is just no good way of telling someone you have been very close to for a long time that it's not working for you, the feelings aren't there, they are getting scared, they are getting antsy, the feel trapped or cornered, they feel a need for space, etc., etc.

 

Frankly, I personally can never get over the concept that you can be in one of the closest relationship bonds that any two humans on the planet can be in for a period of time and then one day, it's all over and sometimes you never even see the person again. It's happened to me, I know how you feel and it's unreal.

 

I do not think you ought to chase this guy. As a matter of fact, the likelihood of him coming back into your life is far greater to the extent that you go on with your life without contacting him or sending messages straight away or through friends. Just write him off for now and go through the pain.

 

Don't try to talk to him anymore. This will only make things worse. And don't spend hour upon hour trying to figure out why he did this. It could be one of a million reasons and he probably doesn't even know himself. Just let him settle his mind for a while and you stay away.

 

But, if I were you, I wouldn't revisit this situation again romantically. If you can somehow get the friendship back, that would be great. But also remember that once he starts seeing another person down the line, and the two of you are best of friends, that friendship will fizzle out pretty quick. Most ladies don't like their guy having a close gal "friend." Been there too. Damn, I have been everywhere...and it doesn't feel good.

[Deejette]

I don't think he is acting like a best friend to you at all. You may think he is your best friend, but best friends don't just drop a friendship without explanation. Since he isn't even giving you the courtesy of telling you why he wants to break up, other than the arguing excuse, he is not acting like he cares about your feelings at all.

 

It is not that he is a male and is therefore insensitive. I know some very caring and nurturing males. It is about what he is like as a person. As Tony pointed out, women have done this too. Maybe, if he gives you some explanation, he is afraid that you would come back with a logical argument on how you could change the situation. But it may not be about you at all. He may already have another love interest and just doesn't want to tell you about it.

 

Being friends after being lovers is very difficult and it could even be more hurtful to you when he starts confiding in you about his new ladies. Therefore, it is best to hang tough and go through the mourning process for this loss. Love hurts more than anything under these circumstances. We want our love to go on forever, but like any force of nature, love can go its own way and cannot be controlled.

YOU ASK: "Why is it that men can wakeup one morning and say "It's over" yet expect us to swallow it up and move on?"

 

While women normally taken much longer to make a decision to leave, the process usually takes place over many months without the man's knowledge and they usually wake up one morning and spring the "it's over" thing on the guy all over a sudden. There is just no good way of telling someone you have been very close to for a long time that it's not working for you, the feelings aren't there, they are getting scared, they are getting antsy, the feel trapped or cornered, they feel a need for space, etc., etc. Frankly, I personally can never get over the concept that you can be in one of the closest relationship bonds that any two humans on the planet can be in for a period of time and then one day, it's all over and sometimes you never even see the person again. It's happened to me, I know how you feel and it's unreal. I do not think you ought to chase this guy. As a matter of fact, the likelihood of him coming back into your life is far greater to the extent that you go on with your life without contacting him or sending messages straight away or through friends. Just write him off for now and go through the pain. Don't try to talk to him anymore. This will only make things worse. And don't spend hour upon hour trying to figure out why he did this. It could be one of a million reasons and he probably doesn't even know himself. Just let him settle his mind for a while and you stay away. But, if I were you, I wouldn't revisit this situation again romantically. If you can somehow get the friendship back, that would be great. But also remember that once he starts seeing another person down the line, and the two of you are best of friends, that friendship will fizzle out pretty quick. Most ladies don't like their guy having a close gal "friend." Been there too. Damn, I have been everywhere...and it doesn't feel good.