Will husband cheat if i dont change my body like he suggests?

[eden]

After a day of running errands,my husband just starts telling me what i should do to make my body "look better",and im wondering where did this come from we were just having a good day and i was ready to give him a happy ending and after him coming from the grocery store he just started on me.

 

i cried myself to sleep and i just feel awful and disgusted with myself, i never want to leave the house again. i just want him to be happy. whenever we go out it ends in an argument,mostly because im insecure about my body because everywhere you look its already a girl who looks like he wants me to look,but its not my fault he married someone with bad genes.and then he tells me i need to work on slimming my waist and make my legs bigger and lift my ass.

 

Im not fat at all,im 23years old 120lbs,5'4,but i just had a baby 5 months ago and i have a big stomache,i also have a 2 year old and before i had kids i didnt have anything wrong with my body. i wasnt even feeling insecure that day,i was feeling pretty good about myself for a change and then he just knocked my self esteem back down, i told him i wasnt going to change anything and he married me so he'll just have to deal with it for the rest of our marriage,it makes me want to stop eating all together. he is 29 years old and he doesnt look the same but i dont tell him anything to change about himself i could tell him but because i love him no matter what.

 

but how could he do that to me, it makes me not want to even be around him naked and it makes me feel like i dont even want to have sex anymore because im not what he wants.some women can have three kids and still look nice and there husbands are just lucky men,but im not that type so he needs to go and get someone else thats how i feel. it just makes me have bad thoughts about this relationship,and just because he feel that way someone else might not.

 

if i didnt carry his children for 9months, i wouldnt have this body and he wouldnt have anything to say i needed to change,so it makes me feel maybe i shouldnt have had his kids.it makes me hate i ever met him, its not my fault that the men who are with these women he wants me to look like is better off than he is, he should be mad at himself for not getting a woman who has a slim waist,and big butt,and big baby legs after having two kids,it's his fault.

[kirkyswife]

5 month old baby and 120lbs - how much did you weigh before 90 lbs. I don't like that he is implying that you are overweight or that he's so insensitive and has the audacity to comment on your size. How much smaller should up be?

 

I would probably tell him that if he thought that I needed to lose weight or firm up that he should create a work out/self improvement plan for our family and together we'll improve areas that have gone unattended. I would also tell him that he hurt you by suggesting that your body was unattractive and you wonder if you are to assume that if these changes aren't made expeditiously that he may cheat (if he hasn't) or even worse leave? I'd also tell him that if nipping and tucking is what he thinks is the ticket then pay for it!

 

I'm so angry for you that your husband is being such a jerk. Get tough Girl and realize that 5'4" 120lbs is very small - I think he's being a bit ridiculous.

 

Be strong and good luck

[Pyrannaste]

What an unsufferable insensitive jerk. I'm so sorry for you.

 

Has he ever been like this before? Or did all this come out of the blue?

 

I second Kirkyswife's advice....talk to him. let him know he is hurting you. Ask him why he is behaving like this.

And yes, it does not sound like you are overweigh!

 

 

Unless.......

could it be that you have always been insecure with your body, and always telling your husband that you felt not as pretty as other girls?

Could it be possible that he likes you exactly as you are but he's sorry that you have low self-esteem, and he was just suggesting what to do to make your body to look better not to hurt you or to criticize you but because he whishes you felt better wit yourself and your body?

 

Could have he suggested ways to improve your looks not because *he* wishes you looked different but because he's always seeing you insecure, he realizes *you*wish you looked different and he'd love to see you happy with yourself?

 

In this case he would not be a jerk...he'd be just bad at expressing himself.

 

How he is acting the rest of the time?

Does he reassure you, compliment you, tell you you are attractive?

 

or is he comparing you to other women saying they look better and criticizing you?

 

 

i told him i wasnt going to change anything and he married me so he'll just have to deal with it for the rest of our marriage

 

How did he react? It would mean a lot.

 

mostly because im insecure about my body because everywhere you look its already a girl who looks like he wants me to look

 

Does he do anything like point out at girls and tell you that he wishes you looked like them? Or is he comparing you to them?

In this case it's too bad, he has to cut off this awful behaviour, he's being a jerk and not respecting you

 

Or he actually never said anything like that and it's you that got the idea that he wants you to look like them?

 

In both cases, *absolutely* talk to him.

I really hope he is not really asking to change yourself to please him and that he is happy with the way you look and he just suggested that you take exercise for your self esteem, not *for him*.

 

the best of luck to you.

[eden]

i was about 100 before i had dd in 2002, after her i was 107, at the end of my second pregnancy i was 135,and now five months later im 120, but its not that im too big, it's like he wants me to be big in certain areas (legs,butt,thighs)and smaller in other areas(waist), thats just not my body build,im petite,and i have kept some of the weight in the thigh area and i have shaplier hips now from this last pregnancy which is good but some women fat settles in different areas either the top, bottom,or middle and mine is in the middle i guess, since im not fat anywhere except my stomache, but i think in more time it will go away its only been five months, i dont know what he expects from me.its just a cultural stereotype that i should have a big butt,and legs and thighs,but everyone isnt the same.

[Pyrannaste]

You actually sound in shape ....you sound like a beautiful attractive woman!

I think that being as in shape as you are after two pregnancies is a BIG achievement, your husband should be proud of you instead of comparing you to an hypotetical woman with small waist, big butt, big hips.

He needs to get in touch with reality!!!!You sound like a *beautiful* real woamn, is he criticizing you because you don't look like a playboy centerfold???

 

Absolutely talk with him.....he is acting in a insensitive stupid way.

[DazednConfused]

Eden,

 

This guy truly blows my mind. What a selfish, unfeeling moron he is. I am soo sorry for your pain and esteem. You do what makes you feel good about yourself and tell him to pound sand on the issue.

 

I wonder how he would take it if you ask him to try some of those penile enlargement pills, or sexual enhancement things because he just isn't getting it done for you. Whether true or not, it will hit him where it hurts and he will understand what he is doing to you. I say this half serious and half tongue in cheek.

 

Geez.... five months after giving birth to his child....... unfrickinbelievable!

[Olivia_19742004]

I think I'd have to agree that he is being a little harsh. You state he's communicating that he'd like you to have fuller legs and butt, however did he not see your body before you were married? It's very difficult to drastically change our body type and by pointing out other women that have attributes he's attracted to it is very demeaning and insensitive.

 

I think excessive weight gain can be a serious issue in a marriage and I personally feel under those circumstance it is acceptable for a husband or wife to have a discussion regarding the current health and image issues. However, considering you've just had a baby and this is your second one, the body does take time to regain it's natural shape. Five months is a short amount of time to expect your body to be in it's original form and by the sound if it you're on your way to losing most the weight.

 

Self-esteem is hard enough to keep high without having the person we're married to depleting it on a daily basis.

[havNfun]

Well as far as your "stats,"

you sound extremely perfect physically.

I don't know exactly what he said to you -

but seems unreasonable for him to critisize you at all

- and especially under present context.

 

But, it seems so unreasonable that he would put down his 120 lb, recently child bearing wife

that it is hard not to wonder if there is any subtext to his comments - anything else about the relationship that is causing stress?

 

I saw this post of yours about strippers and

 

all trip clubs should be burned to hell Post: 164 | Quote:

 

this is a mans world, and women are a mans world, they are little helpless children, and being around a bunch of whores in a strip club makes them feel like men, they need women to feel like men,it is disgusting and they are just tricks paying for a freaking dance how lame is that, thats not being a man,women are mens weakness remember adam and eve, adam was a fool to listen to her but he did and damned us all, so what does that tell you about men they are fools for women and thats why clubs make so much money

 

 

perhaps your guy is irritated at you, or feeling put down, mabye insecure - because of your overall oppinion and respect for him (men) - and perhaps such feelings lead him to make stabs back at you because he is angry about your perception of him?

 

just throwing that out there.

mainly because reading that post, if that was truely the perspective of my girlfriend or wife etc,

I'm not sure I wouldn't be a bit resentfull of being thought of in such poor light.

[The_Analyzer]

You shouldn't have to change your body for no one. If you do, it should be because you want too, for yourself. He is the one that needs to change. He needs to change his attitude. period.