I really miss her!

[unreal]

Today is Day 15 after we parted ways completely. I thought by now, I would be feeling better with each passing day than the day before. But it seems like things are getting worse. I miss her more and more. I want to call, but can't. She has moved and I don't know where to other than the town. I know where she works, but I can't call. She doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I think she had cheated on me, she would never admit it, but I still love her. I didn't do anything wrong that I know of to warrant this or the way she has totally forgotten that I exist. Love sucks sometimes!

[doubledown]

15 days! Wait until it's 15 weeks. I 've already passed that, next is the 15 month mark. As daunting as it seems, I've come to the realization that there is absolutely nothing I can do to win her back. She chose to end it and I had to let her go and not try and fight it.

 

She chose to take the chance of never seeing me again or us talking again, to her it was worth the risk, and I can never be happy with someone that is willing to give that up with me.

 

If someone is really in love with you, you would not be sitting around wondering where they are or what they're doing. Relationships should be easy not stressful and painful.

 

And yes, your woman probably did end your R/L because of someone else that she fancied more, 99% of the time that is the reason regardless of what sugar-coated excuses they give you. Woman will start the dominoes falling which causes you to react, they in turn tell you that there are too many problems to deal with and leave you.

 

All breakups pretty much go thru the same stages, she distances herself which causes you to, which causes her to further back off until she leaves, saying "we just don't connect anymore" or something to that effect.

 

They very rarely come back either, and the chances that it would be a happy R/L if they did are next to nothing.

 

So do yourself a favor and start looking for a replacement now, you'll have to sooner or later so save yourself the months of agony and doubt and move on. She probably has so why wait for her?

[unreal]

Originally posted by doubledown

15 days! Wait until it's 15 weeks. I 've already passed that, next is the 15 month mark. As daunting as it seems, I've come to the realization that there is absolutely nothing I can do to win her back. She chose to end it and I had to let her go and not try and fight it.

 

She chose to take the chance of never seeing me again or us talking again, to her it was worth the risk, and I can never be happy with someone that is willing to give that up with me.

 

If someone is really in love with you, you would not be sitting around wondering where they are or what they're doing. Relationships should be easy not stressful and painful.

 

And yes, your woman probably did end your R/L because of someone else that she fancied more, 99% of the time that is the reason regardless of what sugar-coated excuses they give you. Woman will start the dominoes falling which causes you to react, they in turn tell you that there are too many problems to deal with and leave you.

 

All breakups pretty much go thru the same stages, she distances herself which causes you to, which causes her to further back off until she leaves, saying "we just don't connect anymore" or something to that effect.

 

They very rarely come back either, and the chances that it would be a happy R/L if they did are next to nothing.

 

So do yourself a favor and start looking for a replacement now, you'll have to sooner or later so save yourself the months of agony and doubt and move on. She probably has so why wait for her?

 

This was our second time together. She left me 6 years ago and came back. So I had 6 years of it. Now she left again. So beleive me, I know what you mean. This time it is 15 days knowing there will never again be another time. At least you can say, "well maybe down the road it will happen again." I can't do that, it is over for good and I am adjusting to that reality. It is very hard.

[Varacha]

Originally posted by unreal

Today is Day 15 after we parted ways completely. I thought by now, I would be feeling better with each passing day than the day before. But it seems like things are getting worse. I miss her more and more. I want to call, but can't. She has moved and I don't know where to other than the town. I know where she works, but I can't call. She doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I think she had cheated on me, she would never admit it, but I still love her. I didn't do anything wrong that I know of to warrant this or the way she has totally forgotten that I exist. Love sucks sometimes!

 

 

[color=green][/color]

 

I understand what your going through, it's hard, at least without talking to her it will make it easier. I manage to cope, I miss my ex every waking minute and it doesn't help when he calls me everyday just chat.

[tom_gbr]

im not sure what im thinking about my ex right now...its now been 4 months that we have been apart and we were together for 6 months...she was my first love and i also lost my virginity to her. getting over her her was the hardest thing i have ever had to do....ive never lost someone that i had loved before so the whole experience was new to me.

 

i came out of the other side of the breakup though a better person....having learnt a lot from my first proper relationship. also to deal with the breakup i joined a gym and have been going everyday and im looking better than ever now.

 

i say that im feeling good now about not having her in my life but is that because i know that im going to see her again on holiday in under a months time?...im going to see her for the first time since the breakup on holiday..both going same time and place....also the place were we first met a year a go.

 

im not expecting anything to happen....that would be wrong....its not good to have hope like that...im just hoping that she doesnt just ignore me if i see her on the beach or in a club....that will hurt the most i think.

 

i mean who knows what could happen though...on holiday....alcohol flowing....the place were we first met and me looking better than ever.

 

at the end of the day im just gonna go on holiday and enjoy myself and try not to think about her...as hard as that will be knowing that i could bumo into her at any minute

[doubledown]

Unreal,

 

Yeah, being dumped twice by the same girl must be a terrible feeling, especially after you waited 6 years for her. I just don't get it, a story like your's deserves a happy ending. I hope you EX realizes the severity and finality of her decision, oh wait never mind, she's a woman she'll find a way to justify it in her head

 

Tom_GBR,

 

If I were you I'd be prepared for the worst, which means your EX shows up to the beach with her new guy. Women love doing crap like that. Just when you think you see a light of hope, they find a way to snuff it out. And to her it doesn't even matter if she likes the guy or plans to be with him a month from now. He'll serve his purpose for the weekend.

[unreal]

Originally posted by doubledown

Unreal,

 

Yeah, being dumped twice by the same girl must be a terrible feeling, especially after you waited 6 years for her. I just don't get it, a story like your's deserves a happy ending. I hope you EX realizes the severity and finality of her decision, oh wait never mind, she's a woman she'll find a way to justify it in her head

 

Tom_GBR,

 

If I were you I'd be prepared for the worst, which means your EX shows up to the beach with her new guy. Women love doing crap like that. Just when you think you see a light of hope, they find a way to snuff it out. And to her it doesn't even matter if she likes the guy or plans to be with him a month from now. He'll serve his purpose for the weekend.

 

doubledown:

 

You are soo right about feeling terrible! I thought I would have a happy ending. But it isn't going to happen. You can read my story on the Cheating, Flirting and Jealousy forum. It is under a thread called "Cheated or Not?"

 

Here is the link:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t41417/

[Kate]

you are so right, women love being seen with other guys if they feel hurt. i hope that a woman would not do this though if SHE was the one who did the breaking up....

 

can you please tell me this: if you broke up with a girl or you needed time apart to collect yourself due to needing your own space, what would it do to you if you saw her with another guy 1)totally platonically 2) a liiiiiittle flirty, nothing major 3)a lot fliriting and touchy ??????

 

my guy needed space from us to try and find his identity after dating me immediately after a 4 year draining relationship. the reasons are sound, i understand him and am not angry with him. but, a guy i dated on and off will be in town this weekend and we have plans. i plan on doing nothing wrong at all -- i am at liberty to date, do whatever. but i'm wondering what his reaction would be and i don't want to hurt him. but i also am curious to know if it could possibly clarify things for him such as him getting scared enough seeing me w/ someone else that he comes around....i don't knowl...

[tom_gbr]

yeah your right doubledown i should expect the worse...i think about that a lot....its not likley that im going to see her on a beach with a bloke but ill probably be seeing her kissing some random guy in a club.

 

im just going to enjoy my holiday....im going to enjoy seeing the look on her face....when she sees what she has let go of.

 

if i see her in a club or soemthing im not going to go running to her or anything...if she wants to chat to me she can initiate it...ill be OK if i keep saying to myself that she dumped me.

 

i just hope i dont drink too much and do something stupid...hopefully that wont happen

[doubledown]

Kate,

 

I feel for you. Anyone saying that they need time to find themselves is giving you a bunch of BS. What they're really saying is I need time to find someone else and if none of them are as good as you, then we can try again. If two people are soulmates, there's no reason to even look any further. No matter how sincere they sound, it's almost always a front.

 

And seeing as my EX dumped me with some lame-ass excuse like this, I know that I would be deeply hurt to see her at all with another guy. It hurts just to hear about her dating others, to see it would make me want to leave the scene ASAP.

 

If I had broken up with her, then I would still be a little bit hurt, and happy for her at the same time. I guess if I felt like she was waiting around for me to come back I'd lose a little bit of respect for her, maybe. It wouldn't be fair for me to get upset if she moved on if I could not make a commitment to her.

 

You should date the new guy and bring him to the party, just don't be overly lovey-dovey, and make sure you're bringing him for the right reasons, not just using him as arm candy to make your EX jealous

[dreamguy]

DoubleDown,

 

And yes, your woman probably did end your R/L because of someone else that she fancied more, 99% of the time that is the reason regardless of what sugar-coated excuses they give you. Woman will start the dominoes falling which causes you to react, they in turn tell you that there are too many problems to deal with and leave you.

 

Anyone saying that they need time to find themselves is giving you a bunch of BS. What they're really saying is I need time to find someone else and if none of them are as good as you, then we can try again.

 

Love your posts ! Seems you and I are perfectly on the same wavelength.

[kirkyswife]

I'm sorry that you are experiencing such pain from this R/L especially after reopening a wound you had "healed" during a 6 year hiatus. I wonder what caused the first break up and what caused you to subject yourself to a potential repeat? I agree love sucks sometimes, unfortunately it's the nature of the beast. I would hope that as you enter the next 15 days and so on that you take time to get her out of your system

 

So do yourself a favor and start looking for a replacement now, you'll have to sooner or later so save yourself the months of agony and doubt and move on. She probably has so why wait for her?

 

moving from R/L to R/L without taking time to heal and eliminate baggage makes you a happier person who is able to set clear boundaries on how you expect to be treated and what you truly want in a partner. Baggage eventually gets too heavy to carry that when the Samsonite does finally pop open - it falls out on the wrong person - you could vitrually lose good thing because you don't eliminate the bad things.

 

Anyone saying that they need time to find themselves is giving you a bunch of BS. What they're really saying is I need time to find someone else and if none of them are as good as you, then we can try again.

 

I disagree with this, some people realize that they need to figure out what they feel and it can't be done while obligated to someone else - doesn't mean they are cheating but it might mean their feelings may have changed or just not ready to be committed. AND it could mean it's BS but don't lump it all up into BS.

 

Sometimes we drive folks away and through some self reflection we might identify codependent patterns that aren't healthy for us and in relationships.

 

Take care and stay strong. We all deserve love, respect and attention from our significant other and in time you will see that this girl's departure allows space and opportunity for your soulmate to enter your life.

[unreal]

kirkyswife:

 

The reason my ex and I broke up 6 years ago was because she left me. I was immature back then and often times took her for granted. We both went to different colleges and long distance was hard enough as it was. So basically, we fell apart. Not to mention some false rumors that I was cheating on her didn't help matters. I was willing to try again, because I've never stopped loving her. And I truly felt that had things been a little different back then, we would have made it for sure. Little did I know this would happen again. She left her marriage to come back to me again. And I thought things were going pretty well this time considering we still had a small distance apart factor. We still seen each other every weekend. But to think that she would just give up soo easy is beyond my belief. She didn't even want to work on things or try at all. And the cheating part still has me puzzled as to why it happened. She wouldn't admit it, but I'm pretty sure after what I found that tragic morning in her room.

 

You are right about taking time to myself to get her out of my system. That is exactly what I've been doing. Even though everyone else tells me to get out there and date or play the field right away. I feel like I'm just not ready nor do I have a desire to do that at this point. I loved her soo much, that I can't just forget this fast. I feel like I need to do alot of soul searching within myself to get back on my feet again. Basically, just take care of me for the time being without having to worry about dumping my baggage onto someone else. And at this point in time, I'm not sure I can trust anyone. It just wouldn't be fair to me or anyone else to jump into something before I'm ready.

[JulieinTx]

Guys, I need your advice since I think you are in the spot my ex is in. I divorced him 4 weeks ago - was terribly angry at that time, we were having problems - at that time I felt I needed to let it all go. Now that time has passed I regret leaving him. I think I made a huge mistake and would do anything to get him back.

He rushed me into marriage and I just freaked out after we got married. Moving in was just way too big of step for me and the whole marriage/committment thing just made me crazy. I wasn't ready to get married yet but I loved him deeply - I just needed more time. My trust level wasn't there yet and I didn't feel like we were best friends.

 

We had problems I filed for divorce, we tried working out our problems - he just stayed mad at me for not moving in - and then it escalated. I went thru with the divorce after it just all came to a head.

 

It wasn't what I wanted - it wasn't what he wanted either. But it happened. Now we haven't seen or talked to each other and the last time we did it wasn't pretty.

 

I realize I still love him. I'm in alot of pain without him. I think I made a mistake - I'd give anything to get him back. If this was you - would you want me back? How should I go about contacting him?

 

Am I mistaking my grief and heartbreak for love? Or should I just let time pass and realize I divorced him for a reason and I should just go on or attempt to reconcile?

 

He hated me after we got married because he immediately wanted a wife in his house. I couldn't do it so he tortured me for months about not moving in. Rather than be compassionate and loving he was PISSED. I embarrassed him in front of his family and neighbors.

 

But when the final straw came and I said I couldn't take it anymore our final phone call ended with him begging me, apologizing, etc. I told him it was over. I know I hurt him - I was angry too.

 

Never heard a word from him after that - I went thru with the divorce and I thought I'd feel relieved and able to move on. I can't. I'm insanely miserable and distraught.

 

What should I do?