Friend Slept in Bed With My Husband

[JustJoe]

I don't expect you to understand, since you don't know this girl. She's not slutty, she doesn't sleep around, from outward appearances and my interactions with her she's a sweet midwestern girl that I actually related to because I grew up in the midwest as well. I don't have sluts as friends, believe me. She's made a couple of mistakes in the past with men, which is what I'm aware of and mentioned in these posts. We've all made mistakes, we're human, and it's not my place to judge her on her past mistakes that had nothing to do with me or my husband. This incident however, did involve me and my husband, and that's when I added up the entire history and said this is not a girl I want around my husband. It wasn't an issue up until that point - with the exception of the texting which I was uncomfortable with but my husband feels it's his job to help everyone and befriend everyone, so it wasn't all that surprising actually. It's so easy for people to cast judgement when they don't know the people we're talking about here, it's not that these are big red flashing neon signs that you can't miss. They are subtle, slight, and sneak up on you until WHAM - you're in the situation I'm in and you realize that it's more serious than originally thought. Don't go blaming me for what HE did, I did absolutely NOTHING WRONG. I came from a place of trust and love, I'm not going to live my life assuming everyone has it out for me and that I can't trust anyone, even my close friends. I don't want to live my life in that way, it's just not a very happy existence if you ask me. I want to trust my husband, I want to trust my friends, and I have many that I know I can trust and would never in a million years think that this situation was OK. I honestly thought that I could trust my husband, as well as my friends, to have a fun social BBQ. I wasn't crazy about the idea of him going, but I also believed that he knew his boundaries as did they (it really wasn't even a question in my mind prior to that evening). It wasn't until AFTER this happened that I started to add up everything in my head and realized that this friendship with Stephany couldn't continue and that I would never feel comfortable around her again based on her PAST history. As I said, before this, I didn't judge her because everyone makes mistakes and at the time she told me of these past indiscretions seemed contrite about it. After this happened, I had a come to Jesus with myself and realized that I don't want or need people in my life that I can't trust 100%. So, we're no longer friends. It's sad but I had to follow what my gut was telling me.

I will stand by my posts. I understand that you WANT to be a trusting friend and wife, but that doesn't mean you should allow things to happen that you are uncomfortable with, or that you shouldn't have established boundaries in place. This just makes good sense. Also, you, as a woman, might not think your ex-friend Steph, is on the prowl, but from a man's POV she is, like the old song, "Looking for love in all the wrong places". Yes, everybody makes mistakes, but not everybody tries to hit on their friends husband, do they? BTW, I lived for some years in the Midwest, too, and I know plenty of Slvtty acting midwest girls. The question I have , is why you are defending her? Edited May 26, 2012 by JustJoe

[Frank13]

if I knew then what I know now, there's NO WAY I would have told him he could go to the BBQ.

 

Yet you still haven't said why you thought it was "odd" they invited him without you.

 

The way I see it, you know you were wrong to let him go but don't want to accept the blame. You said it was "odd" they invited him without you but refuse to say why that is. If it was simply a mixed group of people for a BBQ, why would it be odd?

 

So you say you wouldn't have let him go if you knew what you know now. Well, maybe your husband wouldn't have either. Maybe he thought it was a mixed group. Maybe once he got there and found it wasn't, he remembered you telling him to go and have some beers, so he figured he had your approval to do what he did.